Life isn't a fashion statement.

Jacks POV

I was woken up by Alex whimpering loudly and him twitching in bed.
"No, please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me. " Alex whimpered and I looked at him and saw he was crying in his sleep.
The light from the tv wasn't going to be enough so I turned my bed side lamp on which made me flinch away but it didn't wake Alex up.
I looked at Alex closely and realized he was having a panic attack in his sleep.
"Alex, babe wake up for me your having a panic attack." I said and shook Alex but he didn't wake up.
"Alex baby please." I said and all of a sudden Alex sat up gasping for air, tears rolling down his cheeks.
Alex seem to be locked in trance, looking at the end of the end where Hank was flat out asleep.
"Babe." I said quietly and touched his arm which made Alex jump and look at me.
He looked at me confused at first but then he moved and cuddled into my side.
"Talk to me babe." I said quietly and kissed the top of his head.
"Not now." Alex whispered and got out of bed and I just watched him as he put my hoodie on and some pants and he walked out the bedroom.
I heard the shower go and hope that Alex wasn't going to hurt himself since he was currently 4 weeks clean from self harm.

I gave Alex some space before I went in the bathroom.
When I walked in I found Alex curled up on the floor and his arms where red from where he was scrubbing himself hard in the shower.
"Babe?" I said quietly and I climbed in the shower with Alex with my pants on.
Alex sniffed and looked at me .
I moved more under the shower and pulled Alex onto my lap and held him close to me.
"I've got you." I whispered and kissed the top of Alex's head and he let out a sob he was trying to hold back which he failed at.
I just held Alex closer to me and rocked myself side to side.
The water had gotten cold and Alex was still sat on my lap lost in his mind tracing patterns on my chest.
"Babe, shell we move to the bed? It's getting cold here now." I said and Alex just nodded slightly and he moved from my lap and got up and offered me his hand which I took and I picked Alex up and sat him on the side and wrapped him in a towel.
Alex smiled a little and he looked down but I made him look at me.
"Right now we don't have to talk about this, but we are going to have to talk about it." I said softly and Alex nodded.
"Dry yourself off and we'll go back to bed and watch some shit film and fall asleep." I said and grabbed myself a towel from the towel rack and started to dry myself off.
Alex smiled and got off the side and did the same and once we was both dry I picked Alex back up and walked over to the bed and I put Alex on my side of the bed and Alex looked at me confused.
"I'm letting you have my side for the night." I said as I climbed into bed and Alex smiled as he rolled onto his side and I pulled him closer to my chest and started to rub soft small circles on his hip and kissed the back of his neck.
"I don't want to fall asleep." Alex whispered and I rolled him over and looked at him.
"I'll keep you safe, you can fall asleep." I whispered and Alex nodded and moved closer to me and we watch a film.
I felt Alex's breaths even out and once I knew he was okay I let myself fall asleep as well.

"He's gone fucking mute, he has hardly said a word to anyone since he nearly jumped of the building." I said to Quinn since she came round to check on Alex but Alex was asleep in bed.
I joined Quinn on the sofa and looked down.
"I'm worried about him. I know I said I don't want him to come back to work but he actually agreed with me, Alex hardly ever agrees with me on work. He doesn't want to get out of bed. He has nightmares and panic attacks in the night and he doesn't talk to me. I don't know what to do Quinn." I said and looked down and messed with Hanks ears.
"I don't know what to say Jack. Alex is complicated person, you should know this. But I know that when Alex was on the streets he used to get raped, in fact most of the sex he did have on the streets was rape. But he needs money so he had to put up with it. I think what Jason done has triggered him and now he's pretty much back to square one. Which is a shame because Alex was finally happy and everyone could see it. Promise me you won't leave him. Even though he has gone mute and doesn't want to get out of bed, you are the only thing which is keeping him alive. You go and he'll kill himself." Quinn said and picked at the sofa.
"I'm not leaving him. Might sound stupid but I need him just as much as he needs me ." I said and Quinn smiled and reached out and caught hold of my hand and gave it a supportive squeeze.
"Your doing good Jack." Quinn said quietly.
"I feel like I've let him down though." I said and looked down.
"You haven't let me down Jack." Alex said from behind me and I turned round to look at him and he was in his pants and my hoodie.
"But I couldn't protect you when you needed me to." I said and looked down and I heard Alex walk over and he sat on my lap and made me look at him and he kissed me which I returned.
"You stopped me from jumping, you did your thing." Alex whispered and he wrapped his arms round my neck and started to mess with my hair.

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