What exactly did Jack do wrong? It’s been a month since he and Alex even looked at each other – exactly like before, except now he’s being followed around by a burly body-guard like Zack that would shoot him glares every time he’d pass. Maybe he told Zack that he didn’t want himself anywhere near Jack, and now Zack’s there to make sure Jack doesn’t do anything.

Jack had no regrets about that day, though; he liked it, and would like to stop second-guessing himself, thank you very much. He was just so confused – Alex apologizes and tells him not to do anything stupid, and then goes on and does something that really hurt Jack. But why apologize? Does he not want to ignore him? And if he doesn’t, then why is he?

Jack sighed loudly, earning a glare from the teacher. Alex, seated beside him, shot him a concerned look, but the younger pretended not to notice – if he was ignoring him, then he might as well ignore him, too; he probably has a plan of some sort.

Honestly, Jack absolutely hates how much faith he has that Alex will come back for him; he knows he’s going to get hurt, but he’s going ahead and walking into a trap. This time, he suppressed the sigh, but rested his head on the table – he knows the teacher could care less about his behavior.

Moments later, he felt someone nudging his arm, and he shot up, thinking that he fell asleep. Looking around, he saw that everyone was still in his or her seat, either nodding off, or taking down notes – and then his eyes fell on Alex. The older was looking right back at him with worried eyes – then he gave him a small smile, and passed him a neatly folded note. He’s been doing that constantly, each one containing a different form of encouragement. Those are probably contributing factors as to why he had so much faith that Alex was coming back.

“Wait a little longer,” one would say.

“Don’t lose hope,” another would bear.

But this one was different – it made Jack’s heart shoot up his throat, and beat more than double its usual.

“Put a hand on your tummy and lean back on your chair. Shut your eyes and think about something disgusting. Just go with the flow. I promise I won’t hurt you.”

Jack took a sideways glance at Alex, who was watching him intently. The older begged him with his eyes, and Jack felt himself go putty in his hands. He sighed silently, and did as the note told him.

~*~*~*~

“Can’t believe that worked,” Alex mused, his arm laced through Jack’s as they strolled the corridors.

Needless to say, Jack’s confusion only grew. More than a month of ignoring him, and all of the sudden they’re walking the hallways, practically holding hands? Jack could feel the stiffness in his stride, but he couldn’t seem to let go of it. What’s Alex going to do?

Thankfully, Alex didn’t leave him guessing. He lead them straight to the music room Jack found Alex in a month ago, and the older immediately let go of the other, skipping slightly towards the piano. “There are no lights in here, if you don’t mind,” he said in a way that said he really could care less about Jack’s response – strangely, he wasn’t very offended by that. He felt a smile creep on his face; he’s getting comfortable around him. And then he remembered their current situation, and he held himself back from slapping himself in the face; everything’s just so damn confusing.

He heard Alex singing, and just for that moment, it was as if all confusion drifted away – he smiled when he caught Alex’s eye, and the older smiled back before focusing his gaze on what he was playing.

“Do you remember back when we fell in love in your best friend’s basement?

Spun a bottle and hoped it would land on you.”

His cheeks turned pink as he sang that, but Jack just found it adorable. Okay, so, no, they didn’t fall in love in their best friend’s basement, or played spin the bottle, but it’s a nice thought.

The tempo built up.

“But now, we hardly speak at all. Looking back, how did we get away?

I never thought that we’d surrender when I was yours and you were mine.

Never regret, no, we learned how to love when we were young.”

The piano went on a little bit longer, and it eventually faded out. Alex launched into a completely different ballad, but he didn’t sing anything. It sounded a lot like Lullabies.

“I feel the need to explain the last month,” he said softly, and the weight of their current situation dawned on Jack. He nodded, and Alex continued, saying, “I would have said something sooner, but Zack’s been on my ass the whole time. This was the only way I could talk to you in private.” Jack nodded again. He could feel his heart pounding erratically.

“Zack thinks you’re going to hurt me. Remember when I told you that he came back around June because my parents thought I was unstable from the move?” Another nod. “It was because I got depressed over our break-up. Like, I don’t know, it just… hit me. Really fucking hard.”

“What are you trying to say, Alex?” Jack interrupted roughly. No, they weren’t supposed to be talking about these things. It’s supposed to be a clean slate. What is he doing? “I thought we were past this.”

“I-I… I don’t know, really,” he said, eyebrows knitting together. “It’s just… I just felt like I needed to relive that, and Zack just isn’t the right person, even if he issupposedly the right person. I just…” He finally met Jack’s gaze, and the younger was surprised to see that he wasn’t even tearing up; Alex got pretty emotional sometimes. Instead, he looked lost. “Is he just concerned?”

“P-probably… I don’t know him that well.” And then the anger was gone. Alex was just a little puppy Jack couldn’t reject. He always felt the need to comfort him, and it will probably be instinct to help him whenever he asks for it. He hates himself for not being able to maintain his anger, but, at the same time, he doesn’t; Alex needs him, and it isn’t a time to be stubborn. Besides, best friends do that sort of thing, right? Jack could still steer this somehow conjoint plan of theirs. “He’s close to you, and he has that certain protectiveness when it comes to you and your emotions, especially.”

Alex nodded slowly. “Probably,” he repeated, “but not quite.” And just like that, sentimental, little-British-boy Alex was gone, but hesitant, present-day Alex has arose. Jack could see it in his eyes. “So, uh… how have you been? I know it was pretty rude of me to just ignore you like that, but…” He trailed off, pursing his lips.

“Fine, I guess. Confused for the most of it, but fine,” he said, trying not to be too awkward. “You?”

“Zack’s just bothering me with his motherly ways,” he snorted. The look in his eyes changed again, and they turned curious. “You… you were confused? Hm, that was my fault, wasn’t it? Yeah…” He was mostly talking to himself at this point, but still holding Jack’s gaze. “Can I try something?”

Before Jack could say anything, Alex was leaning towards him, one hand resting on his leg, the other around his neck, his thumb grazing his cheek, the other fingers playing with his hair. Jack’s head was screaming at him, ‘no, you don’t want it! Stop him!’ but he couldn’t move. He was so sure he looked like a lost child in a huge mall, but there was just something in him that made him freeze all the way down to his toes. “Just testing the waters,” Alex breathed, his cold breath making Jack shiver.

Then the older pressed his lips against his, and Jack felt his whole body turn jelly. No words can even begin to explain how much he loves being kissed by Alex. The way he always made sure that he was playing with Jack’s hair because he knew he liked it, the faint scent of something so distinctly Alex that just clung to him at all times, the light pressure he put against his lips that said that he loves and wants him… Jack can’t help it. He placed a hand against the other’s chest, fingers twisting the fabric. He shut his eyes, and just melted into the kiss, not even caring that they weren’t moving in the slightest – they were technically just pressing their lips against each other’s, nothing extremely heavy.

And then he started to panic. He pulled back, his eyes fluttering open, but he refused to look straight at Alex. Oh fucking no. No, no, no, no, no. He wasn’t supposed to do that – they weren’t supposed to be doing that. Not again. He’s going to lose him again. He’ll do something completely wrong, and Alex will let him go again. The plan was completely ruined. He… he couldn’t…

He didn’t notice Alex snapping his fingers in front of his face, his hand clutching his leg even tighter. “Jack! What happened? Oh fuck. Jack, talk to me!”

“I-I’m so sorry,” he heard himself say. He stood up, still looking at anywhere but Alex. “Just, uh…” He felt the tears building up, and he did the first thing that came to mind: he ran. Ran out of the room, ran from Alex, ran from the revived friendship he probably just ruined.

Notes

Paramore owns the chapter title.

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