Infinity

Come Monday, I was sent to an outpatient facility to discuss my options, but it would start with a ct scan. I took Alex, so they would know about my cancer treatment and for support, of course.

“How’s my badass girlfriend doing today?” Alex asked as we walked inside.

“Anxious, but optimistic. I just wanna know how I’m gonna fight this.”

“It’s so good to see you have an amazing attitude.” Zack said, kissing my cheek.

I smiled.

“I second that.” Alex said, kissing my other cheek.

Once I gave my name, I sat next to them while I waited to be called. When I had to go in for my scan by myself, I was bummed, especially since it would take about half an hour and I couldn’t move.

“Here’s hoping they’ll let me listen to good music in there.” I said, hugging each of them.

"I'm sure they will." Alex said with the biggest smile.

I had to don a paper gown which I'm sure the guys would've loved. Lying still in such a confined space for that amount of time wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be, but it would've been better with Alex and Zack in the same room. While I was in there, I thought about what I would say to my parents about me having breast cancer because what else was there to do? It was something I planned on doing today which would tie for the second most-nervewracking task for the day. I managed to get through it with flying colors. I couldn't have been happier to see them after I spoke with my oncologist one more time.

"Hey. How it'd go?" Zack asked, hugging me.

"Good, but I'm not going to know my results for at least a few days."

"No radiation treatment, yet." Alex added.

"Yet." I said, nodding.

"Sure that time'll fly by."

Alex. Ever the optimist.

“I agree. Oh, I wanna tell my parents. I know we don’t know how far it has or hasn’t spread, but they need to know.”

“Today?”

“Absolutely.”

When we arrived home, it was nearing twelve and I wanted to tell them before I even ate lunch. The guys thought I should wait till after, but I just had to. Instead of putting it on FaceTime, I simply decided to do via speakerphone; it’d be hard enough and I didn’t want to see their faces when I tell them.

“Hey, honey.” my mom answered.

“Hey, Mom. Is Dad there? I want to talk to him, too.”

“Is everything okay?”

I sighed.

“Well... could you just get him, please?”

My heart was pounding against my chest, threatening to come out.

“Hi, baby girl. What’s going on?”

“Hey, Dad. Um... this is tough for me to say and it’s something I thought would never happen.”

I looked over to Alex and Zack who both nodded.

“Jessie. What’s wrong?”

“I - I have breast cancer.”

There. I said it.

The silence was deafening; it went on for a good six seconds.

“Mom? Dad? Are you there?”

“But, you’re 28. How is that possible?” my mom said.

“It just is. I’m part of the 5% of women who are diagnosed with it before the age of 40.”

I started to breathe heavily.

“It’s okay.” Alex whispered, rubbing my back up and down.

“What type do you have?”

“They think it’s Type 2B. I had a CT scan today. They’ll see if it spread to any lymph nodes.”

“How’d you find out anyway?” my dad asked.

“Found a lump on one of my breasts and a biopsy less than two weeks ago.”

“When does your treatment start?”

“I don’t know.”

I was suddenly feeling tired.

“Well, let us know if you need anything. Okay?”

“Okay.”

We spoke for maybe another minute before I hung up.

“I’m taking a nap.” I announced.

“Jessie?” Zack asked.

“You guys can join me if you’d like.”

After a minute, I was under the covers and my eyes were drooping. I heard a knock on the door, but I didn’t respond as I was half-asleep; the door opened anyway.

“Babe?”

It was Alex.

“Come here.” I mumbled.

I maneuvered myself somewhat onto his body and fell asleep. I woke to an additional arm around me that belonged to Zack, but I honestly didn’t wanna move from this amazing sandwich that I just happened to be a part of.

“Feeling any better?” I heard Alex ask.

That’s a question I was expecting to be asked when I’m on treatment, not now. I slowly opened my eyes.

“If you mean rested, then yes.”

“I mean both.”

“Yes to both.” I said, not even moving my head.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Alexander.”

“Jessalyn.”

I moved my head and glared at him.

“Why don’t you believe me?”

“Could you two argue somewhere else?” Zack murmured.

“I’m talking about her well-being.”

He perked up and sat straight up.

“What’s up?”

“He doesn’t believe me when I said I’m feeling rested and better.” I said.

"Well, I know I just woke up, but given that phone call, I agree with him."

"What a surprise."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You guys have been together for over ten years. Why not take his side?"

"Jessie. You're not being fair, here."

"I'm being unfair? Tell me why."

"We care about you and you know it's true. I don't know how you could possibly be okay right now."

I opened up my mouth and came up with nothing.

"You're right."

"What was that?"

"You heard me. Now, shut the fuck up."

"There's my favorite potty mouth." he said in a baby voice.

Alex started to laugh.

"You, too."

They continued to be annoying and cute until I smiled.

"So, now that you're in a good mood, how do you think that phone call went?" Alex asked.

"As well as could be expected with that kind of news. I'm just not looking forward to telling them if cancer spread to some of my lymph nodes. It has to be enough hearing that your daughter has breast cancer at such a young age."

I was sitting upright at this point.

"They'll be fine."

"They're gonna be anxious as fuck though. They're emotional people."

"So, that's where that trait comes from."

I hit him in the shoulder and laughed. That day somehow went well, and all I had to do was wait for those results no matter how painstaking it would be.

Notes