Hold On Till May
104 Days Before - Continued
The first day of school went by faster than expected, but some parts were slow because both Aurora and Alex couldn't stop thinking about the talk they were going to have after school. Alex needed to tell his other best friend what was going on with his Princess, but he didn't know how to put it into words - mainly because he didn't want to think that Aurora was harming herself still. Jack didn't need to know this early, especially if it was urgent. Zack, Jack, and Rian would probably cry if they found out what was going on with her all over again. No joke, they would cry actual tears knowing that they couldn't save their friend. "Fuck," Alex muttered under his breath as he stepped foot into Aurora's car.
After dropping off Jack, you could cut the tension between Alex and Aurora with a knife. They didn't say a word because they were both thinking the same things. Finally, they got to her house and headed straight upstairs. Alex plopped himself down on the girls bed and rested against the headboard. Upon seeing this, Aurora got angry for no reason. "Shoes off, boy." Yes master, Alex thought. She rolled her eyes and plugged her iPod into the speakers and let Lovedrug's album Everything Starts Where It Ends album take her away in an instant.
Alex let out another sigh. He didn't want to talk. He just wanted to hold her close and make all of her troubles go away immediately. Aurora climbed up next to her friend and cuddled close to his side, resting her head on his chest. Her favorite sound was his heartbeat, it made her feel calm and collected.
"Why?" That's all Alex could choke out. One single word. A master with words and he couldn't think of anything to say or ask.
"A boy, the future, my parents, my childhood, etcetera." Aurora hid her depression well, almost too well. Her only happiness came from seeing and hanging out with the boys - there was no other way around it. When Aurora was 13 her dad died in a car crash; he was an alcoholic, but he was also her best friend. After his death, her mother went into a spiraling depression and still hasn't come out of it. She never leaves her bed, she doesn't clean the house, and she doesn't have a job anymore. On top of that, she treats her daughter like an invisible ghost. The future scared Aurora shitless. She thinks that she'll be a failure, she thinks that the boys will leave her behind and forget about her once they hit the big time, and she also thinks that she'll never get what she truly wants in life.
"A boy, huh?" Alex questioned her. He almost didn't hear the rest of her list because it stuck out like a sore thumb. Aurora never had a hard time with getting the guys she wanted, but there was one in particular that she couldn't have. That boy, you ask? She was currently laying in his arms. Somehow she had fallen for her friend. Little did she know that Alex was the same exact way. Neither of them know when it happened, but both could relate to John Green's quote: "I fell in love the way you fall asleep: Slowly, and then all at once." There was no other way to explain it other than they needed each other and no one them as well as they knew each other. Every trouble, every thought, every worry, every angry rant.
"Yes," Aurora laughed at her own stupidity. Suddenly she felt her self-confidence shrink because she knew she shouldn't of said that. Alex's jealousy wasn't on his face or in his voice, but it was deep down that struck a chord. "I just can't have him when he's all I've ever needed." Another stupid thing to say. For goodness sake, they were best friends. Why did she have these feelings? Good Lord, you're stupid, Aurora scolded herself.
"Who is it?" Alex wouldn't look down at her, he just stared blankly across the room.
"I'd rather not say." Aurora closed her eyes tightly.
"Alright," Alex's voice was stony. "I wanna see your legs, arms, and tummy, Princess." He finally looked at her and could see the fear in her face. The tears came surfacing up into her eyes as if she was a little kid being tortured. Finally, she stood up and headed into her closet to grab a pair of shorts. Alex closed his eyes so his friend could change. Finally, she took off her cardigan and came to stand by the side of her bed. Alex couldn't believe how bad it was as she lifted up the fabric of her shorts and her shirt. The wounds were deeper than they had ever been and they almost looked infected. He also noticed that her ribs and hipbones were sticking out for no reason. She looked frail. The scars were a deep crimson that matched her skin tone in a nightmarish way. They weren't beautiful like she was, they were monstrously ugly. How could such a pretty girl be in such pain? Alex motioned for her to go put her jeans and cardigan back on since he couldn't bare the sight of the wounds any longer.
"You're trying to kill yourself this time." Alex let his thoughts leave his mouth and regretted it instantly.
"Why do you think that?" Aurora was offended.
"You're going deeper than you've ever gone. If I couldn't help you back then, how the fuck am I supposed to help you now? I can't save you from your own self, Aurora! All I can do is listen and hope to God that you don't fucking kill yourself. You know what I would be without you? I'd be nothing. Absolutely nothing." Alex's breathing increased.
"I'm not trying to die, Alex." Aurora wasn't sure if she was more pissed off at him or more hurt by his words. Sometimes she wanted to die, but sometimes she knew that some people would be devastated by her loss.
"Bullshit!" Alex screamed louder than the stereo. His anger got the best of him, but he threw his arms around Aurora's shoulders and held her close, kissing her on top of the head. "I don't believe you," he whispered into her hair, but he knew everything that Aurora was doing and everything that she thought. "Please don't leave me," his voice almost sounded like a dry sob, a quiet screaming. No tears were produced, but Alex knew his life would never be the same without his Princess.
If you are the voice inside my head,
that's fine with me
I'll turn down the bed
You cannot control me from the other side
No, you will not control me from the other side
Here we go again, love
Here we go again
By your side I can't pretend anymore
Now everything starts where it ends
After dropping off Jack, you could cut the tension between Alex and Aurora with a knife. They didn't say a word because they were both thinking the same things. Finally, they got to her house and headed straight upstairs. Alex plopped himself down on the girls bed and rested against the headboard. Upon seeing this, Aurora got angry for no reason. "Shoes off, boy." Yes master, Alex thought. She rolled her eyes and plugged her iPod into the speakers and let Lovedrug's album Everything Starts Where It Ends album take her away in an instant.
Alex let out another sigh. He didn't want to talk. He just wanted to hold her close and make all of her troubles go away immediately. Aurora climbed up next to her friend and cuddled close to his side, resting her head on his chest. Her favorite sound was his heartbeat, it made her feel calm and collected.
"Why?" That's all Alex could choke out. One single word. A master with words and he couldn't think of anything to say or ask.
"A boy, the future, my parents, my childhood, etcetera." Aurora hid her depression well, almost too well. Her only happiness came from seeing and hanging out with the boys - there was no other way around it. When Aurora was 13 her dad died in a car crash; he was an alcoholic, but he was also her best friend. After his death, her mother went into a spiraling depression and still hasn't come out of it. She never leaves her bed, she doesn't clean the house, and she doesn't have a job anymore. On top of that, she treats her daughter like an invisible ghost. The future scared Aurora shitless. She thinks that she'll be a failure, she thinks that the boys will leave her behind and forget about her once they hit the big time, and she also thinks that she'll never get what she truly wants in life.
"A boy, huh?" Alex questioned her. He almost didn't hear the rest of her list because it stuck out like a sore thumb. Aurora never had a hard time with getting the guys she wanted, but there was one in particular that she couldn't have. That boy, you ask? She was currently laying in his arms. Somehow she had fallen for her friend. Little did she know that Alex was the same exact way. Neither of them know when it happened, but both could relate to John Green's quote: "I fell in love the way you fall asleep: Slowly, and then all at once." There was no other way to explain it other than they needed each other and no one them as well as they knew each other. Every trouble, every thought, every worry, every angry rant.
"Yes," Aurora laughed at her own stupidity. Suddenly she felt her self-confidence shrink because she knew she shouldn't of said that. Alex's jealousy wasn't on his face or in his voice, but it was deep down that struck a chord. "I just can't have him when he's all I've ever needed." Another stupid thing to say. For goodness sake, they were best friends. Why did she have these feelings? Good Lord, you're stupid, Aurora scolded herself.
"Who is it?" Alex wouldn't look down at her, he just stared blankly across the room.
"I'd rather not say." Aurora closed her eyes tightly.
"Alright," Alex's voice was stony. "I wanna see your legs, arms, and tummy, Princess." He finally looked at her and could see the fear in her face. The tears came surfacing up into her eyes as if she was a little kid being tortured. Finally, she stood up and headed into her closet to grab a pair of shorts. Alex closed his eyes so his friend could change. Finally, she took off her cardigan and came to stand by the side of her bed. Alex couldn't believe how bad it was as she lifted up the fabric of her shorts and her shirt. The wounds were deeper than they had ever been and they almost looked infected. He also noticed that her ribs and hipbones were sticking out for no reason. She looked frail. The scars were a deep crimson that matched her skin tone in a nightmarish way. They weren't beautiful like she was, they were monstrously ugly. How could such a pretty girl be in such pain? Alex motioned for her to go put her jeans and cardigan back on since he couldn't bare the sight of the wounds any longer.
"You're trying to kill yourself this time." Alex let his thoughts leave his mouth and regretted it instantly.
"Why do you think that?" Aurora was offended.
"You're going deeper than you've ever gone. If I couldn't help you back then, how the fuck am I supposed to help you now? I can't save you from your own self, Aurora! All I can do is listen and hope to God that you don't fucking kill yourself. You know what I would be without you? I'd be nothing. Absolutely nothing." Alex's breathing increased.
"I'm not trying to die, Alex." Aurora wasn't sure if she was more pissed off at him or more hurt by his words. Sometimes she wanted to die, but sometimes she knew that some people would be devastated by her loss.
"Bullshit!" Alex screamed louder than the stereo. His anger got the best of him, but he threw his arms around Aurora's shoulders and held her close, kissing her on top of the head. "I don't believe you," he whispered into her hair, but he knew everything that Aurora was doing and everything that she thought. "Please don't leave me," his voice almost sounded like a dry sob, a quiet screaming. No tears were produced, but Alex knew his life would never be the same without his Princess.
If you are the voice inside my head,
that's fine with me
I'll turn down the bed
You cannot control me from the other side
No, you will not control me from the other side
Here we go again, love
Here we go again
By your side I can't pretend anymore
Now everything starts where it ends
