Secrets Don't Make Friends

Jack

It didn't feel like I was going to be giving birth in less than an hour. A nurse brought in the gown for me to change into and I still didn't believe it. Maybe it was the pain medication I was given, but nothing felt real. I felt like I passed out at my baby shower from the pain and now I was just dreaming. I could tell my calm nature was freaking out my mom and grandma even more.

"Jack, Honey, come on let's get you changed." My grandma told me. My grandpa helped me sit up while my grandma helped me out of my shirt.

"Are you okay, Babe?" My Mom asked me.

"I think so." I answered. I could barely help them get my arms into the sleeves of my gown.

"The medicine is probably making him really mellow." My grandma told my mom and she nodded.

"I know, it's just worrying me because he's not supposed to be in labor now and I'm sooo afraid something's gonna happen." My Mom cried.

"He's okay." My grandpa comforted her and I nodded.

I felt tears fall from my own eyes after seeing my mom cry but I felt like I couldn't say anything to let her know I was okay. This was some pretty strong medicine, whatever it was.

I watched as my grandma helped me out of my jeans. She put her hands on my boxers and I groaned and put my hand on hers. I might have been out of my mind, but I knew that was going to be super embarrassing.

"Jack, I've seen all your parts before." She chuckled and continued to get my boxers down. I was worrying about nothing cause the gown covered everything up anyways.

"Hi, how's everything going?" I heard Dr. McKinnon ask as she walked in the room.

"Okay. The medicine took away his pain, and it also calmed him down." My grandma told her.

"Oh, he might have gotten a little too much, but he'll be fine." She smiled and placed her hand on my knee. I tried to smile back at her but I wasn't sure if I could even control my face muscles.

"We'll be ready to take him to the procedure room in ten minutes." Dr. McKinnon told us.

"Would it be okay if our guest, in the waiting room, come see him before he goes?" Grandma asked. "Yes of course!" Dr. McKinnon said. They thanked her and she left the room.

I closed my eyes for a few minutes and when I opened them I was met with stares. Alex, his parents, and Cass and Rian were in the room with me.

"They must of given you the good shit." Alex joked while looking down at me and his mom hit his arm. I wanted to laugh but I could only exhale air from my mouth with another attempt at a smile. Cass and Rian waved at me and I moved my hand trying to wave back. Alex pressed a kiss to my forehead. I felt so lucky having him here with me, but part of me felt guilty for Zack not being here too.

"I'm thirsty." I mumbled.

"He said he's thirsty." Alex said louder for them to hear.

"I'll go get him some water." Isobel said and left the room.

I felt a kiss being placed on my cheek and I saw it was my mom. She smiled down at me as she ran her fingers through my hair. Then she finally began to speak.

"Babe, they're only going to allow one person in the room while you get your C-section. I know you might not like the idea of choosing but I was thinking my mom would be the best opt-"

"-You." I cut her off, softly.

"Wha- Really? I-I don't know, Jack. I'm not that good in moments of stress and I don't want to mess anything up. I barely even pass as a decent mother." She rambled.

I slowly lifted my hand up just enough to place it over her own. "We'll be fine." I said and she nodded and wiped away tears. My mom has been through everything with me, so there was no way I wasn't going to have her there with me while I had the baby.

Isobel walked back in with a huge travelers’ mug filled with water. She placed the straw at my lips and I drank from it for a few seconds. Then she placed it on my bedside table.

"Where did you get that cup?" Peter laughed at the size of it.

"One of the nurses gave it to me. She said they give one to all the patients in the maternity ward. It's just sixty-four ounces." She told us.

"Do you want more?" Alex asked and I nodded. He picked up the cup and put the straw to my mouth for me. I drunk as much water as I could because the nurses had walked in to get me.

"Hi, are you ready?" One of them asked me and I nodded. "Okay well let's get going!" She exclaimed. "Who's coming with us?" She asked.

My mom looked at my grandma before answering. "I will."

"Okay follow us." She instructed.

"Bye Honey! Don't worry, we'll be right here praying for you. You'll be fine." My grandma told me and she and my grandpa kissed me on the forehead.

"We'll be right here when you get back." Alex grabbed my hand and kissed it.

"Us too." Cass added, while holding on to Rian. Isobel and Peter told me bye and good luck too.
I watched my family and friends wave as the nurses wheeled me out of the room and down to the surgical room. I realized I was going to give birth as they were taking me away. This wasn't right! I was only six months. The baby wasn't fully developed yet. What if something horrible happened. Tears began to stream from my eyes as all these different possibilities started flowing through my head. I felt my mom try to wipe my tears away with her hands, but they just wouldn't stop.

The nurse wheeled me into the room first but she stopped my mom. They made her throw on scrubs before she could join me in the room. I was given slightly more medication that was for the surgery. The nurse assured me it wouldn't make me feel loopier. Then we were introduced to the doctor that was going to preform my C-section for me. Her name was Dr. Dash and she seemed pretty nice from what I could recall.

"Aw sweetheart don't cry. Everything will be fine. The procedure won't take long at all. The longest part will be sewing you back up." Dr. Dash assured me when she saw I was still crying.

"Okay." I sniffled, but I didn't feel better. Especially not seeing all the tools, on a tray, that she was going to use to cut me open.

"Alright let's get started." She told her staff.

They raised a curtain up so I wouldn't be able to see what was happening. My mom looked down at me and gave me a reassuring smile before grabbing my hand. I was happy the first dose of pain medication made me loopy because I would have been freaking out more without it.

I felt something going across my stomach in a wiping-like motion. I think they were sterilizing the area. I took a deep breath anticipating any pain. I didn't feel anything that hurt, but I was still scared I might since they were going to be actually cutting me open.

A hand press down on my stomach, but it didn't hurt. Then I felt something press against my stomach and began to go across it. Was that her cutting me open? I needed to stop thinking about it before I made myself pass out. I squeezed my mom's hand out of habit and she rubbed my forehead.

"You're doing fine, Jack." Dr. Dash called out from behind the curtain.

"Deep breaths." My Mom told me, to remind me to breath. I nodded and focused on my breathing for a little while.

I began feeling more pressure on my stomach. I looked up at my mom and she looked so worried. I hope everything was going fine.

"Can you look?" I quietly asked my mom, gesturing to behind the curtain.

"You want me to look??" She questioned and I slightly chuckled and nodded. "Okay, okay. I'll glance really quick." She took a few deep breaths before quickly looking behind the curtain.

"Oh my fucking God, that was a mistake." She gasped and quickly closed her eyes. I wanted to laugh but I was afraid she something completely wrong.

"What?" I asked.

"They're in your stomach. Like her hands are in your stomach." She cried.

"We're pulling the baby out." Dr. Dash explained with a chuckle.

"I'm sorry, it just looked so surreal." My Mom said and took a deep breath. She stumbled and caught herself.

"Are you okay?" One of the nurses asked her.

"Mhmm, I just... how are you guys okay looking at that?" She asked and the nurse chuckled.

"We've witnessed hundreds of C-Sections. And Dr. Dash has probably preformed many more than that." The nurse happily told us.

"I need extra hands." Dr. Dash called out and the nurse bent down to help.

I began to feel a pulling sensation in my stomach. I shut my eyes tightly waiting on it to be over. I didn't know what was happening, but I didn't like all the movement. My mom used a towel, a nurse gave her, to dab my forehead. I was so sweaty from all the nerves.

"A little more." Dr. Dash told her nurses. Then I stopped feeling the pulling sensation. "There we are." She said and I opened my eyes.

I could see a nurse handing another nurse a big blue towel. My baby was out of me but I couldn't hear him crying. Why wasn't he crying??

"What's wrong?" I panicked and tried to sit up. I couldn’t use anything below my chest thanks to the epidural, so I tried to push up with my hands.

"Jack, sweetheart, you have to be still so we can see you up." Dr. Dash told me.

My mom helped me lay back down and relax, but I was still panicking. "It's okay, baby." She said in a soothing tone.

"Why isn't he crying??" I sobbed.

"They're just suctioning him out some more. He's fine." Dr. Dash said. I didn't believe her; she was just saying that to get me to calm down.

I was about to yell and demand someone tell me what was really wrong, but a tiny high-pitched sound cut me off. My heart skipped a beat as the sound continued. I looked up at my mom and she nodded as she wiped her eyes.

"He's okay." She told me and leaned down to kiss my forehead.

"Oh thank God." I sighed to myself and finally let my body relax.

"They cut his umbilical cord and now they're placing him in a blanket. Oh Jack, he's so small." My mom said. I wished I could see him, but just knowing he was alright was okay for now.

"We have to put him in the incubator to keep his temperature regulated." A nurse told us.

They rolled the incubator towards me so I could see him. I gasped when I first laid eyes on him. He was so tiny, he almost looked unrealistic. He had a tiny hat on his head and he was wrapped up in a blanket. I couldn't handle seeing him cry in the incubator alone like that.

"Can I hold him? H-he looks so lonely." I sniffled.

"I'm sorry, but we have to keep him in here to protect him." One nurse said apologetically.

"It's okay, you'll get to hold him eventually." My mom said, trying to comfort me.

I began to cry even harder as they wheeled him out of the room to go preform test on him. He's been safely inside of me for the last few months and now I'm not there to protect him. It felt like my heart had been torn apart. My mom attempted to calm me down, but I continued to cry until they were finished stitching me back up.

Dr. Dash had her nurses lower the curtain once she was finished. She wiped her forehead with her forearm and sighed. Then she gave me a small sympathetic smile.

"I know this must be so hard for you. He's in the best care and they're going to do their best to make sure he gets stronger every day." Dr. Dash told me.

"When can I hold him?" I asked.

"It's going to be a little while because he has to get stronger before we take him from the incubator. He's in the Newborn intensive care unit right now."

"So maybe a few hours?" I asked hopefully.

"...More like days to weeks." She said reluctantly. I immediately burst back into tears. "But you'll get to see him every day!" She said, as if it would make everything better.

"Thank you for everything, Dr. Dash." My mom told her.

"You're welcome. I hope he feels better soon." She told my mom.

Not long after, I was wheeled back into my original room. I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I was too upset about not being able to hold me son. I was met with worried faces as my bed was placed back in my original room. My grandparents walked over to me first and I started crying again.

"W-what happened?" My grandma asked.

"The baby was born and he's okay. He's just in the newborn ICU. Jack's mostly upset because he couldn't hold him." My mom explained.

"Oh thank God! I thought the worse had happened." She said and leaned down to kiss me on the forehead.

"You have to stay strong for your son, Jack." My grandpa told me and I pouted.

I looked over to where Alex was standing and I did a double-take. Next to him and his mom was Zack. He gave me a small smile and waved, but I just stared. Why weren't he and Alex trying to murder each other?

Alex walked over to me and sat in the chair next to my bed. He grabbed my hand with one of his hands and used the other to wipe some tears from my eyes. I was surprised I could still produce tears.

"How is it that you still look this gorgeous after a surgery?" Alex jokingly asked and I chuckled. I'm sure I was blushing too.

"How is he here?" I quietly asked him, while glancing to Zack so he'd catch my drift.

"I um called him and asked him to come. With your grandparent’s permission of course. I just thought about how I would want to know about this if I were in his shoes. And so, I swallowed my pride and told him about you going into labor." He said and I smiled at my sort-of-mature boyfriend.

"Thank you." I told him.

"No, thank you for everything, Jack. For giving me a second chance, and for giving birth to what I hope is our son." He said quietly, to make things less awkward. For a second I almost forgot I still had to deal with finding out who was the dad. Going into labor was stressful enough on its own. "I love you." He said and kissed me on the cheek. Then he got up to let someone else come talk to me. Isobel and Peter came up next. Isobel said some comforting things about waiting for my son and how much more worth it'll be when I finally get to hold him. I thanked her and they left to let someone else come check on me.

Zack looked to Cass and Rian first to see if they wanted to go next.

"Go ahead. We can wait." Cass told Zack and he thanked her. He smiled at me as he came over to sit next to me.

"Hi." I mumbled with a smile.

"How do you feel?" He asked.

"I can't feel below my chest still, but I'm exhausted."

"That's understandable. You did just bring a new life into the world." He chuckled.

"He's so small." I stated, thinking back to how the baby looked.

"Yeah but he'll grow bigger. Especially if he has my genes." He joked and I lightly chuckled. I couldn't handle both Zack and Alex here reminding me of this issue. Zack stayed quiet for a few seconds and I looked up to see what was happening. He looked sadly at me before mumbling, “I’m sorry.”

I frowned in confusion, before asking, “For what?” Zack sighed but continued to tell me.

“I let my mom get inside my head and… I sighed the papers to take full custody.” He said quietly and I gasped.

You what?” I yelled, catching the attention of everyone in the room.

“Words honestly cannot express-“

“-Save it.” I cut him off. "I have a headache. I think I need a nap." I announced to everyone. I needed to be alone now. I couldn’t take any more bad news.

"Okay we'll give you some time alone." Isobel said politely. They all told me goodbye, and promised to visit later before leaving. Zack apologized to me again, but I just brushed it off. Cass and Rian came to give me a careful hug and to congratulate me before leaving. Cass also promised to visit me tomorrow since we didn't get to spend much time together today.

My grandparents and my mom were the only ones left in the room with me. My mom was going to spend the night with me while I recovered.

"Make sure you get lots of rest tonight, Honey." My grandma told me.

"I will." I assured her.

"You did great today, Kiddo." My grandpa and I chuckled.

"Thanks grandpa." I said.

"We'll be back tomorrow after work." He told me and we all said goodbye.

Once we were alone I told my mom what Zack had told me. She said she wasn’t surprised and prepared for that to happen. She and my grandparents had already begun looking for a lawyer just in case. I wasn’t able to get excited about it; I hated the fact that we had to get a lawyer at all.

"I don't know if I can sleep." I said, feeling myself becoming upset again.

"Just try to get an hour or two. You had a busy day today." She walked over and rubbed my hand.

"What if they bring him by while I'm sleeping?" I asked.

"Then I'll wake you up, I promise." She said and I nodded.

I closed my eyes but something was still on my mind. "Mom, when do you think they'll be able to do the DNA test?"

"Umm I'm not sure. But I definitely think you should just focus on one thing at a time. So let's focus on you and my grandson getting better and then we'll worry about getting that DNA test."

"Okay." I said in agreement and let my mind finally go blank.

Notes

Title: Somethings Gotta Give by ATL