"Will you stop pouting!" He laughed, sitting on the dusty paneled floor of his Grandmother's back den, shifting through a box between his knees. Not making a sound to reply, I shut my eyes and kicked my feet up on the tattered orange couch, my spine curing flat against the aged carpet that was rolled out on the mass of the floor. The beats to an old ZZTop song sounding through the room as they mingled with the light spring breeze flooding through the screen door we had propped open with a rather large rock. "Jay," he called sliding a slim square from the rest as he began to laugh. "Check this out!"


Groaning, I pulled my feet off the couch and crawled over to him. His soft eyes watching me as he dusted off the object in hand. The brown folder held out to me as I glanced up at Marc with a scrunched expression. The boy laughing as he wiggled the square causing the vinyl to shuffle from inside its respectable slot. "Do you know what record this is?" He smiled as I rolled my eyes. Glancing at the brown cover, the faded purple and blue lettering over the shadowed baseball glove making me laugh.



"I could only assume..." I joked, motioning to the titled album of my personal favorite song off it. The elder boy growing a sick smirk as he clambered to his feet and scurried to the far corner of the small, dusty room that had been clearly ignored for some passing months.



"Good old John Fogerty!" Marc laughed, shaking his smile ever so slightly as he pulled a large wooden box from a pile and slid it over to the wobbly coffee table. Quickly brushing a palm over the wood in an effortless motion to dust it off. Marc quickly ignored the particles and popped the pair of latches and exposed the record player.



"Your Nana is going to murder you..." I sighed, leaning back against the wooden leg of the couch as Marc simply shrugged and freed the record from its sleeve, giving the black disk a spin between the pads of his fingers before placing it on the player.



"She'll live..." He cackled as he flicked on the devise and let the record begin to twirl. His eyes growing with his prospering grin, their soft color watching the disk rotate in wonder for a moment before he fetched the needle and placed it on the record. "Now, if I can just locate the right song we will be..." He paused in what was meant to be anticipation as we both held our breath, watching the needle fall to the vinyl. The tail end of the song 'Searchlight' soon filling the room as Marc clapped his hands while it faded. "GOLDEN!" He cheered as the tracks morphed with a moment of silence.



The space in time giving Marc a chance to slip to his knees and crawl to me before the song he'd been searching for kicked off with claps. "You're so grounded..." I shook my head as the carefree boy shrugged and he pulled us both to our feet. The record's popping sounds kicking in as the forgotten record came to life once again, Marc's lively smile forcing one of my own as he twirled me against my will, both his hands holding mine.



"Well, I beat the drum and hold the phone," Marc sang loudly and off-tune as I laughed. The elder boy hopping towards the door as he swung one hand from mine and hitched a thumb towards the door before nodding, singing, "The sun came out today!" Making me laugh.



"Come on Jay!" He laughed, tugging on the single hand he still held as I rolled my eyes, the male singing, "We're born again, there's new grass on the field" before I would join in smiling along as I sung, "Just a-roundin' third and headed for home,"



Marc laughing as he nudged my side and hopped onto the couch all but shouting, "It’s a brown-eyed handsome man! Anyone can understand the way JASEY feels!" As I laughed aloud, an image of a specific set of brown eyes in mind as he pulled me onto the couch.



"Oh, put me in, Coach!" We sang loudly as we threw our arms around in a reckless dance, "I'm ready to play... today!"



"Put me in, Coach," Marc sang alone as I bobbed my head, "I'm ready to play, today!" He swung a pointed finger my way as I all but blushed.



"Look at me," I sang softly as he shoved my shoulder forcing a happy, "I can be Center field!" From my mouth with a laugh.



The two of us laughing our heads off as we leaped off the sagging couch cushions and skipped around the room. The underlining popping from the dust kissing the grooves of the record giving the sing an aged originality as Marc and I danced. Leaping into his arms, Marc caught me bridal style and began to sing once again.



"Well, I spent some time with the Mudville Nine, watchin' it from the bench..."



"You know I took my lumps when the Mighty case struck out, so say 'Hey Willie, tell Ty Cobb and Joe Di Maggio'" I sang with a giggly laugh and Marc placed my feet on the floor. Taking my hand in his as he spun me out into the room and snapped me back into a twirl. Catching me swiftly as be dipped me like in an old film.



"Don't say "It ain't so", you know the time is now..." We sang with giddy grins as I poked his nose and let him stick his tongue out at me in return. "Oh, put me in, Coach, I'm ready to pla-"



"MARCUS DANIAL!" His Grandmother screamed, Marc suddenly dropping me to the floor as he hopped out of his skin. His eyes widening as he glanced down at me rubbing my ass with a whine.


"JASEY!" Rian snapped bringing me from my daydream as I flinched to reality. A colder reality. The smile that had found its way across my lips suddenly felt unwanted as it slipped from the flesh. "What are you doing?" He asked softly, my eyes locked on his through the reflection of the mirror as I quickly blinked my dreamy daze from my mind.


"Uhm, nothing... Just thinking is all, I'm fine!" I stuttered dropping my head.



"Did you hear a word I said?" He asked in a hushed tone as I blinked again and ran a shaky hand through my straightened hair.


"Uh- no, uhm sorry, what?" I sighed, pressing both palms to my vanity as Rian sighed and stepped into my room.


"Hey, are you okay?" He asked quietly.


"I said I was fine..." I brushed keeping my head down. His palm pressing to my shoulder as I swiftly spun and knocked it off, not wanting to feel his sympathy for me when he should be mourning himself. Rage flooding my eyes as I glared up at my twin. "I said I was fine..."


"Okay, but-"


"No buts!" I snapped, smacking his hand away as he reached for my shoulder once again. "I'm sick of everyone around me acting like I can't handle myself, I said I'm fine, why can't you accept that!"


"'Cause I know you're not..." He muttered as I scoffed, rolling my eye. "I know you're hurting..."


"You know nothing!" I hissed shoving him back by his chest so I had room to move towards my door. "I'm sick of everyone thinking I can't handle myself, I'm fucking seventeen years old, I'm not twelve anymore!"


"We know Jasey-"


"Then why does everyone keep 'checking up on me' or 'making sure I'm coping' like FUCK!" I screamed shoving him back when he stepped closer once again, "deal with your own emotions instead of mine!"


"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO STOPPED EATING!" He argued, rage flooding up from his eyes as he snapped his mouth shut, quickly realizing what he had started.


"Really?" I spat cocking a brow, "not even you, my own brother thinks I'm stable enough to space out for two seconds without it being a brink to a mental breakdown, SOME BROTHER YOU ARE!"


"Well fuck me for not wanting you to run away again!" He yelled as my face flushed white, his rage blinding his own words as he grabbed my shoulders and gave them a shake, "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO RAN AWAY AND RUINED EVERYTHING WITH MOM!" He screamed. His eyes turning from anger to hurt the instant he saw the tears weltering in my eyes. "Wait, Jas-"


"So that’s what you think of me?" I asked, my anger holding back my tears for the time being as Rian's mouth slapped open and shut like a fish out of water. "Do any of you even care or am I just a pawn in this-"


"Jasey, I didn't mean it that way!" He argued as let a tear slip past my eyes.


"Save it!" I waved, shoving his hands off my body as he stumbled backwards, body swaying in disbelief as he watched me wipe my tears. "I know exactly what you meant!"


"JASEY STOP!" Rian screamed as I ran down the hall, leaving him stalled in my bedroom door. My tears now flooding from my eyes even though I couldn't find the sadness I was feeling. The only emotion on my mind being the pain and rejection I had uncovered that had been there all along. "JASEY!" He screamed as I stalled at the base of the stairs. Our "friends" flooding into the hall at the scratched sounds.


"SAVE IT!" I screamed as he skidded to a stop at the top of the staircase. "I had enough on my plate today, the last thing I needed was knowing what I've suspected all along to be true-"


"JASEY THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT-"


"FUCK YOU RIAN!" I screamed as tears poured from my eyes, "MY OWN BROTHER, HOW COULD YOU!"


"Jasey, what's going on-?"


"Oh can it Gaskarth!" I spat, his face washing of color as I hissed his name like venom, "save me the pity of acting like you care!"


"JASEY WAIT!" He pleaded watching as I turned for the door. The handle buried behind Zack as I followed his torso to his eyes and narrowed my own.


"Step aside Zack; I don't have time for this!" I hissed as Alex grabbed my hand and spun me around.


"Jasey, what's going on?" He asked, hand pressing to my spine in attempts to pull me into a hug as I shoved him off and back into the curve of the banister.


"WHAT'S GOING ON IS THIS FAKE ASS BULLSHIT YOU ALL HAVE BEEN FEEDING ME!" I screamed looking up at Rian once again before glancing at Alex. My hard eyes melting to hurt as I cried a true sob. "Was anything you ever said to me even true?" I cried, my words hoarse and trembling, "do you even care or were you just trying to keep me here?"


"Jasey-"


"ANSWER THE QUESTION!" I screeched, his eyes wide as he opened his mouth, finding no words as I felt my chest swell, he couldn't answer. In an instant I had no more pain, only rage, only anger towards the people who were supposed to be my friends all this time.


"Jasey, just talk to us, what’s going on-"


"SAVE IT!" I screamed turning around and shoving Zack away from the door before he could finish, "NONE OF YOU ACTUALLY CARE HOW I FEEL AS LONG AS I DON'T RUIN YOUR PRECIOUS BAND, AND YOUR PRECIOUS FRIEND GROUP!" I screamed turning to meet every set of eyes, injecting my pain in every glance to show them what I knew, "fuck you, find someone else to smother, because I'm done!"


"JASEY!" Alex screamed as I jumped off the porch and darted down the road. Not giving a shit if my black dress flowed too high in the leap or if my makeup had tarnished my blushed cheeks. My mind not even mustering enough complete thoughts to care if I had been running down the center of the road were a car could hit me at any moment without warning. The only thought being that I wouldn't totally mind if a car had as I took off down the road.


How could they? How could they go as far as to place the focus on me resigning in Baltimore as opposed to Marc? Especially as a time like this. Marc had the whole world ahead of him, whereas mine had already crumbled down around me once before. Marc had just been accepted to his top choice school. He was supposed to go to college and meet the girl of his dreams and marry her, maybe have a few kids. Live happily ever after. But that was all taken away from him in the blink of an eye.


A blink he used to read the text I'd sent him.


I'm not just someone who lost a friend. I'm a murder, how could I think I had a right to be upset when I killed him. Just like I killed my mother. How dare they even think I was worth keeping around. 'They probably just feel bad...' I told myself. I'm hardly worth anything to them at this point. I'm nothing but a walking biohazard, waiting to blow up in their faces.


Rage filled my veins as I fell to my knees, smashing my shin in the fall. The pain forcing a yelp past my lips as I opened my eyes to view the culprit. Not even inches from my face sat a small metal bar. A ring, on a ladder. A single link in the chain that formed Marc and I's friendship. And as if my mind had done it on its own my hand grasped the frail metal ladder and I started to climb.


Taking deep breaths, I took my time. Soaking in the final opportunity before I would replace the very water tower's current memories with one much darker and harder to dwell on. Knowing all too well I would never climb that ladder again. Knowing I would never come to the tower and watch the stars. Knowing I'd never be able to walk across the grass of the park and glance up at the metal beast and smile like I had so selfishly done before. Knowing well that after that day, I'd have to accept that Marc was gone, and with him he took the very thing that made the useless heap of metal special in the first place.


Upon reaching the top, I let out a shaky breath, acknowledging that my tears had stopped somewhere in the journey as I took grasp of the railing, looking over the tree tops with thoughtful breaths. My mind running down the list of all I was to lose with giving it up. The thought of fleeing all together, to forget any and all pain crossing my mind as I sunk to my butt and thought of how I could never go there and listen to the town and look for the stadium. I could only sit there and wait for Marc. My best-friend. The one who understood me without a word being spoken. He gave me guidance, he showed me how to mend my open wounds with my friends in this town, or who I thought were my friends till recently. But in the end left a wound of his own, and in result left me alone, with no hope to mend it. I wouldn't be able to go to his service, I just couldn't do it. I wanted to remember Marc for who he was.

The bubbly, carefree guy who took this fucked up kid and showed me that not everything had to be as bad as it seemed. I couldn't remember him mangled, dressed up like a monkey and shoved in a lifeless box to be buried. I wouldn't be able to; I can't see my best-friend like that. To watch them lower his casket into the soil, to toss a hand full of dirt over the polished wood, to, accept he was gone. He was my best-friend. And I lost him.


And now it hurt more than ever knowing the few people I thought I could lean on saw me as a charity case. A task to keep in line and held to this town. But unlike the water tower, my roots could be lifted, and as the minutes passed I had less and less tying me to the town. Wiping a loan stray tear I heard a shift on the metal. Whipping my head up my eyes were met with a too familiar pair as my frown deepened to a scowl. "What are you doing here?" I hissed, my hand clutching the low railing in a fit of rage as Alex crawled closer to me, clearly unsure of the height. How dare he follow me here. How dare he ruin my last goodbye, my last link to Marc, my last bit of his life that only he and I shared. That was now ruined.


"I'm here to answer your question..." He said softly. Scoffing I rolled my eyes. Figures.


"Well you're too late..." I concluded taking my eyes from his. "You're silence said enough, so please just leave me alone..."


"Jasey, I didn't mean to freeze like that, I was just shocked-"


"Yeah, shocked I figured you guy's fucked up game!" I rolled, never looking his way as he sighed scooting closer, only heightening my annoyance. "Just- leave me alone!"


"Why?" He challenged as I snapped my eyes to his in order to send him a glare.


"Do you really thing you're in a place to push me right now?" I hissed. "I'm minutes away from deciding if I should even stay in Baltimore and you want to push me?"


"What? You can't leave!" He argued as I let out an amused laugh.


"And why not?" I asked, rage being poured into my tone as I watched Alex take a hard swallow. He shifted in his place before placing a hand to my thigh. A hand I would have slapped away had I not been swallowed by the pain in his eyes


"You can't leave me..." He whispered giving my thigh a light squeeze, "I came here to tell you that I did mean what I've said to you, everything, every last bit of it, Jasey, I do care, we do care, all of us, please!" He begged placing his hand to my cheek, "you can't leave me!"


"You were fine before..." I muttered, softly brushing his hand from my face to drop my eyes to my lap.


"No I wasn't!" He pleaded, cupping my cheek once again in attempts to grab my gaze as I refused to look up. "Jasey, I can't lose you again..." He whispered.


"Then why do I feel like I never even had you..." I whimpered.


"Because you're hurting Jasey!" Alex answered, "I know I can't replace Marc..." he sighed placing his hand over mine that still sat on the metal railing, "but I can at least be your shoulder to lean on now that he's gone." My eyes slid shut at his words. I knew they weren't intended to hurt, but every snag of a reminder had a special sting to it. "You know you never have to be alone Jasey..."


His words sinking in as I silently nodded my head before whispering a soft, "I know..." And glancing up over the county. The church bells to Marc's service sounding as I shut my eyes. "I know."

Notes

SORRY I DIDNT REALLY READ THROUGH THIS!


i will later i promise and do last minute checks but i really just wanted to update!


this was the third option i wrote a complete chapter for cause i didnt know where i wanted to take it exactly as of now...


i hope this is okay:) LEAVE ME SOME COMMENTS:)

-Sarah!


oh and PS: the about of views and subs that the story has gotten since the awards is crazy!!!! and I CANT THANK YOU GUYS WHO VOTED ENOUGH YOU ARE THE BEST!