We've Got Unfinished Business
Nasty Habits
Alex was in his room, pulling at his hair, and pacing back and forth. Zack was seated on the couch, hands clasped together, and staring at him intently. “Sorry, but can you just repeat what you did again? I can’t tell you what to do unless you tell me what you did!”
Alex groaned, kicking the pillow on the ground. “Something, Zack! Just something – I don’t want to tell you. All I know is that it hurt him, and he just ran off. He looked so fucking scared, dude! Just because of that one thing! Oh, shit, it’s all my fault. I totally ruined it. Ooooh, shit, what am I supposed to do now? I ruined it. Ruined!”
“Calm down, Alex,” he nearly yelled over his rambling.
“No! Fuck you!”
“Alex,” he said as sternly as he could. Alex rolled his eyes and fell face-first on the bed, punching the duvet, and muttering, ‘stupid, stupid, stupid’ over and over again. Zack sighed and moved to sit next to Alex, deciding against patting his head or back… physical contact was always a weird thing. “Did you apologize?”
“No, but he did,” he grumbled. “He didn’t even do anything! It was my fault!”
“Do you just want me to tell you you’re a fucking idiot?”
“You’re the worst.”
“Fine, then.” Zack felt miserable. How the fuck was he supposed to do anything if he didn’t know anything? He doesn’t even know that Jack guy that well. “You know what I think?”
“That I’m a fucking idiot. Yeah, Zack, we got past that. Something helpful?”
“I’m trying, you twat. Look at me so I’ll know you’re taking me seriously.” With another whine, Alex turned himself over, pouting. “I think you should go talk to Jack. No texting, absolutely not, because if you apologize and it isn’t face to face, he might take it the wrong way. Go to his house, talk to him, and try to patch things up.”
“But I don’t want to push it, Zack! He’s scared of the pressure… or, well, I think he is. But I’m not pushing it! He needs his space!”
“If you’re not doing it, then I swear to God, I will.”
He expected Alex to get scared and give in to doing it himself, but he smiled. “You would?”
Zack sighed. “I don’t have much of a choice now, do I?” Alex’s grin grew, and he shook his head. “Fine. What do I say?”
“Tell him I’m sorry and that I’d love to start-over… again. And tell him I was really stupid. And sorry again… is that okay?”
Zack shrugged, pulling on a jacket. “Your words, not mine. Just a messenger.”
“Call me, okay? Especially if Jack says okay or anything like that.”
“Yes, boss.”
“Love you, Zack,” he said cheekily.
Zack grumbled something, and shut the door. He really needs to get paid more for this kid.
~*~*~*~
Jack choked on a sob, and he hit his head as he leaned back on the bathroom wall. There was shattered glass all around him, as well as blood on the floor – his blood. He was turning a shaving razor in his hand, shakily pressing it to his other forearm. He slid the razor down the width of his forearm, gasping as the pain woke him up once again.
He can’t believe he’s back to this – he hasn’t done it in about half a year, and just that one peck, and he goes back to it again? He felt a new round of tears come up, and he didn’t bother holding himself back from giving himself another cut on the arm. He was so sure he was over that boy – he needed to be. Now history was going to repeat itself and he was going to lose Alex again. He remembered the way he had to bring himself to the hospital right after Alex broke up with him – he nearly lost all blood in his arm. But no one was there to help him. Just like now.
Testing the waters – what the fuck was that supposed to mean? They’ve already tried this before. Was he checking to see if he still liked him in that way? Did he notice the way Jack just totally gave in to him? How vulnerable he was? He didn’t even know if Alex was into it – for all he knew, he probably had his eyes open. Maybe he didn’t feel anything. Nothing at all.
Jack groaned aloud, and threw the razor across the room, clanging as it landed in the bathtub. He has no idea how to feel anymore. Some part of him wants to like Alex and forgive him, but he can’t seem to get over the fact that he ruined his plan, and that history is going to repeat itself. He understands now that Alex really does mean a lot to him, and because of what Jack did, he’s going to lose him.
In the distance, he heard a door open and close. He knew it wasn’t in this house – no one’s ever here. Jack will probably die here. A nasty smile creeped up his face – yeah, it would be pretty nice to die right now. Just for a moment, then he can get up and start something new.
“Alex! Come here quick!” He heard someone yell as his eyes fluttered shut. Maybe it was him. He felt his smile grow. That sounds like something that he would say at this time.
~*~*~*~
Alex’s phone barely rang once, and it was already at his ear. “Zack! What happened? That was quick!” He only told him to call if it was good news. He put his hoodie on, and practically ran to his car, starting the engine quickly, all the while talking. “What did Jack say? I’m on my way there right now. Is he okay? Is he smiling? How is he?” He was so ready to head over to Jack’s and just give him another kiss.
“Alex! Come here quick!” Zack practically yelled. He sounded really distraught.
“Y-yeah, I am on my way. W-what happened? Is everything okay?” All thoughts of him sweeping Jack off his feet flew out the window, and he felt the color drain from his face. “What happened, Zack?”
“It’s Jack. He… he… I don’t know. I’m in his house right now. Just come over because… oh just fuck hurry.”
“I-Is there blood?” Zack was silent. “IS THERE?” He yelled into the phone. A car beeped at him – probably for cutting him off – but he really didn’t care. He couldn’t seem to get to Jack quick enough.
“Yes.”
Alex’s heart skipped a beat, then worked in overdrive. “I’ll be there,” he said curtly, then threw his phone to the passenger seat. He had a pretty good idea of what Jack did.
Alex’s mind was both blank and racing as he drove as quickly as he could to Jack’s home. The day he saw those wrist scars was enough evidence to support what he was thinking Jack did to himself – he was so sure. He cut the engine as soon as he was parked, and jumped out of the car. The smell of blood immediately washed over him when he entered, and he felt like vomiting; he pushed on, sprinting up the stairs to where he could hear running water.
He came to the bathroom, and the sight in front of him made him gasp, and nearly break down – a tear or two fell, but he didn’t care. Glass and blood scattered the floor – it was so overwhelming. He let out a strangled cry and sunk to his knees, pulling at his hair; he caused this. Jack hurting himself, breaking everything – it was him. He hurt the person he cared most about.
“Alex! I’ll take you to Jack!” And suddenly Zack was there, pulling on his arm, away from the crime scene. When he refused to move, he threw him over his shoulder. That’s when he started screaming. “Calm the fuck down! I’m just taking you to him. What’s wrong with you?”
“I don’t want to see him. I-I can’t take it, Zack! Put me down!” He bawled. He felt like such a baby, but it was all true – he would probably pass out if he sees what Jack did to himself. Images of his pale, non-breathing body made him faint. He kicked until Zack put him down. When he was finally on his feet, he straightened his clothes, and tried to look him in the eye seriously. He needed to be strong for Jack. “The bandages are kept in the bedroom under the staircase. Get him a clean duvet. Cold compress on the head and… and just stay there with him, okay? He can’t be alone when he wakes up. I’ll take care of everything out here.”
“Don’t you think you should be the first one he sees?”
Alex looked at him in disbelief. “I caused all this, Zack!” He waved his arm in the air to indicate their current situation. “He’ll probably kill me if he sees me first. B-besides,” he gulped, “I don’t want to see him in his current state. Just get me when he wakes up—no! Not when he wakes up; when he’s coherent. Or if he asks. Whichever comes first.”
“Shouldn’t we call 911?”
“I got this, Zack. Believe me.” That and Jack absolutely hates hospitals. Then again, so did Alex. It just felt right that he did this and kept it between the three of them. “Please go.”
Zack gave him another look before going in Jack’s room, which they have been standing in front of the whole time. When he was sure he was stable enough, he went back in the bathroom, choking when the smell and sight smacked him in the face. He grabbed the bleach from the cabinet and spilled the whole bottle on the floor. He picked up the broken glass and threw them out the window; then he scrubbed the floor with all the power he had, all traces of blood or any dirt removed from it.
Once the bathroom was done, he still felt the vibe of the whole situation – how could he not? Nonetheless, he went about the whole house straightening, picking up Jack’s messily discarded backpack off the floor and brought it to his study room (which was really just another room to stay in), washed the pillow cases and duvets and the clothes that Zack took off Jack, then folded and stacked them neatly in front of Jack’s room, with some coffee and biscuits for Zack. He knocked very quickly, then ran to the living room before Alex could even hear the door open. The tactic here was to stay as far away from Jack until he asked. Something he should have done in the first place.
He crashed on the couch after a while, surprised by how quickly sleep overtook him.
Alex groaned, kicking the pillow on the ground. “Something, Zack! Just something – I don’t want to tell you. All I know is that it hurt him, and he just ran off. He looked so fucking scared, dude! Just because of that one thing! Oh, shit, it’s all my fault. I totally ruined it. Ooooh, shit, what am I supposed to do now? I ruined it. Ruined!”
“Calm down, Alex,” he nearly yelled over his rambling.
“No! Fuck you!”
“Alex,” he said as sternly as he could. Alex rolled his eyes and fell face-first on the bed, punching the duvet, and muttering, ‘stupid, stupid, stupid’ over and over again. Zack sighed and moved to sit next to Alex, deciding against patting his head or back… physical contact was always a weird thing. “Did you apologize?”
“No, but he did,” he grumbled. “He didn’t even do anything! It was my fault!”
“Do you just want me to tell you you’re a fucking idiot?”
“You’re the worst.”
“Fine, then.” Zack felt miserable. How the fuck was he supposed to do anything if he didn’t know anything? He doesn’t even know that Jack guy that well. “You know what I think?”
“That I’m a fucking idiot. Yeah, Zack, we got past that. Something helpful?”
“I’m trying, you twat. Look at me so I’ll know you’re taking me seriously.” With another whine, Alex turned himself over, pouting. “I think you should go talk to Jack. No texting, absolutely not, because if you apologize and it isn’t face to face, he might take it the wrong way. Go to his house, talk to him, and try to patch things up.”
“But I don’t want to push it, Zack! He’s scared of the pressure… or, well, I think he is. But I’m not pushing it! He needs his space!”
“If you’re not doing it, then I swear to God, I will.”
He expected Alex to get scared and give in to doing it himself, but he smiled. “You would?”
Zack sighed. “I don’t have much of a choice now, do I?” Alex’s grin grew, and he shook his head. “Fine. What do I say?”
“Tell him I’m sorry and that I’d love to start-over… again. And tell him I was really stupid. And sorry again… is that okay?”
Zack shrugged, pulling on a jacket. “Your words, not mine. Just a messenger.”
“Call me, okay? Especially if Jack says okay or anything like that.”
“Yes, boss.”
“Love you, Zack,” he said cheekily.
Zack grumbled something, and shut the door. He really needs to get paid more for this kid.
~*~*~*~
Jack choked on a sob, and he hit his head as he leaned back on the bathroom wall. There was shattered glass all around him, as well as blood on the floor – his blood. He was turning a shaving razor in his hand, shakily pressing it to his other forearm. He slid the razor down the width of his forearm, gasping as the pain woke him up once again.
He can’t believe he’s back to this – he hasn’t done it in about half a year, and just that one peck, and he goes back to it again? He felt a new round of tears come up, and he didn’t bother holding himself back from giving himself another cut on the arm. He was so sure he was over that boy – he needed to be. Now history was going to repeat itself and he was going to lose Alex again. He remembered the way he had to bring himself to the hospital right after Alex broke up with him – he nearly lost all blood in his arm. But no one was there to help him. Just like now.
Testing the waters – what the fuck was that supposed to mean? They’ve already tried this before. Was he checking to see if he still liked him in that way? Did he notice the way Jack just totally gave in to him? How vulnerable he was? He didn’t even know if Alex was into it – for all he knew, he probably had his eyes open. Maybe he didn’t feel anything. Nothing at all.
Jack groaned aloud, and threw the razor across the room, clanging as it landed in the bathtub. He has no idea how to feel anymore. Some part of him wants to like Alex and forgive him, but he can’t seem to get over the fact that he ruined his plan, and that history is going to repeat itself. He understands now that Alex really does mean a lot to him, and because of what Jack did, he’s going to lose him.
In the distance, he heard a door open and close. He knew it wasn’t in this house – no one’s ever here. Jack will probably die here. A nasty smile creeped up his face – yeah, it would be pretty nice to die right now. Just for a moment, then he can get up and start something new.
“Alex! Come here quick!” He heard someone yell as his eyes fluttered shut. Maybe it was him. He felt his smile grow. That sounds like something that he would say at this time.
~*~*~*~
Alex’s phone barely rang once, and it was already at his ear. “Zack! What happened? That was quick!” He only told him to call if it was good news. He put his hoodie on, and practically ran to his car, starting the engine quickly, all the while talking. “What did Jack say? I’m on my way there right now. Is he okay? Is he smiling? How is he?” He was so ready to head over to Jack’s and just give him another kiss.
“Alex! Come here quick!” Zack practically yelled. He sounded really distraught.
“Y-yeah, I am on my way. W-what happened? Is everything okay?” All thoughts of him sweeping Jack off his feet flew out the window, and he felt the color drain from his face. “What happened, Zack?”
“It’s Jack. He… he… I don’t know. I’m in his house right now. Just come over because… oh just fuck hurry.”
“I-Is there blood?” Zack was silent. “IS THERE?” He yelled into the phone. A car beeped at him – probably for cutting him off – but he really didn’t care. He couldn’t seem to get to Jack quick enough.
“Yes.”
Alex’s heart skipped a beat, then worked in overdrive. “I’ll be there,” he said curtly, then threw his phone to the passenger seat. He had a pretty good idea of what Jack did.
Alex’s mind was both blank and racing as he drove as quickly as he could to Jack’s home. The day he saw those wrist scars was enough evidence to support what he was thinking Jack did to himself – he was so sure. He cut the engine as soon as he was parked, and jumped out of the car. The smell of blood immediately washed over him when he entered, and he felt like vomiting; he pushed on, sprinting up the stairs to where he could hear running water.
He came to the bathroom, and the sight in front of him made him gasp, and nearly break down – a tear or two fell, but he didn’t care. Glass and blood scattered the floor – it was so overwhelming. He let out a strangled cry and sunk to his knees, pulling at his hair; he caused this. Jack hurting himself, breaking everything – it was him. He hurt the person he cared most about.
“Alex! I’ll take you to Jack!” And suddenly Zack was there, pulling on his arm, away from the crime scene. When he refused to move, he threw him over his shoulder. That’s when he started screaming. “Calm the fuck down! I’m just taking you to him. What’s wrong with you?”
“I don’t want to see him. I-I can’t take it, Zack! Put me down!” He bawled. He felt like such a baby, but it was all true – he would probably pass out if he sees what Jack did to himself. Images of his pale, non-breathing body made him faint. He kicked until Zack put him down. When he was finally on his feet, he straightened his clothes, and tried to look him in the eye seriously. He needed to be strong for Jack. “The bandages are kept in the bedroom under the staircase. Get him a clean duvet. Cold compress on the head and… and just stay there with him, okay? He can’t be alone when he wakes up. I’ll take care of everything out here.”
“Don’t you think you should be the first one he sees?”
Alex looked at him in disbelief. “I caused all this, Zack!” He waved his arm in the air to indicate their current situation. “He’ll probably kill me if he sees me first. B-besides,” he gulped, “I don’t want to see him in his current state. Just get me when he wakes up—no! Not when he wakes up; when he’s coherent. Or if he asks. Whichever comes first.”
“Shouldn’t we call 911?”
“I got this, Zack. Believe me.” That and Jack absolutely hates hospitals. Then again, so did Alex. It just felt right that he did this and kept it between the three of them. “Please go.”
Zack gave him another look before going in Jack’s room, which they have been standing in front of the whole time. When he was sure he was stable enough, he went back in the bathroom, choking when the smell and sight smacked him in the face. He grabbed the bleach from the cabinet and spilled the whole bottle on the floor. He picked up the broken glass and threw them out the window; then he scrubbed the floor with all the power he had, all traces of blood or any dirt removed from it.
Once the bathroom was done, he still felt the vibe of the whole situation – how could he not? Nonetheless, he went about the whole house straightening, picking up Jack’s messily discarded backpack off the floor and brought it to his study room (which was really just another room to stay in), washed the pillow cases and duvets and the clothes that Zack took off Jack, then folded and stacked them neatly in front of Jack’s room, with some coffee and biscuits for Zack. He knocked very quickly, then ran to the living room before Alex could even hear the door open. The tactic here was to stay as far away from Jack until he asked. Something he should have done in the first place.
He crashed on the couch after a while, surprised by how quickly sleep overtook him.
6/11/13