Guts

After I logged out of the chat, I went back to my room. My mother came in and asked if I was going to school. I just shook my head no and rolled over. She told me she would be out job hunting and my dad was packing and getting stuff ready to ship over and if I needed good there were sandwiches in the fridge. I just grunted and she left.

I heard her get in her car and shortly after I heard my dad say he had some errands to run. After I heard his car start up and leave, I grabbed my guitar and started aimlessly strumming it. I didn’t really want to play anything specific. The music was just soothing.

My mind wandered to Tom. I missed him so much. If he was here he would know the right thing to do. He could make this all better. Then something came to me, a song, for Tom. I put the guitar down and searched for a pen and paper.

I pulled one of my school notebooks out and started writing.

I said I'd never forget your face
Vaulted away inside my head
And memories never seem to fade
You were the best part of my life, my last regret
Now I've walked this line a thousand times before
It hurts too much to bear
For you, I'd tear out my own heart And write our names together Now I was really getting into it. I started strumming my guitar to make a tune for it.

Your love is the barrel of a gun
So tell me, am I on the right end?
I could be nothing but a memory to you
Don't let this memory fade away
And in the end, we're turning on and off again
There's a look in your eye
And it's screaming "goodbye"
I'd hate to watch you cry
Your love is the barrel of a gun
So tell me, am I on the right end?
I could be nothing but a memory to you
Don't let this memory fade away
There's a look in your eye
And it's screaming "goodbye"
Now it tears me apart just to look at the sky
And I'd hate to watch you cry
I'd hate to watch you cry
Your love is the barrel of a gun
So tell me, am I on the right end?
I could be nothing but a memory to you Don't let this memory fade away ^Now I know that it might seem a little like it is wrote for a break up, but just look at the lyrics and think about it.

After about 3 hours of writing and re-writing I finally had it were I wanted it. I looked at the clock, it was 3. They should be at my house in about less than an hour so I laid down and passed out. Exhaustion had overtaken me.

I woke up to whispering. I heard Jack say he was going to wake me up then I heard a softer feminine voice say no let me sleep I was going through a lot. Before they could argue any further I opened my eyes and cleared my throat.

Maria looked at me sheepishly and apologized for waking me up, before I could say anything Jack engulfed me in a bear hug. They sat down on my bed and I drew a shaky breath and told them about the choice I was being forced to make. Stay or go back to England.

Jack looked mortified, but before he could say anything Maria put her hand on mine and told me that no matter what choice I made that I would always have friends in the US who cared and loved me. Jack looked like he was on the verge of tears or breaking something.

I smiled on the inside; it felt nice to have such great friends care for me. I told them about how I had been thinking, and thanks to Marias words I had decided that it would be best for me to stay. I needed my friends and I needed the band. Plus Jack and I needed each other more than either of us would admit. I had been his first friend and he had been mine.

Plus Marias parents had been through a divorce and so had Jacks, so I knew I would survive. I told them I had something to show them. I pulled out my guitar and the paper and played the song for them. When I was done Maria clapped for me and Jack looked stunned.

He told me he didn’t know that I could write and why I wasn’t coming up with stuff for the band? I told him that this was the first thing that I had ever done. They loved it and Jack said we defiantly had to play it. I was a little apprehensive because I didn’t think it was that great. After some arguing and Maria tickling me while Jack grabbed the paper it was set, we would play it as a band.

*Well if you would have given it up willingly then that wouldn’t have happened*
^ I was shy!
*Theres no reason to be shy Lexy, your music is great*
^Well 15 year old me didn’t think that
*Whelp Lexy baby now the whole world knows that!*

I told Jack that there was food in the kitchen and he took off faster than we could blink. I just laughed and Maria looked shocked. She had seen him and food but never seen him and my mother’s food. He came back with what looked to be half the contents of our fridge. He also already had his mouth full and he offered a sandwich to Maria and I. She took it but I declined, I just wasn’t hungry.

After Jacks little feast, I asked him why he didn’t tell Jasey what happened, but told everyone else? He told me it was because she didn’t need to know, the band deserved to know why practice was cancelled but as far as he was concerned Jasey didn’t need to know unless I told her.

I just sighed, what could I do? Those two would never like each other I guess.

Notes

Are you guys still there?
What do you think?

xoxo ^.^