You're Good At Smiling.

-Skip several days-

The past few days have been painfully awkward with Alex. The two days until tour started were painfully awkward. Thankfully, I spent those two days getting everything I needed done for tour. My clothes had been washed, my bedding replaced (thanks to Cass and Rian) and I visited my mom. As of present, we were three days into tour, which meant the incident happened almost six days ago, meaning I haven’t seen Vic in a week. Contact with Vic had been difficult due to the constant busy schedules and time differences. I was going to bed while he was just getting home from his day of busy schedule. The timing on being able to talk a lot was terrible. I was roughly 3 or 4 hours ahead of him, I wasn’t completely sure.

The first day of tour was spent traveling, from Baltimore to Maine where we would start the tour. The second day was our first show. It went okay. I think the fans knew there was something going on but it was still a good show. Today, we are playing in Vermont I think, like I said before I have no real clue to where I am. I was currently lying in my bunk trying to get rid of the headache I had developed a few days ago and it hasn’t seemed to go away once. None of the painkillers I’ve taken have worked. I’ve only drank water, no alcohol and its not working. Then again, I’ve only maybe eaten dinner and lunch once in the last 3 days. Honestly, I haven’t been able to find a reason to eat. My head hurts so much that I’m constantly nauseous and food has been not on the list of things to worry about.

Cass was unable to go on this tour due to her own tour, which starts tomorrow with several country stars like Blake Shelton and people like that. Rian is a little down in the dumps but he’s been trying to not be down in the dumps for my sake. I’ve hidden away in my bunk since the first 5 minutes of tour. Literally the only time I see Alex is sound check and the show its self. Lisa is around him the rest of the time and she’s still giving me death glares. I’ve avoided her as well as I could but she still manages to find a moment to come up to me and call me names. The hate over social media is getting worse. I’ve resulted to using less and less of it.

Another thing I’ve done in the past few days is visit my razor when I get the chance. What shocked me was even after the show, I still felt numb. I didn’t feel what I once did, Alive. I felt like there was nothing left in me and I’m starting to believe nothing is left. My razor hasn’t done anything for me, that’s why I started heating up the flat iron and touching my thighs with it while it was warm. It took the pain I felt away.

Getting out of my bunk, I went into the bathroom to wash up before the meet and greet this afternoon and the show tonight. I avoided looking myself in the eye the entire time. My hair was dull and lifeless on my head; I used a bunch of hair spray just to get it to be normal. Just as I finished styling, I pulled up gently to shape my Mohawk and hair came out and was in my hands. Realization hit me and I slowly backed away and into the wall as I slid down it and to the floor.

Tears came out of my eyes. I sat there clutching my hair in my hands crying on the bathroom floor. The crying made my head hurt even more. My breathing became uneven and I felt myself lose control and a panic attack take over; my breathing got so shallow I started to get dizzy and go in and out of consciousness. The last thing I remembered was knocking on the door.



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Zack’s POV

Things with Alex and Jack have been shaky. For every step Jack takes forward, Alex sends him ten backwards. Jack has spent almost the entire part of the last few days in his bunk. I haven’t seen him eat once. Our first show was tense. We played good but we didn’t have our usual charisma. It just wasn’t us. With Alex being a dick to Jack, Jack has gone into a shell I haven’t seen him in since high school. Alex never saw the shell Jack was in because Jack hid it so well. I may not always talk a lot but I notice a lot. Jack has always had walls up and Alex broke them down. But is seems as of recently, Alex is the reason Jack built his walls five times higher and twenty times thicker. Rian and I have seen the hate he gets on Twitter and Instagram. We are constantly blocking and reporting people and having their accounts removed.

But it seems for every account we get removed another 20 show up. Getting up from the front of the bus to go the bathroom, I tried to open the door but it was locked. Trying again, I heard breathing on the other side of the door. “Jack buddy are you in there?” getting no response, I asked again. Getting the key for the door (Rian and I decided having a key made during the time before tours would be wise), I unlocked it and opened the door to see Jack on the floor. He wasn’t bleeding and there were no pills or any sign of a suicide attempt so I wasn’t alarmed as much but still alarmed to why he was passed out.

I saw something in his hand. Opening up his grip, I saw his hair in his hands. Oh my gosh. I looked to his head and saw his thin hair. Barely touching his head, more hair fell out. Reasons for his hair loss crossed my mind but I put what I already knew together. 1) Jack is too thin; 2) I haven’t seen him eat anything in days. 3) His bones are sticking out and his cheeks are hollow. Jack has an eating disorder. When the body is malnourished, hair starts to fall out. Jack must’ve freaked out and passed out or he passed out from malnutrition. Pulling out my phone, I called Rian.

“Hey man, I found Jack passed out in the bathroom. I think he passed out from not eating or he had another panic attack, what do you want me to do?”

“Um, try to wake him up, if he doesn’t call for a doctor. I’ll be there in a moment, I’m in the venue.”

Hanging up, I tried to wake Jack up. At first, he didn’t want to wake up. I ended up closing the bathroom door and sitting beside him and pulled him close to me and rubbed his shoulder. He eventually came to around the time Rian showed up. The look on his face was heart breaking. He knew we knew. Tears poured out of his eyes and out of our eyes. We grouped hugged and held jack as he sobbed. He took of his jacket and showed us his arms. It was saddening. There was barely any skin visible that had not been damaged. Rian cleaned his arms and Jack put on his jacket when he was done.


The time the meet and great was at neared close. Rian and I got up and then helped Jack up. He swayed a lot on his feet but we were able to keep him standing. Rian who had a roadie run to a drug store had an Ensure, made Jack drink it. Ensure is basically like a protein drink for those who don’t get enough protein. We kept him distracted as he drank it. Once he was done, we kept him busy so he couldn’t think about it. By the time we went to the meet and greet, Jack felt like .5 % better. This is how we sat at the meet n greet, Alex first, Rian, me and then Jack. We wanted Alex as far from Jack as possible. It went pretty well, no one directly said anything to Jack, which me and Rian thanked everything in the universe for.

What striked me as odd was a girl who was probably 17 said to me, “Zack, Jack needs help. A lot of us see how hurt he is and how well he hides it. Alex isn’t Alex anymore and that’s affecting Jack. Jack isn’t Jack anymore. Nothing is the same. A lot of people are saying how the show is all right but it’s not how it used to be. I don’t know what needs to be done but please help Jack. So many of us look up to you and Him. Tell him that a lot of us still love him; only the ignorant few are sending hate. If you look online, you’ll see what I mean.”

Once that girl got to Jack, she gave him a big hug and she hugged him tight, not in a fan-girl way but in a way that showed she actually cared about his well-being. Afterwards he smiled a little bit and was a bit more of the Jack I knew and loved. After the meet and greet ended, we all went back to the bus. Alex was silent and Jack was talking a bit more than he has in the last few days. There was almost a whisper of a smile on Jack’s face, which made me happy. A bit of light was in Jack’s eyes. More was there then when I had found him earlier on the bathroom floor.

Back on the bus, all but Alex was in the front of the bus. Rian handed Jack another Ensure and made him drink it. What made it easier was Rian took of the label and threw it away in a random garbage can off of the bus so Jack couldn’t calorie count. Rian went as far as taking the labels off all of the bottles in the fridge. Basically this was Rian’s logic that he said to Jack, “if your not going to eat, at least drink the stuff. It gives you protein so you don’t pass out. I’d prefer you ate but if you at least start with this, your head won’t hurt as bad.”


Jack reluctantly agreed (Rian threatened to call Vic and tell Vic that jack wasn’t eating again). I decided to go and try to talk to Alex. I called out to him but got no answer, I found him in his bunk with his headphones in. when I tapped on him, and he took them out.

“I didn’t come to start a fight, I came to talk. What’s going on between you and Jack and I mean what’s really going on?” I said bluntly.

Alex sighed and said, “I did like him at one point but I couldn’t be with another man. Not when I wasn’t sure if I still loved Lisa. I can’t believe I’ve hurt him so bad Zack. I can’t believe it. He is so much stronger than me. He’s hid himself away all these years. I’ve been a terrible friend and a terrible person to him for the last few months. I should’ve never believed Lisa.”

“Why the sudden change of heart?” I said suspiciously.
“ I saw Jack. I mean I really looked at him. He’s dangerously thin, he wore a hoodie throughout most of warped tour, and I realized what I was doing. That day at the apartment, I realized I had to change. Lisa twisted me into someone I wasn’t. It’s been me in the wrong this entire time, not him. I love him but he needs someone better for him. Vic will take good care of him. I know he will.”
“I’m glad you see what you have done but how are you going to fix it Alex?” I questioned.
“I don’t know. There’s nothing I can honestly do that can take back what I did. I called him terrible names, I agreed with Lisa. I broke him down until there was almost nothing left. If he ever forgives me, I hope we can be friends.”
“First of all, you need to apologize and make sure it’s not half assed. Second of all, you need to give him a bit of space. Third, please for the love of Blink182, get rid of Lisa once and for all. If we want Jack to recover, she needs to be out of the picture once and for all.”
“I can agree to that. Lisa didn’t just get in Jack’s head she got in mine. She turned me into a wild animal and she brought me to my knees.” He said.

“Good. So what ever you do, do it soon.” I said before patting his shoulder and walking back to the front of the bus.

Going back to Jack, I took in his condition again. He was seriously too thin and if we don’t get some food into quickly, he is either going to pass out and have to get serious medical attention, or he is going to die and I really don’t want that. I don’t think Jack wants that either. Deep inside, he doesn’t want to die. He would’ve died before now if he truly wanted to. Sitting down beside him, I got an idea. I texted the idea to Rian and then waited for Rian’s approval. He ran it by with Cass and they thought it was worth a shot.

I went as far to text the plan to Alex. Alex said to do it so I did. Getting Jack up I said, “stand here, I’ll be right back.” Rian closed the blinds, Alex and Matt sat in front of the bunkroom door and the door to exit the bus, and I, I got a mirror.
“Take everything off but your boxers.” I told Jack. He cheekily responded, “if you wanted to have sex with me Merrick, you just had to ask. Didn’t know you were into seeing it first.” I rolled my eyes and he shrugged and took of his clothes. Once he was done, he held his arms to his stomach so we couldn’t see the scars. I told him to move his arms and close his eyes. I took a picture without his head in the shot. I then told him to open his eyes.

“What do you see when you look in the mirror Jack?” I asked as I held the full-length mirror in front of him.

“I see fat. I see how much more I need to lose. I see how I shouldn’t have drank those things Rian gave me. I see how much everyone is right.”

“First off Jack, you are not fat. Secondly, those who think they are right are wrong. You are not fat and if they think so, they are dead wrong.” Rian said.

“What do you think when you see the picture of this person?” I asked.

He answered, “their too skinny. It looks like they need help.”

I took a deep breath and held my tears in as I said, “jack, that person is you. I took that picture.”

He shook his head. “You’re lying to me. Your lying, I’m fat. That’s not me. Don’t lie Zack don’t lie.” He said shaking his head.

I put him in front of the mirror and he cried. “Zack, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know this was what happening. I didn’t know I was taking it to far. I’m sorry Zack, I’m sorry.”

He finally saw what he did to himself. We all group hugged as Jack cried and we held him close, even Alex. One of the managers knocked on the door and said doors were opening and said we had to go into the venue. Jack cleaned up, and he decided to not wear his hoodie. We were all proud of him. However, he did put some makeup on them so they wouldn’t be as red. We all walked off the bus together, ready to play the show.

Notes

hello! two chapters in two days :) yay! haha review guys! let me know what you think :) do we want to continue Vic and Alex or do we want Jalex? haha let me know in the comments! please! love you all! :)