Don't You Go and Carry On With Your Life

Alex

"Dude you look like you've lost even more weight. Are you sure you're okay?" Rian asked, sounding concerned.

"Yeah Ri, I'm fine. I just haven't been that hungry lately." I shrugged. My mom thinks I'm depressed and it's causing me to do things like not eat or sleep. I haven't been hungry or able to sleep well but I think it was just guilt. I've felt guiltier after finding out that Tay wasn't really pregnant. I allowed myself to give up on my husband and kids because I didn't want her to be alone with the baby. I should have fought for Jack. I should have begged Jack to give me a second chance before the divorce. Instead I gave up and let it happen.

"Alex you're restless, man. I'm really worried about you. You've been depressed like this for almost two months now."

"I'm not depressed, Rian." I mumbled. I was just trying to get through today, Friday, so I could go home and spend all weekend with my kids. All this talk about feelings with Rian was making it harder for me to do that.

"You're not yourself either. Look I know divorces can be hard, bu-" He couldn't finish before I cut him off.

"-What could you possibly know about being divorced?? You're still with your husband! You still get to go home to your family every night!" I snapped at him. He didn't say anything, he just stared at me to see if I was really angry at him.

I wasn't angry, I was just stress and taking it out on him. "I'm sorry Ri. I've just been...I don't know. These last few months have been really hard on me. I only get to see my kids two weekends a month and on top of that, Jack wants absolutely nothing to do with me. I feel like I'm having in a nightmare and I can't wake up."

"I think you need to take a few days off from work. You should stay home and relax. Work isn't doing anything but adding more stress to your life." Rian suggested.

"No I have clients I need to meet up with this week. Plus staying at home will give me time to think about my life and doing that will make me feel worse."

"Well how about I help?"

"How?"

"I heard about this gay club downtown that we can g-" My laughing cut him off before he could even finish. "What's so funny?" He asked.

"There's no way in hell Zack will let you go to a club." I said, once I settled down. Zack would hardly let Rian out of the house without him.

"Yeah-huh! You know, once I promise to call and text him every twenty minutes I'm there." He mumbled.

"Wow he's that strict now?" I asked.

"It got worse after your little mishap." He pouted. "It made him more paranoid."

"Sorry dude." I told him. "I'll try to make that one up to you." I promised.

"You can make it up to me by going out with me."

"Ugh fine. When?"

"Tomorrow night at around eight-ish." He told me.

"What's this place even called?"

"Sandbox."

*********

I threw my briefcase down on the ground as soon as I made it home. Pretending to be okay at work drained my energy more than actually working did. I grabbed a beer from my fridge and went to sit on the couch. Kellin and Kylie were going to be here any minute. I was going to do whatever they wanted today since I was going out with Rian tomorrow night. I was thinking of texting Rian asking can we reschedule so I could spend more time with Kellin and Kylie. They were higher on my priority list.

I turned on my TV so I could watch something I actually liked before Kylie came over and turned to Blue's Clues for the entire weekend. I could only watch a little bit of CSI before Kellin and Kylie were coming in ten minutes later. I had finally made a copy of my key for Kellin so he could come in own his own.

"Hi dad." Kellin said as they came over to the living room to sit with me.

"Hey, how was school?" I asked.

"The same as every other day. How was work?"

"The same as every other day." I said, stealing his answer. "What did you do today, Kyls? We're you good for your grandma?" I asked her.

"Mhmm I colored!" She exclaimed.

"You colored? Where's the pretty picture?"

"On ridge." She told me and I tried not to laugh.

"It's on you grandma's fridge?" I said and she nodded.

"I colored a doggie!"

"What color was he?"

"Lellow."

"Daddy thinks it's so funny that she says yellow like that." Kellin chuckled.

"It is really cute." I agreed. I turned the TV to Bubble Guppies before Kylie could whine for me to do it.

"How has um Jack been doing?" I asked Kellin.

"He's okay..." Kellin told me. It sounded like he wanted to say more but he was forcing himself to stop. I turned to stare at him to see if he would continue. He sighed once he realized I knew there was more.

"You have to promise not to tell him what I'm about to tell you."

"My lips are sealed." I promised.

"Daddy's been seeing someone. A guy named Austin." He said and my heart quickly fell into my stomach. "That's why I wanted you to tell him about Tay so badly. I was hoping it would cause him to cut things off with that guy and go back to you. But he said it didn't change anything."

". . .Have you met the guy yet?" I asked while trying to gather my thoughts.

"No. Daddy said they're not "serious" yet so I guess he doesn't want to introduce us until then."

Hearing that Jack was with someone else hurt worse than the actual divorce did. It validated the fact that he was actually moving on. He didn't want to be with me. I felt even more guilt because this was probably the pain Jack went through when he found out I was cheating. I didn't like the fact that someone was making him happier than I did.

"Are you okay, Dad?" Kellin asked, waking me up from my thoughts.

"Hmm? Yeah uh yeah I'm alright. I um... that's good that Jack is getting out there and not letting the divorce slow him down." I said, trying to sound positive.

"But if he's with Austin that means you two can't be together." He complained.

"Yeah but that guy is probably making him really happy. Jack deserves to be happy."

"You make him happy too! Well you used to but I'm sure you could again if he gave you another chance." He argued.

"Kellin, I've done nothing but hurt him those last few months of our marriage. I don't blame him for seeing someone new and trying to move past this."

"Don't you want to be with him??" He asked.

"Yeah of course I do."

"Then you have to fight for him. Don't let Austin easily take him from you for forever. You have to do something to win Daddy back before it's too late!"

"I don't think there's anything I can do, Kells. Your dad's mind is made up. He's moving on and what kind of person would I be if I didn't let him do that?"

"You'd be his husband again!" He exclaimed and I chuckled. This argument was obviously not going anywhere.

"How about we go eat at Ghangis Grill in exchange for stopping this conversation." I bribed. That was Kellin's favorite restaurant so I knew it would be hard for him to turn that down.

". . . I'll let it go for today." He bargained and I nodded.

I smiled to myself and grabbed my car keys.

*********

The Next Night

I decided that Rian was right. I did need to go out and have some fun. If Jack was dating someone else then I obvious needed to move on too. I was only going out tonight to drink and have a good time, not to look for someone too. I needed to take a break from relationships.

Right now I was finishing up getting ready and waiting on Rian to come pick me up. I was trying on different shoes to see which ones went with my outfit better. I didn't really want to overdress. I just had on black skinny jeans, a black and white striped shirt, my blue jean shirt, and a black beanie. I was trying to dress like some guy I saw on a show Kellin was watching.

"The grey Nikes look better." Kellin said from behind me.

"Thanks!" I said and put those shoes back on.

"No problem. You look like a hipster by the way." He snickered.

"That's what I was shooting for. I wanted to look like all those guys on Instagram or whatever you all are using now a days."

"Well you nailed it."

"Where's Kylie?" I asked.

"She's sleeping on the couch." He told me and I looked down at my phone. It was almost eight-forty so it was past her normal bed time.

"You sure I don't look ridiculous? Now that I look at myself in the mirror I feel like I look like a douchebag." I complained.

"That's just what hipsters look like. You're fine." He assured me as the doorbell rang.

I walked to the door and opened it for Rian. He was just dressed in black skinny jeans and t-shirt, making me really feel overdressed.

"I'm over dressed, I gonna go change." I told him and he laughed.

"Dude come on. You're not overdressed, I'm just underdressed. Zack would let me wear anything that would make me stand out so I wouldn't catch anyone's attention." He told me.

"Oh I guess I'll keep this on."

"Good, are you ready?"

"Yeah let me just get my wallet." I went to my room and grabbed my wallet off of my nightstand. Then I went back to the living room ready to go.

"You should let me take your picture so we can finally update your Facebook profile picture." Kellin told me.

"Yeah that's a good idea. Here get one of Rian and me together." I told him. We stood against the wall next to each other ready for Kellin to take the picture.

"Can you guys at least pose?" Kellin laughed.

"How?" Rian asked.

"Here, Dad put on these sunglasses they'll make you look like you don't care. Also fold your arms over your chest and put your right leg over you left. And Rian stand against the wall with your hands in your pockets. Okay now place your left foot against the wall. Yeah just like that." Kellin directed.

"How do we look?" I asked and Kellin chuckled.

"Awkward, but it somehow works. Just don't move." He took a few pictures of us and then let us move again. "Okay I'll put a filter on it and let you upload it on to Facebook later."

"Alright thanks. I'll be back later."

"Okay, bye." He said.

I walked over to kiss Kylie on the forehead while she was still sleeping. Rian and I left and walked out to his car. It was nine pm when we were pulling out of my driveway so we were only leaving an hour later than we planned.

"Zack is allowing me to have two beers!" Rian cheered and I chuckled.

"He's really letting you go out of control tonight." I joked and he playfully rolled his eyes.

I saw the bright yellow "Sandbox" sign once we made it. Rian pulled into the parking lot and found us a decent spot. It wasn't overly crowded, but it wasn't empty either. They had a fair amount of people there. It also seemed like the people walking inside were a little older, so it wasn't a club for teenagers.

Rian and I got out of his car and walked towards the entrance. We had to show the bouncer our ID to get in and then we stepped into the loud music. The club was pretty big and chill on the inside. There was a bar in the shape of a circle off to the left, a dance floor to the right, and plenty of table and chairs on the sides. Rian and I walked until we found an empty table. I sat my sunglasses down so we could mark the table as taken while we went to the bar to order drinks.

"I forgot to call Zack, I need to tell him we made it. I'll be back." Rian yelled over the music and pointed towards the bathroom. I nodded and went to the bar while he walked through the dance floor to the bathroom. It was going to take him a while to get through that crowd of people. I chuckled to myself at the thought, but quickly stopped when I saw Jack.

Jack was sitting at the bar by himself messing with his phone. Confusion was an understatement for what I felt seeing Jack here. For one, he hated bars and clubs so it didn't make since for him to be here especially by himself. The chair next to him was empty. What if he was supposed to meet that guy here, and he stood Jack up. He was probably all alone here. The fact that Jack was supposed to meet some guy here made me jealous and a little bit angry. Seeing him sit there alone made me feel worse. Maybe if I walked over to comfort him, he would consider spending time with me for the rest of the night.

I walked up to the bar where he was sitting and sat down in the seat next to him.

Notes

Don't you just love cliff hangers! Also here's a link to Alex and Rian's picture Kellin took of them: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/6b/78/63/6b7863956f4060e1b417c9e46157e004.jpg