Guts

We had been on tour now for a few months and things weren’t so great. Well let me elaborate, the tour was great, we gained new fans by the day, being on stage was a dream come true. However when we came off stage was when the nightmare began. The second we came off stage Jack had a bottle in his hand and was half way wasted before we could even try and stop him. Half the time we didn’t even know what bus he was on or if he was even going to make it to the next show. Everyone was worried, but he wouldn’t listen. We all knew it was his way of coping, but it wasn’t healthy.
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One day after a show, Matt came up to Zack, Rian, and I and told us that he had had a talk with all the managers and they would make sure Jack didn’t get any liquor. He said all the bands were to keep him out of their bus; it was time for an intervention.

Needless to say, that night after the show all hell broke loose. Jack couldn’t get a drop of alcohol and after months of depending on it, he went into a rage. We had to pay for a few new speakers, and no one could sit on the middle of the couch in our bus because he broke it. After a few hours he calmed down enough to get him to sit down and talk.

After hours of heated discussion that went on well into the night, it was decided that Jack wasn’t allowed to drink for at least a month and I was to be his babysitter. He did not like that, but it was time to get sober and cope. I knew what it was like to lose someone close to me and that I loved, but I had made it over that obstacle, and I knew he could to. Zack had even found better ways to cope.

All the bands had been informed not to give him booze, but how well can you trust an already drunk person? We were pretty much under bus arrest. We went to shows and played our shows and did signings. Then at night, while everyone was partying, we were inside, fighting. Always the same fight though, we hated him and only cared about ourselves. To him we were heartless; to us we were trying to save his life.

About halfway into the month, we stopped fighting. He had calmed down a lot and seemed to be doing a lot better. We spent most nights gaming or watching movies. One night though it seemed like he was getting closer and closer to me as the movie went on. At first I tried not to notice it, but soon he was right next to me and I didn’t know what to do. He put his hand on my thigh and head on my shoulder. I know I tensed up and I know he felt it because he just laughed and moved his hand closer up my thigh. At this point I was freaking out. What was going on?
He seemed to find it humors because his hand kept creeping up my thigh and as that happened, the monster in my pants awake and pulled my pants tighter, which he felt. He shifted his head slightly and started nibbling on my neck.

By that point I was frozen in shock. Was this really happening? Before I could even say anything, his hand went to my crotch and he started palming me through my skinnies. Part of me wanted this, part of me wanted to know what was going on. However my body seemed to do have other plans than my mind did.

His lips worked their way up my neck until he reached my lips. I knew he was going to kiss me and my whole body trembled. I felt his lips curve into a smile and then they were completely on mine.

I was so lost in the kiss I almost missed the fact that something was wrong. He tasted like the wrong kind of Jack, like the kind found in a bottle.

I pulled away. What the hell? How did he taste like Jack Daniels? He wasn’t supposed to have any alcohol. I was supposed to be watching him.

Notes

Wow guys I suck. I know and I'm soooosososososo sorry. I feel super bad because not only have I been busy with school, but mi depression has gotten worse and I haven't felt any motivation to write until yesterday. All I want to do is sleep and occasionally eat.

A lot of shit is going on and sometimes I just cant deal with it. It's hard to write this at times because I started writing it when me and my ex were together and it was kind of based off of our relationship. Its a long story but I deleted him completely out of mi life since July, which was super hard but a step up for me, and we started talking again the other day and last night he tells me its to hard to talk to me and we cant talk anymore. I just dont know what to do anymore.

I love you guys and thanks for sticking around and being so fuckmazing.

<3 xoxo you guys really are the best!