It's Saturday morning and I'm curled up next to Jack on the couch. We fell asleep on the couch. My mom still isn't home. Surprise, surprise.

I sit up slowly, feeling a sharp pain in my stomach. I wince and remember my stitches.

"Fuck." I mumble. I stand up slowly and walk over to the bathroom.

I peel off my shirt and see the gauze. I open the medicine cabinet and grab pain killer. I examine the bottle.

How many of these would I have to take to end everything?

NO! No! No! I did not just think that! I mentally slap myself and pull out two pills. I swallow them and shove them into the cabinet, shutting the doors quickly.

I stand there, still surprised I thought that. I know yesterday I felt absolutely worthless, but Jack is here for me.

Or is he?

I can't know for sure, but he swears he'll never leave me. Then again my mom said the same thing, now where is she? Gone. Left. I'm alone. I deal with that pain everyday. My mom SWORE she'd never leave me alone. She's fucking gone! How can I be sure Jack won't do the same thing? I can't trust anyone like I used to before Tom died.

Tom's gone; dad left; my mom's a psycho; I'm a complete fuck up. Why the hell did I think I was recovering? I know I'm eating more, but why am I doing this to myself? Why am I-

I suddenly realize I had found my blade hidden behind the toilet and it's digging into my wrist. I pull back and throw the blade.

What is wrong with me?! I'm going insane! Why am I thinking like this? Why did I just dig that thing into my wrist?!

I wince as it starts to burn and the blood pools in my palm. For a minute I feel a sense of relief and I find my hand reaching for the blade again. Next thing I know I'm crying and the very next thing I know, someone is cradling me in their arms.

I know it's Jack. He pulls me onto his lap and kisses my head, saying comforting words as I clutch my bleeding arm.

"Alex, you were doing so well. What happened?" He asks quietly. I sniffle and look up at up. He wipes my eyes and glances at my wrist.

"I-I-I..." I can't find the right words to say. If I say 'I don't know, I just did' I'll sound completely stupid. If I tell him I can't trust anyone he'll feel horrible. What do I say? "I... I... Don't... Know."

I did it self consciously!! I didn't mean to!! TELL HIM! The voices in my head make things worse. Don't tell him. Tell him. It's all so confusing. I want to curl up and cry.

"I-I didn't mean to... It... I..." I feel tongue-tied and just lost. I can't even form coherent sentences. "The... Goddamn it!" I shout, literally hitting myself.

"Alex! Baby! Calm down." Jack says. He holds me closer, hugging me. "It's okay. I'm here now. Nothing can hurt you without hurting me. You're safe here."

I feel butterflies form in my stomach and hold him tightly with my one arm. I feel safer with Jack than anyone else.

"If you want to talk about this later we can. Want me to help you clean up?" He asks. I nod slowly. He helps me up and turns on the sink.

He gently grabs my wrist and gingerly splashes water over it. I reflexively pull my arm back as it starts to sting and burn. He kisses my cheek and tells me everything is fine. I nod and he puts my hand back under.

He takes my other hand and says I can squeeze it when it starts really hurting so he can change tactics. When he finishes cleaning it off, he finds gauze and wraps it.

A huge band-aid wouldn't fit over the giant gash in my wrist. it's not too deep, but it's a long, wide wound. He tells me to change and says he'll make breakfast.

I head upstairs and into my room. I shut the door and sigh. I rummage through my drawers and find a short-sleeved Blink shirt and throw it on along with a pair of black skinny jeans. I look in the mirror and groan.

Ugly.

I find my beanie and put it on. Tiny bit better. Before walking away, I spit on the mirror.

I head downstairs and see Jack leaning over the stove cooking what smells like bacon. I step off the last stair and Jack turns to me. He smiles and I walk over to him, sitting on the counter. He stands in front of me and I lean down to kiss him.

"You look cute today." He says. A smile spreads across my face and I blush.

"Do I?" I ask. He nods, standing between my legs and wrapping his arms around my waist. I smile at him.

"Yes. You do." He says. I smile again and kiss him. It lingers a minute before Jack pulls away to tend to the cooking food. "Hope you don't mind. Rian wants to hang out at his place. Something about starting a band. Zack's coming and we need our instruments so we'll stop by my house to get mine." He says. I smile.

It's cute when he babbles on and on about stuff. He glances at me when I don't say anything.

"If you want to!" He says, immediately after looking at me. I hop off the counter and wrap my arms around his waist, kissing him.

"Of course!" I say. He nods and smiles. "Is the bacon done? I'm starving." His smile widens when he hears that.

"You're eating again?" He asks, happily.

"Yeah. I'm just hoping none of it comes back up. That wouldn't end well." I mutter. He kisses my cheek.

After an hour I slip on a hoodie so my scar covered arms are covered. We get in the car and Jack glances at me.

"You should tell them soon."

"By soon you mean in five years right?" I ask. He giggles and I sigh, looking out the window.

"No. By soon I mean sometime over the month." He says. I sigh.

"I don't think that's necessary." I say. He rubs my knee before pulling out of the driveway.

We get to his house to grab his guitar and then head to Rian's. When we get there we get out of the car, I feel as though the temperature went up twenty degrees. "

"Jack, I'm so hot!" I mumble, leaning against him as we head up to the front door.

"I don't know what to say babe. You'll have to tell them today so you can take that off." He says. I sigh, feeling tears stinging my eyes. I can't tell them. They'll hate me and not want me in the band.

"But Jacky..." I whine. He knocks on the door and it opens, revealing Rian and Zack. "Hi."

"Alex? Aren't you hot?" Rian asks. I shake my head and look down. "Okay, well, it's air conditioned in here so you're both clear."

"Sweet!" Jack says. We follow him into the basement and I plop onto the couch.

"I play drums, Zack plays bass so I'm hoping you guys play guitar."

"We do." Jack says. "Alex can sing."

"Really?" Zack asks. I nod slowly, playing with the sleeves of my hoodie. "Can we hear?"

"S-sure... Name a song." I say, nervously.

"Umm... When I Come Around by Green Day." Rian suggests. I nod and sing it while Jack plays the guitar for it. When I finish they all clap. "You're awesome!"

Why does my mind say other wise? Since the incident yesterday, I hadn't really been thinking straight. All my thoughts are worthless and stupid and all I can think about is why I deserved what happened to me yesterday.

Why did I deserve that? Trick question. Pretty sure I didn't deserve it so fuck my life and everything. I can't trust anyone. I just barely trust Jack.

Why do I overthink so much? Goddamn.

"Thanks." I say, half-heartedly.

Jack can tell by the look on my face that I don't believe Rian or anyone, so I quickly hide it with a fake smile.

Damn he's going to be firing questions at me later.

Notes

Hope you guys like it so far!!:)
title credit: Carrie Underwood; Just A Dream
~Jenna
ps check out my new story "Scared" thanks