Don't You Go and Carry On With Your Life

Jack

I really enjoyed my weekend with Austin. We spent the rest of it having sex and cuddling with each other. It's like he was my chance to escape all of the negativity in my life. Austin made me feel so good about myself. He focused on me a lot which was really sweet and a little annoying. I felt like was smothering me with attention. Luckily I got a break from him since we both had to work and I needed to spend time with my kids again.

Kellin and Kylie were both giving me a headache. I walked in the house, after coming from work, to find the house a complete mess. Kylie was crying because she couldn't fly like the Powerpuff Girls and Kellin was complaining about Kylie's crying. I soon needed another break after being home for five minutes.

"Kylie we're human beings! We can't fly like cartoon characters!" I told her and she continued to cry. "Kellin can you watch her for a second while I go take a quick shower?" I begged.

"Ugh fine but hurry. I don't know how much more my ears can take." He huffed.

I thanked him and went into my bathroom. I turned on my shower and waited for it to heat up. I got out of all my clothes and stepped into the hot water. When I felt too stressed a hot shower always helped relax me. I stayed in the water for twenty minutes and then got out. I wanted to stay in even longer but I knew Kellin was probably going to be angry that I stayed in for as long as I did.

I put on some loose clothes and went back into the living room. Kellin wasn't annoyed anymore because Kylie had stopped crying. She was sitting on the floor watching TV not bothering him. The only way to get her to act this way was if you gave her something she liked. I saw that she was chewing something and I looked down at her hands and saw her holding a cookie.

"Hey what's that in your hands? Where did you get a cookie?" I asked Kylie, already knowing the answer. She gave me a wide-eyed stare and shrugged so she wouldn't tell on Kellin. "You haven't eaten dinner yet. Give it here." I demanded as I walked towards her. She quickly shoved the whole thing into her mouth before I could take it from her. "Kylie Alexandria Gaskarth!" I scolded her.

"Did she stuff the whole cookie in her mouth?" Kellin laughed.

"Yeah, why did you give it to her?" I asked. He knew I hated giving her sweets before dinner. I didn't like her getting full off of junk and not eating real nutritious food first.

"It was the only way I could get her to calm down." He said.

"Kellin, you know I don't like her eating sweets before she eats dinner. It's going to spoil her appetite." I complained.

"It was just two cookie. I'm sure she'll be fine." He said and I rolled my eyes at the fact that he gave her two. "Anyways I'm going upstairs to do my homework." He got up and turned the TV off.

"Yeah go and take the Cookie Monster with you. Maybe I can attempt to clean this messy house." I told him. He picked up Kylie and took her upstairs with him.

I began to pick up things that were scattered across the living room like shoes, toys, and cups. Ever since I started working instead of staying at home, the house was becoming more messy. It was tiring to have to come home after work and do more work. Maybe I can start giving Kellin chores to do to help ease some of the workload.

I went into the kitchen to begin cleaning up in there. I was in the middle of washing the dishes when I heard the doorbell ring. I dried my hands off and went to see who it was. I looked out of the peephole and saw Mrs. Gaskarth standing there waiting. I sighed and considered pretending that we weren't home. For starters the house was still not all the way clean which was something she would usually complain about. Also she was most likely here to talk about Alex and I did not feel like doing that today.

She rang the doorbell a second time and I exhaled. I opened the door to her smiling face.

"Hey Jack!” Isobel said cheerfully.

“HI Isobel.” I tried to sound happy to see her.

“I was just in the neighborhood and thought I should stop by." I know she had another motive because she and Peter didn't live close enough for her to be "in the neighborhood."

"Yeah, come in." I told her and stepped aside.

She walked in holding a box of tea and went straight to the kitchen. I followed behind her and she grabbed my tea kettle. Surprisingly she hadn't said anything about the house not being completely clean. Something was definitely up with her.

"I bought this tea today at that tea store in the mall." She said, making small talk.

"Oh that's nice." I said. I really wanted to get this over with so I could go back to cleaning and then resting.

She hummed quietly as the water in the kettle heated up. "Where are Kellin and Kylie?" She asked.

"Kellin is upstairs doing homework and Kylie is up there with him." I said and she nodded.

The kettle soon heated the water and she grabbed two mugs and made us each a cup. I smiled and thanked her as she sat my mug down in front of me.

"This is pretty good." I said after my first sip.

"Yeah I didn't even have to add sugar. Just two table spoons of honey." She commented and I nodded.

We sat in awkward silence for a minute or so, then she spoke again.

"Do the kids seem like they've been doing well without Alex being here?"

"Um kind of. Kellin hasn't been taking it so well, but I've been trying to help him as best as I can." I told her honestly.

"Mhmm and what about you? Have you been doing okay?"

"Yeah, I've been fine." I quickly answered.

"You sure?" She asked worriedly.

"Yeah I'm sure." I lightly chuckled. I guess she just came over to check on us, it was pretty nice of her.

". . . Have you talked to Alex any time lately?"

"No, we haven't talked in a week or so. We only talk when it's about the kids." I answered.

"Oh...Well he's been sort of depressed lately." She sighed.

"Depressed?" I asked.

"Yeah ever since he broke up with Tay, he's been having conflicting feelings."

"That um sounds horrible." I was confused as to why she was telling me this. I didn't really care about Alex's relationship with Tay.

"It is horrible. You know I talked to him a few nights ago and he told me that he regrets ever letting her come between you twos marriage." She said and I fought back the urge to roll my eyes. She was here to talk to me for Alex.

"Really?" I asked, trying to sound interested.

"Mhmm, he says there's not a day that goes by where he doesn't think about the stupid mistake that he made cheating on you."

"Yeah if only he stopped himself before he made that mistake." I shrugged.

"He sounded like he really meant it." She emphasized.

"I'm sure he did, Isobel, but-"

"-Look I know he hurt you, Jack. I understand why you felt it was best to get a divorce and take the kids. But I really think Alex has learned his lesson. He knows what he did was wrong, he feels so much remorse for hurting you. I just think you should consider, you know, talking to him." She ramble and I sighed.

"Talking to him about what exactly?"

"Anything, like maybe trying to work things out." She said, making me scoff.

"I'm sorry, Isobel but I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to get back with him. Alex might have learned his lesson, but I don't want to ever feel an ounce of the heartache he put me through. Alex can be a great guy, but he's just not faithful enough to be with me." I told her.

"So you don't think there's a chance that you'll ever forgive him, or attempt to give it another go with him?" She asked.

"I'm sure I'll get over what he did and forgive him one day. I just don't want to get back together with him just to hear that our relationship is still boring or for him to cheat on me again. I'd rather not take that chance."

"Even if he swore not to hurt you again?" She asked desperately.

"The first time he swore to be faithful to me when we got married and he broke that promise so you'll have to excuse the fact that I don't trust any more of his promises." I was trying not to get annoyed with her trying to push Alex on to me. I understand that he is her son and she doesn't want to see him sad anymore, but I don't want to exchange my happiness for his.

"Yes and I guess the fact that you're dating someone else is playing a big part in your decision too?" She raised an eyebrow at me.

"Excuse me?" Of course Alex ran to his mother and told her I was dating Austin.

"Look all I'm saying is what kind of example are you setting for Kellin and Kylie by getting with the first guy you see after your divorce? Especially when they're dad is trying to fix your relationship and you're not."

"I'm showing them how to move on after you've had your heart broken by the love of your life! What kind of example was Alex setting by cheating?!"

"He made a mistake, but he’s showing them that everyone makes mistakes and how to fix those mistakes." She really wasn't letting this go.

"Okay fine everyone makes mistakes whatever, but you don't always have to forgive and forget what someone's done to you. I will learn to forgive Alex one day, maybe, but I will never forget what he did. And I would appreciate if you didn't come over trying to force me to change my mind again."

"Okay. I'm sorry if I'm being a little assertive, I'm just really worried about my son. Um thank you for talking to me about it. I guess I should go." She sounded defeated.

"Thanks for stopping by, Isobel. Don't forget your tea." I told her.

"No you should keep it. It's supposed to help a lot with stress." She said and I nodded.

I walked Isobel to the door and opened it for her. "Can you just think about talking to Alex so he can have some closure? Not about getting back together, but talk to him about you moving on so hopefully he can do the same." She stopped and asked.

"Yes, I will think about it." I said so she would leave faster without trying to convince me to change my mind.

"Thank you! Oh and Jack would you mind not telling him that I was here? I promised him I wouldn't do this." She said.

"Um yeah. I'll keep it to myself.”

Isobel and I told each other bye and I watched her walk to her car. I felt a range of emotions after that conversation with her, but mostly I felt confused. I didn't know if I should talk to Alex or not. It was the least I could do but I didn't owe him anything. I was stuck between wanting to be a nice person and wanting to watch him suffer. I knew someone who could help me decide.

I picked up my phone and called Brendon. It was nice to have friends now that I could call to help me out with this stuff. My family was still too biased to help.

"Hey Jack." Brendon answered.

"Hey Brendon, can you help me with something?" I asked.

"I'm at Target right now but I can stop by after I'm finished." He told me.

"Oh it was more of a decision I needed help with, but yeah you can just stop by and we'll talk."

"Okay, text me your address and I'll be there soon." He said and hung up. I texted him my address once we were off the phone.

I went ahead and finished cleaning up the living room and kitchen since I was having company over. I didn't have time to detail clean the house but I straightened up enough for it to look presentable.

Kellin came down stairs with Kylie after I was finished cleaning. "Hey Daddy can I go to Vic's?" Kellin asked.

“Nice try, but Alex told me that you’re grounded for the rest of the week. He won’t tell me why though.” I said.

“He grounded me for no reason.” He said and I chuckled.

"Yeah right. And why are you always going to Vic’s house? Why can't he ever come over here? Are you hiding him for some reason?" I questioned and he rolled his eyes.

"No I'm just not ready for him to meet you yet. You'll embarrass me."

"I will not. I just want to see what he looks like and make sure he's not entirely crazy. Normal parent stuff." I shrugged.

"Well I want to meet Austin, see what he looks like and make sure he's not entirely crazy. You know, normal kid stuff." He mocked and I laughed.

"Invite Vic over for dinner this Saturday and then we'll talk about having Austin over for dinner." I bargained.

"Fine, but I swear if you embarrass me I'll run away from home." He threatened.

"You would be back after a few days. It's almost Christmas." I joked and he chuckled. I reminded myself that I needed to finish buying presents for everyone.

"Vic and I were supposed to be going shopping today. I promised to help him find his brother something. Plus I needed to find something for you and Dad, but I guess I can’t now." He sighed, trying to guilt trip me.

“Fine go but don’t tell Alex.” I said, giving into him.”

“Yay thanks Daddy!” He ran over to hug me and then left. I hoped that he wasn’t in trouble for something really serious, but Alex would have probably told me if it was.

I sat down on the couch and Kylie climbed onto the couch to sit next to me. I waited twenty minutes after Kellin left for Brendon to show up. He rang the doorbell and I went to get the door for him.

"How can you afford this house?" He asked in awe as soon as I opened the door.

"Alex bought it for us. Before the divorce of course." I told him and let him in.

"It looks like a castle compared to my apartment." He chuckled. "Is that your daughter?" He asked.

"Yeah that's Kylie. Kylie say hi to Brendon." I said.

"Hi." She mumbled shyly behind my leg. I shook my head and picked her up.

"Oh Jack she's so cute!" He exclaimed. "How old are you, cutie?" He asked her.

"Tree." She told him. It took forever for us to get her to say the right answer.

"Three! So you're a big girl?" He asked and she nodded. "She's like the calmest little girl I've ever met. I would actually like children if they were all like her."

"No she's just shy right now. Wait until she warms up to you." I chuckled and sat her down. I sat down on the couch and Brendon sat down on the love-seat next to it.

"So what did you need my opinion on?" He asked.

"Okay so Alex's mom came over today and basically tried to talk me into giving Alex another chance. I, of course, told her that I didn't want to get back together with him again. Then she asked me to talk to him to give him closure so he can move on to. So what do you think? Should I talk to him about it just to be nice or should I continue to only talk to him when it has something to do with the kids?"

"Hmm. Honestly if it were me I would go talk to him only because afterwards I would immediately start sucking his-"

"-Brendon please don't, she repeats almost any new word she hears." I pointed to Kylie and he laughed. I grimaced at his disgusting crush on Alex immediately after.

"Oh sorry! But I think if you're really conflicted then maybe you should call him and say you're just checking on him or something. Then you can bring up your relationship with Austin so he kind of gets the hint that you're happy with him and that it's not just a phase." He suggested.

"That feels like I'm rubbing my relationship in his face though." I complained.

"Well yeah but how else do you expect to tell him that you're moving on for good?"

"Ugh I don’t know. I don't want to. I'm pretty sure he should have gotten the point after he saw us out that night."

"Maybe not if his mom came to ask you to talk to him so he can also move on." He shrugged.

"Yeah you're right. I guess I'll call him and have a very quick conversation with him about all of that. Then we'll never have to talk about it again."

"Yeah if you really want him to stop trying to get you back then why not. What do you have to lose?"

"Nothing I guess." I sighed. I don't know why but it felt like I was cutting off all ties with Alex with this phone call. I don't know why I felt guilty about doing it. I wanted him to move on from me too didn't I? Now I was dreading calling Alex even more.

Notes

Happy Holidays!