Destroy Rebuild

When I woke up the next morning alone in bed, I felt my stomach churn as I thought maybe the day before was just a cruel dream. But when I noticed the white walls surrounding me and I heard the sound of waves crashing through the cracked sliding door to the balcony, I drew in a calming breath.


This was real. Alex and I were together again, finally. We’d made it through the dark days.

I rolled over, facing the balcony, and I felt my heart swell at the sight of him feeding Will his morning cup of applesauce. It made me so happy that they were together again, too. All I wanted was for Will to have his dad around. I could tell Alex needed that time with him, too.

As I was about to push myself out of bed, I remembered a very important confession I still had to make. I knew that I should have already told Alex about Eric showing up at the house, but the night before was just too perfect to ruin with bad news about the one person Alex hated most. I had to fight the urge to crawl back into bed and bury myself in blankets.

I eased my way to the sliding door, opening it fully. Alex looked back at me, a small smile falling across his mouth.

“Good morning,” he said.

“Good morning,” I replied, taking a second to kiss the top of Will’s head before slipping into the chair beside them. “How long have you two been awake?”

“He woke up about an hour ago,” he said as he scooped the remaining applesauce from the cup. “I didn’t really sleep last night.”

“Why not?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I was too happy to sleep, honestly. I couldn’t get over the fact that I had you back.”

Although my heart did a cartwheel in my ribcage, I frowned. “Well now I feel a little guilty. I slept like a baby.”

“That’s a good thing,” he grinned as he held Will’s sippy cup out to him, keeping his hand on the base in case he were to drop it.

“I guess,” I smiled. “It was nice closing my eyes with your face being the last thing I saw again.”

He smiled my “Alex” smile, the one I hadn’t realized I missed so much until he graced me with it the night before.

“I have the whole day off. I was wondering if you would mind spending it with me,” he said.

“Of course,” I giggled. “I’d love to. Have you made any plans so far?”

“I was thinking we could get brunch somewhere, maybe hit up Rodeo Dr. and do some shopping. Then I was thinking we could take little man to the beach for the first time if you two are up for it.”

“Rodeo Dr.?” I giggled again.

“Oh, hell yeah, woman,” he nodded. “I’m gonna spoil the shit out of you today.”

I was annoyed by the sharp pang I felt hit my gut, but it was necessary. Before he spent a penny on me, he needed to know the truth.

“Is everything okay?” he asked after a moment.

I nodded slowly, taking a few deep breaths to pull myself together. “Actually, there’s something I-“

“Da-da.”

Alex and I both froze before our eyes snapped towards each other, then down to Will.

“You heard that, right?” Alex asked. “He just said ‘da-da’?”

“Oh, my god,” I giggled, my eyes becoming wet with tears. “He just said his first word!”

Alex turned his face towards me, his mouth hanging open slightly. “I’m his first word?”

“Yeah, da-da,” I laughed. “You’re his first.”

He became hysterically excited, even bouncing up and down in his chair as he tried to get him to say it again. After a few attempts, he gave up but was still so excited as he pulled our son into a tight hug. After a second, his face scrunched up into a mild disgust.

“Uh oh,” he chuckled. “Someone needs a new diaper.”

“I’ll get it,” I offered as I stood from my chair.

Alex shook his head as he stood with me. “I’ll take care of it. You should get ready. We have an exciting day ahead of us.”

Just like that, my previous joy was diminished by the recurring churn of guilt in my gut. I took a deep breath as I followed him. It was now or never, and I wouldn’t dare let it get to the latter.

“Alex, I need to tell you something.”

He laid Will down on the bed, reaching behind him for the diaper bag and nodded. “Shoot.”

“And I know I should have told you this much sooner but I thought it would be better to tell you in person.”

He glanced at me with a hint of a smile and said, “Okay.”

I inhaled deeply before I began. “Eric showed up at the house on Mother’s Day.”

I could see the muscles in his arms flex and his jaw clenched. “Oh?”

“He came by to wish me a happy Mother’s Day and he brought me flowers. But that’s it. Nothing happened and I made him leave. I told him showing up at our house was inappropriate and wrong and he couldn’t do it again. He was there for all of maybe three minutes and nothing happened. But I knew you deserved to know and I’m sorry for not telling you sooner.”

He fastened the clean diaper around Will’s waist and turned towards me. “Nothing happened?”

I shook my head profusely. “Nothing. I even threw away the flowers he gave me.”

He nodded slowly and picked up the shorts Will was wearing. “Okay.”

To say I was surprised by his lack of reaction was an understatement. “Okay? Okay what?”

“If you say nothing happened, then, okay. I just really wish I could have been there.”

“So,” I said slowly. “You’re not mad?”

“Oh, I’m furious,” he chuckled. “But not at you. We’re still fine, but I don’t want to talk about this anymore right now, okay? I just want to enjoy my day with my lady and my boy.”

“Okay,” I said quietly.

I watched as he buttoned Will’s shorts and in a split second he had me by the waist, holding me close to him. His lips pressed against mine, electricity shooting through my veins.

“I love you,” he said after pulling away.

“I love you, too,” I said in choppy breaths.

“Go on, now. Let’s get ready and go. I’m starving.”

I nodded and headed towards the bathroom, stealing a glance at him before shutting the door behind me. I just hoped he wouldn’t keep everything he was feeling bottled up for long before it made him snap.

Notes