Just Another Reason I Could Never Forget You

“Hello?” A voice called from the hallway. I had been debating if that had been the door knocking or my imagination but hadn’t cared enough to get up and check. Turns out, it was the door. Mystery solved.
“In here!” I called in response. It vaguely sounded like Alex and, while I didn’t know what he wanted, it was easier for both of us if he just came to me. He was on his feet, I was in my PJs, no brainer. “What’s up?” I asked as I heard his footsteps stop in the doorway, not turning away from the TV to even check I was right.
“My mom sent me to give your mom her dishes back,” he replied. Yep, Alex it was. I tried to ignore the swelling in my chest as he was so casually in my living room after all this time of not speaking to me (last night aside), but it was difficult. I had to act cool, of course, so as not to immediately scare him back to his own house. I had indeed missed him while he was basically ignoring me, and honestly not (just) because I was, like, in love with him or anything, but more because he had become my friend in the last days of touring, and we seemed like we had been getting along better than ever at the end there. We were invested in our friendship at the end and I still was. Sure, I definitely had romantic feelings for Alex too (hence the chest swelling, obviously), but that wasn’t my focus here.
“She’s not here. Her and dad are away for the weekend in New York. Just leave them wherever.” I’d made contact with my parents mid-afternoon, finally being told where they were and that they had ‘definitely’ told me this a week ago. There was no response, nor did I hear his footsteps, so we sat in silence as Kat and Patrick ran into each other outside a store.
“Okay, maybe you’re not afraid of me, but I’m sure you’ve thought about me naked.” Patrick’s face morphed into a smirk on the screen as he spoke.
“Am I that transparent? I want you; I need you. Oh, baby. Oh, baby,” Kat responded sarcastically. I heard Alex chuckle and turned to face him finally, my eyebrows raised.
“It’s basically us,” he told me. “I would have said that to any number of girls and you would have said that to any number of guys.” I shook my head, smiling lightly before turning away once again. “I didn’t peg you for the chick flick kind.”
“This is the least chick flick-y chick flick in existence, Gaskarth. It has the best music and it’s based on Shakespeare. Leave me alone.” He laughed at me again, still not making to leave. I watched him for a second, seeing his eyes glued to the screen and rolled my eyes, hardly thinking before saying, “are you just gonna stand there all night, or are you going to admit you want to watch this film and come sit down?”
“I don’t know, have you eaten?” I shook my head, as I heard him shuffling before his shoes made a small thud on the hardwood. “I’ll order us some take out if you want?”
I glanced over at him again, my mom’s dishes still clutched in his hand, beginning to smile softly. “That'd be nice.” He returned my smile, leaving the room momentarily. I heard his voice coming through from the kitchen as he ordered us a pizza, still somehow knowing my favourite, and I assume putting the dish down finally. It was an unexpected turn of events, but I absolutely was not going to question it.
He returned in only a matter of minutes, and I moved my blanket out of the way for him to sit on the couch next to me before covering him with the extra I had. It didn’t quite stretch, so I moved closer to him, allowing him to be covered fully. Alex saw me sat up straight, less comfortable than I had been when he came in the house and he chuckled, lifting his arm up so I could rest my head on his chest.
I didn’t hesitate. His arm wrapped around my waist and we didn’t speak as we returned to the film. My heart felt like it was going to beat free from my chest, but it felt so nice. I knew it was an instinct he hadn’t yet learned to squash but all I wanted was to bask in it, to pretend that everything was falling into place. We were so relaxed and neither of us was doing anything wrong. He was just here, watching a movie with me and waiting on dinner. Like it always should have been.
Was it strange given we had hardly spoken in a month? Without a doubt, but every single action felt natural. Leaning into Alex, watching chick flicks with him, home alone on a Saturday night, nothing about this made me feel on edge. My heart raced a little at his touch, but other than that, I felt totally normal. I felt like a teenager, don’t get me wrong, but teenaged me had experienced this as her daily normal, so of course it was normal now too.
“What the fuck is she annoyed for?” Alex grunted through a mouthful of pizza half an hour later, as Patrick rejected Kat and Kat stormed off. “Dude did a nice thing!” I had my feet in his lap, having parted from each other when the pizza arrived so we could eat without dropping cheese onto the other’s head.
“He still rejected her,” I replied laughing. “Obviously you’ve forgotten how drunk girls act when they put themselves on the line like that. If anyone had dared reject me when I was drunk, I would have stormed off too.”
“I rejected you plenty of times!”
“You did not,” I scoffed. “We made out in so many inappropriate places and you always went home with me.”
“That’s what you think,” he told me. “I’d sort of brush you off just enough to not piss you off and then basically carry you home and put you to bed. I just don’t think you realised what I was doing.”
“Doesn’t count,” I replied stubbornly. “You still kissed me and you still went home with me, even if you didn’t get laid.”
“If you say so, Hol,” he chuckled. I shook my head, turning back to the film with a smile on my face. Alex was so invested in this film, one he’d mocked me for having on when he came in. “I think my mom knew you were home alone, you know.” I glanced back to him, but he wasn’t looking at me.
“Oh?” I didn’t know what else to say. Was he trying to say his mom was trying to set us back up? Or was she just noticing our lack of communication and attempting to get us back to at least civil? I had no doubt Alex had confided something in her about the way I left tour, so her attempting to throw us back together made sense. I mean, it made about as much sense as Jack actively trying to keep Alex’s activities away from me and vice versa. Jack was still firmly on team ‘don’t you dare try this again’ and it showed.
“There’s no way she didn’t know your folks were out of town. She waited until it was dark and all the lights were off and decided, right before dinner, to send me over with dishes that have been at our house a month. I think she’s up to something.” I laughed at him, his (completely founded) paranoia ridiculously amusing for some reason.
“You didn’t have to stay,” I reminded him. “I was happy watching chick flicks.”
“And disappoint her? Never.” He grinned widely at me and I shook my head. My stomach flipped and I could almost see him reacting as I did. I hadn’t felt this relaxed around someone in years, not since I was a kid I would guess. I felt... content. He came over, he took over my space but looked after me at the same time, slotting into my life the way no one had before. I didn’t remember last time being this easy, but I was desperate to see how it could go, almost all thoughts of just being his friend gone from my mind, but not enough that I was going to throw myself at him or anything. I just liked being with him, and that was worth looking into, right?
“Hey, thanks for tonight,” I told him after the movie ended, standing in my doorway as he said he had to go. “It was nice.”
“Yeah, I enjoyed myself,” he replied, turning back to look at me as he stood on the porch. “We should do this more often.”
“Next time you can pick the movie and I’ll pay for dinner,” I bargained. He chuckled for what felt like the thousandth time that night, raising his hand and pushing a lock of stray hair behind my ear. He hesitated for a moment, his fingers lingering by my face and looking at me intently. I couldn’t look away, and I knew that he was feeling what we’d told ourselves we’d bury deep down, but no part of me wanted to tell him off.
His hand dropped to his side and he took a step backward.
“We’ll do a Christmas film,” he replied, acting as if nothing had happened. “I don’t know, like Elf or Home Alone.”
“Sounds good,” I smiled, also choosing to act as if nothing happened. I didn’t miss his choice of film being massively unromantic either, but that was probably a good thing.
“I’ll see you later. Night, Hol.”
“Night, Alex.”

Notes