I Have to Let You Down

Alex

My eyes opened only to be blinded by the sunlight and close again. I woke up at against my will because my phone wouldn’t stop ringing. I sighed and grabbed it off of the coffee table without looking and answered it.

“Don’t tell me you’re just now getting up.” My mom scolded me.

“Of course not.” I said and a groggy voice and sense her rolling her eyes at me.

“Anyways, your father and I have that charity event today, remember? I need you to come get Alexa before one O’clock.” She told me, and I pulled my phone from my face to look at the time. It was only noon.

“Okay I’ll be there in twenty minutes.” I said.

“Thank you. I’ll see you when you get here.” She said and hung up.

I sat up and stayed seated on the couch so I could fully wake up. I surprisingly didn’t have a hangover from last night. I had built up a strong tolerance from all the drinking we did while touring.

Cass and Jack were probably still sleeping off their hangovers. I needed a car to get Alexa from my parents and I was not asking Jack. I didn’t really want to talk to him right now after last night and he probably did have too much to say to me either. He basically said it was my fault that we broke up when, in reality, I was the one fighting for us to stay together. And we always fight about this, every time I’m back from tour this argument always happens. It just usually happens before I leave for tour so we have time to cool off before seeing each other again. This time was different since I still had a lot of days to stay here left. I needed to leave before Jack came out of his room, I wasn’t in the mood to argue more.

I got off the couch and went to clean myself up in Cass’s bathroom. She was still asleep so she didn’t hear me walk in anyways. I put some clothes on and the went to Cass to ask if I could use her car.

“Cass.” I said and shook her. “Cassadee!” I tried again, and she whined.

“Whaaat?”

“Let me borrow your car.” I said.

“What?” She repeated.

“Let me borrow your car.” I said again and she looked at me though partially opened eyes.

“And why the fuck would I let you do that after what you made me do last night?” She asked, and I tried my best not to laugh.

“Come on, I was drunk, I didn’t know what I was doing.”

“You knew exactly what you were doing. So fuck off.”

“I have to go get Alexa from my parent’s house.”

“. . . Alright fine. Wait why can’t you use Jack’s?”

“It’s a long story.” I sighed.

“My keys are in my purse.” She pointed over to her purse on her dresser. I went over and picked it up and brought it to her. “You couldn’t dig them out yourself?” She grumbled.

“I don’t go in women’s purses.” I stated and she rolled her eyes and handed me the keys.

“You’re gonna have to get her car seat outta Jack’s car. His spare key is in the first kitchen drawer on the left.” She told me.

“Thank you.”

“Yeah.” She mumbled and laid back in her bed going to sleep.

I found Jack’s spare key then I left to get the car seat and then get Alexa. Luckily Jack’s car wasn’t far from Cass’s so I didn’t have to carry the seat far away. I got into Cass’s small Honda and drove to my parents house. They were just finishing up getting dressed when I walked in.

“Daddy!” Alexa exclaimed when she saw me walk in.

“Hi Babe.” I picked her up and kissed her on the cheek she also made me kiss that stuffed unicorn of hers too. “What charity event are you two going to?” I asked my parents.

“It’s one they set up at my job for the local children’s hospital.” My dad told me.

“Oh that’s nice.”

“Yeah, we’re going to go there and then go grocery shopping so I can make pot roast. Why don’t you come have dinner with us?” My mom asked.

“Yeah I should. I might have to stay here for the rest of my time here too.” I said.

“Why? What did you do?” She accused.

“Nothing! For once I did nothing. It’s Jack, he’s so...I don’t know we started arguing about whose fault it is that we broke up again-“

“-I knew it was a bad idea for you to stay with him. You should just stay with us and Alexa can stay with you while you’re here.”

“I don’t want to stay with my parents.” I whined and she rolled her eyes at me. “All the guys are staying with friends so they won’t have to stay with their parents.” We usually only stayed with our parents during the holidays.

“They’re staying with friends not their ex.” She told me.

“And what’s wrong with staying with us?” My dad asked.

“You guys are too controlling.”

“That’s because we won’t let him come in at all hours of the night.” My Mom said and I chuckled. “You should get an apartment that you can comeback too.” She scolded me.

“That’s a waste of money, mom, I’m only going to stay there a few weeks to months out of the year.”

“Well get one with Rian and Zack so you all can split the rent.” She suggested. It still seemed like a waste of money, but I told her I would look into it.

I didn’t want to make them late so I left to take Alexa back home. I wasn’t in a rush to get back there. I stopped at a nearby donut shop to get donuts for Alexa and I. I decided we might as well eat here too to kill some time. I got donuts for myself and donut holes for Alexa and then I found a table for us to sit at.

“Did you have fun with grandma and grandpa?” I asked Alexa and she nodded.

“Grandma and I watched Paw Patrol.” She said.

“This morning?” I asked.

“Yeah! And-and I took a bath, but she didn’t have toys.”

“Your dad didn’t pack any duckies for you.”

“No. I had bubbles but no toys.” She said sadly, and I tried my best not to laugh at how serious she was.

“Well next time I’ll remind him to pack them for you.”

“Okay. Where’s Dada?”

“He’s at home sleeping.”

“Is he sick?” She asked and I chuckled.

“No baby, he’s just really sleepy.” She accepted that answer for now and we finished our donuts. I decided to be nice and get a dozen of donuts for Cass and Jack for when they woke up.

There was nowhere else for us to go after we left the donut shop so we went back to Jack’s place. Maybe Jack was still sleep and I could drop Alexa off and have Rian come get me and I could spend the day with him.

When I made it to the apartment and walked inside, Jack and Cass were sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee trying to wake themselves up. I looked over to Jack but he didn’t look angry or annoyed with me. He greeted Alexa and I and then walked over to me.

“Are those donuts?” He asked and pulled the box from my hands.

“Um yeah.” I said, confused. I thought he would be ignoring me. Cass came over to grab donuts out of the box too.

“This place is a mess.” Cass said while looking at all the cups and junk around the place. The floor and counter tops were also sticky from the few drinks that spilt.

“Yeah we’re going to be cleaning all day. This isn’t how I wanted to spend the day before I have to go to work” Jack sighed.

“Are we swimming?” Alexa asked hopefully. Jack and I had promised to take her this weekend and she didn’t forget.

“Not today, Bunny.” Jack told her, and she frowned. She did look a lot like me when she frowned.

“But-but you and Daddy said!” She reminded us. I honestly didn’t think she would remember.

“We can go later on this week, Babe.” I said and she shook her head.

“Today!” She demanded.

“We can’t, Bunny.” Jack told her and she huffed and crossed her arms.

“Timeout!” She exclaimed, and Jack and I looked at each other.

“What?” He asked and Cass laughed.

“You go’ timeout.” She walked over to the kitchen table and tried to pull the chairs out but she was too small.

“I’ll help you.” Cass told her and got up to move two chair to face the wall.

“Timeout.” Alexa repeated and pointed to the chairs for us.

“You want us to go to timeout?” I asked, and she nodded.

“Beats hearing her cry about not going swimming today.” Jack whispered to me. “How long do we have to sit there?” Jack asked her.

“Ummm one minute.” She said, and I chucked.

“One minute!” I said with a fake attitude. “How are we supposed to sit still for one minute?”

“Two minutes!” She increased the time like Jack did when she complained about having to go to timeout.

“Two minutes? That’s even worse!” I continued, and Jack hit me.

“Three minutes!” She threatened, and I laughed.

“Alex please stop.” Jack chuckled.

“She can only count up to three. She doesn’t know what’s after that.” I shrugged.

“Ummmm.” Alexa hummed and looked up to Cass cause she didn’t know what the next number was.

“How about we make them stay in timeout for five minutes. We can set the timer on my phone.”

Cass told her.

“Okay.” She said. Cass set the time and let Alexa press start. Then Jack and I went to sit down in our chairs. “No talking.” She told us. I wasn’t going to let her get used to having all this power.

“Let’s go watch TV while we wait for them to serve their sentence.” Cass joked.

“We created a monster.” Jack joked once they were gone. I nodded, not wanting to talk to him while alone. I still didn’t get why he wasn’t ignoring me.

“She probably got that side of her from me.” He continued, and I turned to him.

“Why are you talking to me?” I asked, and he looked confused.

“You’re actually taking this timeout seriously?” He questioned, and I sighed.

“No, I mean after what happens last night, why are you talking to me. Why aren’t you ignoring me or avoiding me for that matter?”

“Because we were both drunk and we shouldn’t of even been talking about that while drunk. I should have just gone to bed and left you alone.” He said, and I nodded. “You thought I was mad at you? Is that why you asked Cass to borrow her car instead of taking mine?” He asked.

“Yeah. I thought you were going to kick me out.” I admitted, and he chuckled.

“Okay, well no I'm not going to kick you out and no I’m not mad at you. I’m actually enjoying you being here...for now?” He mumbled, and I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Really?”

“Yeah, Cass and I barely do fun things on the weekend, so it was nice to have you here to make us come out of our shells.”

“It was nothing.” I brushed it off and he smiled. It was a relief to hear that everything was okay between us. I didn’t feel like going through the hassle of finding somewhere else to stay. Also, I wanted Alexa to keep enjoying being able to spend time with Jack and I.

We waited out the rest of our time in silence. Cass’s alarm finally went off and Jack and I got up. Alexa walked over and looked up at us.

“I’m sorry we didn’t keep our promise, Bunny. How about we go to the pool tomorrow, when I get off, for an hour. It won’t be crowded on a Monday.” Jack said, and I agreed.

“Yeah tomorrow will be much better.” I co-signed.

“Promise?” She asked.

“Promise.” We both said.

*****

~The Next Day~

“Why did I say we could go after I get off?” Jack whined as fell down in his bed.

“I don’t know but now we’re going. Unless you want to go to timeout again.” I teased, and he flipped me off.

“I need help!” Alexa said as she walked in holding her swimsuit. She had been holding it all day waiting on Jack to get home.

“Alright. Come here.” Jack sighed, and she happily ran over to him.

“Can you at least sound happy about this? She’s been waiting all day to go swimming.” I chuckled, and he put on a fake smile and began helping her change.

“Where’s Cass?” He asked.

“Changing into her swimming suit.”

“She’s going too?”

“Yep and she invited some dude.”

“Blake?”

“Sure.” I shrugged. I wasn’t really paying attention to his name.

“Good, I want to meet him.”

“Is that her new boyfriend?” I asked.

“Just some guy she’s been seeing.” He shrugged. That was code for ‘fucking.’

“You guys are soon going to turn this place into a whore house with how many random guys you bring in here.” I joked and he gasped and covered Alexa’s ear. I knew he was going to let me have it.

“Fuck you. How many girls and guys have you all fucked on that tour bus?”

“Zero.” I answered truthfully.

“Bullshit.”

“No really, because we have a rule of no sex on the bus. Now hotel rooms are a whole ‘nother story.” I laughed.

“You all are fucking pig.” He uncovered Alexa’s ears and pulled up her swimming suit top. “There now you’re all done, Bunny.” He told her, and she cheered. Her swimming suit was a one-piece Little Mermaid outfit.

“Daddy look!” She exclaimed, wanting me to comment on it.

“I see it Babes, you look very pretty.” I said and kissed her on the cheek and she thanked me.

“Where’s yours?” She asked Jack.

“I’m going to change right now. As soon as your perverted father gets out of my room.” He said while looking at me.

“There’s no part of your body that I haven’t seen, licked, or touched.” I gloated, and he threw a pillow at me.

“Don’t talk like that in front of your fuc-freaking daughter.” He scolded me, annoyed that he couldn’t curse free with Alexa here. “I swear I never curse until you come around.”

“She’s barely three. She doesn’t know what half of the words I said mean.” Plus, I spoke faster with Jack than I did with her, so she probably couldn’t even catch all the words I said.

“She’s like a parrot. She will repeat things.” He said, and I rolled my eyes.

“Come on, Alexa let’s go pack our snacks for the pool.” I picked her up and Jack flipped me off as we walked out. “One day you’re going to wake up with both of your middle fingers missing if you keep flipping me off.” I threatened, and he got up and closed the door on me.

“He’s mad at you.” Alexa told me, and I chuckled.

“That’s just his weird way of saying he loves me.”

I carried her to the kitchen and grabbed a drawstring bag to put out food and drinks in. Alexa and I walked to a gas station earlier and bought mostly junk food. Jack would be pissed if he found out we had chips for breakfast. But she had cut up hotdogs for lunch so she did have real food today. I was doing a great job keeping her entertained on my own. I didn’t have anything planned for us to do for the rest of the time I was here with Alexa when Jack was at working. I didn’t really know what three-year old’s like. I guess I could keep winging it, that was working well so far.

“How do I look?” Cass walked out wearing a bright pink swimming suit that said Barbie across her chest.

“Aw I didn’t know they made those in adult women sizes.” I said, and her smile turned into a frown.

“You know what? I’m not going to let you get to me today. I look great, right Alexa?”

“Yes!” Alexa told her, and Cass stuck her tongue out at me. “Can Corn come swimming too?” She asked me.

“No, Corn is afraid of swimming. He told me last night.” I said and her eyes went wide. She looked like Jack when she did that.

“He didn’t tell me!” She gasped.

“Yeah it was while you were asleep. He didn’t want you to feel bad.”

“It’s okay Corn, you don’t have to come swimming with us.” She said to the stuffed unicorn sitting on the couch.

“You can tell him about how much fun you had when we get back.” I told her, and she nodded.

The doorbell rang a few seconds later and Cass threw on her swimsuit cover and went to go get it. She opened the door and hugged the guy there. I guess it was that Blake guy.

“Hey come on in!” She told him.

The guy walked in and I could finally get a good look at him. He had blonde short hair and he was pretty buff. He looked like the poster boy for any guy in a fraternity at any college. Cass walked him inside, so she could introduce him.

“This is um Jack’s daughter’s father, Alex.” She told him. “Alex, this is Blake.”

“Nice to meet you man.” He told me and stuck his hand out.

“Yeah definitely.” I said and shook his hand.

“And this is Alexa, the one you often hear talking in the background when we’re on the phone.” She said and he laughed.

“Hi Sweetheart!” He got down to her level to shake her hand too. Alexa looked up at me and I nodded to let her know it was okay. She always did that when around strangers.

“Hi.” She told him, now sounding quiet and shy.

Jack finally finished changing and walked out of his room and over to the kitchen where we were. He smiled at Blake and stuck his hand out for him.

“You must be Blake.” He said, and Blake nodded and told him ‘yes’. “I’m Cassadee’s roommate, Jack.” He introduced himself.

“Cass has told me so much about you.” He said. “Only good things.” He joked and they both laughed.

“Well how about we go down and swim before it gets too late.” Cass suggested, and we all agreed.

I grabbed the bags of snacks and floaties and followed everyone out the door. We had to take the elevator down to the first floor and then walk out to the pool area. As I predicted the pool was practically empty. There were only like three other families here swimming. We found an empty table to sit at and place our things at.

The pool went all the way up to six feet which I could barely stand in, so I was going to keep Alexa only in the below three feet section. I brought floaties for her arms too because all the news stories about kids drowning had me paranoid.

Alexa watched as Cass and Blake got in the pool and it made her more eager to get in. “Can we get in now?” Alexa asked. She tried to walk off, but I grabbed her hand.

“Wait! Babe, listen to me. You only get in the pool if your dad or I are getting in with you and we do not run by the pool. Do you understand?” I asked, and she nodded. “Tell me you understand.”

“I understand.” She told me.

“Okay. We have to put your floaties on first and then we can get in.”

“Look at you being all responsible.” Jack said, as I slid Alexa’s floaties on her arms.

“Better safe than sorry.” I said, and he agreed.

I grabbed Alexa’s hand again and we walked over to the pool together. We stopped at the stair steps and I got in before her to ease her down the steps.

“Damn this water is cold.” I said, and Jack chuckled. It was just going to take a moment to get used to.

“Alright, Bunny, walk to Daddy.” Jack told her. It reminded me of when we were first teaching her how to walk.

Alexa took a step down, while Jack held her hand, and she jumped as her foot touched the water. “It’s cold.” She giggled.

“It is but you get used to it. See I am!” I told her. She placed her foot in again and left it then she put the other one in. She continued to walk to me until the water went up to her knees. She stood in one place until her body got used to the temperature. Then she began jumping and splashing around while laughing. I smiled as I watched her play around in the water. She went a little farther, but I stopped her once the water reached her hips.

“I’m swimming!” She exclaimed, while flailing in the water.

“Yeah you got it.” Jack told her.

The water was barely up to Jack and my shins. We both stood watching her try her best to walk in the water. Her tiny legs were weak against the water. I chuckled as she reached for me to pick her up.

“Alright come on.” I picked her up. We walked until the water was at my chest and on her back while I held her. “I told you, you would want me to hold you while we swam.” I teased, and she giggled.

I walked around the pool while holding her on her stomach to let her imagine she was swimming. Even with the floaties, I was too afraid to let her go. We were only here for fifteen minutes before Jack and I looked over at Cass to see her and Blake getting out of the pool. She walked over to us looking a little down.

“Hey Blake and I are gonna go change and go back to his place.” She said when she reached us. Blake was gathering their things, so he couldn’t hear our conversation.

“But we haven’t been here long.” Jack told her.

“I know, but he has to work early and wants us to hang out at his house before it gets to late.”

“So he wants to have s-e-x?” Jack raised an eyebrow and she sighed.

“If so, what does it matter?” She asked, sounding kind of annoyed. I decided to stay out of this conversation out of fear of making it worse.

“I guess it doesn’t.” He shrugged.

“I’ll be back later.” She mumbled and began to walk away.

“Bye-Bye.” Alexa told her and she smiled and waved. She went over to Blake and they both left.

“I wonder what that was about?” Jack brooded.

“She’s probably tired of you nagging her.” I said, and he scoffed.

“If anything, I'm trying to help her. She’s the one who said they want a serious boyfriend and not some sexual fling.” He grumbled.

“I don’t think it matters. You can have sex with someone quickly and still be in a serious committed relationship.”

“What’s sex?” Alexa asked and I but my lip to keep from laughing.

“It’s a bad word and your Daddy should not be saying it.” Jack glared at me.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I won’t say it again.” I chuckled. “But I do think that’s possible.” I continued with our conversation and continued to walk around the pool while Jack followed Alexa and me.

“Yeah but not if you and the guy barely go out. If he just wants you to come over all the time so you can do it then that seems like a fling to me.”

“Yeah you would know.” I taunted.

“What does that mean?”

“How many times would you go running to Tony’s house when he would come calling?” Tony was the guy Jack first dated in high school before me. The guy he . . . lost his virginity to.

“That’s different. Tony and I were actually dating, and he was my first so of course I was eager to do those things with him. But I made him wait a full year before losing it to him.” He said, and I rolled my eyes. He was rounding up.

“You mean ten months?”

“It was close enough to a year.” He rolled his eyes and I chuckled.

“Yeah but you slept with me after our first date.” I smirked and he

“That’s because...” He took a deep breath as if it was paining him to say whatever was next. “I really wanted you to like me and I thought doing t-that with you would . . . make you like me more.” He admitted, and I shook my head.

“I liked you the second we met in Biology. I just didn’t want to seem interested while you were with Tony. He would have beat my butt if he thought I was trying to take you away from him.” It was getting easier to censor myself in front of Alexa. But when Jack and I first met, he was still with Tony. We both liked each other but it was complicated. So, after we hung out as friends for the first time, which lead to us making out, Jack decided to break up with Tony and get with me. We of course waited a few weeks before making it official to ease suspicion. Tony couldn’t do much anyways since he was still in the closet at that time. But leaving him for me was the best decision Jack ever made.

“Yeah he would have crushed your windpipe had he found out you liked me.” He gloated.

“My point is, we were still in a serious relationship despite us doing that on our first date and multiple times after.”

“Yeah but you did a lot for me, after our first date, that let me know it wasn’t just about s-e-x.”

“I did do a lot for you didn’t I? All my Rita Ice checks went to buying you whatever you asked for.” I reminisced. “‘Oh, Alex I just have to have this shirt or I’m gonna die! Oh Alex I saw the cutest watch at Fossil today, I need it! Oh Alex Jennifer’s boyfriend took her to the Brazilian Steakhouse last night. Why don’t you ever take me to places like that?’” I mocked him and he sucked his teeth at me.

“Are you finished?” He asked, and I laughed.

“Yeah I’m done.”

“My parents wouldn’t let me work like yours did. They only wanted to me to focus on school. And it’s not like I didn’t...make it up to you for spoiling me so much.” He defended turning red and looking away from me while I smiled at his embarrassment. The best blow job I ever got from Jack was when I bought tickets to a Blink 182 concert. He always made it worth it. “But yes like I said, you did a lot for me which is how I knew you actually liked me and not just wanted s-e-x.”

“Well hopefully he’s going things for Cass to show he wants to be with her, that we don’t know about.” I said and sighed.

“Yeah let’s hope.”

Notes

I'm changing parts of both of my stories so updates might not come as quickly as normal, but I'll try not to make you all wait as long anymore!