The walk home wasn’t of as much trouble as Jack first thought. It took some time to get Alex on his feet, and, by the end of it, Jack was the one supporting most of his weight. Alex didn’t seem to mind at all – he’s practically clinging on to Jack as if hi life depended on it; as if he thought Jack was going to leave. Jack didn’t really want to think about the second part, because his mind was telling him to run; but he isn’t that person. He wouldn’t leave Alex.

Alex nearly slipped, and gasped as he faltered, gripping on to Jack for dear life. “I-it’s okay, Alex,” Jack stuttered, draping an arm around his shoulders. Alex looked up at him with scared eyes, and Jack gave him a small smile to reassure him. The younger took Alex’s hand and placed it around his waist, keeping a hand above it, making sure it stayed there. Alex eventually returned the smile and walked on, sighing in contentment, and resting his head on Jack’s shoulder.

“I’ve missed you,” he heard Alex whisper.

“That’s nice, Alex, but now’s not the time.”

He nodded, and held Jack closer to him. “I know. Just thought I’d tell you.”

Jack chose not to respond.

They made it to Alex’s car, and, surprisingly, Alex made no move to drive. He steered the two of them towards the passenger seat and got in. “Please hurry,” he said in a strained voice once his hand was free from around Jack’s waist.

“Home?”

“No, to the driver’s seat. I-I don’t like being alone.” He glanced down at his hands, biting his lower lip.

Jack had to resist the urge to give him a kiss right there. “Just keep your eyes on me, okay? Just so you know I won’t be going anywhere.”

Alex nodded, and Jack made his way to the driver’s seat, feeling Alex’s eyes on him the whole time, which made him move a bit faster. When he finally got to the driver’s seat, he gave Alex a grin, – score! Got one in return – started the car, and left the school, happy he didn’t have to deal with any traffic, seeing as how no one was around anymore. Not even the teachers.

He could still feel Alex’s eyes on him as he drove, and it made him tense. He wanted to say something, but he had no idea what to say. He knew it wasn’t a good time to crack a joke

“Did you want to listen to music?” he asked, hand already itching towards the button.

“No thanks.” It was silent for a moment. “Jack?”

“Hm?”

“Can I hold your hand? I mean, I know it isn’t safe for driving and everything, but…” He faltered after a while, and Jack could hear him sniffling already. “Oh, never mind. That was stup—“

Jack held out his hand, and cast a sideways glance at Alex, who was smiling softly. He felt the older boy’s calloused hand take his and give it a small squeeze before settling it on his own lap, and covering it with his other hand. Jack smiled back at him before diverting his attention back to the road.

They spent the rest of the ride in silence, save Alex’s occasional sniffle and hiccup, which Jack would soothe him with a light graze of the thumb to the back of his palm. A simple gesture, but it seemed to have helped a bit. Alex would smile sometimes too, but those would go away before Jack could do anything about it.

Finally, they reached his home, and Jack parked in the spot where is mom should park, but never really does – like he said before, she’s never home. Jack got a bit nervous at this point; he has no idea what he and Alex are going to do. Days like this were usually spent cuddling or something, but that’s completely out of the question; they were barely talking to each other yesterday, or even a week ago – how could cuddling get into the picture. Another thing is that he’s afraid that he’s not going to be able to live up to the standard of comfort that Alex has crafted in his head; he had a feeling he was going to do something wrong, and Alex would leave and never give him a chance ever again; afraid that Alex might try to take his life as Tom did before. It made Jack fidgety just thinking about it.

Jack quickly got out of the car and next to Alex, the older quickly grasping Jack’s hand when offered. They were quick to shut the door and get inside, Jack’s arm going protectively around Alex’s shoulders to keep him from the cold. He kept that arm there as he searched for his keys.

“I like you house, Jack,” Alex said in a small voice.

“Thanks?” It came out as a question. Jack gave him a quick smile before searching his bag. Where the fuck was that key?

He felt Alex give a small shrug. “Nothing really. I just like your house. It has a nice vibe to it.” He was silent for a moment. “Um… could you hurry? I don’t think I can hold it in.”

“Hold what in?” Jack asked as he finally found the key in his back pocket (pretty sure it wasn’t there before). Alex chose not to respond. Jack unlocked the door and ushered Alex in, shutting the door against the harsh wind. He led them to the living room, arm still around Alex’s shoulders to make sure he wasn’t going to fall; he was a bit wobbly, still. He set Alex down and surrounded him with pillows; happy he cleaned them the other day. “Are you going to be okay on your own here for a while?” Alex nodded slowly and bit his lip, his eyes wide. Jack gave him a reassuring smile (deciding against a kiss on the forehead – that would be going too far, right?) and walked to his room to get him a change of clothes.

“JACK!” He heard a shrill scream from downstairs. Oh no. He ran back down with what he came up with (absolutely nothing. He contemplated on going back because it meant leaving Alex again later on, but he acted upon impulse.) and came to Alex burying his face into one of the pillows, his screams muffled by the pillow he buried his face into, and his hands gripping painfully at his hair.

“Shh, shh, Alex, no. Don’t do that. Please,” Jack said hurriedly, sitting beside him and trying to pry his hands from his hair. Once he got that done, he pulled him away from the pillow, a lump forming in his throat when he was Alex’s face – he was wrecked and sore from sobbing. He didn’t even want to open his eyes. “Come here, Alex. Please. Just breathe for a while.” The older boy’s fingernails raked at Jack’s skin, clinging on to him for dear life, and gasping for air. “Shh, just quiet down first, okay? I won’t leave you. I promise.” Alex nodded into Jack’s chest, and Jack fixed their position so that Alex was lying between his legs, his head resting on Jack’s chest. Jack murmured whatever reassuring thought came in his mind, playing with Alex’s fingers and occasionally singing off tune – it seemed to make Alex happy, so he really didn’t mind doing any of those. Jack would catch Alex staring at him from time to time – he couldn’t really read his expression – but he would just ignore that, too.

Besides, it’s not as if this hasn’t happened before.

When they were freshmen and just met, Jack came over to Alex’s house for a little play date – they were still young enough to consider it that, right? Anyway, Jack came in without knocking – as usual – and barged into an Alex not so different from the Alex in this current situation. To make a long story short, Jack ended up having to stay the night because Alex’s parents apparently always go out on this night – Alex said it distracts them, but he never tagged along because it just made him feel worse. Looking back at it now, Jack didn’t really do much to comfort him. He doesn’t remember freaking out about Alex’s freak out, he doesn’t remember the being as worried about his condition as he is now – all he remembers is his first and only move: he and Alex cuddled. That’s all. It’s the same thing every year – they watch a movie sometimes, but the silence is better – and Jack never actually waned to change that. Why change it now?

“Jack?” Alex snapped his fingers in front of Jack’s face. Jack blinked a couple of times, realizing he must have trailed off. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just thinking,” he murmured, tightening his hold on Alex. The older boy gave a small smile and burrowed himself deeper into Jack’s body. “What did you need to tell me?”

“I-I just wanted to talk.” His cheeks took on a light pink as he said this, and he started playing with their fingers. Jack nodded, and Alex dropped his gaze to their hands. “It’s ten years today. Why am I not over it yet?”

“It’s not something that you can just let go of,” was Jack’s immediate response. Alex asked the same question every year, and Jack always gave the same response, just for the reason that it still applied, and nothing seemed to comfort Alex more. He continued the speech he knew all too well, “it’s always going to be something that will haunt you, Alex. You’ll still get that pain in his memory. He was your only sibling, so there was a bond, okay? You shouldn’t force yourself to get over it, or think that you should – everyone has a past, and you just happen to have one that gives you nightmares.”

Alex was silent for a while. “And you’ll be here to comfort and keep me away from those demons, right?”

Jack felt a lump rise in his throat; he forgot about that part of the speech. “Y-yeah. Yes, Alex,” he said more firmly the second time, “right here.” Alex let out a content sigh and turned himself over, scooting higher up Jack’s body. He wrapped his arms around Jack’s torso and rested his head on the crook of Jack’s neck, his warm breath tickling the younger boy. Jack brought his hand up to stroke Alex’s hair, making shushing sounds as he felt his breathing turn rugged. The grandfather clock rang off in the distance, striking a new hour – by the darkness Jack saw through the window, it was probably 7 in the evening. “Alex, are you hungry?” The older shook his head. “Okay then. I’ll bring you to bed, okay?” He felt Alex nod against his neck, and he continued, saying, “Stand u—“

“No!” he whisper yelled at him, gripping him tighter against himself. “P-please, Jack! I-I could sleep here just…” he trailed off for moment, before taking a deep breath and saying, “Just please don’t leave me.”

“I won’t, Alex. I just need you to stand up so we can go to my room and—“

The older boy was shaking his head even before Jack got to finish. “N-no. I-I mean… I mean I don’t want you to…” His voice got all soft all of the sudden, “Please don’t let me go. I just want you near me.”

Jack had to resist from giving him a kiss on top of his head and settled for stroking his hair again – kissing him would be going too far, he decided. He let out a sigh and moved his feet off the couch, ignoring Alex’s little ‘please, please, please, no Jack, please’ and hooked and arm under his knees, the other going around his waist. Taking all the energy he had left, he lifted Alex and started trudging towards his room. Alex gasped, and his eyes flew open, gripping Jack around the neck even tighter. “Jack!”

“I won’t let you fall, I promise,” he said flatly, quickly running out of breath as he climbed the stairs. “Why don’t you sing for me, hm?” He saw Alex peek at him through his fringe – a questioning gaze. Jack felt a little heat rush to his cheeks. “You always sang for me during this time. What is it again? The whole—“

“Keeping myself distracted,” Alex finished in a murmur, a small smile tugging at his lips. Jack kicked the door of his bedroom open and shut, barely listening to Alex as he talked to himself. He does that a lot on this day.

Jack just stood there for a moment, looking from Alex to the bed. “So, uh… I’ll need to…” Alex’s eyes widened and his hold on Jack got tighter. The younger sighed again and gave him a reassuring smile. “Alex, it won’t be a moment, okay?” The older looked at him, uncertain, then nodded slowly. Jack’s smile grew in the slightest, and he set him on his feet, the older boy’s hand automatically snaking down Jack’s arm to get a good grip on his hand. Jack grazed his thumb on the back of his hand in what he hoped was a soothing manner, and sat down on the bed, tapping the space next to him, and tugging on Alex’s hand to ease him to lay down. Alex didn’t need any more prompting, scrambling next to Jack, and curling up into a fetal position facing the younger boy. He eased himself under Jack’s arm, which Jack threw around Alex’s shoulders so they were both comfy. Alex sighed in contentment and looked up at Jack through his eyelashes. “Thank you so much, Jack,” he said in a small voice, shutting his eyes and moving closer to him. “I don’t know what I would have done without you here.”

Jack opened his mouth to respond with a, ‘you would have managed’, but decided against it because, all arrogance aside, Alex really wouldn’t have managed. They both knew it. “Couldn’t imagine missing out,” he said instead. “Wanna talk?”

“Yes, please,” he breathed, looking serene and disturbed at the same time. Jack rested his hand on Alex’s back, pushing him a bit closer to him. He saw his smile grow – Jack knows he loves being close to him. “I wrote a song for Tom, you know. A new one.”

“Really?” Jack responded in an offhand tone. “What’s it called?”

“Therapy. It’s basically tells the tale of how people think that you have so many problems you need to go see a therapist, or psychiatrist or something, but all you need is a good hug.” He burrows himself deeper into Jack, who, in turn, places his hand on Alex’s hip, tracing light patterns atop of his jeans.

Jack grinned at him, ruffling his hair with the hand that wasn’t touching Alex – he’s afraid that if he somehow loses physical contact with him, he’ll flip out. “You’ll get through this, Lex.” Again with the nickname. His brain should stop doing that to him. “I’ll help, if you need it.”

Alex opened his eyes and grinned back at him with watery eyes. “I lo—I mean, that’s very nice of you. Thank you.” A dark pink took over his cheeks and he dropped his gaze. He took both of Jack’s hands in his and turned over to his other side so that his back was facing Jack, and wrapped the younger boy’s arms around his own waist, holding him tight against him and intertwining their fingers. “I’ve really been missing you, Jack. Whatever it is that I did, I’m really sorry.”

Well, that was a turn of events. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. Just go to sleep, Alex – you’ll be fine in the morning.” School wasn’t really an option for them both.

“So we’re back to being friends, right? Best friends?”

Jack intentionally let out a breath, directly hitting Alex at the back of his neck. The older giggled and sighed, trying to get even closer to Jack. “If that’s what you want, Alex. I really don’t mind at all.”

“You weren’t getting a choice anyways,” he murmured, shutting his eyes once again. “Night Jack. You’ll be here when I get up, right?”

Jack smiled at his innocent tone and held him even closer to him. “Never thought otherwise.”

It feels good to get your best friend back, even under these circumstances. Jack sees this as the rebirth of their friendship. And, at the moment, maybe even something more. He was almost sure of himself this time.

Notes

Cred to The Summer Set for the title!

:-)