Login with:

Facebook

Twitter

Tumblr

Google

Yahoo

Aol.

Mibba

Your info will not be visible on the site. After logging in for the first time you'll be able to choose your display name.

I'll Tell You Stories Bruised & Blue

With Perfect Sound You Bring Me Down, Hey I'm Not Listening

June 28th.


Two days had passed since my accident. I could handle the bruises and the aches, that part wasn't so bad. What really made it hard for me to get out of bed were the chunks of flesh missing from my legs. The pain was one I couldn't describe and to be honest, I looked forward to changing the dressings on the wounds, because the pain from that was so intense it made the constant burning feel like nothing, at least for a few minutes. Other than that, my nose did ache a little, but it was more or less the way everyone looked at me that made my bone hurt. Until it healed, I would be a freak, I would be ugly. I would be the only girl wearing sunglasses inside and still managed to be called a coon.


Pain usually doesn't bother me. I was the girl who thought tattoo's tickled, so when my legs managed to break me down, I didn't want any human contact. That, and I didn't want everyone making fun of my face. So on this particular afternoon, I listened carefully as everyone gathered in the living room. Jack was there, Steph, Kris, Kelly, Alex and Dennis. It was one of his rare days off and I knew he didn't like Steph having guys over. I really thought I'd hear him bitching, but instead I heard him mention that he was going after my four-wheeler. With this, I fought through the pain and darted out of Rae's room.


"Not without me, you don't," I managed, squeezing my eyes closed to fight the tears. My legs would never be the same. "I haven't even seen the damage yet. Let me go with you."


"Jess, you can't walk."


"So take the truck," I snorted, trying to ignore the stares of everyone in the room. "Dennis, please."


"All right," he murmured, shaking his head. "Let's go."


I shot a glance to the group sitting around me. Alex and Steph were staring straight at me, but everyone else seemed a little awkward. I couldn't quiet put my finger on it then, but something was up. Something had been up since the night of my accident. Given, I've been cranky, but they were all growing distant with me. Even Steph. Frowning to myself, I clung to Dennis' arm and slid on my flip flops, cursing the entire time as we left the house.
We drove in silence to scene of the accident. There were pieces of her car and my four-wheeler all over the ground. The gravel was totally gone from where I'd attempted to come to the stop, and off in the bushes sat my four-wheeler, the entire front end smashed. I could feel the tears flowing over my eyes.


"Don't cry, Jessie," Dennis put a hand on my shoulder. "I can fix it, okay?"


No, he couldn't. He couldn't fix any of it. That was four-wheeler was the only thing I had at my mother's to escape with. No one could fix this.


I watched him yank it out of the weeds, placing it on the gravel. It was definitely falling apart and my two front tires were flat. I wrapped a hand around the front bar and let my tears slide down my face. Dennis put an arm around my shoulder and tried to tell me how he was going to fix it, but I tuned him out. This wasn't about my baby anymore. This was about life. When Dennis finished his pep talk, I watched him dig the keys out of his pocket. He handed me the truck keys - Yeah, 'cause I'd really take the truck instead of my own ride.


"Let me," I begged, never releasing my grip on the bar. "Just let me."


The look on his face told me he didn't approve, but he didn't ask any questions. We swapped keys, him climbing in the truck as I fought through the pain to climb on the seat. From this angle, I could see my blood all over the four-wheeler. I cringed, putting the key in. By now, Dennis had already managed to turn the truck around, he was sitting directly behind me. I tried to start her up, but she faded out quickly. All six times. I could hear Dennis about to open the door and I held my hand up to him, leaving the key on as I released the choke.


"Push me," I turned around to look at him, his head hanging out of the window. "I need a push start."


I had one finger on the start button and one on the gas. Dennis slowly eased the front of his truck into the back bar, my tires sounding horrible as he rolled me forward. When he gained more speed, I hit the on button, listening to her try as hard as she could. My finger pressed into the gas until she started, a smile plastered on my sad face as I quickly put the choke back down, putting it in first gear and took off.


She was broken, just like me, but by the time I made it back to Steph's I was fishtailing into the driveway. Fucking freedom. I knew Dennis wanted to inspect it, so I kept it running as I made my way back into the house. Everyone was in the kitchen now, except for Kris, she must've been playing in her room. I was quiet as I came in, hearing the faint sound of their conversation.


"I'm worried about her, honestly," Kells mumbled from the table, I could see that each of them were rolling a joint. "Has she talked to you at all, Alex?"


"Not really," he shrugged. "I wish she didn't go with him. I don't want her on that thing right now."


"She won't listen," Steph groaned. "She never does."


As I slowly made my way to Rae's room, I heard my four-wheeler go into gear and leave the driveway. From here, I could see everyone in the kitchen roll their eyes. My heart sank. With a grunt, I went into my bag and grabbed my razors. What I really wanted to do was barge into the kitchen, take one of their joints and a beer and tell them all to kiss my ass, but I instead climbed out of Rae's window. From there, I went to the back of the truck and sang softly to myself as I peeled back my bracelets, running the blade over my wrist two good times. I also made a mental note that it was time to jack a new razor, this one was losing it's spunk.


I sat there for a moment, feeling ashamed of myself as I watched the blood leak from my arm. It was never enough to do one or two simple cuts, but on the days that I really let myself go, I knew my bracelets didn't do a good job at hiding the wounds. The last thing I needed right now was for everyone else to find out about them.


"If I didn't understand how you felt, I'd lecture you."


My eyes grew wide and I yanked the bands over the blood, watching it smear into them. My throat went dry as I made eye contact with T.J., how had I not heard him walking through the driveway?


"Calm down, girl. I brought you these, thought they'd help you get through everything."


"I have pills for my legs," I whispered, not meeting his gaze again. He must think I'm a freak, cutting myself. "Thanks anyway."


"They're not for your legs, Jess. They're for your mental state."


"Look, T.J., just because I deal with things differe-"
"It's not because I just watched you slice yourself open like a deer," T.J. chuckled, easing my stress a little. "That's our little secret. It's because I know what you're going through. No one else understands, just like no one understood for me. I thought we could talk."


I nodded slowly, guilt lingering in my gut. He was right. This whole time I thought I was alone in my pain, but I had a sister, a family and a friend that felt it with me. I was a cold-hearted person for all the wrong reasons. T.J. slid the pills into my hands and pulled out a bottle of liquor from his back pocket, handing that over as well. As I pushed the pills into my mouth and chocked them down through the bitter burning in my throat, he sat beside me on the back of the truck, taking my arm into his hand as he pushed my the bands, looking at my scars and the fresh wounds. To stop myself from crying, or vomiting, I chugged more of the clear fluid.


"I was just a kid when it happened. People tell me I'm lucky because I never knew them, but I wasn't. I wish I knew them like you knew him."


"That's the problem," I mumbled, trying to yank my arm away from him, but I failed. "I didn't know him at all. I was starting to, for the first time since I was four, and just like that..."


"I refuse to sit here and lie to you, say it gets better. It's only been a month, Jess, it won't get better for years to come. However, you're lucky to have what you had and maybe that's why you're drifting so far away. You had something I didn't and that's so hard to let go of."


Taking another shot of the liquor, I glanced to T.J., taking in the sadness on his face. He was staring at my arm, his fingers brushing over the healed slices, making me feel like I wasn't a freak. Making me feel loved in a way I never had before. He saw my imperfections and I swear he wanted to fix them.


"Tell me how you feel," he whispered, his eyes grazing over my face. "These scars are so old, Jess. Just talk to me."


"I don't want to," I blurted out, looking away from him and putting the bottle to my lips again. "But when it comes to him, I'm so fucking pissed, T.J. I'm mad at him, I'm mad at her, I'm mad at God."


"You'll pull through this," he sighed, covering my arm and placing it on my lap. "I got something a few days ago. You might be mad, but you're the only person I've felt connected to since.. ya know, so I thought..."


I glanced to him, raising an eyebrow. He held out his left arm, showing me the tattoo that covered his flesh. It was just like mine, only the banner was changed to say two words: Mom and Dad. I choked back the tears, running a finger of the new design.


"He'd be proud of you, Jess," T.J. whispered, leaning over my body to snatch the blade. He shoved it in his pocket, stood up and kissed my cheek. "When you feel like hating him, take strides instead. Make him wish he were still here to see you shine."


My tears were flowing now. The boy leaned over me, again, and took the vodka from my hands. Thankfully it was mostly full, because he grabbed my arm and poured some of the contents over it. I winced in pain as the blood was washed away from the bands. He then pressed the bottle to his lips, taking a long drink before he handed it back.


"You're going to be okay."


I nodded slowly as he pulled me into a hug. Would I be okay? How does a girl grow up knowing that her Daddy would never be there again? Not that he ever was, but that wasn't the point. The point is, now I can't wake up everyday knowing he's out there and alive. Now I wake up everyday from nightmares, dreaming of his body, dreaming over my grandmother's scream as he was lowered into the ground.


"Uh, Jess?"


T.J. pulled away from my quickly. He gave me a soft nod before he waved to everyone on the porch and took off. I slumped slightly, taking another long drink from the bottle before I put on my best face and limped towards the house.


"Your mom is on the phone.."


I groaned, reaching up to take the phone from Kelly's hands. I had just said hello to my mother when Dennis came flying back into the yard. He parked my four-wheeler by the porch, where I instantly went to sit on the front bars, no matter how bad it hurt. My mom was mumbling something to me about the party she was having for the forth of July. I rolled my eyes as we said our goodbye's.


"What was that about?" Steph asked, leaning on Jack's shoulder.


"The party. She says you're all invited, including Alex and Jack."


"Well that's great," Alex beamed, coming down the stairs to join me by the four-wheeler. He put his arms around me. "I'd love to come."


I smiled and nodded, the pills starting to rush to my brain. I wish I had been more sober in that moment, because that was the moment Alex bent over to kiss me for the very first time. Butterflies races through my belly, but I still felt lost at sea.


"Awwwe!" Kelly giggled, totally ruining it. "You guys are so cute."


"Yeah," I looked at her, an odd feeling boiling in my blood. "Cute."

Notes

A little insight to my childhood self.
For the record, I got called a raccoon for WEEKS after my accident, even when my nose healed...
This got another vote/subscriber so it gets updated. :D
Next chapter will have drama and a lot more Alex.<3.

Comments

@BreakingJessie_x
Lol yes sequel!!!!!! :D <33333
@I Got The Guts To Say Anything

LOL. I fucking love you. Now go find the sequel! hahahaha. <3.
Ahhsshshaiajfdk you scared the shit out if me!! I thought you were sayin the story was gonna be deleted I was like THE FUCK ?! But I can now calm down because I get it now :P
@singmetosleep

<3.
sequelsequelsequelsequelsequelsequelsequelsequelsequelsequel
singmetosleep singmetosleep
9/1/13