Walls
"Too much of anything is too much."
Dawn’s POV
It was like this everyday. Every fucking day. I was being shoved into lockers and pushed around and talked about.
I was having one of those days where you feel like nothing will go right. You feel like you’re fat and ugly and stupid and it would just be better if you were dead. I always hated days like this, but it made sense that I did have days like this. I was ugly. I may get good grades in school, but that didn’t make me smart. I couldn’t help but let the darkness engulf my head on some days. It was only natural.
I walked into homeroom to find that we were having the same sub again. Of course we would be having the same sub! The whole school wanted to make fun of me! It was only natural to pick the sub that always falls asleep!
I went to my seat and sat down. The other students started talking about me again. Why can’t they just leave me alone? Why can’t they see me for me? Why must they continue to pick on me? Why must they continue to tease me? WHy must they make my life a living hell every damn day?
I couldn’t take it anymore. The calligraphy pen in my bag was tempting me. Was I going to fall for it? Was I going to allow myself to be taken over by the blood that has been on it’s mental tip?
Yes.
I couldn’t stop myself. I got up and asked to go to the bathroom like I always did when I needed to get out of this hell hole even if it was only for a few minutes. My feet quickly took me down the halls. I took turn after turn. It was like the building didn’t want me to leave. It was some kind of labyrinth. Finally, I made it. I could see the exit. I walked through it.
I escaped.
I found myself heading towards the stands on the football field. It was hard to believe that I had been there just yesterday. It felt like I hadn’t been there in years. It felt like I hadn’t done the deed in years.
I had to do it again.
I went up to the feet that I always sit in and then pulled out my pen. I looked it over. This writing utensil was my friend. This object understood me. It gave me what I always needed.
Our friendship was written in my blood.
The very tip of it was now resting on my wrist. For some reason, I wanted to carve on the bottom instead of the top. Did that mean that I was getting closer to getting over the fear of ending my life? Did that mean that I was ready to die?
Tears ran down my face as the tip ran across my flesh. I deserved this. I was a nobody. I didn’t deserve this life. I didn’t deserve anything. It would just be better if I was dead.
A single tear fell off my face and onto the wounds.
“Dawn, are you ok?”
I wasn’t expecting anyone to come. This startled me which led me to accidentally stab my wrist with my pen. “Shit.” The crimson started to flow, and it wouldn’t stop.
Of course, it just had to be him again. Jack came running up the stairs to me. “Are you ok?” I didn’t want him to see it, but it was way too hard to hide. He eyes looked down at my bloodied hands. “Holy shit. W-We have to get you some help.”
The blood was causing me to start to lose consciousness, but it was still easy to see the worry and fear in his eyes. I didn’t understand why it was there. “Who do you care? You don’t. You just want to be seen as a hero.”
I still didn’t understand any of this. Jack was looking at me with disbelief. “I do care.”
“Why? I’m nobody.”
“You’re not nobody. You’re smart and talented and beautiful.”
“No I’m not.”
“Yes you are.”
“Prove it.” I couldn’t believe it. He did prove it. His lips touched my softly. Was I dreaming? There was no way that this was real. The kiss may have been short, but I could still feel his emotions spilling out. I just couldn’t believe it.
“I’m going to call 911 now.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed the numbers. I didn’t know what he was telling them. I was on the edge of passing out. My eyelids started to become heavy. They were too heavy to keep open, and my body was too heavy to keep up right. “Please stay awake. You need to stay awake.” My eyes were now closed, but I could feel everything. It felt like Jack wrapped something around my wrist. His shirt? That was the only cloth that he had on him. I could also feel him putting me in his lap and holding me up as he kissed me again. “Please stay awake.”
Was my sister going to miss me? Were Mom and Dad going to miss me? Were the kids at school going to feel bad? Was Jack going to miss me...
All of these questions started to fill my head.
That was when I passed out.
I was a child again. I was crying for some reason in the corner of my room. Why was I crying? That’s right. That was the first day that I was made fun of. They laughed at me because I wanted to wear one of my costumes on the first day of school.
I was dressed up like Batman. Batman was cool, and I thought that dressing like him would help me. Maybe it would help me be stronger and allow me to make some friends. That wasn’t the case though. They all started laughing the second that I walked into the room. I wanted to go back home, but Mom wouldn’t let me. I was going to have to stay with all of the mean kids.
I remember the teacher chuckling when she saw me. I remember the kids pointing and laughing. I remember wanted to hide into a ball. I remember a certain boy.
At lunchtime, a boy with big eyebrows, ears, nose, and eyes walked over to me and sat down. He had this really goofy grin on his face. At first I thought that he was going to make fun of me too when I saw him putting his hand towards me, but he wasn’t pointing at me. He wanted me to shake his hand. I did so which caused him to smile even bigger.
“What do you have to eat?” he asked me.
“Peanut butter and jelly,” I answered.
“Cool. I have some cookies if you want some.” He took a cookie out of his bag and gave it to me. “Batman is really cool by the way.” I nodded. “What’s your name?”
“Dawn.”
“Pretty. I’m-”
“Jack!” a group of boys shouted when they walked up to him. “I thought we told you to not talk to her. She’s weird. What kind of person would dress up like Batman to go to school? Besides, if she was going to dress up she should have dressed up like a princess or a stupid fairy. Batman is for boys.”
“Girls can like him too,” I tried to defend myself.
“No they can’t. Come on Jack. If you don’t hang with us, we’re going to make fun of you too.”
The boy that I just found out was Jack looked down at his hands and then slowly nodded. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled.
Back then, I thought he was talking to them, but I now I see that he was talking to me. Perhaps, he has liked me all along...
What have I done?
It was like this everyday. Every fucking day. I was being shoved into lockers and pushed around and talked about.
I was having one of those days where you feel like nothing will go right. You feel like you’re fat and ugly and stupid and it would just be better if you were dead. I always hated days like this, but it made sense that I did have days like this. I was ugly. I may get good grades in school, but that didn’t make me smart. I couldn’t help but let the darkness engulf my head on some days. It was only natural.
I walked into homeroom to find that we were having the same sub again. Of course we would be having the same sub! The whole school wanted to make fun of me! It was only natural to pick the sub that always falls asleep!
I went to my seat and sat down. The other students started talking about me again. Why can’t they just leave me alone? Why can’t they see me for me? Why must they continue to pick on me? Why must they continue to tease me? WHy must they make my life a living hell every damn day?
I couldn’t take it anymore. The calligraphy pen in my bag was tempting me. Was I going to fall for it? Was I going to allow myself to be taken over by the blood that has been on it’s mental tip?
Yes.
I couldn’t stop myself. I got up and asked to go to the bathroom like I always did when I needed to get out of this hell hole even if it was only for a few minutes. My feet quickly took me down the halls. I took turn after turn. It was like the building didn’t want me to leave. It was some kind of labyrinth. Finally, I made it. I could see the exit. I walked through it.
I escaped.
I found myself heading towards the stands on the football field. It was hard to believe that I had been there just yesterday. It felt like I hadn’t been there in years. It felt like I hadn’t done the deed in years.
I had to do it again.
I went up to the feet that I always sit in and then pulled out my pen. I looked it over. This writing utensil was my friend. This object understood me. It gave me what I always needed.
Our friendship was written in my blood.
The very tip of it was now resting on my wrist. For some reason, I wanted to carve on the bottom instead of the top. Did that mean that I was getting closer to getting over the fear of ending my life? Did that mean that I was ready to die?
Tears ran down my face as the tip ran across my flesh. I deserved this. I was a nobody. I didn’t deserve this life. I didn’t deserve anything. It would just be better if I was dead.
A single tear fell off my face and onto the wounds.
“Dawn, are you ok?”
I wasn’t expecting anyone to come. This startled me which led me to accidentally stab my wrist with my pen. “Shit.” The crimson started to flow, and it wouldn’t stop.
Of course, it just had to be him again. Jack came running up the stairs to me. “Are you ok?” I didn’t want him to see it, but it was way too hard to hide. He eyes looked down at my bloodied hands. “Holy shit. W-We have to get you some help.”
The blood was causing me to start to lose consciousness, but it was still easy to see the worry and fear in his eyes. I didn’t understand why it was there. “Who do you care? You don’t. You just want to be seen as a hero.”
I still didn’t understand any of this. Jack was looking at me with disbelief. “I do care.”
“Why? I’m nobody.”
“You’re not nobody. You’re smart and talented and beautiful.”
“No I’m not.”
“Yes you are.”
“Prove it.” I couldn’t believe it. He did prove it. His lips touched my softly. Was I dreaming? There was no way that this was real. The kiss may have been short, but I could still feel his emotions spilling out. I just couldn’t believe it.
“I’m going to call 911 now.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed the numbers. I didn’t know what he was telling them. I was on the edge of passing out. My eyelids started to become heavy. They were too heavy to keep open, and my body was too heavy to keep up right. “Please stay awake. You need to stay awake.” My eyes were now closed, but I could feel everything. It felt like Jack wrapped something around my wrist. His shirt? That was the only cloth that he had on him. I could also feel him putting me in his lap and holding me up as he kissed me again. “Please stay awake.”
Was my sister going to miss me? Were Mom and Dad going to miss me? Were the kids at school going to feel bad? Was Jack going to miss me...
All of these questions started to fill my head.
That was when I passed out.
I was a child again. I was crying for some reason in the corner of my room. Why was I crying? That’s right. That was the first day that I was made fun of. They laughed at me because I wanted to wear one of my costumes on the first day of school.
I was dressed up like Batman. Batman was cool, and I thought that dressing like him would help me. Maybe it would help me be stronger and allow me to make some friends. That wasn’t the case though. They all started laughing the second that I walked into the room. I wanted to go back home, but Mom wouldn’t let me. I was going to have to stay with all of the mean kids.
I remember the teacher chuckling when she saw me. I remember the kids pointing and laughing. I remember wanted to hide into a ball. I remember a certain boy.
At lunchtime, a boy with big eyebrows, ears, nose, and eyes walked over to me and sat down. He had this really goofy grin on his face. At first I thought that he was going to make fun of me too when I saw him putting his hand towards me, but he wasn’t pointing at me. He wanted me to shake his hand. I did so which caused him to smile even bigger.
“What do you have to eat?” he asked me.
“Peanut butter and jelly,” I answered.
“Cool. I have some cookies if you want some.” He took a cookie out of his bag and gave it to me. “Batman is really cool by the way.” I nodded. “What’s your name?”
“Dawn.”
“Pretty. I’m-”
“Jack!” a group of boys shouted when they walked up to him. “I thought we told you to not talk to her. She’s weird. What kind of person would dress up like Batman to go to school? Besides, if she was going to dress up she should have dressed up like a princess or a stupid fairy. Batman is for boys.”
“Girls can like him too,” I tried to defend myself.
“No they can’t. Come on Jack. If you don’t hang with us, we’re going to make fun of you too.”
The boy that I just found out was Jack looked down at his hands and then slowly nodded. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled.
Back then, I thought he was talking to them, but I now I see that he was talking to me. Perhaps, he has liked me all along...
What have I done?
Thanks you! You just made the rest of my day. I hadn't had a comment on this story before you did even on mibba, so thank you very much!
12/17/12