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Everything is fine

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Trigger warning

Alex’s POV

I woke up before Jack and I quietly got out of bed and went to my bathroom and shut the door locking the door behind me and I went to where I hid my drugs and I got my bottle of pills out and took a couple before I put them back in their hiding spot and made sure that nobody can see them and I walked out the bathroom and Jack was just waking up.
“What you doing up this early?” Jack mumbled as he got him comfy and cuddled into my side.
“I needed a piss.” I said as I started to mess with Jack’s hair.
“You going back to sleep?” Jack asked quietly.
“Yeah, I’m going back to sleep.” I said quietly and Jack sighed loudly as I felt his breaths even out and I allowed myself to fall back asleep again.

When I woke up Jack wasn’t in bed so I got out of bed and went downstairs where Jack was in the kitchen cooking something.
“Something smells good.” I said and Jack jumped as he turned round and looked at me with a smile.
“Thought I would make you breakfast in bed.” Jack said and I smiled as I looked down the guilt slowly eating away at me and I was having a bad mental health day which didn’t help matters.
“You shouldn’t of done, anyway it’ll just be you eating as I’m not hungry.” I said and Jack stopped what he was doing and looked at me.
“What’s wrong?” Jack asked and I shook my head.
“Nothing is wrong, I’m just not hungry.” I said which made Jack frown at me.
“Why aren’t you at school?” I asked and Jack went back to sorting breakfast out.
“Because someone has to keep an eye on you.” Jack said and I frowned at him.
“Never asked you to be my fucking babysitter.” I said seriously.
“Well someone has too since you can’t be bloody trusted on your own.” Jack said as he turned back round to look at me.
“I never bloody asked you to look after me. I can look after myself, fuck sake Jack I’m getting better.” I said.
“You know what, prove it to me. Prove it to me that you aren’t back on the drugs and you are not relapsing back into anorexia and all your other problems you have.” Jack said as he walked past me.
“If you want to leave me completely then fucking knock yourself because you have finally realised how hard I am to be with and how disgusting I am!” I shouted and Jack stopped and looked at me.
“I don’t want to leave you Alex but I need a fucking break okay. You aren’t disgusting you’re anything but that.” Jack said as he stepped towards me but I stepped back as I shook my head.
“Just leave okay, I’ll be fine on my own.” I said trying not to cry.
“I can’t leave you like this Alex.” Jack said and I looked at him.
“Just fucking leave okay! I don’t want you here and it’s clear you don’t want to be here so just fucking leave!” I screamed at Jack and he was taken back a little but he turned round and walked out and once I heard the door shut I started to cry.

I was sat in the garden in the pouring rain with a bottle of pills in one hand, a joint which had gone out in the other and my arms and legs was bleeding badly.
The back door opened and shut and someone walking over and then I felt the rain off my skin.
“You need to come inside before you catch a cold.” I heard Jack say and I shook my head as I sniffed.
“No, I need to wait for death to finally come and take me away.” I sobbed as I looked at my joint but there was no hope on smoking it.
“Can’t let that happen Lex, come on baby please come inside.” Jack said but again I shook my head.
“You left.” I sniffed as I looked at Jack.
“But I came back didn’t I?” Jack asked quietly and I nodded.
“I want you to come inside for me please.” Jack pleaded quietly.
I stayed where I was and Jack stood up and I felt myself being picked up and Jack taking the pills out of my hand.
Luckily it was my antidepressants or the other drugs I was hiding.
Jack carried me inside and took me to my room and he sat me on the bed before he went over and grabbed the blanket I had and wrapped it around me and he knelt in front of me.
“I’m going to run you a bath and have a look at your arms and legs.” Jack said softly.
“Don’t bother.” I said quietly and Jack frowned at me.
“Why? Alex you are freezing and you are wet through. I need to do something so you don’t get sick.” Jack said and I shook my head.
“Just leave me alone.” I whispered and Jack again frowned at me.
“Alex you need me to sort you out.” Jack said.
“Fuck off and leave me alone! Just leave me alone!” I shouted in Jacks face.
Jack stood up and walked out the room but didn’t shut the door behind him and I got up and slammed the door shut and I span walked over to the bed and collapsed onto.

I don’t know how long it was but the door opened and shut and someone walked over to the bed and sat on the bed.
“Alex sweetie.” Mum said softly but I just ignored her.
“Alex come on don’t do this. We need to get you looked at.” Mum said and I shook my head.
“Don’t bother helping me.” I whispered as I sniffed and mum sighed slightly.
“Alex I can’t let you do this, I can’t cope with you being like this please go and get help for this. I can’t loose you Alex.” Mum said but I just ignored her again which made mum stand up and leave the room but again didn’t shut the door.
It wasn’t long afterwards someone else came into the room and sat on my bed.
“Baby, please don’t be like this.” I heard Jack say and I sighed loudly and rolled over to face him.
“I’m worried sick about you right now.” Jack said softly and I looked down.
I felt Jack lie down on the bed and him gently making me look at him.
“Talk to me baby, what’s going on inside that pretty head of yours.” Jack said and I shook my head.
“I’m a fucking let down. Why couldn’t you just let me die.” I said as more tears slowly rolled down my cheeks which Jack wiped away.
“Because I can’t do that to someone I care a lot about. As for being a let down you are not a let down, just someone who has very challenging demons to try an tame.” Jack said softly and I looked at him.
“Shell I go and run this bath for you?” Jack asked and I nodded which made Jack smile as he got off the bed and went to the bathroom, I just lead on the bed not wanting to move.
Jack walked back into the room and sat on the bed.
“Can you walk to the bathroom or did you want me to carry you?” Jack asked and I just stayed quiet which made Jack take the hint and I felt him pick me up and carried me into the bathroom.

Jack stood me next to the side and he reached towards my shorts and looked at me for permission and I nodded and Jack pulled both my shorts and pants down and offered me his hand so I could step out of them and then he picked me up and placed me onto the side where he quickly grabbed a towel and placed it over my thighs as he stood between my legs and gently lifted my top up and looked at me for permission which again I nodded and Jack gently pulled my top over my head being careful of my arms.
“Let’s clean those arms and legs.” Jack said softly and grabbed some stuff from beside me which I never noticed he put there.
“This is going to hurt a little okay, you’ve got a lot of dried blood on you.” Jack said softly and I nodded as I just watched Jack clean my arms and legs carefully.
“These are pretty deep Lex.” Jack said as he looked at me.
“Their only baby cuts.” I said quietly and looked down but Jack made me look at him.
“Baby cuts or not these are still deep. These need to get looked at by a nurse.” Jack said and I shook my head.
“No hospitals.” I said quietly and Jack sighed and pecked my lips.
Jack moved and turned the bath off and looked at me.
“Would you like me to join you?” Jack asked and I shrugged my shoulders as I didn’t know what I wanted right now.
“Okay, I won’t join you but I’ll be right beside you how about that.” Jack said and I just nodded as I watched Jack take his top off and he walked back over to me.
“Let’s get you cleaned up.” Jack said as he offered me his hand and I took it and Jack carefully walked me over to the bath and helped me get into the bath.

Jack was knelt down next to the bath and he started to mess with the water and bubbles which was covering what little dignity I had left.
“You left.” I whispered and Jack looked at me.
“I’m so sorry baby.” Jack said softly as he rested his hand on my face which made me look at him.
“If you want to leave then leave, don’t let me keep you from leaving.” I said quietly as I looked away from Jacks sorry looking eyes.
“Why would I leave you?” Jack asked and I sighed as I looked at him again.
“Because I’m nothing but damage goods, I’m a drug addict and I have so many problems that even I can’t cope with. How could anyone want to be with someone like me? I’m sending myself to an early grave here and I can’t stop myself from wanting to go to the early grave.” I said as a few tears rolled down my face.
“I’m completely and utterly broken Jack. Nobody like you should be with someone like me.” I said as I looked away from Jack.
“Lex, I don’t care, I don’t care about any problems you have. All I care about is you coming off the drugs and being happy with you life and not sending yourself to an early grave because nobody would want that.” Jack said and I sighed as I turned my head and looked at Jack.
“You should care.” I whispered and Jack looked down and he stood up and quickly took his jeans and pants off and looked at me.
“Move forward.” Jack said softly and I looked down and moved so Jack could get into the bath.
Once Jack was in the bath he gently pulled me back so I was leaning against him and Jack kissed my cheek.
“You are the best thing in my life, I love you a awful lot and I don’t want anything to happen to you.” Jack said quietly and I sighed a little.
“I don’t care about the scars, I don’t care about the problems you have. All I want you to know is that I am here for you and I will never judge you.” Jack said and I nodded just wanting to drop the subject.
“Want me to wash your hair?” Jack asked and I shook my head.
“No, I’m going to get out.” I said quietly as I stood up and put my hand on the wall for my balance as I carefully got out of the bath.
With the help of the wall and other things to hold on to I made it to the bed and I collapsed onto it.
“Lex you really should go to hospital.” Jack said as he followed me out the bathroom.
“I’ll be fine.” I said quietly as I felt myself fall asleep.
The last thing I heard was Jack shouting mum and Jack on the phone to someone before everything went black and silent.

Notes

Comments

I love this I can’t wait to see more and more!!

MeganLovesATL MeganLovesATL
7/24/18