The next few weeks were actually pretty nice – Alex would wave at Jack whenever he’d see him, and Jack would smile in response. They wouldn’t really talk, or hang out with each other in school, or outside of it, but it was nice for Jack to know that they were on the track to getting back to the norm. He could almost call them friends.

Today was a bit weird, though; Jack hasn’t seen Alex around, and – he’s a little bit embarrassed to admit it – he’s been looking, so, no, he couldn’t have slipped his eye. Besides, that boy wouldn’t allow himself to be lost from Jack’s eye – he would stick his hand in front of Jack’s face if he didn’t notice him wave at him. It was lunchtime, and Jack was coming in a bit late to the cafeteria. He was a bit nervous about coming in late; Matt had a meeting with their guidance counselor, and Cassadee said she wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to make it to lunch for today. Jack just hoped that she was wrong.

Not even bothering to line up for food, he went straight for the table he usually sat in, hoping to whatever gods that none of the freshmen or anyone idiotically took the spot that he’s silently claimed at the start of the school year. Besides, he could always get the food later – he just needs to dump him bag on the table and people will stay away. Old trick, really.

He didn’t really know if he should have expected Alex sitting where he usually sat, looking nowhere but at the tabletop, where there were two containers of what Jack guessed was specially prepared food. Well, better Alex than any other stranger. He rolled his eyes, and moved faster towards his table.

“Oi, that’s my spot!” he called when he was a little bit nearer.

Alex raised his head and gave him a small smile. He spread his arms, and his smile formed into a smirk. Come and get me.

Jack rolled his eyes, and took the spot right next to him, pushing him until he was on the edge. Alex huffed and took the seat across him, switching the containers around. “Damn it, I thought you were going to let me sit there!”

“Nah, I’d rather that no one see who I’m sitting with,” he shot back. Alex met his gaze, and Jack cringed a little; his eyes were red and puffy. “A-are you okay? I mean, I really don’t mind if people see if I’m sitting with you. I-it’s just, ya know, baby steps, and—“

“It’s not you, Jack,” he laughed bitterly, rubbing his eyes. “I just didn’t get any rest last night.”

“What happened?”

“It’s nothing.”

If Jack didn’t know better, he would have pressed until he told him. But Jack knew Alex – as much as he hated to admit it – and Alex always got ticked off when people did that. Jack gave him a weary look. It was so obvious that he’d been crying. “Fine then. Uh,” he fumbled with the container cover, “what’s this?”

“Alphabet soup noodles on top of mac n’ cheese.” He peeked at him from under his fringe, a small smile playing on his lips. Jack cocked an eyebrow at him, and he rolled his eyes, taking the container from him. He popped the lid easily (“I loosened it,” Jack muttered).

Jack craned his neck to look at what was inside, then raised an eyebrow. “Those are nicely lined letters, Alex. Was it supposed to impress me?” All that there was atop of the mac n’ cheese was a row of letters.

“They’re words, Jack,” he said patiently, and slightly abashed. A light pink tinged his cheeks. “I ran out of space, so I had to move them closer together to each other. Sorry.” He handed the container back to him, and watched him expectantly.

Jack looked at him, unsure, and was just about to read when Cassadee came up behind Alex. “Hey, Cass!” he said gratefully. Alex jumped and was quick to place the cover back on top of the container.

“Hello, Jack, Alex.” She smiled at them both. Jack couldn’t help but notice that her cheeks were flushed, and her hair was slightly messed up. She noticed him looking at her, and she blushed a deeper shade of red, averting her gaze to Alex, who had his eyes cast downwards. “Alex! Oh, Rian was looking for you.”

“You were with Rian?” he asked, eyebrow raised. Jack bit his lip to hide a smile.

“I-I just passed him on the way here. Anyway,” she chuckled nervously, “he’s looking for you, so, yeah, if you choose to ignore him, fine by me.” She plopped down beside Jack, her cheeks as red as they could go.

Jack jerked his head, and widened his eyes, indicating Alex to go. He scrunched his eyebrows at him, and mouthed, “why?” Jack rolled his eyes and glanced at Cassadee, then jerked his head towards Alex’s usual table again. Alex rolled his eyes, cleared his throat, then said, “Better go see what he wants. I’ll catch you later, Jack.” A little smirk creeped its way to his face. “Enjoy your snack.”

“Bye,” he replied awkwardly. Alex smiled at him again – there was something funny about his eyes, and it wasn’t just the puffiness, but Jack just let it slide – and walked out of cafeteria. Jack grumbled something about not being able to follow rules.

Cassadee flicked her hair back and smirked at him. “So, you and Alex having lunch, huh?”

“So, you and Rian are sneaking around with each other, huh?” He countered.

“Oh go fuck yourself and just eat what Alex gave you.”

Jack nearly forgot about that. He took off the lid (he knew he could have done it himself) and turned slightly away from Cass.

“MEET ME IN THE MUSIC ROOM. HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE.”

He has no idea why, but he had a really bad feeling about this. Not bad as in he was going to get hurt bad – bad as in Alex needed him and he wasn’t sure if he could live up to what he wanted him to do. All he knew now was that Alex needed him – he gave no time, or any reason, but he had the urge to be there. Maybe this was his chance to finally make up his mind about the boy; maybe they’ll finally have the chance to talk things over. In all honesty, he wanted Alex back; he wanted his best friend back. He’s tired of playing it safe and staying away from him in fear that he might try something, and Jack will end up hurt again. That vibe of being needed at the moment is completely overwhelming him, and he likes it. He’s gotta be where Alex is, no questions asked.

“If you’re not gonna eat it, I will, Barakat,” she warned, threateningly poking his arm with her fork.

He pursed his lips, then shoved a whole bunch of macaroni in his mouth, removing all traces of a message there. If this had to be done, it had to be private – only him and Alex. The thought made his heart palpitate. “Uh, Cass, favor? I need to go do something, and I’m pretty sure I might be out for the rest of the day, so if anyone asks, just say that you haven’t heard from me since after lunch.”

“Which I won’t be, right?” She smiled sadly at him, and he ruffled her hair. “Good luck with whatever, Jacko.”

“I’ll explain when I get the time to, ‘kay? I’ll call you later tonight if—“

“No need to explain yourself, dude!” She laughed, shoving his backpack at him. “Just do what you gotta do, and text me when I could come over.”

He smiled gratefully at her, gave her a one-armed hug. Then he bolted out of the cafeteria, the smile fading from his face. He had to get to Alex.

Finding the music room was hard – even if Jack’s been here since the beginning – and getting there was almost as difficult. The numerous hallways that this school has is unexpected from an outsider, and the number of unused or abandoned classrooms has definitely been questioned by a lot of people – both were in Jack’s way today. Before finding Alex, he’s barged into at least 7 other classrooms – 5 of which are filled with broken instruments, the other two creepily empty.

But he found him. There was music coming from the other end of the hallway that he was already in, and he ran towards it the instant he heard it. He knew those chords, and the sound of them made his head pound; it wasn’t a good song. As he got closer, he heard the lyrics; it had to be Alex.

“Forever’s never seemed so long… a piece of me is missing… could have learned… what’s left now…”

He kept fading in and out; his voice cracked several times. Every time one of those happened, Jack found himself moving faster, moving against the soft ballad that the song had taken, bringing about a more heart-wrenching, and lyrically focused impression than the previous rock that Alex always seemed to be attached to.

“You’ve shown this family a world of pain… a happy ending we let go…”

Jack slammed into the door, staggering to keep his balance as he flew in without any obstruction. The piano stopped abruptly, and Jack, panting, flicked the fringe out of his eyes to get a good look at him. Yeah, it was Alex.

And he was looking and shitty as he could possibly look. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy, his nose was – adorably – red and stiffly, his hair was messed up under Jack’s hoodie, and his cheeks were stained with tears. His jaw was slack, and his mouth was opening and closing, trying to form words but failing miserably.

Then it finally hit him. No, it wasn’t about him, or them today – it was Tom. Tom, Alex’s older brother that committed suicide. Jack hated himself for being so slow in catching on – he should have known what it was all about from the first hear of the song. He knows what the song is about, he knows how sensitive Alex is about his older brother. Today’s his death anniversary. God, Jack’s so stupid; he could have prevented this.

But this isn’t time to think about himself.

“A-Alex,” he panted, clearing his throat, and standing up straighter. “I-is it…”

Alex nodded, wrapping his arms around his waist. “Y-yeah. Sorry for making you come, r-really. I-I just…”

Before he knew it, Alex was slamming himself into Jack, his arms going around his neck, head burying itself into the crook of his neck, and his legs wrapping around his waist. Jack, shocked by the sudden impact, fell on his ass, arms impulsively going around Alex’s waist. He shushed him in what he hoped was a soothing manner, rubbing his back with one hand, and playing with his hair with the other. It seemed so natural to him. “Shh, Alex, shh,” he heard himself say. He had no idea what else to say – no, it wasn’t okay, no Tom wasn’t coming back. It’s way past sorrys and other forms of condolences at this point.

“I-I’m s-sorry,” he stuttered, clutching Jack tighter against him. “I-I just… I don’t know what… I miss…”

“I know, Alex, I know. There’s nothing to be sorry about. Just try to calm yourself down, okay?” There is something to be sorry about – both of them had something to be sorry about – but now wasn’t the time to solve anything between them; Alex is as fragile as fragile could be at this time of the year. Thankfully, he does know what’s going on; he’s been there for Alex for the past few years at this time of the year, except he’d be sure that this wouldn’t happen.

They sat together in the silence – save Alex’s whimpers and sorrys – for what seemed like a really long time. The only time they separated was when Jack’s watch beeped, indicating a new hour – Alex jumped in Jack’s lap in shock, and gripped on to him even tighter. Jack soothingly shushed him again, rubbing his back.

Alex sighed and leaned slightly away from him, playing with his own fingers. His eyes were downcast. “I-I’m sorry. Thanks for, uh, coming.”

“Hey, how could I pass up an opportunity to get you like this?” Jack joked softly, bouncing his leg lightly to indicate their position.

Alex gave a small smile. He let out a shaky breath and met his gaze, chewing on his bottom lip nervously. “Would you, uh, mind coming home with me? I-I don’t think I want to, um, be…”

“Alone?” Jack finished for him. Alex nodded vigorously. “Well, if you want me to be there.” Alex nodded again, his hair falling into his eyes – he reminded Jack of an innocent child; it tugged at his heart.

The nervousness returned to his features. “Do you think we could stay in your place? I-I don’t really want to be so near—“ Jack nodded before he even finished, pulling him into a hug. He felt his arms go around his waist, and his head rest on his shoulder. Jack felt his clammy lips press against his neck, and he froze up a little. “Thank you so much, Jack,” he whispered. “I’m really sorry I did this to you.”

“There’s nothing to sorry about, Lex.” The nickname rolled off his tongue before he could stop it. Alex didn’t seem to mind, though. “Just tell me straight away next time, okay? You can’t just let me fucking worry like that.”

“Like before?” The hopeful tone made Jack’s heart clench.

“Sure, Alex. Like before.”

Notes

I'm so sorry this took so long!! I completely forgot I put this up on this page :/ I'm really, really, really sorry :-( :-(

Thanks for the subs and comments :3

Credit to All Time Low for the chapter title. Tell me what you think :-)