We've Got Unfinished Business
We Are Broken
Jack was awake, but he refused to open his eyes. He could hear the soft hum of the AC, but that was about it. No beeping, no lumpy beds, no needles stuck in his skin. He was curious as to where he was right now, but he couldn’t pluck up the courage to open his eyes and see for himself. And, wherever he was, who brought him here?
He heard a sigh, and then the closing of a door. He peeped an eye open, and saw that no one was in the room – to his surprise, his room – with him. Jack tried sitting up, but the pressure he put on his arm made his vision go white. He felt like crying, but knew better than to; he brought this to himself. Taking a deep breath and shutting his eyes once again, he tried to go back to sleep. But he just couldn’t. He took a deep breath and reopened his eyes.
There was someone looking back at him. And – he hated that his heart sunk at this – it wasn’t Alex. It was Zack.
“H-how are you feeling?” He said cautiously. It’s a funny thing to hear, seeing as how this is the first thing he has ever said to him. It wasn’t the words – it was the emotion behind it. And his eyes – he looked so concerned. Jack nodded, not able to look away. He spoke slowly, as if he was unsure if Jack was awake. “Are you hungry?” Jack shook his head. He has no idea why he’s not talking. He’s not sure if he can. “Okay, then. You can go back to whatever it is that were doing. I’ll just…” He trailed off and awkwardly sat on the ground in the corner to Jack’s left with his back against the wall. He averted his gaze to his hands, his eyebrows furrowed.
Jack couldn’t stop looking at him, though – he didn’t really know why. He felt like he should say something. Wouldn’t it be rude if he didn’t? It bothered Jack how much he valued comforting others even if it meant inconveniencing himself, but it made him come off as a nice person. He guessed he liked that image for himself. “You can take that seat, you know,” Jack finally said, pointing a finger on his good arm at the plush chair at the end of his bed. “The floor isn’t that comfortable.”
Zack nodded, and gave a thin-lipped smile – or, well, Jack thought it was a smile. It came off as one, but it seemed a bit painful. He decided against over analyzing it – his brain wouldn’t allow him to – and just took it for what he originally thought it was. Over-analyzing can be a huge bitch. Zack moved the chair over to his corner, and sat down the way he was previously. Except this time he was looking at Jack. The younger felt obliged to look away, but he couldn’t. There was really just something about Zack that just made you want to know him, or let him know you. A little bit late, Jack realized it was the therapist vibes.
“To address the elephant in the room,” Zack began. What elephant? Jack thought, is that some kind of therapy talk? “Would you mind if I asked you some questions?” Jack shrugged, and the older rolled his eyes. “Just like Alex,” he muttered to himself. He cleared his throat and talked louder this time. “How long have you been doing what you do?” Again, he shrugged, but he answered it immediately in his mind. “O-o-okay. Is this a frequent thing, or…?” Jack shook his head. A small smile played on Zack’s lips, then he continued, “That’s nice. Since it’s not frequent, is there only one particular thing, event, or person that triggers it?” Jack thought about it, then shrugged. He really didn’t know this time, but he had a funny feeling he did, but didn’t want to admit it to himself. “Do you know the reason why you did it this time?” Jack nodded. “And you wouldn’t want to tell me?” Again, a nod. “Just like Alex,” he muttered again. He grinned/grimaced at Jack, then thanked him before lounging back on the chair again, and staring at his hands, his eyebrows furrowed.
Jack tried to feel angry because he kept comparing him to Alex, but he couldn’t bring himself to. He felt like being silent, but he just couldn’t as well. Damn Zack’s therapist vibes. “How long have you known Alex?” He found himself asking.
“He was eight, I was eighteen. And, before you ask, I was already graduating college at the time, so, yes, I wasn’t just some blabber mouth,” he said with a small, bitter laugh.
“Wasn’t going to ask about that, but it’s nice to know,” Jack replied in a heavy tone. Zack dropped his gaze to his lap and bit his lip. “You get asked that a lot?”
“Alex’s old girlfri—“ Zack caught himself, then chuckled, shaking his head. “I mean, friends that were girls used to always ask. They’d find me on the couch watching telly, or coming out of the kitchen my arms full of food and such… Ah, yes, nice times. Good laugh.”
“Bet they were,” Jack agreed out of courtesy. Zack was such a pleasure to talk to, but he couldn’t help but feel like he should, as Zack said, ‘address the elephant in the room’. “So, uh… Where’s Alex at?”
It seemed like this is exactly what Zack was waiting for; the sides of his lips turned up, and he didn’t hesitate to get up from his seat. “Downstairs. I’ll go get him for you, yeah?” And before Jack could say anything, Zack was out of the room, the door shutting silently behind him.
Jack sighed and shut his eyes once again, trying to compose himself.
Okay, things I shouldn’t do: 1.) Scream at him
The fact that that was the first thing that crossed his mind shocked him. Isn’t it the most rational thing to do when he was the cause for this?
2.) Ignore him. Ignoring him will do absolutely nothing. Not for him, not for Alex, not for anyone.
3.) Not forgive him. That… that he can’t explain. Maybe it—
“What are you thinking of?” A small voice squeaked from the doorway. Jack’s eyes flew open, and there stood Alex, arms crossed over his stomach. He was looking uncertainly at Jack, chewing his bottom lip in… fear? The younger couldn’t really place the emotion in his eyes.
Jack did the first thing he thought of: he shrugged. The older boy sighed, and walked over to the plush chair Zack previously occupied. Alex immediately pulled his knees to his chest and hugged them, resting his chin on his knees; Jack found it absolutely adorable. His eyes found the younger’s again, and Jack felt himself bite down on his lower lip in anxiety. So much to say, but no way to say it.
Alex seemed to have it figured out, though. “What happened?” He finally asked, wringing his hands.
Jack cleared his throat. Please don’t crack on me. “I got confused,” he replied, shrugging. “I-it’s my go-to. But I’m really sorry. You shouldn’t have seen—“
“You’re sorry?” Alex asked in disbelief. Jack cocked an eyebrow at him, and nodded slowly. “Jack, you’ve got no idea how this is completely not your fault! It’s… it’s mine, and I feel like total… ugh, damn it.” He lowered his head, and it took some time for Jack to realize he was crying. Oh, shit, no. He hates it whenever Alex cries.
“P-please don’t, Alex,” he said, moving as quickly as his arm would allow him.
Alex’s head snapped up at the first sound of rustling, and he threw his arms out, telling Jack to stop. “No, no! Don’t move. Please. Just sit and rest, okay? I-I’m fine.” He took a deep breath, and urged Jack with his puffy red eyes and tilting of the head to sit back down. Jack did so, albeit reluctantly, then he continued, “I-I didn’t mean to cry. The whole just reminded me of that stupid dream.” He laughed bitterly, shaking his head and wiping his eyes.
“Please don’t cry again. I really don’t like it when you cry,” Jack said in a small voice.
Alex smiled at him. “You’re so sweet, you know that?” He bit his lip, and his cheeks flooded with pink – Jack found it even cuter. He shouldn’t be allowed to do that, Jack thought. “But, yes, I believe it is my fault. I-I’m really sorry for doing what I did back there. Should have asked or waited or something. Really, Jack, I’m super sorry. I won’t let it happen again. Still friends?” Jack took some time answering, and Alex sighed. “You can scream at me and get mad and tell me to leave, if you want. I’d understand, you know.”
“I don’t think I’ll do that,” Jack finally said. “Alex, I’d honestly love to stay your friend. You’re forgiven, I swear. I wasn’t thinking.”
“Please don’t blame yourself.”
“I’m not blaming anyone but, and you know you can’t stop me from doing that. ”
Alex nodded, biting his lip. “Fine, for now. But, please don’t do that again.”
The younger nodded, but he held no complete promise to himself because he knows he can’t control even promise himself that. Alex was staring at his hands, and Jack was just staring at him. He held an interesting vibe around him that was different from the one Zack’s; he’s the little boy that never understood why people did the things they did. And, right now, he was trying to figure things out. Jack could hear him sniffling, and he knew he was close to tears. “P-please don’t, Alex. Stop thinking too hard for a moment, okay? Why are you crying again?” Jack knew better than to get up from his place again; Alex’s attention would be diverted.
“Too many memories,” Alex muttered, wiping his eyes. “I feel so fucking stupid. No matter how many times you tell me, Jack, I will never be convinced this isn’t my fault.”
“Memories of what?” The younger’s voice came out slightly strangled. He had a very strong idea of exactly what those memories were.
And he was right. “T-Tom.” His voice cracked, and dropped his head again.
First instinct was to go up to him and give him a hug, but like he said, moving would divert Alex’s attention back to him. “Alex, please look at me,” Jack requested. The older boy did so after wiping his face with his hoodie sleeves. His eyes had a haunted look to them, and the hairs on the back of his neck stood up at the sight of him. It also made his heart clench; he bit his lip before continuing. “You wanna lie down with me?” The older bit his lip as well, playing with the strings of his hoodie – hesitance. “I promise it won’t bother me,” Jack continued. He held out his good arm, and made grabby hands. “Come on, Alex, I swear. It’ll make me feel better.” He tried a small smile.
The sides of Alex’s lips turned up, and he slowly scrambled off the seat and lay down next to Jack, but didn’t necessarily touch him. The younger rolled his eyes and pulled Alex by the arm until their sides were touching, and Jack had his arm around Alex’s shoulders. The older boy smiled up at him and shut his eyes. “Get some sleep, Jack,” he yawned, turning over so that he was facing Jack. “And I’m still really sorry, okay?” He looked up at him, biting his lip, then shut his eyes again and burrowed deeper into the younger boy.
Jack sighed again, and tightened his hold on Alex. He buried his head in his hair, loving his distinct smell. No matter what, Jack just knows he would never be able to stay mad at Alex. It’s both a curse and a blessing, but more of the latter, and he’s thankful for it right now. “For the sake of your sanity, you’re forgiven, Alex,” he breathed. He was sure not to slip with the nickname this time; despite him not being able to be mad at him, he’s not ready to mess around or experiment with his and Alex’s feelings. “You’re still my best friend, okay?”
With the smallest amount of movement possible, Alex nodded. Jack took one more chance and pressed his lips to the top of his head, before bidding him good night and resting as well.
It’s been a fucking long day.
He heard a sigh, and then the closing of a door. He peeped an eye open, and saw that no one was in the room – to his surprise, his room – with him. Jack tried sitting up, but the pressure he put on his arm made his vision go white. He felt like crying, but knew better than to; he brought this to himself. Taking a deep breath and shutting his eyes once again, he tried to go back to sleep. But he just couldn’t. He took a deep breath and reopened his eyes.
There was someone looking back at him. And – he hated that his heart sunk at this – it wasn’t Alex. It was Zack.
“H-how are you feeling?” He said cautiously. It’s a funny thing to hear, seeing as how this is the first thing he has ever said to him. It wasn’t the words – it was the emotion behind it. And his eyes – he looked so concerned. Jack nodded, not able to look away. He spoke slowly, as if he was unsure if Jack was awake. “Are you hungry?” Jack shook his head. He has no idea why he’s not talking. He’s not sure if he can. “Okay, then. You can go back to whatever it is that were doing. I’ll just…” He trailed off and awkwardly sat on the ground in the corner to Jack’s left with his back against the wall. He averted his gaze to his hands, his eyebrows furrowed.
Jack couldn’t stop looking at him, though – he didn’t really know why. He felt like he should say something. Wouldn’t it be rude if he didn’t? It bothered Jack how much he valued comforting others even if it meant inconveniencing himself, but it made him come off as a nice person. He guessed he liked that image for himself. “You can take that seat, you know,” Jack finally said, pointing a finger on his good arm at the plush chair at the end of his bed. “The floor isn’t that comfortable.”
Zack nodded, and gave a thin-lipped smile – or, well, Jack thought it was a smile. It came off as one, but it seemed a bit painful. He decided against over analyzing it – his brain wouldn’t allow him to – and just took it for what he originally thought it was. Over-analyzing can be a huge bitch. Zack moved the chair over to his corner, and sat down the way he was previously. Except this time he was looking at Jack. The younger felt obliged to look away, but he couldn’t. There was really just something about Zack that just made you want to know him, or let him know you. A little bit late, Jack realized it was the therapist vibes.
“To address the elephant in the room,” Zack began. What elephant? Jack thought, is that some kind of therapy talk? “Would you mind if I asked you some questions?” Jack shrugged, and the older rolled his eyes. “Just like Alex,” he muttered to himself. He cleared his throat and talked louder this time. “How long have you been doing what you do?” Again, he shrugged, but he answered it immediately in his mind. “O-o-okay. Is this a frequent thing, or…?” Jack shook his head. A small smile played on Zack’s lips, then he continued, “That’s nice. Since it’s not frequent, is there only one particular thing, event, or person that triggers it?” Jack thought about it, then shrugged. He really didn’t know this time, but he had a funny feeling he did, but didn’t want to admit it to himself. “Do you know the reason why you did it this time?” Jack nodded. “And you wouldn’t want to tell me?” Again, a nod. “Just like Alex,” he muttered again. He grinned/grimaced at Jack, then thanked him before lounging back on the chair again, and staring at his hands, his eyebrows furrowed.
Jack tried to feel angry because he kept comparing him to Alex, but he couldn’t bring himself to. He felt like being silent, but he just couldn’t as well. Damn Zack’s therapist vibes. “How long have you known Alex?” He found himself asking.
“He was eight, I was eighteen. And, before you ask, I was already graduating college at the time, so, yes, I wasn’t just some blabber mouth,” he said with a small, bitter laugh.
“Wasn’t going to ask about that, but it’s nice to know,” Jack replied in a heavy tone. Zack dropped his gaze to his lap and bit his lip. “You get asked that a lot?”
“Alex’s old girlfri—“ Zack caught himself, then chuckled, shaking his head. “I mean, friends that were girls used to always ask. They’d find me on the couch watching telly, or coming out of the kitchen my arms full of food and such… Ah, yes, nice times. Good laugh.”
“Bet they were,” Jack agreed out of courtesy. Zack was such a pleasure to talk to, but he couldn’t help but feel like he should, as Zack said, ‘address the elephant in the room’. “So, uh… Where’s Alex at?”
It seemed like this is exactly what Zack was waiting for; the sides of his lips turned up, and he didn’t hesitate to get up from his seat. “Downstairs. I’ll go get him for you, yeah?” And before Jack could say anything, Zack was out of the room, the door shutting silently behind him.
Jack sighed and shut his eyes once again, trying to compose himself.
Okay, things I shouldn’t do: 1.) Scream at him
The fact that that was the first thing that crossed his mind shocked him. Isn’t it the most rational thing to do when he was the cause for this?
2.) Ignore him. Ignoring him will do absolutely nothing. Not for him, not for Alex, not for anyone.
3.) Not forgive him. That… that he can’t explain. Maybe it—
“What are you thinking of?” A small voice squeaked from the doorway. Jack’s eyes flew open, and there stood Alex, arms crossed over his stomach. He was looking uncertainly at Jack, chewing his bottom lip in… fear? The younger couldn’t really place the emotion in his eyes.
Jack did the first thing he thought of: he shrugged. The older boy sighed, and walked over to the plush chair Zack previously occupied. Alex immediately pulled his knees to his chest and hugged them, resting his chin on his knees; Jack found it absolutely adorable. His eyes found the younger’s again, and Jack felt himself bite down on his lower lip in anxiety. So much to say, but no way to say it.
Alex seemed to have it figured out, though. “What happened?” He finally asked, wringing his hands.
Jack cleared his throat. Please don’t crack on me. “I got confused,” he replied, shrugging. “I-it’s my go-to. But I’m really sorry. You shouldn’t have seen—“
“You’re sorry?” Alex asked in disbelief. Jack cocked an eyebrow at him, and nodded slowly. “Jack, you’ve got no idea how this is completely not your fault! It’s… it’s mine, and I feel like total… ugh, damn it.” He lowered his head, and it took some time for Jack to realize he was crying. Oh, shit, no. He hates it whenever Alex cries.
“P-please don’t, Alex,” he said, moving as quickly as his arm would allow him.
Alex’s head snapped up at the first sound of rustling, and he threw his arms out, telling Jack to stop. “No, no! Don’t move. Please. Just sit and rest, okay? I-I’m fine.” He took a deep breath, and urged Jack with his puffy red eyes and tilting of the head to sit back down. Jack did so, albeit reluctantly, then he continued, “I-I didn’t mean to cry. The whole just reminded me of that stupid dream.” He laughed bitterly, shaking his head and wiping his eyes.
“Please don’t cry again. I really don’t like it when you cry,” Jack said in a small voice.
Alex smiled at him. “You’re so sweet, you know that?” He bit his lip, and his cheeks flooded with pink – Jack found it even cuter. He shouldn’t be allowed to do that, Jack thought. “But, yes, I believe it is my fault. I-I’m really sorry for doing what I did back there. Should have asked or waited or something. Really, Jack, I’m super sorry. I won’t let it happen again. Still friends?” Jack took some time answering, and Alex sighed. “You can scream at me and get mad and tell me to leave, if you want. I’d understand, you know.”
“I don’t think I’ll do that,” Jack finally said. “Alex, I’d honestly love to stay your friend. You’re forgiven, I swear. I wasn’t thinking.”
“Please don’t blame yourself.”
“I’m not blaming anyone but, and you know you can’t stop me from doing that. ”
Alex nodded, biting his lip. “Fine, for now. But, please don’t do that again.”
The younger nodded, but he held no complete promise to himself because he knows he can’t control even promise himself that. Alex was staring at his hands, and Jack was just staring at him. He held an interesting vibe around him that was different from the one Zack’s; he’s the little boy that never understood why people did the things they did. And, right now, he was trying to figure things out. Jack could hear him sniffling, and he knew he was close to tears. “P-please don’t, Alex. Stop thinking too hard for a moment, okay? Why are you crying again?” Jack knew better than to get up from his place again; Alex’s attention would be diverted.
“Too many memories,” Alex muttered, wiping his eyes. “I feel so fucking stupid. No matter how many times you tell me, Jack, I will never be convinced this isn’t my fault.”
“Memories of what?” The younger’s voice came out slightly strangled. He had a very strong idea of exactly what those memories were.
And he was right. “T-Tom.” His voice cracked, and dropped his head again.
First instinct was to go up to him and give him a hug, but like he said, moving would divert Alex’s attention back to him. “Alex, please look at me,” Jack requested. The older boy did so after wiping his face with his hoodie sleeves. His eyes had a haunted look to them, and the hairs on the back of his neck stood up at the sight of him. It also made his heart clench; he bit his lip before continuing. “You wanna lie down with me?” The older bit his lip as well, playing with the strings of his hoodie – hesitance. “I promise it won’t bother me,” Jack continued. He held out his good arm, and made grabby hands. “Come on, Alex, I swear. It’ll make me feel better.” He tried a small smile.
The sides of Alex’s lips turned up, and he slowly scrambled off the seat and lay down next to Jack, but didn’t necessarily touch him. The younger rolled his eyes and pulled Alex by the arm until their sides were touching, and Jack had his arm around Alex’s shoulders. The older boy smiled up at him and shut his eyes. “Get some sleep, Jack,” he yawned, turning over so that he was facing Jack. “And I’m still really sorry, okay?” He looked up at him, biting his lip, then shut his eyes again and burrowed deeper into the younger boy.
Jack sighed again, and tightened his hold on Alex. He buried his head in his hair, loving his distinct smell. No matter what, Jack just knows he would never be able to stay mad at Alex. It’s both a curse and a blessing, but more of the latter, and he’s thankful for it right now. “For the sake of your sanity, you’re forgiven, Alex,” he breathed. He was sure not to slip with the nickname this time; despite him not being able to be mad at him, he’s not ready to mess around or experiment with his and Alex’s feelings. “You’re still my best friend, okay?”
With the smallest amount of movement possible, Alex nodded. Jack took one more chance and pressed his lips to the top of his head, before bidding him good night and resting as well.
It’s been a fucking long day.
6/11/13