Breaking Down Walls.
Twenty-One
Z A C K
I’m the first to see my fragile sister, she’s not awake but she’s stable and can hear us. It could still go either way right now it depends how strong she is. I walked into the room and the first thing I notice are her arms, covered in cuts and scars. This is why she’s always wearing sleeves I think to myself. How did I not notice her because you never cared to ask her Zack my head rings out to me. It’s not true I was there for her, as much as she’d let me which was hardly ever. I let a tear run down my cheek looking at her she looks terrible all the life was drawn from her face, her once blushed complexion was white I wish I never went on the tour, I should have been here instead. I should have known something was wrong when Alex was getting up at 1-3am to talk to her, why didn’t she ever ring me. I pick up her hand and stare at her arms, they had been completely covered with self-harm scars, and how can my little sister do this to herself and not call out for help. Even if she had been why didn’t she come to me for it? I then look back to her face knowing she can hear me I start to talk.
“Ivy I don’t know why you have done this, in fact no I do and I’m sorry, I’m sorry I couldn’t fix you sooner I’m sorry I left you alone I’m sorry I thought you were fine, I’m sorry that mom and dad left. When you wake up from this, which you will. I will be the brother you need, we can talk about this Ivy I just need you to wake the fuck up. I love you so much Ivy, I wish I had shown it more. I wish I had known you were struggling so much. Why didn’t you ever tell me you were self-harming? When you wake up that is the first thing we need to talk about I won’t shout at you Ivy I want to know why you think this is the best way so I can help you get through it, I know that it’s not going to take a few days, it’s going to take a while but we can do it together. Ivy please wake up soon I need you. What am I going to do without Ivy walking around the house, without you making shitty jokes, What are the lads going to do you are the only one that can handle them when they are drunk, they love you Ivy they need you, Dylan has only just met you he needs you to wake up so you can have the friendship that you need. To help you get better. I need you to wake up, but I need to go and let some of the guys tell you this as well, I love you so much Ivy wake up soon sis”
With a tear stained face I walk out the hospital room and announce that it’s someone else’s turn, Alex is the one to get up first.
I didn’t tell the guys about her scars they would know when they go in, in fact I didn’t talk to the guys at all I walk straight out of the hospital and sat on the steps, I needed to be by myself and think about why my little Ivy would do this, when she has so much love around her. I thought she was doing okay without them, she had made out that she was getting better on the phone. I wish I was here sooner before she got to this stage. I have never really been there for her, because she would never let me, she kept telling me she was okay but I should have seen the lying, I should have stayed with her. I shouldn’t have left her at all. Her pale face stuck in my head. Her cold hands still at my fingertips. This isn’t how my sister is supposed to be.
A L E X
I see Zack walk out of her room he tells us that it’s time for another person to go talk to Ivy, he looked drained like he could break down at any point, I was going to stay with him until I noticed my feet walking in the direction of where Zack just came from, I see her small frame laying lifeless on the bed, my heart aches are the sight. What am I supposed to say to her, I stop my thoughts when I see it, the scars covering her thin arms, the fresh cuts where she has found room, I look forward in shock I can feel anger take over my body, how could she do this to herself? She never fucking told me. She calls me at 1-3am about her dreams but she fails to mention that she’s been cutting. The anger falls away when I see her face she’s beautiful even if her body is lifeless I feel that same smile tug and my lips. Even when she’s supposed to look her worse she still looks her best. I know what to say to her, I have to tell her. She deserve to know maybe this could bring her out of her trance.
“Hey there Ivy, I would tell you who it is but I’m hoping by now you would know that. If not then I’d be a bit concerned, how can you still look amazing when you aren't even awake, you’ve got me hooked Ivy. I don’t care about your scars I guess they are a part of you now, I wish I had known though Ivy I could have helped you. I can’t even imagine what Zack feels right now, he needs you to wake up. He wants that talk with you, the one you’ve both been holding in since last year, but I’ve not come to tell you that. I want you to hear something and I want you to listen to me hopefully you feel the same otherwise I’d look like a bit of a knob head, Ivy every time I see you I just want to smile even walking in here and seeing you I had smile on my face even if you’re like this you’re beautiful it’s so hard for me to tell you this, I didn’t realize it until tonight. Jack told me that I felt this way about you but I ignored it, but deep down I knew, you’re my best friend Ivy I feel like you know me better than anyone else, even jack you don’t know how hard it is for someone to understand how I work. I’m not saying I love you Ivy because neither of us are ready for that, but I feel something for you, I can’t describe it you make me feel good about myself, I want to make you feel the same I really do, It’s weird how I can go from stupidly angry with you to just wanting to cuddle with you, I just want you Ivy. I want you to wake up and I want you to tell me you feel it to, if you don’t I understand, but Ivy I can feel myself feeling stupid and Jack and Ri really want to see you, I love you okay? Please wake up darling, I’ll see you soon”.
I feel tears build up in my eyes, but they are happy ones. I finally told Ivy how I felt I hadn’t even thought about the fact that Zack would probably kill me but that didn’t matter I told her how I felt, she’s changed me, on her birthday I could have been getting drunk but I just wanted to be there with her, waking up with my arm around her and her back pressing against my chest it just felt right, it felt like it should always be, and how I want it to be I’ve ignored it for too long maybe if I told her before she would have never got to this state she would have never been covered in scars.
I take one last look at her body I reach over and kiss her forever and whisper “Please just please be okay” I then left her room, I smiled and nodded at Jack so he would know I told her, Dylan looks up and walks past me and into her room he send a sad smile my way as her brushes past my shoulder. I go and sit by Jack leaving Rian to talk to Carol.
“Jack is Zack okay?”
“I don’t know mate he hasn’t spoken to anyone and he just walked out when he was done talking to her, what happened in there?”
“I really hope he’s going to be okay, I hope that she’s going to be okay…You’re going to find out in a minute anyway so I just as well warn you. She has scars and cuts Jack covering her arm, she’s probably got them in other places to I’m not sure. But her arms were in a terrible state she’s still amazing though”
I say with a sparkle in my eye.
“Shit that’s why Zack went away then, I really hope then when she wakes up he talks to her, I know he will. He will right lex?”
He starts questioning himself, we all know that Zack finds it hard to talk about his parents. He seems to have just blanked the whole thing out, it’s like they were never there to begin with.
“I think he will Jack he knows how serious her condition is”
With that jack leans his head on my shoulder and I wrap my arm around him, I know that Ivy will be okay I know she’s too strong to let her life go just like that.
I’m the first to see my fragile sister, she’s not awake but she’s stable and can hear us. It could still go either way right now it depends how strong she is. I walked into the room and the first thing I notice are her arms, covered in cuts and scars. This is why she’s always wearing sleeves I think to myself. How did I not notice her because you never cared to ask her Zack my head rings out to me. It’s not true I was there for her, as much as she’d let me which was hardly ever. I let a tear run down my cheek looking at her she looks terrible all the life was drawn from her face, her once blushed complexion was white I wish I never went on the tour, I should have been here instead. I should have known something was wrong when Alex was getting up at 1-3am to talk to her, why didn’t she ever ring me. I pick up her hand and stare at her arms, they had been completely covered with self-harm scars, and how can my little sister do this to herself and not call out for help. Even if she had been why didn’t she come to me for it? I then look back to her face knowing she can hear me I start to talk.
“Ivy I don’t know why you have done this, in fact no I do and I’m sorry, I’m sorry I couldn’t fix you sooner I’m sorry I left you alone I’m sorry I thought you were fine, I’m sorry that mom and dad left. When you wake up from this, which you will. I will be the brother you need, we can talk about this Ivy I just need you to wake the fuck up. I love you so much Ivy, I wish I had shown it more. I wish I had known you were struggling so much. Why didn’t you ever tell me you were self-harming? When you wake up that is the first thing we need to talk about I won’t shout at you Ivy I want to know why you think this is the best way so I can help you get through it, I know that it’s not going to take a few days, it’s going to take a while but we can do it together. Ivy please wake up soon I need you. What am I going to do without Ivy walking around the house, without you making shitty jokes, What are the lads going to do you are the only one that can handle them when they are drunk, they love you Ivy they need you, Dylan has only just met you he needs you to wake up so you can have the friendship that you need. To help you get better. I need you to wake up, but I need to go and let some of the guys tell you this as well, I love you so much Ivy wake up soon sis”
With a tear stained face I walk out the hospital room and announce that it’s someone else’s turn, Alex is the one to get up first.
I didn’t tell the guys about her scars they would know when they go in, in fact I didn’t talk to the guys at all I walk straight out of the hospital and sat on the steps, I needed to be by myself and think about why my little Ivy would do this, when she has so much love around her. I thought she was doing okay without them, she had made out that she was getting better on the phone. I wish I was here sooner before she got to this stage. I have never really been there for her, because she would never let me, she kept telling me she was okay but I should have seen the lying, I should have stayed with her. I shouldn’t have left her at all. Her pale face stuck in my head. Her cold hands still at my fingertips. This isn’t how my sister is supposed to be.
A L E X
I see Zack walk out of her room he tells us that it’s time for another person to go talk to Ivy, he looked drained like he could break down at any point, I was going to stay with him until I noticed my feet walking in the direction of where Zack just came from, I see her small frame laying lifeless on the bed, my heart aches are the sight. What am I supposed to say to her, I stop my thoughts when I see it, the scars covering her thin arms, the fresh cuts where she has found room, I look forward in shock I can feel anger take over my body, how could she do this to herself? She never fucking told me. She calls me at 1-3am about her dreams but she fails to mention that she’s been cutting. The anger falls away when I see her face she’s beautiful even if her body is lifeless I feel that same smile tug and my lips. Even when she’s supposed to look her worse she still looks her best. I know what to say to her, I have to tell her. She deserve to know maybe this could bring her out of her trance.
“Hey there Ivy, I would tell you who it is but I’m hoping by now you would know that. If not then I’d be a bit concerned, how can you still look amazing when you aren't even awake, you’ve got me hooked Ivy. I don’t care about your scars I guess they are a part of you now, I wish I had known though Ivy I could have helped you. I can’t even imagine what Zack feels right now, he needs you to wake up. He wants that talk with you, the one you’ve both been holding in since last year, but I’ve not come to tell you that. I want you to hear something and I want you to listen to me hopefully you feel the same otherwise I’d look like a bit of a knob head, Ivy every time I see you I just want to smile even walking in here and seeing you I had smile on my face even if you’re like this you’re beautiful it’s so hard for me to tell you this, I didn’t realize it until tonight. Jack told me that I felt this way about you but I ignored it, but deep down I knew, you’re my best friend Ivy I feel like you know me better than anyone else, even jack you don’t know how hard it is for someone to understand how I work. I’m not saying I love you Ivy because neither of us are ready for that, but I feel something for you, I can’t describe it you make me feel good about myself, I want to make you feel the same I really do, It’s weird how I can go from stupidly angry with you to just wanting to cuddle with you, I just want you Ivy. I want you to wake up and I want you to tell me you feel it to, if you don’t I understand, but Ivy I can feel myself feeling stupid and Jack and Ri really want to see you, I love you okay? Please wake up darling, I’ll see you soon”.
I feel tears build up in my eyes, but they are happy ones. I finally told Ivy how I felt I hadn’t even thought about the fact that Zack would probably kill me but that didn’t matter I told her how I felt, she’s changed me, on her birthday I could have been getting drunk but I just wanted to be there with her, waking up with my arm around her and her back pressing against my chest it just felt right, it felt like it should always be, and how I want it to be I’ve ignored it for too long maybe if I told her before she would have never got to this state she would have never been covered in scars.
I take one last look at her body I reach over and kiss her forever and whisper “Please just please be okay” I then left her room, I smiled and nodded at Jack so he would know I told her, Dylan looks up and walks past me and into her room he send a sad smile my way as her brushes past my shoulder. I go and sit by Jack leaving Rian to talk to Carol.
“Jack is Zack okay?”
“I don’t know mate he hasn’t spoken to anyone and he just walked out when he was done talking to her, what happened in there?”
“I really hope he’s going to be okay, I hope that she’s going to be okay…You’re going to find out in a minute anyway so I just as well warn you. She has scars and cuts Jack covering her arm, she’s probably got them in other places to I’m not sure. But her arms were in a terrible state she’s still amazing though”
I say with a sparkle in my eye.
“Shit that’s why Zack went away then, I really hope then when she wakes up he talks to her, I know he will. He will right lex?”
He starts questioning himself, we all know that Zack finds it hard to talk about his parents. He seems to have just blanked the whole thing out, it’s like they were never there to begin with.
“I think he will Jack he knows how serious her condition is”
With that jack leans his head on my shoulder and I wrap my arm around him, I know that Ivy will be okay I know she’s too strong to let her life go just like that.
Notes
I do really like this chapter.
What do you guys think
Dylan, Rian and Jacks p.o.v are on there way possible tomorrow or Saturday.
Silent readers please comment.
-Kay
Thanks to KateTheGreat69 for always commenting!
Hops on black Pegasus of rainbow feels to ride next story
9/6/14