Just Another Reason I Could Never Forget You

I hadn’t really expected to hear from anyone. In my heart, I had hoped, but I felt like I’d lost my friends here in the break up and that it was all over now, ripped apart like it had never happened, and I had begun to accept that. It hurt, I won’t lie, but I was beginning to accept it. Every single one of them was loyal to their friend. He was hurting more than I was and he needed them more, so I wasn’t going to fault them on who they chose to remain loyal to. Maybe if I had stayed we could have become friendly again, but I wasn’t going to linger on in hopes of that ever happening. I had a life to live.
Either way, Marissa and I had made good time on my apartment. I’d loaded the last of my belongings and my place just looked so damn big without all my crap cluttering it, but it felt like closure somehow. This adventure was over, but a new one was beginning and I was so ready for it.
I’d even successfully navigated the boring stuff. I’d cleaned the place top to bottom, I’d handed in my keys and I’d stocked up on all the necessities Marissa and I needed for the trip home, and I’d done all of that on my own while Marissa spent the time in a coffee shop catching up on what she had missed of school during her trip and probably messaging Jack to procrastinate.
She had returned around one, looking around a little eagerly for any of my friends, but it was just me on my own, reading a book in the passenger seat of our truck with the door open.
“Are you ready?” She asked when I looked up from my book to see her coming toward me, laptop in hand and a small, sympathetic smile on her face.
“As I’ll ever be,” I replied, shrugging and closing my book softly. Truth be told, I’d done very little reading. I’d been looking up at the sound of every car, thinking it was someone coming to see me off, and then reading the same paragraph over and over when I tried to return to my book. I wasn’t entirely ready to let this adventure die, but I had to do it at some point.
“Just think: this time in a couple months, you’ll be back in college and it’ll all be better than it ever was. You got this, Jase.”
“I know,” I nodded. “It’s just weird right now. I half expect to wake up and none of it would have happened, but that’s not how life works.” She offered me a sympathetic smile and I ignored it, jumping down from my seat in order to help her put her things into the vehicle and allowing us both to check we had everything we would need for the next few hours at the very least. If we couldn’t pick it up at gas stations along the way, we probably didn’t need it that desperately.
“Stop, stop!” I screamed as Marissa went to pull out of the lot. My eyes widened as I noticed a new car pulling in behind us, my heart leaping as I recognised it and its inhabitant.
I took my chance, climbing back out of the truck and slowly making my way over, the single man in front of me leaving his car almost as slowly as I did.
“Kennedy?” I asked, hesitantly. He kicked at the ground, his hands stuffed deep into the pockets of his jeans.
“Hey, Hol,” he muttered, looking up at me as I smiled weakly at him. My heart raced at the sight of him, at the proof that this hadn’t all been for nothing. I may not have heard back from any of them even once since I had left all those weeks ago, but it seemed like he felt it was a waste to just act like it never happened too.
“What’s up?” I asked. “How is everyone?” I tried not to sound too eager, but I knew I had a hint of overexcitement in my voice that he wasn’t used to. I also knew that he knew I was more concerned with how John was than anything else, and yet too proud to admit it.
“Nothing, we’re, uh, we’re all good.” He kicked at the ground again and I forced another weak smile on my face, not sure what to say. My phone buzzed in my back pocket but I ignored it. He’d obviously come for a reason and I wanted to hear him out. “The guys don’t know I’m here,” he told me after a brief silence.
“Then why are you?” I cocked my head to the side, trying to figure out what he wanted to say so that he didn’t have to work up the courage. I loved Kennedy, I did, but I still couldn’t figure out what he wanted. John had won them all in the breakup; I was just an afterthought.
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I just—I knew you were leaving today.”
“Hence the truck,” I joked. “But Marissa came to help, don’t worry about it.”
“That’s not why I came,” he said, shaking his head softly. “The guys don’t say anything because John’s still pretty bummed, but I’m fucking bummed too, you know? You’re our friend.” He frowned at me and I felt the ever-familiar wave of guilt washing over me, a small lump growing steadily larger in my throat. Kennedy seemed to get me, get my jokes, almost as much as John had and he’d always been around to joke with. Once you took John out of the equation, it seemed Kennedy was all I had left in this place.
“I know, Ken,” I replied softly. “If I could have done this differently, I would have.”
“It’s just that—well, I—I don’t want you to forget us,” he muttered finally.
“Do you think I could?”
“You forgot them,” he said, nodding his head toward the vehicle housing my best friend.
“I didn’t,” I said, shaking my head. “You know I didn’t forget them.” He shrugged, not seeming to believe me, but I held my tongue. I knew how this looked to everybody else.
“I’m gonna miss you.” I wiped at my eyes, the lump in my throat having grown so large that it had begun to push tears from my eyes. I moved forward swiftly, wrapping my arms around his neck tightly. After a moment of hesitation, I felt his arms wrapping around me too, returning my uncharacteristic display of affection. “Are you crying on me?” He chuckled, a small crack in his voice.
“No,” I laughed, sniffling and giving myself away. “But you know I’m going to miss you too.”
“Hey, I, uh—I brought you something,” he told me, pulling away and quickly returning to his car. He pushed a hastily wrapped rectangle into my hands and I grinned at him.
“You know you didn’t have to get me anything,” I told him.
“I didn’t,” he admitted sheepishly. “This has been in my living room since I moved into my place.” I ripped open the paper, revealing the battered picture frame that encased the picture of Kennedy and I at the Grand Canyon, when all of us had taken a trip last year, after I had admitted I hadn’t been since my parents took me when I was six. The pair of us were grinning widely, the canyon behind us. I couldn’t remember what had prompted this picture, it had been something stupid, but it had been one of only three I had agreed to that day: one with Ken, one with John and one as an entire group. We’d all been so happy.
“I love it,” I told him.
“I brought this too,” he told me, pushing another picture into my hands. “In case you felt like looking at someone else’s face but mine. I know you’re not big on pictures, but…” It was one of the other pictures from that day, the one of all six of us. I could only assume John had the third picture. I smiled again, looking over the rest of my group of friends. The lump returned to my throat as I realised Kennedy had been the only one who cared enough to come and see me off.
“But how will you remember me if I take all your photos of me?”
“Trust me, I have plenty of pictures of you and me at way too many parties, where we were probably the most sober ones there. Mostly they include you trying to keep John upright,” he chuckled. He hesitated, the small smile that had accompanied his laughter dropping suddenly. “Is it too soon for me to say stuff like that?”
“No,” I assured him. “John and me didn’t work. I’m not leaving because of that and I really think, one day, we might be friends again. I’ve just got to wait for him to be alright first.”
“It’ll be a while.” My stomach dropped at his words, a fresh wave of guilt washing over me. I needed to hear it, but that didn’t mean I had to like it. I hated that I was leaving him like this, I hated that we weren’t lounging around outside John’s house drinking beer and reminiscing. I was beginning to hate that I had come here in the first place. I knew John wasn’t okay with me, his silence had been enough to scream that at me. I’d always said he wore his heart on his sleeve and it felt wrong to be on the other side of his emotions, but I guess that was something I had to get used to.
“As long as we’re friends, I think I can hold down the fort until then,” I smiled, though it felt like more of a grimace. My phone buzzed again and I finally pulled it out, seeing a couple of texts from Marissa. “I’ve gotta go,” I told him. “It’s a long drive.”
He pulled me into a hug of his own and I felt tears threatening to spill over again.
“Drive safe, okay?” I nodded into his shoulder, trying my best to fight back this second round of tears.
“Don’t be a stranger,” I told him, pulling away as soon as I felt like I was on solid footing. “I want at least monthly updates on how you guys are doing, alright? Just not too heavy on how much John hates me.”
“He doesn’t hate you,” he chuckled. “Pat might, but John doesn’t.” I frowned once more at his words but tried not to take them too much to heart. “Bye, Hol.”
“See you later, Ken.” I grinned, pulling him into a final short embrace before turning on my heel and getting into the van. Marissa looked over at me as I buckled myself in and I did my best to ignore her pity. We had both known this was going to be hard, and so I didn’t feel the need to explain that. “Okay, let’s go.”

Notes

I've actually (finally) finished this story.
51 and done.