Fear of Falling Apart
I Wanna Start By Letting You Know This, Because Of You, My Life Has A Purpose
Alex~
I walk home with Jack, still feeling a bit awkward. I don't know why things have gotten so awkward so quickly. I guess I just feel uncomfortable. Can't blame me. I have cuts and scars all over me that people could see. They just haven't noticed yet.
I glance at Jack and he looks at me. We haven't talked yet. What is there to talk about? We're both completely different.
I cut; he doesn't. I refuse to eat; he doesn't. I'm suicidal; he isn't. I'm gay; I'm pretty sure he's straight. I'm insecure; he probably isn't.
He's perfect! I guess that's why I like him. Not like... love. He's sweet and he's so determined to get to know me more! I don't know who'd want to know me, but okay.
"Alex..." Jack sighs as we walk into the house. "Will you tell me... Why... You did... you know what?"
"Um, I guess." I sigh. We run up to his room and I plop onto his bed. "Okay... I started cutting after my brother died a little over two years ago. My dad left soon after and my mom was pulled into a deep depression where all she does is drink the pain away. I've been basically on my own to take care of myself."
He just looks at me, not knowing what to say. Figures. There's no real way to respond to that unless you say 'I'm sorry! I'm sure it'll get better' but he knows I don't need to hear that. I bite my lip looking around. This just got real awkward.
"So... Music. Who do you listen to?" I ask, picking up his guitar in the corner. He looks at me taken aback by the sudden subject change.
"What?"
"Music. Who do you like to listen to?" I ask, strumming random chords on his guitar.
"Umm... Blink-182, Green Day, Yellowcard. Bands like that." He says, shyly. I smile at him. He's cute. Like... Really cute. "What about you?"
Why does he have to be straight? Goddamn it. I bite my lip and try not to zone out. SPEAK!
"Oh. Um... same bands." I say with a smile. He smiles.
We sit there staring at each other with nothing to say. I see him bite his lip and begin strumming again.
"So you play too?" Jack asks. I nod. "Can you play 'Anthem Part Two' by Blink?"
"Yeah. I can sing it too." I say. He smiles and nods. So I start:
Everything has fallen to pieces,
Earth is dying help me Jesus
We need guidance, we've been misled, young and hostile, but not stupid.
Corporate leaders, politicians, kids can't vote, adults elect them
Laws that rule the school and workplace, signs that caution, sixteen's unsafe.
We really need to see this through, we never wanted to be abused
We'll never give up, it's no use, if we're fucked up you're to blame
Let this train wreck burn more slowly, kids are victims in this story
Drown our youth with usless warnings, teenage rules they're fucked and boring
We really need to see this through, we never wanted to be abused
We'll never give up, it's no use, if we're fucked up you're to blame Everything has fallen to pieces,
Everything has fallen to pieces,
Everything has fallen to pieces,
Everything has fallen to pieces,
Everything has fallen to ...
We really need to see this through, we never wanted to be abused,
We'll never give up, it's no use, if we're fucked up you're to blame!
I finish and look at Jack. He smiles at me. I feel butterflies and hand him his guitar.
"You're really good!" Jack says. I shake my head.
"Yeah right." I mutter. He puts his guitar down and looks at me.
"You are. You're better at singing than I am. Guitar? I'm better." He laughs.
"Probably." I laugh. "Let me see you play. Play 'Rockshow' by Blink-182."
"Alright." He says. When he finishes I smile.
HE'S AMAZING!! I watched his face the whole time. He was so focused the whole song. It was cute.
Jack~
Alex and I are finally going back to talking about other things and not being awkward. The thing is... I'm developing a crush on Alex and I'm straight.
How could Alex make me rethink my sexuality? I'm straight! I've had girlfriends! He looks at me, flipping his fringe out of his eyes. I smile at him and he stands up.
"We should go do something instead of sitting here staring at each other." He suggests. I nod and stand up.
"Can we go watch Home Alone?" I asks, my face lighting up. He laughs and nods. "YAY! C'mon!" I shout, running downstairs.
We spend the rest of the night watching all the Home Alone movies and I never once noticed I had cuddled up to Alex during the first one.
I walk home with Jack, still feeling a bit awkward. I don't know why things have gotten so awkward so quickly. I guess I just feel uncomfortable. Can't blame me. I have cuts and scars all over me that people could see. They just haven't noticed yet.
I glance at Jack and he looks at me. We haven't talked yet. What is there to talk about? We're both completely different.
I cut; he doesn't. I refuse to eat; he doesn't. I'm suicidal; he isn't. I'm gay; I'm pretty sure he's straight. I'm insecure; he probably isn't.
He's perfect! I guess that's why I like him. Not like... love. He's sweet and he's so determined to get to know me more! I don't know who'd want to know me, but okay.
"Alex..." Jack sighs as we walk into the house. "Will you tell me... Why... You did... you know what?"
"Um, I guess." I sigh. We run up to his room and I plop onto his bed. "Okay... I started cutting after my brother died a little over two years ago. My dad left soon after and my mom was pulled into a deep depression where all she does is drink the pain away. I've been basically on my own to take care of myself."
He just looks at me, not knowing what to say. Figures. There's no real way to respond to that unless you say 'I'm sorry! I'm sure it'll get better' but he knows I don't need to hear that. I bite my lip looking around. This just got real awkward.
"So... Music. Who do you listen to?" I ask, picking up his guitar in the corner. He looks at me taken aback by the sudden subject change.
"What?"
"Music. Who do you like to listen to?" I ask, strumming random chords on his guitar.
"Umm... Blink-182, Green Day, Yellowcard. Bands like that." He says, shyly. I smile at him. He's cute. Like... Really cute. "What about you?"
Why does he have to be straight? Goddamn it. I bite my lip and try not to zone out. SPEAK!
"Oh. Um... same bands." I say with a smile. He smiles.
We sit there staring at each other with nothing to say. I see him bite his lip and begin strumming again.
"So you play too?" Jack asks. I nod. "Can you play 'Anthem Part Two' by Blink?"
"Yeah. I can sing it too." I say. He smiles and nods. So I start:
Everything has fallen to pieces,
Earth is dying help me Jesus
We need guidance, we've been misled, young and hostile, but not stupid.
Corporate leaders, politicians, kids can't vote, adults elect them
Laws that rule the school and workplace, signs that caution, sixteen's unsafe.
We really need to see this through, we never wanted to be abused
We'll never give up, it's no use, if we're fucked up you're to blame
Let this train wreck burn more slowly, kids are victims in this story
Drown our youth with usless warnings, teenage rules they're fucked and boring
We really need to see this through, we never wanted to be abused
We'll never give up, it's no use, if we're fucked up you're to blame Everything has fallen to pieces,
Everything has fallen to pieces,
Everything has fallen to pieces,
Everything has fallen to pieces,
Everything has fallen to ...
We really need to see this through, we never wanted to be abused,
We'll never give up, it's no use, if we're fucked up you're to blame!
I finish and look at Jack. He smiles at me. I feel butterflies and hand him his guitar.
"You're really good!" Jack says. I shake my head.
"Yeah right." I mutter. He puts his guitar down and looks at me.
"You are. You're better at singing than I am. Guitar? I'm better." He laughs.
"Probably." I laugh. "Let me see you play. Play 'Rockshow' by Blink-182."
"Alright." He says. When he finishes I smile.
HE'S AMAZING!! I watched his face the whole time. He was so focused the whole song. It was cute.
Jack~
Alex and I are finally going back to talking about other things and not being awkward. The thing is... I'm developing a crush on Alex and I'm straight.
How could Alex make me rethink my sexuality? I'm straight! I've had girlfriends! He looks at me, flipping his fringe out of his eyes. I smile at him and he stands up.
"We should go do something instead of sitting here staring at each other." He suggests. I nod and stand up.
"Can we go watch Home Alone?" I asks, my face lighting up. He laughs and nods. "YAY! C'mon!" I shout, running downstairs.
We spend the rest of the night watching all the Home Alone movies and I never once noticed I had cuddled up to Alex during the first one.
Notes
Awwwwww cute!i hope you guys like this!
-Jenna
title credit: Simple Plan; This Song Saved My Life
Thank god for a plot twist
5/6/14