I Did Something Bad - Comments, page 2

@aweirdkindofyellow
Yes, I would really appreciate it if you continue to give me tips, I love criticism as well, as long as it's constructive! Oh no, that's what I feared, switching tenses is one of my writing pet peeves, so I'll work on that. I'm actually not new to writing, I wrote a story for a show I was a fan of last year, but I am new to writing in first person and in present tense, and it's ruining my life haha. It's also a little hard for me because English is not my first language, but I'll definitely work on that!

@idkhbtfm
20-40 is quite long... all those stories are around 100 chapters long, so it might be a bit too long xD
I'm excited for you to continue.
If you want, I can also continue to give you tips. If you do, continue reading, if you don't, stop reading my comment now. I personally love it when people help me improve my writing, it's how I learned a lot, but some people absolutely hate it.
I did really like the chapter, but your tenses keep switching. I did the same exact thing when I started (and it makes me cringe when I read my own old stuff now). It's super tempting to write thoughts in present tense even if the story itself is in past. Try to avoid that. Even the thoughts are in the past unless the narrator is literally thinking back at the time when you are writing. So, like, say I write something about somebody back in the 1980s from this characters perspective. If the character is thinking in the 1980's, it's in the past. If the character is thinking about it now, 2018, it would be present. Do you get the difference? I had trouble making sure I kept doing right myself.

@aweirdkindofyellow
wow, 20-40 chapters sounds nice! But I wanted to write a short story, actually this one won't be too long. I thought I had planned out everything exactly, but I'm also considering other things I can do with it, so I guess I'll just see what happens. Thanks for your comments, you have really made me think about this story!

@idkhbtfm
5 chapters isn't that bad, I easily spend 20-40 chapters before the actual relationship starts xD But then again, I tend to overdo how many chapters I have unless I plan everything out exactly.
It makes sense to want to leave it out to keep to focus, though. A prequel is also always fun.

@aweirdkindofyellow
hello! yeah, I actually had written how they met and started dating, but that was like 5 chapters long before it got into this, which I wanted to be like the main theme, so I just figured that after I finished this story I'd post it as a prequel or something, but I will consider what you say and try to put a little more background of their relationship on the next chapters. Thanks for the tip, I do want to make this story easy to read so I will fix that, also thanks for reading :)

I'm intrigued... unsure how to feel because the relationship with Jack hasn't been established yet, but intrigued. I'm sure I'll be able to understand her dilemma if everything's explained a little more in the next chapters.
(Also, small tip, not something you have to do. Italicize all the text messages, I got a little confused what her thoughts were and what the messages were at one point)