Just Another Reason I Could Never Forget You

The show was over and, as promised, Matt came over and forced me from my booth as soon as the last hanger-on had left. I half hesitated, but the thought of going to grab John and a late night snack was way more appealing. He was, apparently, out front talking to some fans, so I told him I’d grab my purse (having left it in the dressing room earlier) and meet him out there when I was done.
“What do you think is going to happen, huh?” I slowed down as I heard Jack’s voice ahead of me. I half wanted to leave, but the annoyed tone in his voice reminded me of the other night and his anger toward me and something inside me said I had to stay and find out what he had to say this time. It didn’t exactly align with the promise I’d made myself to keep out of the drama but it did help me to understand why he was so angry. Or, so I hoped. “She isn’t Jasey anymore. She’s not just going to up and leave John for you.” A loud, frustrated sigh escaped whoever he was directing his anger at this time ad I felt my stomach flip once again. It seemed like Jack was just as angry at Alex as he was at me.
“I know,” Alex snapped back. “This isn’t about winning her back. That ship has fucking sailed, I know. I just want to be part of her life, be her friend.” Jack clucked his tongue, still annoyed.
“How are you planning on being ‘friends’ with someone you’re in love with?”
“I’m not—That’s not the point.”
“It’s exactly the point. We don’t know this person, we didn’t even know the girl who left us. Just think it over, alright? I don’t want to pick up the pieces of that mess again.” I heard Alex grunt in response and Jack’s footsteps fade away. I wanted to turn and leave but I’d promised myself that I would continue being honest with the people around me and if I knew Alex at all, I knew he needed comforting after the bullshit Jack had just pulled, and so I pushed forward into the room they had been talking in.
“So, he still has his panties in a bunch then?” I asked, leaning against the door in an attempt to appear cool and disinterested, to appear calm so that the horrible feeling I’d been dragging around with me didn’t move on to Alex. A wave of guilt washed over me as I finally looked on Alex, who was raising his head slowly from his hands. I wished I’d backed off. I was the last thing he needed right now.
“How much did you hear?”
“Nothing he didn’t already shout at me for too. I’m not his friend, I’m going to rip John apart as well as you, blah, blah, blah.” I shrugged, trying not to let the shitty feeling I had been rattling around in all day take over me once again as I remembered the malice he’d had as he’d said those things to me.
“He did this to you too?” I nodded and Alex let out another frustrated sigh.
“He’s just looking out for you,” I said, trying to soothe him. I knew they would never fall out over this, and Jack’s anger toward me came from a place of love for Alex. Even if we did what he wanted to think we would do and everything went to hell in a handbasket again, I would be the one who would have to shoulder the blame.
“I don’t need him to! It’s not like I’m sat here pining and expecting you to suddenly fall back in love with me. That night – Jodie – it was the worst thing I’d ever done in my life. I’ve never done anything I regret more.”
“I know,” I told him soothingly, moving toward him and rubbing his back to try and calm him. It was the only thing I could think to do. Hearing Alex say her name still caused an ache in my chest, but he needed to know that this wasn’t the end of the world, that Jack would come around eventually. “If anyone had asked me a month, two months ago, how I felt about you, I’d have said I hated you. What does that tell you?”
“That you still loved me,” he chuckled.
“Exactly. I wasn’t over you until so, so recently,” I told him. “Jack can see that. He knows that there’s a fine line here and he’s scared we’re going to cross it.” I let out a sigh as the next part dawned on me. “He hides it well, but John is scared we’re going to cross it. Hell, for a while there so was I.”
“Would it be such a bad thing?” I dropped my hand from his back as he looked up at me, the small glint of hope in his eyes telling me I should have kept my mouth shut.
“If I wasn’t with John? Probably not. You’re showing me that you’re not the same asshole you were back then. But I do have John, so it’s irrelevant.” I tried not to make it obvious that I was putting my foot down with Alex, but not so much as to give him false hope. John was sweet, he cared, he loved me and Alex had blown his chance a long time ago.
“I know,” he sighed. “Sorry, I’m making shit difficult again, aren’t I?” He chuckled dryly and I shrugged.
“Honestly, I’d say Jack was making things difficult, not us.”
“We’ve been saying that since 2005.”
“This time it’s true,” I laughed. “But try to ignore him. I like being friends with you. Jack is just being butt hurt because he thinks history is going to repeat itself. It’s not.”
“You know, you still know just how to make me feel better.”
“It’s the kind of trick you just don’t forget. Like riding a bike.”
“1. You don’t know how to ride a bike. 2. It’s not a trick,” he laughed.
“Bite me.” The pair of us grinned at one another and I really didn’t know what else to say. I knew I needed to leave and meet John, but I still felt like Alex needed me. I would only come out the bitch if I up and went ‘hey, my boyfriend needs me now, see ya, enjoy being upset because of your best friend fighting with you.’
“Ugh. Oh, my god, there you are,” Marissa let out as she flounced into the room. “Jack is being a pain in the ass and John is looking for you.”
“That sounds like one too many problems for me, Rissa,” I laughed at her, knowing she wasn’t remotely flustered simply by the look on her face.
“Alex go deal with our boyfriend,” she sighed, linking her arms with me and escorting me from the room, ignoring the horrified look on Alex’s face at her suggestion. “So, what’s all this about feeling like the worst person in the world?” Marissa asked, all but attacking me the moment she thought Alex was out of earshot. I rolled my eyes, knowing she’d come looking for me and had been doing so since she’d realised I wasn’t in my booth.
“Nothing,” I responded. I didn’t know if she knew about Jack and I’s fight, and I didn’t want to throw him to the wolves if she didn’t. He was still my friend, even if I wasn’t his. “It’s just that going back home ended up being a bad idea. Alex walked me home that night because Chase was harassing me on the fucking street, and then the next day Jodie decided to interrupt my meal with my parents and John. I have zero luck and I was just done.”
“You saw her, huh?” She chuckled dryly. “I bet she gave you the spiel about how her and Alex were so close after you left and blah, blah, blah.” I nodded, smiling as she rolled her eyes. “A lot of things happened with Jodie after you left, not one of them was Alex hooking up with her again. He did call her a whore in the middle of the hallway though, and I might have gotten a punch or two in.” I laughed loudly, not knowing what to say as she smirked triumphantly at me. I was actually super proud of her. “So, in summary, ignore her, she’s a bitch; Chase you should have ignored the entire time, even before you and Alex were together and, basically, your boyfriend is cute as shit and you need someone like him. Oh, and congrats on the whole boyfriend/decision thing.”
“Christ, you talk too fast,” I laughed. “Thank you for sticking up for me, and thank you on your congratulations, I think?”
“You’re totally welcome. Now,” she pulled my purse from her bag, handing it to me, “here’s your purse, I found it out back, John’s over there. Have a nice night!” I realised now that she had walked me to the side door having opened it as she pushed my purse into my hands and began pointing John out to me, his head sticking out far above the girls surrounding him.
“You were sent, weren’t you?”
“Absolutely. Bye loser!” I rolled my eyes as she turned and left, shoving my small bag over my shoulder, thankful I never took much out with me, and began making my way over to where the guys were. I hung back as they continued to make conversation, despite desperately wanting to get John’s attention and steal him away, I knew how much the interactions meant to them, so I hung back and let them carry on.
I’d never taken the time with Alex to watch him with fans. I’d like to make the excuse that, at that point, all his fans had been people we knew, but even then that hadn’t been entirely true. I’d just been too wrapped up in my own shit to pay attention. I wondered what part of that was appealing to a guy in a band who relied heavily on fans and his appearance. I could almost guarantee I came across the aloof bitch who didn’t care. I was determined not to be that girl again. I wanted to be involved, to help. I’d been involved with this band in some form or another almost since the beginning. I hadn’t encouraged John’s auditioning, making cryptic remarks about singers and how they made me want to barf, but I had been so proud of him when he’d made it in. He knew that, I’d made sure he knew that.
I smiled as John noticed me leaning against the venue wall, waving at him to show him I knew where he was. I watched a large grin form on his face and I couldn’t ignore the small fluttering in my stomach. The girls around him glanced my way, eyeing me before turning back to him and taking his attention away. I really, honestly didn’t mind. I hated how I (and everyone else) kept comparing him to Alex, but something about that grin on his face reminded me of when Alex and I first got together and he would catch me looking at him and just grin, without saying anything, just happy to see me.
“I gotta go, I gotta go,” he chuckled, excusing himself. I perked up, seeing him trying to detach himself from the group. “It’s date night!” I heard complaining and couldn’t help but laugh a little at their disappointment, just thankful he was on his way to me.
“You guys do know we’re not going on his date with him, right?” Kennedy laughed loudly. “Holly is too much for us.”
“Bite me, Brock!” I shouted, earning his middle finger turned to my direction. John laughed again, using Kennedy and I as the distraction to remove himself from the group and join me.

Notes

I've pretty much decided I'm going to alternate updating this with updating A Story to Tell Your Friends, so hopefully I'll update them both every other week.
I'm trying not to over-prioritise either of them, considering this has been monopolosing my time for months. :')