Just Another Reason I Could Never Forget You

I had spent the majority of the rest of the day curled up on the bus reading a book I had pilfered from John’s bag. It had been a long time since I had allowed myself the pleasure and I felt a little more like the girl I had been three years ago. I had some sort of priority now. It didn’t stop me moping, but I felt a little better for allowing myself a couple of hours of peace. Marissa had text to let me know she had arrived an hour or so ago, and it had taken me about 10 minutes to decide I would actually respond and another couple of minutes coming up with the excuse of not feeling well. It wasn’t a lie, but it certainly stretched the truth.
John and the boys had made an appearance post-soundcheck but I’d been a little too engrossed in my book to really talk to them, resulting in both Kennedy and Garrett complaining that I was boring, while John grinned and told me to enjoy myself. All five of them left not long after, apparently going to explore the city before tonight.
As it was, I currently had a smile plastered in my face as I served. I was absolutely slammed (which didn’t help my mood) and beginning to regret not taking Marissa up on her offer to help. Considering that her presence would have results in a number of All Time Low fans descending upon me, it was beginning to feel like a viable option. The only real hold up was that I was too busy to even look at my phone.
Once the show started, however, I was able to breathe. I didn’t especially take it, choosing instead to look at my phone with very little interest. I had a couple of concerned texts from Marissa (offering her help once more), but with my mood still sour from the previous night, I figured I should still keep my distance. John had attempted to continue to lift my mood, being unadulteratingly sweet. It felt kind of strange to be reading his texts when he was on stage less than a hundred feet from me. I adored his candour, the way he had no shame in feeling his feelings. He’d worn his heart on his sleeve the whole time I had known him but I still wasn’t over how refreshing it was. I suppose I had just grown up keeping things so close to my chest that it still threw me when he simply smiled and told me how good I looked, how much he loved spending time with me, how much seeing me made his day. I felt confident around him and yet his words didn’t quite keep me grounded when he wasn’t around.
I don’t suppose that was entirely healthy.
"I wrote this a long ass time ago, way before we got signed or any of that,” John said, adjusting his microphone a little as he spoke and snapping me out of my thoughts. “I wrote this when I was in a bad place with my best friend, the girl I’d loved since the moment I laid eyes on her almost. I don’t think she knows it’s about her, but she needs a quick reminder tonight that she’s not the worst person in the world and that I will continue to love her even if she is. I might have made half of this up in a dream, but that still counts, right?” He chuckled awkwardly, glancing at his bandmates, before returning to face the crowd. “This is I Must Be Dreaming.”
She thinks I’m crazy, judging by the faces that she’s making. And I think she’s pretty, but pretty’s just part of the things she does that amaze me.
And she calls me sweetheart, I love it when she wakes me when it’s still dark. She watches the sun, but she’s the only one I have my eyes on.
Tell me that you love me, and it’ll be alright. Are you thinking of me? Just come with me tonight. You know I need you, just like you need me. Can’t stop, won’t stop; I must be dreaming.
I felt a smile finally tugging at the corners of my mouth. I remembered dragging him out of bed at 3am when I couldn’t sleep and sitting in his back yard for hours as the sun rose; I remembered calling him crazy when he would smile at me for no reason; I remembered when we were simple. He was right to say I’d had no idea this had anything to do with me, not hearing it until over a year after he had told me he loved me, when I’d almost forgotten he did love me.
I’d been so bummed out about Jack and all my other bullshit baggage, that I’d forgotten the good things I had. I had John, and all the simplicity of a new relationship, and I had mornings in bed laughing to look forward to. I needed to take a step back, drop my bullshit and just get along with things. No more drama, just looking forward.
I beckoned Matt over, all but begging him to keep an eye on my booth while I ran out back for five minutes. He glanced up at the stage before agreeing and I promised I’d be back before he and Vinny got busy. I weaved expertly through the crowd to the backstage door, flashing my staff pass and dodging crew members as I finally made it to the side of the stage, John just about wrapping up the song.
I spotted Alex, almost ready to go on himself, smirking at me from his position further back from the stage. I rolled my eyes at him briefly, before he held up a finger to get me to wait. I watched him grab some sort of balled up fabric, pausing briefly to aim before he threw it. It hit John dead on, interrupting him as he sang the final few notes. He scowled briefly, expecting it to be someone playing some sort of prank on him, before seeing me grinning next to Alex and shouting his own “be right back” to the crowd.
"Shit, it’s nice to see you smile again,” he grinned as he picked me up.
"It’s been like a day,” I giggled, before pushing a kiss to his lips, which he happily reciprocated. “Thank you.”
"Anytime, sweetheart.”
"Okay, go away now,” I laughed, shoving him away. “You have more important people waiting for you.” I felt a brief kiss pressed to my lips before he ran back onto the stage.
"Give it up for Holly Rae everyone! She’s cute and she’s the reason for way more songs you’ll hear tonight than you realise.” He chuckled and I rolled my eyes, wishing I had as good aim as Alex so I could throw things at him for his sneaky remarks. Alex nudged me lightly, making me jump as he did so, having not heard him coming. I glanced over at him, seeing Jack briefly rolling his eyes at the pair of us, gaining himself a slap to the chest from Marissa, who looked confused.
"He’s cute,” he told me. “I kinda want to throw another shirt at him for making jokes about my album, but I’ll leave that to you.”
"I can’t aim, asshole,” I laughed. “Now leave him alone. Let me bask in his cuteness.”
"Gross,” he joked. “I’m glad you’re feeling better though.” He smiled warmly at me and I felt my stomach flip lightly.
“I’m glad we’re finally being grown ups about this,” I replied. He grinned at me again and I looked back over to John, seeing him fully into Time to Go and realising it was time I relieved the boys of my booth. “Gotta go sweetheart, your crew needs me to get back to doing my own work.”
“Hey, I know you said you didn’t need the help, but Matt and Vin said they’re good to pack up for you tonight. I kinda asked them even though you said not to.” He grinned sheepishly at me and I rolled my eyes, though I could feel my mouth curling into a smile. He was ridiculous but I kind of appreciated the gesture anyway. If I was honest, I still wasn’t feeling completely up to facing the full slog of my day. Honestly, I was already proud of myself, considering the last time I had felt this utterly fed up with my life, John had been able to do nothing but crawl into my pit of self-pity I had made on the couch with me and occasionally bring ice cream or pizza. I was there for about a week, which had lead to my dropping out of college. So, yeah, I was being remarkably productive considering it had only been about a day.
"Well, uh, thanks,” I smiled. “I kinda need it.”
“I know, that’s why I did it. Now go.” I snorted at the brash dismissal but pushed a small kiss to his cheeks in thanks before departing.

Notes

I'm back!..ish.
Still having technical difficulties and I've spent most of the last 2 months writing the end of this instead of, you know, this bit.
Updates remain slow, but I'm working on it.
p.s. please let me know of any formatting issues. I'm doing all of this by posting in the html code and having to re-enter every last bit of formatting.