I wish I could

I woke up late to an empty space next to me. No Alex. Sleepily, I sat up, feeling under the blanket for any rest of warmth. Nothing. He’d probably left a few hours ago, but what for? That was when my fingers touched a piece of paper. I pulled it out and took a look.

“Jack, I’m out for a walk in the neighbourhood. I love you. –Alex”

I turned it around looking or further information but it was empty. So I got up and put on clothes. I started boiling water for a coffee.

After breakfast, I started to worry. It was 1 pm by now. Still no sign of Alex. So I left a note in case he came back and left the house.

I randomly wandered the streets, not expecting to find him. Street after street went by; neighbour after neighbour greeted me and I always greeted back. But then, across the street in a bush, I spotted a red beanie. Alex’s beanie. Why was Alex’s beanie in a bush?

I quickly crossed the street and approached the bush. As I came closer, I was frozen to the spot by the sight in front of me. Alex lying there, curled up in a ball. When I was able to move again, I went even closer until I knelt down beside him. Why was his chest not going up and down like it was supposed to? Why was he so cold and pale?

Panic started to boil through my body, leaving me breathless. I turned my boyfriend around until I was able to look him in the face and started feeling for his pulse. Seconds were dripping away until I was able to feel a barely there beat.

He was alive but he was not breathing and about to die. I got out my phone and forced myself to stop shaking in order to dial the three numbers. 911. The dispatcher told me that an ambulance would be here shortly and I prayed for them to come really quickly. In the meantime, I did as instructed and blew air into his mouth. This was so different to regular kissing, Alex’s lips were icy cold and he was not kissing back. Tears dropped onto his face.

“Please, please, PLEASE come back. Alex, I can’t live without you! Come on!” I begged while taking a break. But nothing. I felt for his pulse, praying to find one. But even this had
disappeared. I slumped down and started sobbing.In that moment, I could hear sirens wailing. A paramedic came running and gently pushed me aside. He bent down to Alex and screamed for something that sounded like “defibrillator”. I broke down, crying into the earth, begging for Alex to be alive again. I couldn’t live without him. I just couldn’t.

The other paramedic ran to us, holding a bizarre object which I recognized as a defibrillator from various hospital series I’d seen. I looked away, burying my face into the ground. Someone shouted “He’s breathing” and my head snapped up. Alex.

They put him on a stretcher and lifted him into the car. I looked at him, he was wearing some kind of mask but his chest was going up and down. I broke down in relief, a sobbing mess on the ground. My head felt like it would float away and things got blurry. What a weird feeling.
I woke up in a hospital room right next to Alex. He was breathing but not awake. I sat up and noticed the IVs in my arms. Annoying. I looked at Alex longingly. A nurse came into the room.
“Mr Barakat? Is this your friend?” she asked.

“Boyfriend actually. How is he doing?” I asked. I saw her eyes widen in surprise but she controlled herself quickly.

“He is suffering from an overdose of tranquilizers and he’s currently in a medically induced coma. We will probably wake him up later today or tomorrow,” she explained. I started crying, with relief on the one had but pain on the other. Why had Alex overdosed? And why in the middle of an otherwise peaceful neighbourhood? Had he wanted to die? Why had he not told me about him feeling suicidal? It hurt to think he didn’t trust me enough.

One of my arms was IV-free so I reached over to his bed. I touched his hand and rejoiced in the warmth of it. I was so glad he was alive.

Notes

I'm so sorry omg but he's alive!! c:

-Laura