Fear of Falling Apart

~Alex

We’d been in California for about two week when my dad finally arrived. I had actually forgotten he was still coming. I felt kind of bad about it, but at the same time I’ve been having the time of my life here. I didn’t realize that two weeks had passed until he arrived.

It was a lot of hard work; we spent so many hours a day practicing. Keith was a real task master, but we improved so much in two short weeks, so it was worth it. We had to have ever tiny detail of every song perfected before we were even allowed near a recording booth. That by itself kind of sucked, but it was necessary. But at least we weren’t going to release something shitty.

I’ve started to notice all of the little personality details and idiosyncrasies of my friends since we’ve been spending so much time together. Take Rian for example. That boy brushes his teeth to the point of it seeming obsessive compulsive. He also has these weird rituals that he has to follow daily. Which-as Evan pointed out to me- is borderline serial killer behavior. We’re a bit concerned about our potato headed friend.

Zack does some weird shit too, but he’s not as bad as Rian. He just really cares about health and nutrition and working out. Which is fine, it’s just annoying when he looks at us as if we’re stupid when we eat something not healthy. He also can’t watch a movie without eating something. That caused him to get really sick when we had a Lord of the Rings marathon one day. It was really funny if you ask me.

And then, there’s Jack. That lovable little shit makes me so frustrated some days. It’s almost like he does it on purpose, like he knows what he does to me. Everything he does is just really fucking cute and a day doesn’t go by where I don’t want to rip his clothes off and ravish him. So yeah, all of the frustration is sexual, in a house full of teenage boys and parents. Woo.

I can’t really tell if Jack’s as ready for taking this huge step as I am. It’s not like we haven’t done stuff before. We’ve gotten off together a few times, just never gone all the way. If we ever get a night alone together, I plan on taking advantage of it. Even if he’s not ready to go all the way, we’d at least be able to do something. Which is a lot better than jacking off in the shower.

“Hey Alex,” I heard my dad call from downstairs, interrupting my slightly inappropriate thoughts. I was currently in my bedroom getting ready for some label party we’re going to tonight.

“Just a sec!” I yelled back, finishing up my hair.

As I speed-walked downstairs, I realized I was the only one even close to being ready. I heard the shower and Jack’s off-key singing coming from the bathroom. He was so intently belting the “na’s” in All the Small Things. I took a moment to fantasize about him moaning them out instead.

I got a bit carried away and ended up with a barely concealable boner as I finished my trek downstairs-awesome. I sighed heavily before entering the room my dad and Mrs. Barakat were, silently praying to get through this conversation with minimal embarrassment before going back upstairs to wank before leaving.

“Sup dad?” I asked, acting as natural as possible.

“Well it turns out that this party is 21 and over,” he said with a shrug, “So the crew, Joyce, and I are going to go for you guys.”

I rolled my eyes, “So you’re just leaving the four of us here?”

“Pretty much yeah,” Mrs. Barakat answered me, “Just, try not to break anything. We have to pay for any damages.”

I scoffed, “Four teenage boys? Wouldn’t dream of it.”

In response to that, Mrs. Barakat thumped me on the back of my head, “Get outta here Alex,” she warned, “And go tell Jack to stop singing, it’s giving me a migraine.”

I laughed and shook my head, “When are you guys leaving?”

“In less than a half hour I think,” My dad shrugged, “Just, don’t do anything stupid.”

“You have no faith in us dad,” I joked while walking out of the room, “We’ll probably just order pizza and watch some movies.”

~~~~

Ok, I may have unintentionally lied when I said what we’d be doing tonight. But in my defense, I really thought we’d be doing that. But here we are, 30 minutes after the adults left, getting ready for a party hosted by another band. I didn’t catch their name, but Rian was the one that talked to their bassist, who called us.

“Aleeex,” Jack whined, walking into the bathroom I was styling my hair in.

“What’s up baby?” I asked nonchalantly.

“I don’t feel like getting drunk tonight,” he complained, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind and resting his chin on my shoulder.
“No one said you had to,” I chuckled, “You can still have fun without getting smashed.”

“Don’t even wanna go,” he mumbled, tightening his grip on me, “Just wanna stay here with you.”

I shook my head and smiled down at him, “Whatever you want babe. We can just stay here if you want. I don’t have a problem,” I kissed his temple after I was done talking.

He sighed happily and I could almost hear him smile, “Love you Lex,” he said lazily.

“Love you too Jay.”

~~~~

When Jack asked me to stay with him, I imagined a night of cuddles and soft kissed. When Zack told us to use a condom when we said we were staying, I hit him in the chest and scoffed; not thinking anything would happen.

But I’ve been wrong before, and I’m wrong now. Because here we are, sprawled on top of my bed, forcefully making out and shamelessly groping the other’s already bare chest. I don’t know how far we’re going to go tonight, but one can only hope for the best… Can you really blame me for being perpetually horny though? I’m a 17 year old boy with a sexy as fuck boyfriends. Totally not my fault at all.

I stifled a moan and tugged on Jack’s hair when he nipped at my neck. I couldn’t help but lay my head back; effectively giving him more neck access. I’d definitely be covered with hickeys tomorrow. Not that I’m complaining or anything, I can just imagine the awkward conversation with my father though.

I felt Jack’s hands working their way down my chest. Twisting my nipples, caressing my sides, fingers circling my naval; he did it all. When finished, he dipped them slightly beneath my pants; resting barely above the base of my member.

“Jack,” I tried to complain, even though it came out as a moan when he started massaging the area.

I ran my hands down his back and roughly squeezed his ass, causing him to yelp in surprise. In a sudden burst of strength, I rolled us over; pinning Jack on his back, straddling his waist. Looking straight into his eyes, I saw a dark pool of lust clouding his already chocolate colored eyes.

I smirked down at him and rolled my hips into his, rubbing together our jean clad erections.
“Lex,” he grunted, “If you’re going to do that, do it right.”

It was his turn to smirk as I shifted my weight off of his crotch enough to pull down his skinny jeans. He fidgeted underneath me; effectively wiggling them off all the way. I awkwardly leaned forward to dispose of my own jeans, leaving us both only in our boxers. I rolled my hips into his, creating much needed friction.

“Tell me what you want baby,” I hissed, trying to be seductive.

I rolled my hips down again, causing Jack’s answer to come out as a high pitched moan, “Urgh, fuck me Alex!”

I froze, unable to keep the grin off of my face, “Are you sure Jack?” I asked, just to make sure.

His face flushed to a deep crimson color, “Yeah… I mean, only if you want to… I just, I love you and I trust you…”

I leaned down and kissed him lovingly, “Of course I want to,” I whispered, “I love you too. Just, if you want to stop tell me ok?”

He nodded and smiled gently.

I quickly grew tired of the lovey stuff though and rolled my hips down again before rolling off of Jack completely. Along the way I rid the both of us of our boxers, leaving us both exposed to the other. I took a moment to really take Jack in; he truly is beautiful.

I reached into the nightstand and pulled out the half used bottle of lube-I get bored sometimes, sue me-and squirted some into my hand. Jack had sat in front of me; legs open. I took one of his ankles in each hand and put them over my shoulders to give myself easier access. In retrospect I probably should of asked him if he was comfortable, but hey, I was horny and about to lose my virginity. Can you really blame me?

I circled a lubed finger around his entrance and gently nipped his thigh before, well, entering. His face tensed up at the intrusion and I could feel his muscles tightening around my finger.

“You gotta relax baby,” I cooed, “If you can’t take this, how are we going to get to the good part?”

I could see him taking a few deep breathes to calm himself. It was working a little bit, I could feel him relaxing a bit. I took that as an invitation to start moving. I barely thrust my finger and curled it up oh so slightly. I repeated this process, moving a bit faster and adding another finger when Jack said he wanted one.

After sometime he squeaked out, “I’m ready Lex, no more prep.”

“Jack, are you sure?” I pressed, “It’s not too late to stop. We don’t have to do this tonight. I just want you happy.”

“Yes Alex,” he said seriously, “I want you inside of me. I want you to have my virginity.”

I smiled gently, “You’ll have mine too,” I muttered as I pulled out my fingers.

I leaned into him, generously spreading lube over myself. I want this to be as painless for him as possible. I’d never forgive myself if tonight went south. I lined up before looking up at him once more. He smiled and nodded, as if he knew I needed extra reassurance. So I did it, I pushed myself in.

Jack let out a strangled yelp, “Don’t move, don’t move,” he yelled, his face skewering in pain.

“Jack, I’m sorry!” I yelled, instantly feeling terrible.

“Shut up,” he grunted, “Just give me a minute. Knew it would hurt anyways.”

I nodded and sat still. I had to resist the urge to go further. He just felt so warm and tight and good. I had to bite my tongue to resist moaning. I can’t do that when he’s in so much pain.

Jack leaned forward slowly and nuzzled his face in my neck, “Go,” he whispered, “But slow at first.”

I did what he said, ever so slowing pulling back my hips before thrusting forward. He bit my shoulder as I did so, obviously not enjoying it.

“Uhn Jack,” I couldn’t help but moan, “You’re so tight and perfect.”

“Glad you’re enjoying it,” he mumbled, mouth still on my shoulder.

I stopped moving, “Do you want to stop?” I asked cautiously.

“How many times do I have to tell you?” he asked, “No I want to do this… Just… Hurry up and find my prostate. That should at least make if bearable if not good for me too.”

“I’ll try my best,” I promised as I started to thrust more, trying a different angle each time. I moaned every time; he just felt so good.

“Alex!” he screeched as I pushed in all the way, “There there! Again!”
I smirked largely, mission success. I obliged and rammed that special spot over and over. Smirking even larger as the younger-and hotter-boy squirmed in pleasure at my touch.

“Oh my god Lex!” he all but screamed, “Uhn, so good!”

I was just starting to feel the uncomfortable burning sensation in my gut what it happened;

“Alex,” he said, his tone much more serious than before, “Stop stop stop stop stop.”

I froze; heart beating wildly, stomach in my mouth, “Baby what’s wrong?” I questioned urgently.

He didn’t answer with words. He just pushed me away to the foot of the bed. Wincing as my member pulled out. He jumped off of the bed and waddled ran out of the room and into the bathroom across the hall, slamming the door shut. My mind was running a thousand miles a minute trying to figure out what went wrong. How could I have possibly hurt him? I’m a monster.

My thoughts were stalled when I heard what sounded like someone spilling out there guts, and judging by the fact Jack and I were the only ones here, I assumed it be him. I jumped out of bed and shrugged on my boxers and picked his up off the floor before going over there.

“Jack, are you ok?” I asked hesitantly while gently knocking on the door.

“Alex,” he groaned weakly, “Come here, I need you.”

That settled my mind endlessly as I slowly opened the door to the sound of puking. I saw Jack huddled in front of the toilet, one hand on the seat, the other supporting himself.

I rushed by his side, “Aw poor baby,” I cooed, rubbing circles in his back.

I saw tears running down his face as his stomach emptied. Eventually he was reduced to dry-heaving after he was out of the rejected food and liquid. When he was done completely, he collapsed away from the toilet into my chest.

My heart broke as he cried into my chest. I wrapped my arms around his lower abdomen tightly and kissed his forehead.

“I’m so sorry,” he whimpered, “I don’t know what happen. I just got really sick all of a sudden and needed to go. I can’t believe I ruined our first time!”

“Hey now,” I said gently, wiping the tears from his cheeks, “I’m far more concerned about you than sex right now ok? And I suggest you do the same. So how about this, you go lay in bed and I’ll get you some water and crackers from downstairs. Then we can cuddle for the rest of night? Sound good?”

He nodded quickly, “I love you Alex.”

“I love you too, more than anything.”

Notes

Raise your hand if you agree that this chapter sucks. We can all form a club, I'll even make cookies for our meetings.

I'm sorry, the holiday's make me crazy and I had to rush to get this done because tonight's the last night of 2013 that I have free and it's already so many days late. asdfashjkhgafga How do I life?

Title Cred: Mayday Parade- When I Get Home, You're So Dead (Oldie but a goody <3)

~Mary <3