On my mind

Alex's POV

I was woken up by someone shuffling round in the room so I opened one eye and saw Jack doing sit ups which made me roll onto my front and watched him a little.
"The fuck are you doing?" I asked sleepily and Jack jumped and looked at me confused.
"Y..Y..Your not meant to be up yet." Jack said fumbling his words as he carried on looking at me like a deer in the headlights.
"Well I am, now what are you doing?" I asked and Jack looked down and stood up.
"Nothing, I was doing nothing." Jack said quietly and i rolled out of bed and caught hold of Jack's hand.
"I'm not going to judge you Jack. Please, just let me in." I said quietly.
Jack looked at me but he looked down.
"I was doing sit ups, it's part of my routine now if you don't mind I am going to get something to eat and have a shower." Jack said and pulled his hand out of my hold and walked out the room.
"More like eat, purge and then have a shower." I muttered to myself and pulled on of Jack's hoodies on and went downstairs.
Jack and his mum was arguing downstairs in Arabic so I decided to go and met Ollie.

We was sat at the football pitch watching some people playing football.
"So what's happening in the land of Alex." Ollie said as he handed me a cigarette which I took.
"I kissed Jack, but then he was really off with me this morning so other than that not much. What about you?" I said and looked at Ollie.
"You what? Oh my god Alex this is huge, you've finally moving up in the world of actually getting into a relationship." Ollie said and I scoffed.
"I've been in relationships Ollie, Christ even you know this." I said.
"Yeah but I've never actually liked any of the guys you was with, so you are finally getting into a relationship with someone I like." Ollie said and I chuckled.
"I'm sorry, didn't know you was judging the guys I was dating and fucking." I said and Ollie chuckled.
"Well I was, anyway those guys was completely utter assholes because as soon as you went on a mania episode they fucking dumped and left you wondering the streets nearly getting your ass put in jail." Ollie said and I looked down.
"Anyway, we are not talking about them because we are talking about how you are settling back in with world." Ollie said and I flicked my cigarette away.
"Alright I guess, Jacks brother hates me but so does most people so doesn't bother me. Haven't really gone out anywhere with loads of people yet. So that's the next hurdle I guess." I said and looked down while picking at the grass.
"And what are you going to do on this next hurdle?" Ollie asked.
"I said to Jack I would take him on a proper date once I was out of inpatients. But I need to try and get my head focused on being back in the world and not in hospital." I said quietly.
"Hey that's what you can focus on. Anyway who cares if you go crazy in a restaurant? Not as if you'll go back there again." Ollie said and I looked at him.
"I care Ollie, I don't want to be like this anymore. I hate the fact that pretty much everything at the moment can send me back into inpatients. Christ I was building up to losing it last night at Jacks brother and the guy is built like a fucking tank. Jack losing his mind isn't helping right now but at the same time it gives me a reason to... I dunno I'm just on thin ice at the moment." I said and Ollie gave me another cigarette which I took and started to smoke it.
"Well in order for you to get better you need to focus on recovery." Ollie said.
"You think I don't know that? Christ Ollie I've been trying for the last 5 years to recover but hey here I am just gotten out of my 20th inpatients and that's just within the last 2 years. Christ Ollie I'm fucked up who the hell would want anything to do with me?" I said and Ollie looked at me with a hint of worry on his face but he knew that this was just the normal me after getting out of inpatients.
"Well I know Jack likes you and so do I, so it looks like you're stuck with us two for the rest of your life." Ollie said and pulled me to his side.
"So where would be a good place to take someone on a date then?" I asked and pulled away from Ollie and looked at him.
"The beach?" Ollie said.
"The beach is like 3 hours from here and neither of us can drive because apparently I'm too much of a risk to drive." I said.
"Take the train, make a really good day of it or if you wanted to spend the weekend down there. Just don't go fucking Jack because that shit is not classy." Ollie said and I couldn't help but laugh at this.
"Okay I'm a bit more of a gentleman than that." I said and Ollie chuckled.
"So the beach is it?" Ollie asked.
"Yeah, but what the fuck do I even plan? Come on Ol help me out here I'm no good at this shit." I said and Ollie looked at me and smiled.
"You do this.." Ollie said and we spent the afternoon talking about this date.

I got back to Jacks and went upstairs where I saw Jack lead on his bed with his back to the door.
"Jack, is everything okay?" I asked as I walked over and climbed on the bed and cuddled into his back and Jack sniffed and rolled over and hid his face in my chest and I just traced patterns on his shoulder.
"Jack, talk to me what's the matter?" I said and made Jack look at me.
"Mum knows that I'm going backwards and she want me to go to the doctors to see if I have an eating disorder or whatever." Jack sniffed.
"Jack, I think maybe you should do that because then you'll be able to get help." I said and Jack looked down and I made him look at me.
"There's nothing wrong with me Alex. I'm fine, everything is all okay Alex." Jack said and he sat up and I did the same.
"Jack, buddy, you sound like me when I've lost the fucking plot. So everything is not okay with you Jack. You need help Jack." I said softly and Jack looked at me.
"You need to calm down okay. Getting help is not as bad as it sounds." I said.
"But I'm fine Lex. Mum is over reacting like normal." Jack said.
"Mums are meant to over react Jack. She cares about you and she wants you to get better." I said and Jack looked down but then looked at me.
"Did your mum ever over react?" Jack asked and I looked down and nodded.
"There was one time when I was little and I was going down the stairs in a wooden box, because you know my 6 year old self thought it was highly amusing, and my mum was warning me each time I went up the stairs to go back down the stairs again that something is going to happen and shit. Well I should of listened to her because I fell out the box and fell down the stairs." I said and smiled to myself at the memory and I felt Jacks hand on my knee.
"Mum is lucky that she doesn't have to see me as a screw loose." I said quietly.
"She still would of loved you Alex. Who wouldn't love you." Jack said and I looked at him.
"Well my own dad couldn't love me so there's not much hope for me really." I said and I went to look down but Jack caught hold of my face and made me look at him and he kissed me which I returned.
"Someone is out there, you just have to look closer to home." Jack said and I chuckled.
"Trust me, I know they are and I know how close to home they are." I said and Jack smiled.

Me and Jack was sat under the covers eating some popcorn Jack had under his bed and we was going to see how many Harry Potter films we could watch before we both crashed.
Jacks mum came in to check on Jack and she smiled when she saw us and she left us alone.
"Have you had any news on your brother?" I asked and Jack shrugged his shoulders.
"Dunno, their keeping me out of the loop because they think I can't cope and if they told me id go bat shit." Jack said and I chuckled.
"Well we both know out of us two it's going to be who goes bat shit." I said and Jack chuckled.
"But they shouldn't be keeping information away from you, he's your brother as well." I said and Jack just sighed and rested his head on my chest and I started to mess with his hair.
"Yeah well I'm the one who's always the last to be told anything. That's including things which involve me like going into inpatients, all because their afraid that I'll kick off and run away like the first time." Jack ranted and I smiled slightly.
"Well that was stupid. You don't run because then you've broken everyone's trust and then that's when you end up in the position you are in. I also would recommend running from inpatients as that always adds extra time on your sentence and you literally get everything taken away from you." I said and Jack looked at me.
"Speaking from experience?" Jack smirked.
"Yeah, don't be a dumbass and run because that stays on your record." I said and Jack laughed and sat up and looked at me.
"I'm not joking, on my notes it says I have a history of running away and need to be under close supervision for the first 3 weeks of my stay." I said and Jack smiled down at me which made me smile.
"So how do you run then?" Jack asked which made me scoff.
"I'm not telling you anything like that. You need to work them out by yourself just like I had to." I said and Jack pouted at me which made me pull his head down and kiss the pout of his face.

Jack pulled back and looked at me and smiled which I returned.
"Now lie down will you, your letting all the cold air under the covers and it's making my balls suck back up into my body." I said and Jack laughed as he lie down and cuddled into my side.
"You know all you had to say was that you was cold and I would of cuddled you." Jack said.
"Well I couldn't think of another way of saying it so you had the knowing of what my balls are up too." I said and Jack just rolled his eyes.
"How do you feel like going to the beach in a couple of weeks?" I asked and Jack looked at me.
"Yeah I like that idea, haven't been to the beach for ages." Jack said and I smiled.
I yawned loudly as it was getting late and we was only in our second Harry Potter film.
"You serious going to sleep?" Jack asked.
"It's like 3 in the morning. I need to sort my sleeping pattern out as there is only so much medication can do for me." I said and Jack smiled.
"I understand." Jack said quietly and kissed the top of my head and he rolled onto his back where I made the most of it and cuddled into his side and used his chest as a pillow.
"Night Alex." Jack whispered.
"Night." I muttered back and fell asleep leaving Jack to mess with my hair.

Notes