Trigger warning mentions self harm and purging.


Alex's POV

"I don't want to be seeing your face in here for a while young man. Keep taking your medication and if you feel like you are going loopy then you can call on me okay, I'll always answer." My therapist said and I smiled a proper smile for the first time in ages.
"Sir yes sir." I said and my therapist chuckled and he handed me a book.
"Milk and honey? Yeah I'm not really the reading type of person." I said but I took the book.
"You might be able to relate to it." My therapist said and I smiled slightly.
"Now where are you going to go? Since you no longer wanting to live with your parents." My therapist said and I looked up from my book what I was given.
"My friend Ollie said I could stay with him for a while and then I'm hoping this person I'm trying to get with might let me stay with them. I have this shit all sorted." I said and my therapist gave me this look.
"Your not going to run away like you did the last time? Also this person you're trying to get with knows about your bipolar and that?" The therapist asked.
"I'm not going to run, Ollie's foster mum actually loves me so I guess I can't stay there for a while. This person knows about my problem and they are very supportive. I feel like something special can come out of this, for a change." I said and the therapist smiled.
"That's good to hear Alex, now I don't want to be seeing your face in this place for a while okay. You take care of yourself." My therapist said and I smiled as I really liked this therapist.
"I'll try and be on my best behavior. Don't miss me too much." I said and the therapist chuckled.
"I'll miss our sessions." They said and I smiled and grabbed my stuff and walked out the hospital and I made my way to Jacks since he said I could go round his while Ollie was busy with his foster family until the evening.

"So Alex, how does it feel now you are free?" Jacks mum asked as she put the food on the table for us to eat and I felt uncomfortable since Jacks brother was staring at my arms.
"I feel really good thank you. Better that I'm out of hospital to now." I said and Jacks mum smiled and she looked at Jack who was looking down messing with his food.
"Look I wanted to say sorry about what I said about your family before I went into the hospital. I was having a manic episode and I have no idea what I say and do. The stuff what Ollie tells me what I do is really embarrassing actually." I said and Jacks mum smiled.
"It's okay sweetie, Jack has mentioned you having bipolar and sometimes when you go, how do I say this without offending you." Jacks mum said.
"Mum, just stop you don't need to say anything else to the crazy head." Jacks brother said.
"Okay, you do not get to call me crazy head. Only Jack and Ollie can call me that's and maybe your mother since she a lovely woman but not you. Not after what I heard you did to Jack and you was lucky I was in the hospital at the time." I said and Jack kicked me under the table.
"Enough Alex." Jack said seriously and I rolled my eyes, got my plate and stood up.
"Thank you Mrs Barakat the meal was lovely." I said and walked over to the sink and washed my plate up and someone stood next to me and I looked and saw Jack.
"Wanna go to the hill?" Jack asked quietly which meant he wanted to talk about something.
"Sure, you okay?" I asked quietly and Jack shook his head.
"I need to get out of the house, otherwise I might do something." Jack whispered and looked behind him.
"Hey it's okay. Go put your shoes on I'll be right with you." I said quietly and Jack nodded and he walked to the hallway and put his shoes on.
"Mrs Barakat me and Jack are going out just thought I'll give you the heads up." I said and Mrs Barakat nodded and looked at me.
"Just be back before it gets dark." She said and I nodded.
"Oh I'm going back to my friends tonight, but I'll make sure I post Jack back safe and sound." I said and she smiled.
"You are welcomed to stay round if you want to. Jack hasn't shut up about you." Mrs Barakat said and I smiled and went back to Jack who was pinching himself.
"Hey, don't do that okay, come on let go have a serious talk shell we." I said and Jack nodded.

We decided that walking to the hill was too far so we both settled on going to the football pitch.
"What's the matter Jack?" I asked softly and Jack looked down and I saw some tears roll of the end of his nose and I wiped his nose in his sleeves.
"I fucked up Alex." Jack said and sniffed loudly and some more tears fell.
I moved so I was sat in front of Jack and had my legs either side of his since he was hugging his knees.
"Hey it's okay, we all fuck up. I know I've had my fair few of fuck ups." I said softly.
"Look at me Jack." I said quietly and Jack looked at me and I shuffled closer to him and put my hand on his cheek and wipe the tears away with my thumb.
"Talk to me, don't shut me out Jack." I whispered and Jack looked down but then he looked back at me.
"I..I..I cut myself and then I purged the food I had this morning." Jack sobbed and he looked down.
I moved to the side of Jack and pulled him into my chest and just held him as he cried and I kissed the top of his head gently from time to time.
"Relapse happens. It's what we need to have a relapse to remind us that we are strong and once we can pull ourselves out of the relapse then we can start recovery all over again. Each time a new goal can be made each week or whatever. But don't feel shitty because of it, all you can do is learn from it." I said quietly and Jack looked at me.
"But I was 4 months clean. Now I have to tell mum that I fucked up and it's going to make loads of arguements between everyone and I'll have to go back to inpatients. I don't want to go back Alex." Jack said and voice cracked towards the end of his sentence.
"4 months? Wow thats really good Jack, you should be so proud that you was clean for that long. If you need someone beside you when you tell her then I'll be right beside you." I said and Jack looked down and then he looked back at me.
"Promise?" Jack asked quietly and I put a finger under his chin and rested my forehead again his.
"I promise." I whispered against Jacks lips and brushed my lips against his which made Jacks breath hitch which made me smile and I looked at him.
The wind picked up a little and Jack moved closer to me and I wrapped my arms round him.
It was getting really cold so me and Jack went back to his.

"Can you stay round tonight? I don't want to be on my own." Jack said quietly as we stood by his front door, Jack standing close to me.
"I can stay if you want me to stay. Ollie sort of guessed anyway that I would stay here." I said and Jack smiled a little and he turned round and opened the door and I followed him, taking our shoes off and then going up to his room since everyone was in bed since it was late.
I turned round and saw Jack looking at himself in the mirror.
"Your gorgeous." I said and Jack looked at me though the mirror but he looked down.
"No I'm not. I'm fat and disgusting nothing looks right on me." Jack said quietly and I walked over to him and wrapped my arms round his waist and rested my chin on his shoulder and just looked at us.
"You are beautiful, you might not think you are but I do. You are the most beautiful guy I've ever set eyes on." I said quietly.
"Your just saying that so I feel better in myself." Jack said quietly.
I spun Jack around and made him look at me.
"No I'm not Jack. I've had my fair share of boyfriends and none of them have been as beautiful as you." I said and wiped a stray tear which was rolling down Jacks cheek.
"Don't give me false hope, I can't live with anymore false hope." Jack whispered and looked at me.
"I would never give you false hope." I said quietly and Jack looked down but I made him look at me.
I moved forward and kissed him and I wasn't really that surprised when Jack kissed back but it still brought a smile on my face.
Jack was the first to pull back and as he did he looked down with a blush on his face.
"Now that's not false hope is it?" I asked and Jack smiled and shook his head as he looked at me with a smile on his face.
"No it isn't." Jack said and he moved closer to me and kissed me a little harder than what I did which made me smiled which Jack returned.
I pulled back and looked at Jack.
I put my hand on his cheek which Jack leaned into.
"Now will you believe me when I say your beautiful?" I asked and Jack shrugged his shoulders.
"Well if that's the case I will remind you everyday that you are beautiful. In fact I'll keep on until you are sick to death of me telling you that you're beautiful." I said and Jack smiled and turned his head and kissed my hand which made me smile.

"Shell we go to bed as it's late." I said quietly and Jack nodded and moved his head from my hand.
Jack went to walk past me and I caught hold of his hand and gently pulled him into my chest and before he could speak I kissed him and Jack returned in straight away.
"Stop." Jack giggled which made my heart flutter as it was one of the most beautiful sounds I've ever heard and one of my favorites.
"But your lips are so soft though." I said and Jack smiled.
"But I want to go to bed and have cuddles while watching a film." Jack pouted and I let go of his hand and I went to my bag and hunted for the bottoms I sleep in.
"You can get changed in here while I go to the bathroom." Jack said and I looked at him as I pulled my top off and Jack just stood there and stared at me.
"My scars are disgusting." I said quietly and just looked at my arms and chest.
Jack walked over and he kissed one of the scars I had on my shoulders.
"You are gorgeous." Jack whispered and I looked at him and smiled.
"You don't have to go to the bathroom. We're all guys here." I said and Jack chuckled as I felt his finger skim over a couple of scars which made me move away from his touch.
Not that I didn't like it because I did but because I can't stand people touching them.
"Can you not touch them please." I said quietly and looked down.
I felt Jack catch hold of my hand and gave it a squeeze and he let go and as I looked up Jack was shirtless and was in the middle of putting his bottoms on so I quickly did the same and as I waited for Jack to finish I couldn't help but notice that he had lost some weight.
Jack turned round and he smiled shyly which I returned and we headed towards the bed where Jack chose his side and I just climbed over him and got comfy.
"Are you a big spoon or little spoon?" I asked and Jack pushed me onto my back and then onto my side where I felt his body press up against me which made my heart pound faster than it has ever done.
"Does that answer your question?" Jack asked and I smiled and shuffled back a little and Jack wrapped his arm around me.

I was just falling asleep when I felt Jack move which made my eyes fly open.
"It's okay, I was just pulling the covers over you a bit more so you don't get cold." Jack whispered.
I just nodded and rolled over and cuddled into Jack chest and I could feel his heart beat faster and I just gently kissed his chest and I fell back asleep but not before Jack started to mess with my hair and he kissed the top of my head which made me smile and I was flat out asleep.

Notes

And they have finally kissed...