Sanctuary

The following morning, I was incredibly warm and comfortable as I was still snuggled up to Alex. Needless to say, I didn’t want to wake up even though it was Christmas and I could smell food. He stirred and I felt his left arm move down my body.

“I smell food.” he said.

“Me too.”

“I’m surprised you’re not awake and in the kitchen.”

“I don’t want to get up. I feel so content right now.”

I didn’t move my head as I spoke.

“I don’t blame you. I feel the same way.”

“Good.”

“But your mom is gonna wonder where we’re at.”

I groaned. He was right.

“I’m not moving.”

“I’m not gonna protest.” he laughed.

I sighed and shut my eyes, trying to get more sleep, but it didn't last as I heard my mom's voice calling for us.

"Fuck." I said opening my eyes.

"Time to wake up."

I got up first and made a trip before I told Alex that I'd meet him in the living room.

“Merry Christmas, Abby.” my mom greeted.

“Merry Christmas, Mom.” I said smiling.

“Where’s Alex?”

“Right here.” he said with two hands on my shoulders.

“Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas.”

“So, Mom. What smells so good? That breakfast casserole you always make on this holiday?”

“Of course.”

I nearly squealed. Alex hasn’t had a chance to have it, so I’m eager for him to try it.

“Is Tyler up yet?”

“Not yet. He’s a sleepyhead.”

“Just like the guy behind me. Isn’t that right, honey?”

“Yeah.”

“How long till it’s done?”

“Half hour.”

I nodded and walked to the couch and sat down.

“How’d you two sleep?”

“Wonderful. The bedding was soft and warm.” I said, practically singing.

“We didn’t want to get out of bed.”

“I get that. We have similar bedding.”

I leaned my head on his shoulder and sighed.

“Thought you weren’t tired?” my mom asked.

“I like his shoulder.”

They both laughed. I also liked the arm that was wrapped around my waist. I then heard other footsteps walk down the hall, but I still didn’t move.

“Merry Christmas, everybody!” Tyler greeted.

We all greeted the same sentiment.

“Breakfast smells wonderful, Carol.” he said kissing her.

I smiled.

We sat and spoke till the casserole was done.

“Can I help?” I asked, turning around and getting on my knees.

“No, honey. Tyler and I will bring food in.”

“Ok.”

“Is someone hungry?” Alex whispered in my ear.

“Very.”

I turned to him and kissed him. He kissed me back as he pulled me onto his lap; we made out for a couple minutes until we heard them leave the kitchen.

“Someone’s happy.” my mom said.

“I’m excited to eat.”

“You’re the only person I know who’s ever this excited about eating food.”

I laughed.

“That’s one of my favorite things about her.” Alex said kissing my cheek.

I blushed.

“This is delicious.” he said the second he took a bite.

“I second that. It's a Shaw family tradition.” I said.

"Is that so?"

"It is."

"Thank you guys. That means so much coming from you two."

Ten minutes later, we were done eating and ready to open presents. I parked my ass in front of the tree like I was a little kid all the while giggling. He sat down beside me and laughed, clearly amused by my actions. Alex and I brought presents that we bought for each other along with ones for the other happy couple in the room. He always goes overboard when it comes to me whether he wants to buy something I'd love or just do something for me that I would never expect in a million years; to say I was blessed was an understatement.

"Who wants to start?" Tyler asked.

I bit my lip. I did.

"Can I?"

"Of course, honey." my mom said laughing.

I shook my head and scanned under the tree for the first one to open. There was a small one that just stood out to me and I grabbed it; Alex smiled as it was from him. That smile made me want to open it even more. I unwrapped it to see that it was jewelry; when I opened the box and saw what it was, my jaw dropped. What was inside was a beautiful bracelet that had a charm on it that made me tear up.

Fate whispers to the warrior, "You cannot withstand this storm" and the warrior whispers back, "I am the storm."

I hugged him and pressed my face into his neck; he proceeded to wrap his arms tightly around me. I didn't care how vulnerable I was at this moment and about how I was in the company of two other people.

"I love you."

"I love you, too." he said, kissing the top of my head.

I've been through so much these past seven, nearly eight months and seeing the charm bracelet just made me realize how that resonates with me.

"Can I see it?" my mom asked.

I pulled apart from Alex and nodded, handing her the bracelet.

"Oh, honey." she said placing a hand on my arm.

“You’re amazing, Alex Gaskarth.” I said hugging him again.

“I searched all over to find the perfect charm bracelet and when I found it, I just knew that I had to buy it.” he said smiling.

“It’s perfect and one of the best things you’ve ever bought me.”

“May I see it?” Tyler asked.

I nodded and he smiled.

“Someone clearly loves and cares about you.”

I smiled and put it on after he handed it back to me. My mom took a turn and got jewelry as well then it came back to Alex. Nothing I would ever match up with anything I could buy him. It was a Ravens jersey he had been eyeing up and I managed to have enough money to buy it. He lit up when he unwrapped it which is something I live for just like he lives for making me happy.

“What time is it?” I asked afterward.

“11.” my mom answered.

“Wanna watch Christmas Vacation?” Alex asked.

He knew it was my favorite Christmas movie.

“Anyone have any objections?”

They both said no. I brought it with me in hopes that we’d watch it.

“Then, Christmas Vacation it is.”

I giggled and kissed him. I got comfortable on the couch as he put it in the dvd player. However, when he came back, he smirked and moved me to the opposite end of the couch. I gave him a look and crawled back to lie my head in his lap.

“Hello.” he said.

“Hello.” I said looking up at him.

It had been a while since I’ve laid my head in his lap, so I figured why not today? I felt an arm on my body and a hand on my hip within seconds; that felt so good, you have no idea. I was surprised when the movie was over that I hadn’t fallen asleep which meant I was going to take a nap.

“Anyone care if I go take a nap?” I asked.

“Not at all. A nap actually sounds really nice right now.”

I took Alex’s hand, who had just put away the movie, and waved before walking to the guest bedroom and climbing into bed. I turned to him and instead of smiling, I yawned.

“Sorry.”

I yawned again and he laughed.

“I think you should just lie down and close your eyes.”

“Wise words.” I said as he laid down.

I became comfortable on his chest and shut my eyes; I drifted off in no time.

I was four years old and celebrating Christmas with my mom when I heard someone knock on the front door. I stopped playing with my baby doll and walked toward the door. My mom who was nearby stopped me and told me to sit back down.

“I’ll be back soon, sweetie. Please go play.”

“Ok, Mommy.”

“Hey Carol.”

“Paul. What are you doing here?”

“I’ve finally come to my senses. I know she’s mine.”

“It took you four years to realize that. Really? Do you know how difficult it’s been raising her on my own? Do you know that my parents disowned me because they were ashamed that I became a teenage mom? She’s the only blood I have left.”

She sounded like she was about to cry.

“I’m so sorry, but can I come see her? I have the right.”

“No, you don’t, you bastard. You might’ve as well have been a sperm donor.”

“Carol. Please.”

I heard her cry out in pain as he pushed her and tried to get into the house. She attempted to do the opposite and lock the door; it didn’t work as I heard footsteps come toward me.

“Abby, please go to your room.”

I nodded and ran off. Five minutes later, I heard my mommy knock on the door.

“Abby, sweetie, you can come out now.”

I opened the door to see a mark on her face and tear stains as well.

“You okay, Mommy?” I asked as she picked me up.

“Yes, sweetie.”

“Who was dat?”

“A very mean man. Don’t worry. You won’t ever see him again.”

I nodded and wrapped my little arms around her neck while she kissed my forehead.

“I love you.” she said.

“Wuv you, too.”

I woke up in a cold sweat with my heart racing and I was in a state of shock.

Did I just have a repressed memory? Because I certainly have no recollection of it. Of course, I don’t because who remembers something that happened when they were four?

Alex woke up a minute later to see me in the same state.

“Abby?”

I looked up at him.

“What’s going on?”

“I had the weirdest dream. Well, it was more like a memory, actually. One that I never remember happening.”

“What was it about?”

“I was four years old and it was Christmas. I was playing with my doll when I heard the door. I went to the door, but my mom stopped me before I could open it. She was talking with a man and it became very heated.”

We sat up at this point.

“Who was it?”

“My father...”

I went on with what happened to him and when my mom let me out of my room. He was confused and angry which was how I was feeling.

“I thought she told you that he never acknowledged that he was yours?”

“She did. Why in the world did she lie to me like that? Protect me? Well, I’m 28 years old now, not a little kid. I deserve to know.”

My right hand was clenched into a fist as I was furious. He covered my hand in an attempt to calm me down; he had a way with knowing how to calm me down. I released it and instead, he intertwined our fingers.

“I know he hurt her, but I do have a right to know. I can’t possibly talk about this now. It’s Christmas for fuck sakes, but I have to do it before our wedding. Oh my God. And I don’t wanna do it over the phone.”

I was starting to breathe heavily as I felt a panic attack coming on. I tightened my grip on his hand and began to cry, more like sob. He pulled me into him and wrapped his arms around me.

“It’s gonna be okay, Abby. It is. Trust me.”

Another sob ravaged through my chest.

“Please remember to breathe.”

I could hear him, but my mind was somewhere else entirely. This must’ve went on for nearly five minutes when I finally calmed down.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like someone beat me. I can’t believe I just had a panic attack on Christmas. How stupid and embarrassing is that?” I said leaning my head back.

“Abby. Panic attacks are hard to predict. It sucks, but it’s certainly not stupid or embarrassing.”

"How terrible do I look?"

He shook his head.

"I can't believe you just asked me that."

"Just give me an answer, please."

“Not happening.”

“Alex.”

He was biting his lip and looking away to the corner. Part of me was annoyed, the other was amused. I pressed my lips to his neck, hoping to get an answer and placed a hand on his inner thigh; he gasped.

“How do I look?”

“Great.”

Being a tease always gets me answers.

“No. Be honest.”

“You. Look. Great.” he said in between kisses.

“I believe you.” I said melting into him.

“Glad you’re feeling better, Beautiful.”

“Thank you, Handsome.”

We sat in silence for a few minutes; I could spend time with Alex in complete and utter silence for any amount of time and be content.

“Are you hungry? Because I’m starving.” he asked.

“Well, it’s 2:30 and dinner's not till 4."

He groaned.

“You’ll live. Don’t forget. Ravens are playing at 4:30.”

He grinned like a dork.

“And you have the Redskins at 8:30.”

“Yay!” I cheered.

He kissed me and I didn’t want us to separate.

“You think they’d be okay with us staying here till dinner?” I asked.

“I think they’d be worried.” he said gripping my hips.

“Ok.” I pouted.

He laughed and I got off his lap. I changed into nicer clothes, took a trip to the bathroom and left.

“See you out there, Loverboy!” I said blowing a kiss as I danced down the hallway.

I walked into the living room and saw my mom and Tyler sitting and laughing in the living room. I decided right then and there, I wouldn’t bring that topic up; there didn’t need to be any drama today.

“Hi guys.” I sung.

Alex was laughing from behind me.

“Hi honey. Have a good nap?”

I didn’t want to lie, but I had to.

“Yeah. Did you?”

“Yep.”

“Cool, dude.”

She shook her head as did my fiancée.

“Do I amuse you?”

I wasn’t angry, if you were wondering.

“Very much.” he answered with a not so straight face.

I continued to smile and walk into the kitchen to get something to drink.

“Anyone want something to drink?”

Tyler and my mom said no.

“Is it too early for beer?”

I’d say I was in disbelief about him asking that, but I’d be lying.

“Just a little bit, babe.”

“I’ll take water, then.”

I poured water in two glasses and handed one to him.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

We walked back into the living room and plopped our asses down on the couch.

"I have a question, Mom."

"Yeah?"

"Are you gonna let me help you out with dinner?"

"If you really want to."

"Of course. Food is my passion, after all." I said, raising my chin and speaking with a French accent.

"That's a terrible accent, Abby." Alex said laughing.

I shrugged.

"No one's perfect."

He laughed and pulled me close, kissing the top of my head.

"You're hilarious.”

“I know.”

“You two need to stop being so adorable.” my mom said.

I blushed.

“I don’t think they can, honey.” Tyler said.

“So, can I drink after dinner?”

I loved that a grown man was asking me permission to drink alcohol.

“How can anyone watch football without drinking? I am. Maybe not beer, though.”

He nodded.

“I still don’t know how you can watch the Redskins, though.”

I laughed. I can’t tell you how many times he’s said this.

“How does it feel to be outnumbered this time?”

“Outnumbered?” Tyler asked.

“We hosted Thanksgiving last month. He and his bandmates rooted for Baltimore, while my best friend and I rooted for Washington. This feels nice.”

"Weird." Alex replied.

“I bet it does.”

“Does this mean we can do something else while the men watch football?” my mom asked.

“Of course. Movies?”

“Maybe some alcohol?”

“That works.”

The urge to confront my mom on my repressed memory of my father came up and it was difficult to push down. Other football was on, so the guys and I could watch it until dinner. My mom was unenthused as she would take turns checking the ham and sitting in the living room with us. Come 3:30, I went into the kitchen with my mom to help her out with dinner.

“I’m so thankful about you helping me out. I don’t think I can handle another second of football.”

I laughed.

“I’m glad to be helping. You know, it’s hard to be around Alex whenever the Ravens are playing, but the sight of that is also amusing.”

“Well, Tyler is pretty much the same. Quite comical, actually.”

I smiled and nodded.

“So, are we making deviled eggs with sriracha?”

“Definitely. What other way is there to eat deviled eggs?”

My mom and I have always eaten them that way even when I was a child. Around four, I had finished setting the table when I felt Alex’s arms around my stomach.

“Hey.” he said.

“Hey.”

“Everything looks delicious.”

“It is.”

“Did you already have a taste?”

“No. I just know.”

I felt the oh so familiar touch of his hands on the bare skin of my stomach.

“You need to quit doing that. I’m feeling a little uncomfortable if you know what I mean.” I said turning around.

He smirked and kissed me.

“Ok. Maybe later.”

“You know we can’t, Alex.”

He pouted.

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

A couple minutes later, we were sitting at the table about to eat and after saying a quick prayer, we dug in.

“I can see where Abby gets her superb cooking skills from.” he said.

“Thank you, Alex.”

“You’re so sweet.” I said, pinching his cheek.

He shooed my hand away and tried not to laugh. Twenty minutes later, I was full and patted my tummy.

“Well, I’m good for a while.” I said ready to relax.

“I’m gonna go change.”

“Yeah. Go change into an ugly jersey.”

He laughed at me.

“I think you’re mistaking ugly for beautiful.”

I shook my head and went to clean up the table. I'm pretty OCD about cleaning up on holidays, unfortunately.

"You don't have to help with this. I got it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, sweetie. I'll take care of this later during the Redskins game."

I nodded and she hugged me. I was so fucking happy, but I wondered how I'd talk to my mom about my memory; it could be either a screaming match or a civilized conversation.

"What can I get ya to drink?" my mom asked.

"Whatcha got?" I asked, rubbing my hands together.

We headed to their bedroom to watch a couple movies before the game.

"Now, this... this is nice. Just us two girls spending time together." my mom said.

"I totally agree. We need this."

I took a sip of my wine cooler and laid down flat on my stomach, focusing on the sappy chick flick that was playing and thought of the first time I subjected him to it; it was absolutely hilarious. I heard my phone vibrate and seeing that it was Alex, I read it; the game was over.

"Game's over."

She nodded and got off the bed.

"I'll take care of this. You go see your honey."

I smiled and I certainly missed him. Once I walked out of the bedroom, I quickly spotted him in the kitchen.

"Hey. How was the game?"

"We lost. We lost by five points." he said, sighing.

And against the Steelers, so it must’ve hurt more.

"Poor baby." I said genuinely.

"You know what would make me happy?"

"You."

He smirked.

"Alex. We talked about this. We can't."

The disappointed look on his face made me melt. I wanted him so badly right now.

"You're killing me here."

"Abby."

He was truly acting like a child.

"In the shower. After the game." I whispered into his ear.

"Promise?"

“I promise.”

I kissed him to assure him. It’d be late, but I don’t think I can wait any longer than that.

“Now, I’m gonna change. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

I came back with my jersey on and sex on my mind. Alex was still in the living room and clearly waiting for me. I snuggled up to him seeing as the game wasn’t on for another twenty minutes.

Can’t I just have him now?

“Tired?”

“No. I’m just getting comfortable before the game starts and plus I can’t be tired.” I said, whispering the latter.

“That’s good.”

“That’s great.” I corrected him.

As soon as the game started, I pulled away from Alex and sat on the edge of the couch. He was amused the entire time and was delighted each time they scored because I would kiss him; that’s how ecstatic I was. Turns out, they won and I was overjoyed as Alex just because my team won.

“Well, I’m exhausted.” my mom said.

“So am I. Let’s head to bed.” Tyler yawned.

We said goodnight and off they walked to their bedroom which was in the opposite direction of ours. I turned the lights out as Alex picked me up with my legs hooked around his waist and took us to our bathroom. He managed to open the door and shut the door behind us. The look in his eyes killed me as he set me down, so I could dispose of my clothes and he could dispose of his. As he turned on the water and adjusted it to the right temperature, my heart pounded and I was getting wet. I stepped in and reattached my lips to his once he got in. He lifted me up and pushed me against the wall; he was at my entrance in a split second and I could already feel how hard he was.

“Now?”

“Yes.” I said breathlessly.

I cried out, not being able to be quiet as he entered me. I dug my fingernails into his back as he thrusted in and out; I could hear him grunt with every move he made.

Fuck.

That turned me on so badly.

“Alex.” I moaned into his neck.

“Abby.” he moaned.

I took his head in mine and feverishly kissed him, quickly adding tongue to the intensity. He then proceeded to move faster which caught me by surprise, so much that I moaned into his mouth. We separated and I went to bite down on his neck; he groaned and gripped me harder. Who knew you could have such rough sex in the shower? When we came, I was exhausted but knew I had to shower before I could even think of sleep.

"How's your neck?" I asked.

I hadn't bitten down that hard in quite a while.

"Ok, but I'm gonna need to borrow some of your concealer in the morning, if you wouldn't mind." he said, touching it.

I laughed which caused him to laugh.

"I don't mind at all."

That entire day and night was such a whirlwind of emotions, but I knew tomorrow was bound to be emotional as well.

Notes