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Break your little heart - Comments, page 3
More I need more!! Lol It's a really good story! At first I was annoyed at Jack for asking about her parents, but it's just his personality and he didn't really know it was a bad thing to ask so I let it go.
@Jack Bakarat
I love that movie too and I watched it the day b4 writing this so it was in my head lol x
@Jack Bakarat
Yeah it just popped into my head it is a hsm reference it seemed to fit lol and thank you.
This is pretty good so far. I'm really enjoying it. Plus the picture you used for Carlie is fucking amazing. I love Taylor Momsen and The Pretty Reckless
I'm going to be honest, because I know how feedback can make a change.
This is pretty good so far. But make sure you don't switch up your tenses! Everybody does it on accident sometimes, but make sure you either write it in the present of in the past, not both together. It makes it a bit confusing to read. Also, I know this is the first chapter, but don't rush everything. It's better to have to split up a chapter in two than rush through an entire day to fit the length you want. And one last thing, try to start your sentence with something other than pronouns, it will make the whole thing flow better and sound more creative. Sometimes a simple switch can make a big difference.
I hope you'll be able to make an awesome creative story out of it, though, and not have it be too much like most fanfics (which is really difficult, I don't even think my stories are original and different).
I look forward to see how things go.
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Awww it's so sweet that he'd rather spend all his money on Carlie than on food!
6/17/16