I Have to Let You Down

Jack

I felt like I needed to call Nano on my way home from work today. I haven’t been talking to him as much as I usually did, and I think Alex was to blame. He had a way of blinding me to certain things in my life. I didn’t want Nano to think that I had forgotten all about him or that something was going on between Alex and I. Especially now that I was thinking of giving him and me a chance. So I called him through my car while in traffic.

“Hey Jack!” He answered, happily and I smiled.

“Hey, what are you doing?” I asked.

“Nothing much. I’m getting ready to leave my office.”

“I just left work too and I wanted to call because I feel like I’ve been neglecting you.” I told him, and he chuckled.

“It’s cool. I know that Alex is in town and you want Alexa to spend time with you both.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I can’t make time for you too.” I said as I played with my fingers.

“Well if you have time today, some people from work are getting together and going out for drinks tonight. They’re bring their significant others and...you can come with me if you’d like.” He said shyly. I probably didn’t need to drink on a Tuesday night since I had work tomorrow, but I talked myself into it anyways.

“That sounds really fun. I’ll be there. What time?”

“I think they said seven. We’re gonna go to Crab Shack.” He told me and I exhaled happy that that bar and grill wasn’t far from my apartment.

I continued talking to Nano all the way until I reached my apartment. We just talked about our weekends and future plans for the week. I told him I would see him tonight and ended the call before walking in.

Thankfully Cass wasn’t home yet because I didn’t want to feel any awkward tension. We hadn’t really spoken to each other after her little outburst yesterday at the pool. I didn’t know what was going on with her, but I didn’t want to make things worse by saying anything else “wrong” to her.

I walked into the living room to see Alexa and Alex laid out on the couch in their pajamas still. There were toys and trash all over the floor. I rolled my eyes and stepped over all the mess to stand in front of them and block the TV.

“Hi Dada.” Alexa said in a quiet voice, thinking she was in trouble.

“Hi Bunny. Is this what you two did all day while I was gone? Watch TV?” I questioned, mostly Alex.

“We also played Barbies and video games too.” Alex said.

“Stop trying to turn my daughter into a slob like you. And clean up your mess.”

“We’ll do it later.” Alex sighed and stuffed his mouth with popcorn.

“Yeah later.” Alexa agreed and I raised an eyebrow at them.

“I said now.” I demanded.

“You just got home and the first thing you want to do is nag us to death?”

“Yes because I like to get off work and come to a nice clean home, not one where I can’t even see the floor.”

“We had to stay entertained somehow.” He complained, still not getting up to clean up the mess.

“Then go to the park or go see a movie. Don’t just sit in the house all day.”

“We were waiting on you to get home to go do something.” He said, and I smiled.

“That’s sweet but I have plans tonight.”

“Plans with who?”

“Nano. We’re going out with some of his co-workers.”

“Oh...well I guess Alexa and I will find something else to do.” He mumbled.

“Why don’t you take her to the park, after you clean up this mess of course.” I said and walked off to my bedroom. Now I was hating that I was giving up quality time with Alexa and Alex to go out for drinks. I wasn’t going to cancel on Nano though.

I kicked off my shoes and laid back in my bed to rest for a little while. Being on my feet all day was exhausting. I unlocked my phone and went to Snapchat to see what I missed today. I clicked on Alex’s story and saw the goofy selfies he and Alexa took with the different filters. I smiled to myself at how happy they both looked with each other. I began to hear Alexa’s tiny feet running down the hall until she made it to my room and struggled to get into my bed. I helped her up and she laid across my stomach.

“What do you want, Bunny?”” I asked and tickled her sides.

“I missed you.” She giggled.

“Awww I missed you too, Bunny! Come give me kisses.” I pulled her up to face me so I could kiss her all over her face.

“I love you!” She told me and I chuckled.

“You’re being awfully nice to me. What do you want?” I asked.

“Um can I um um borrow your car?” She asked, and I frowned. I was so sure Alex made her ask this ridiculous question.

“Borrow my car?? You can’t even drive!” I told her. “Did your dad put you up to this?” I questioned, and she shook her head. “Alex!” I called out for him.

“Yes?” He said innocently and walked into my room.

“Did you tell her to ask if ‘you’ could borrow my car?”

“No she was supposed to ask if she could borrow it.” He said, giving himself away. “I mean no.”

“Shut up. Where are you going?”

“I was going to take her to my parents’ house and chill with them for a little while.” He shrugged.

“Oh okay, yeah I don’t mind.” I told him.

“Can I have candy now?” Alexa asked and put her hand out to him.

“You bribed her?” I asked.

“Bribed is such a harsh word. I merely asked her to do me a favor in return for a reward.” He chuckled.

“Bunny, you can’t have any candy until all of those toys are cleaned up.” I said and she slid off my bed and ran to clean up, making me smile. “And you can’t borrow my car unless all that trash is picked up.” I threatened Alex.

“Yeah yeah I figured.” He left too to go clean up. I laid back in my bed to continue resting until I need to get ready to go out with Nano.

*****

“Uh two shots of Jack Daniel’s Honey, please.” I told the bar tender and she nodded. She poured both the shots and sat them on the bar for Nano and me. I paid and thanked her then I smiled at Nano as I slid him his. We had already been at the bar for an hour with his co-workers and so far he had two beers and I had two mixed drinks. I don’t know what made me think switching to shots was a good idea.

“What’s this?” Nano asked.

“It’s a shot. Take it.” I told him and picked up my own shot.

“No no no, I told you I’m done drinking. If I drink anymore, I won’t be able to get up for work in the morning.” He said and slid the drink back to me.

“That’s so lame. You’re going to make me take these by myself?”

“I’m sorry but I’m cutting myself off. Actually, I should cut you off too. You have to go to work also.” He said and I quickly picked up the shots and took them back to back before he could take them away.

“Ugh oh God that was a bad idea.” I coughed, and he laughed.

“No more.” He stated, and I nodded. I wouldn’t be able to get another shot down if I tried.

“No more.” I repeated.

We walked back over to the table where his coworkers were sitting. They were all very nice and easy to talk with, so it wasn’t awkward. I sat down next to one of his coworkers, Jessica, she was Nano’s cube mate. Nano tried to sit next to me but one of his other coworkers called him over.

“He’s so happy you came with him.” Jessica told me, and I smiled.

“Really?” I asked, and she nodded.

“Mhmm he likes you a lot. He’s been telling me about you since he met you. He just wasn’t sure of your feelings towards him.”

“I like him too. I just wasn’t sure if I was ready for a relationship at first. But now I want to give it a shot.” I told her. I could tell I had one too many drinks, because I didn’t like going too much in detail about myself with strangers.

“Well Nano is a great guy. You would be crazy to let him slip through your fingers.” She continued.

“Yeah.” I agreed and looked up to catch Nano looking at me. He smiled when I caught him, and I smiled back. “I would be an idiot to let that happen.” I mumbled, mostly to myself.

Nano walked back over once he was finished with his conversation. He sat next to me and grabbed my hand. I let him play with my fingers while holding my hand in his lap.

“I saw you being a creep and staring at me.” He joked, and I laughed.

“No, you were staring at me first.” I playfully argued.

“Well maybe that’s because I can’t get over how good looking you are. And how lucky I am that you actually give me attention. Even with an ex like Alex.”

“What’s that mean?” I giggled.

“He’s hot, Jack, anyone can see that. I’m just happy that you still want to spend time with me while he’s here.” He said.

“Awwwe that’s cute. But you have no read to be jealous of Alex. He is very very hot but his personality ruins it for me.” I said, and he chuckled. Alex is so God-damn attractive and his personality wasn’t really a turn off for me, I just told Nano that, so he wouldn’t worry. He really didn’t have anything to worry about with Alex and me. There was nothing going on between us. I reached over to kiss Nano and all of his coworkers began cheering. We pulled apart blushing, forgetting that we were here with other people.

“You wanna go?” I asked, and he nodded. Nano and I stood up and went to tell his coworkers goodbye. They weren’t staying too much longer either. Nano told them he would see that at work tomorrow and they all told me how nice it was to meet me. Then Nano and I walked out of the bar and to his car. Before he could start his car, I reached over and pulled his face to mine. I wanted him to know that I really liked him too. I just needed him to be more...like Alex for lack of a better comparison. Ugh I shouldn’t be thinking of Alex right now, but I couldn’t help it. His stupid toned arms, stupid toned stomach and chest, and let’s not forget his dumb beautiful face. I could feel myself get more turned on the more I thought about Alex while kissing Nano. I know that probably made me a horrible person, but as long as the thoughts stayed in my head, no one would ever know.

Nano and my innocent kissing quickly turned sexual. I began kissing down his neck hoping he would get the hint. He moaned and laid his head back so I could reach more of his neck. We weren’t under a light and his windows were tinted so luckily no one would be able to see us.

“We should get in the back so we’ll have more space.” I told him.

“Okay.”

I pulled away and climbed into the back of his car. He came behind me and I reattached our lips. Alex would have had my shirt off by now. I wanted this to be quick not romantic.

“Hurry and take your pants off.” I rushed Nano and his eyes grew wide.

“You um really want to do this here? In the back of my car? Where anybody can walk by and see us??” He questioned and I giggled. I guess he thought we just got in the back seat to make out.

“No one will see us. Your windows are tinted.” I shrugged and unbuttoned and unzipped my own pants. I haven’t had sex in months, so I was really craving this.

“Oh oh okay.” Nano breathed and slowly unbuttoned his pants. I huffed impatiently and moved his hands so I could do it for him. I was over the shy gentleman act. I wanted him to be rough with me.

“You’ve have had sex before, haven’t you?” I asked.

“Yeah of course.” He chuckled.

“Then why do you seem so scared to do this with me?”

“Because I don’t want to mess anything up with you. I want a relationship with you, not just some fling.” He grabbed my hands to make me stop and look up at him. “You understand right?”

“Yes, of course I do, and I want that too. I’m sorry, I’m just drunk and horny and we don’t have to if you don’t want.” I told him.

“Well now I’m kind of aroused so we probably should.” He blushed, and I laughed. He leaned me back and began sucking down my neck. I didn’t care about the hickeys I would have. I began pulling off the rest of my clothes and helping him out of his. Nano reached into his pocket and pulled out a condom. He didn’t have lube but the condom was pre-lubricated so I accepted it for this one time.

I laid back on my back and watched Nano place the condom on himself. I was about have sex with Nano but my mind kept jumping back to Alex and way he used to put a condom on before we had sex, except for the night that idiot got me pregnant. I usually did think about Alex much, but having him around me so much was bringing back feelings I didn’t want.

Nano settled between my legs and hovered right over me. I helped him line up with me and he took a deep breath before pushing in me.

"Oh my God." He moaned as I cried out in pain.

He leaned down to kiss me as he pulled out and pushed back in. The sound of us breathing hard and him thrusting into me filled the car. I placed my hands on his hips trying to pull him into me harder. He wasn’t fucking me hard like Alex used to.

“Shit.” I groaned out loud. I was so frustrated I couldn’t get my mind off of Alex. Nano kept going, not realizing my frustration. He bit down hard on my neck causing me to gasp. I ran my hands up Nano chest realizing that he had abs. He chucked and reached down to stroke me while thrusting into me.

"Fuck, you feel so good." He said and kissed me.

"I’m so close." I said against his lips and he moaned.

"I'm close too." He whispered.

I moved his hand and placed my own hand around myself and started stroking. Nano looked down, so he could watch me touch myself. I started moaning more as I got closer and his thrust became sloppy as he slowed down and finally came.

He stayed inside of me until I finished coming on my stomach. Then he pulled out of me reached over to get napkins from his glovebox. I laughed as I used McDonald’s napkins to clean myself up.

“You are really amazing.” He said out of breath.

“Thanks, so are you.”

We began getting dressed so Nano could take me back home. I attempted to put my shoes on but I was still kind of drunk, so I couldn’t even put them on my right feet. I just left them off and followed Nano back to the front of the car. He leaned over to kiss me before driving me home.

I smiled to myself as I saw my apartment building come into view. I desperately wanted to shower and go to bed. It was only nine pm but it was dark outside and I needed to sleep this alcohol off. Nano pulled into the parking garage and stopped in front of my building’s door.

“Thanks again for coming with me tonight.” He said, and I laughed taking it as a sex joke at first.

“Oh, thanks for inviting me. I had a lot of fun.” I said and kissed him.

“Sure thing! Call me when you get off tomorrow so I can know how work goes with that hangover you’re gonna have.” He teased.

“I’m not gonna have a hangover, but I’ll call you.” I chuckled.

“Okay, Good night, Jack.”

“Goodnight.” He leaned over to kiss me one last time and I got out and went inside.

I held my shoes in one hand and tried to use my key to unlock the door with my other. I thought I was sobering up but the second I got out of Nano’s car I could feel that there was still alcohol in my system. I cheered to myself once I got the key in the keyhole and unlocked the door. I tried to quietly come in just in case everyone else was sleeping. Alex was in the kitchen and looked over at me as I staggered my way in.

“You’re home later than you said.” He said from the pantry and I drunkenly giggled.

“I-I lost time of track. I mean time of track. Fuck, I mean track of time.”

“Wow and you’re wasted.” He chuckled.

“I might have had one too many.” I shrugged. I felt uncomfortable being alone with him after all the thoughts I had about him today. I just wanted to go to my room and get ready for bed.

He stopped what he was doing and looked at me more clearly. “And you’re covered in hickeys.” He observed.

“Pssh what are you? My dad?” I asked.

“No I just didn’t think marshmallow was the type to actually give out hickeys.” He shrugged.

“He does more than that. He gives orgasms too.” I joked, and I saw what I think was a hint of jealousy in Alex’s eyes. I think I might have taken it too far. He didn’t laugh or say a smart comeback like he normally would.

“That’s um. . . good to know.” He mumbled.

“Wait Alex, I shouldn’t have-“

“-No it’s okay, really. I’m just gonna head off to bed.” He closed the pantry door and left out of the kitchen.

Of course Nano wasn’t the first guy I’ve had sex with after Alex and I broke up, but I never really talked about the other guy in front of Alex, especially about sex. Alex probably never thought about me actually being with other guys. And I really shouldn’t care what he thinks since he’s slept with so many different people while on tour but for some reason I cared what he thought about me. I really wish I could put duct tape over my mouth to keep myself from talking, but I couldn’t. I opened my stupid drunk mouth and said something even worse than before.

“I was thinking of you the whole time.” I quickly covered my mouth, but it was too late. Alex had already stopped dead in his tracks. He turned around to face me, but I couldn’t read the expression on his face. He seemed as confused as I was but also sort of amused.

“You um you-“ I don't think he even knew what he was trying to say before I cut him off.

“-J-just ignore me. I’ve had too much to drink.” I placed my hand to my bright red face.

“Um okay.” Alex watched as I walked to my bedroom and shut my door. What the fuck was I thinking.

Alexa was laid peacefully asleep in my bed and I envied her. Maybe if I could just hurry up, shower and fall asleep I could get rid of this weird feeling in my stomach and forget about today.

Notes

I switched to the new iPhone without backing up my files (I write the stories on my phone) and I lost most of the chapters to this story and my other one I had already written :(( luckily I know the premise of most of the chapters so I can recreate them. Hopefully you're all still enjoying them!