Don't You Go and Carry On With Your Life

Jack

I've been seeing Austin every other weekend for a few weeks now. Whenever the kids would go to Alex's for the weekend, I would spend time with Austin. I didn't feel as guilty anymore when I went out with him. I avoided any advances towards sex that he made because that still made me feel uneasy. The thought of someone else seeing my body made me freak out. I was comfortable around Alex but someone new, like Austin was scary. That being said, I didn't totally object to having sex with Austin. I just needed to get over this feeling first. Of course we talked about it, but every time I would make an excuse on why I thought we should wait. Mostly I said I didn't want our relationship to move to fast, which was kind of the truth. I just hoped Austin didn't get tired of waiting and move on.

It was two weeks until Christmas, but I wasn't that excited. I could tell Kellin wasn't either. This was the first time we weren't spending Christmas as a family. Alex was going to keep the kids on Christmas Eve and then I was going to get them on Christmas Day. Kylie and Kellin spent Thanksgivings with Alex so I was getting them for Christmas.

Before we could celebrate Christmas we had to celebrate Kylie's birthday. My little girl was turning three today. She was having a princess themed birthday party with my family at my house. Kellin invited Alex and his parents, but Alex decided to celebrate Kylie's birthday with her next weekend since Joe was here. He was really terrified of Joe.

I ordered a Cinderella impersonator who was also a face painter for the party. So far Kylie and her cousins seemed like they were really enjoying themselves. May's daughters, Hailey and Chloë, were the closest to her age at nine and eleven. Her other cousins were Joe’s kids and they were even older than Kellin. She was the youngest in the family, but I invited Zack and Rian so they could bring Liam to play with her.

"Kelly!" Kylie yelled at Kellin for taking his tiara off.

"Sorry sorry I'm putting it back on." He chuckled. He had Cinderella paint him as a cat so he looked hilarious. I couldn't take him serious while I talked to him.

I picked Kylie up and kissed her multiple times on her butterfly face painting. "You're such a big girl!" I exclaimed and she giggled.

"No, big girls sleep in their own bed. They don't have to sleep with their big brother every night." Kellin joked.

"She'll learn to sleep on her own one day. Right Honey?" I asked.

“Yes.” She said and nodded.

"It feels kind of weird without Dad being here." Kellin said.

"I think it would’ve felt awkward and tense if he were here." I told him.

"Well yeah, but I still feel like we should celebrate Kylie's birthday together. This feels empty without him."

"It’s just something that happens with divorces, Kells. Especially with the divorces that end for the reasons ours did. It makes it harder for me or my half of the family to be around him since he did what he did." I explained.

"Do you think you'll ever forgive him?"

"I don't know. It's still way too soon for me to even think about that. But I don't hate him, as much as I used to, anymore if that makes you feel better." I chuckled.

"It kind of does." He smiled and I raised an eyebrow at him. Ever since he had that talk with Alex, he's been acting a little strange. He would causally bring up my feelings towards Alex every chance he got. If I didn't know any better I would think Alex asked him to do that.

I heard the door bell and my mom went to go get it for me. It was Zack, Rian, Carla, and Liam. They walked over to hug me and said hi to everyone.

"Kylie tell Liam hi." I told her.

"Hi." She said shyly. He was the same age as her so I was trying to get her to be comfortable around him so she could play with kids her age. I’ve been thinking of putting her in daycare too.

"Hi!" Liam exclaimed, not shy at all.

"Cinderella is a face painter if you want to take Liam to get his face painted." I told Zack and he laughed.

"That sounds like fun." He said. "Rian go take Liam to get his face painted, please." Zack told him and Rian picked Liam up. He took Liam over to introduce him to the princess.

"I feel like we haven't talked in forever." I told Zack and he nodded. Zack and I only met because Alex and Rian were close friends. We used to talk while on double dates and keep each other company at their law firm's Christmas parties. Now we haven't really talked since I saw him at the court house for Alex's and my divorce.

"It has been forever, but I know how weird things have been for you for the last few months. Are you managing okay?"

"Yeah yeah I'm fine. It's been a little hard, but I'm okay."

"That's good. How's co-parenting going with Alex?" He asked.

"It's not that bad. We haven't really had to do anything together yet. He not being here for Kylie's birthday is weird but the tension would have felt worse if he were here."

"Yeah isn't he like terrified of your brother?" He asked and I laughed.

"Yes. I don't think they've ever had a conversation without Joe threatening him in some way. Even before the divorce or anything. Joe hasn't liked Alex since I told him he was going to Law school. He said all lawyers do is lie. At first I thought he was exaggerating, but now I think I believe him." I joked.

"Hey what about Rian? I don't think he's lied to me about anything." He said.

"No, Rian's one of the good ones." I said and he smiled.

Soon Rian came back with Liam's face painted like a tiger. He kept growling at everyone and laughing when they pretended to be scared. We all ate pizza and socialized until it got late. I still felt weird going through Kylie's party with Alex not here. Kylie didn't seem to notice but Kellin and I did.

"Jack, mom said to come light Kylie's candles." May told me.

"Alright." I got up and walked to the kitchen where her cake was.

I bought one candle that had the number three on it for her. I stuck it in the cake and Kellin stood Kylie on a chair so she could reach the candle. She watched in amazement as I lit the wick of the candle.

"Okay you can blow it out after we sing ha-"

Kylie blew on the candle before I could finish my sentence. "Kylie you were supposed to wait, silly." I told he while everyone laughed.

"We can just do it backwards." My mom chuckled.

We sung happy birthday to Kylie and then cut the cake for everyone. Then she opened her presents right after, which were mostly Barbie dolls, baby dolls, and clothes. We ended the party by telling everyone good bye and cleaning up. It was only seven pm so we still had time to stay up. I was too exhausted to leave the house though.

"Daddy now that everyone is gone do you think Dad can come over for a few minutes so he can spend time with Kylie?" Kellin asked.

"Why can't he pick her up and take her to his house or why can't you drop her off? Why does he have to come over?" I asked suspiciously.

"So we can spend the rest of her birthday as a family. I know you two are divorced but that doesn't mean we can't spend time together."

I knew I was going to regret this in some shape, way, or form. "Fine but tell him this is for Kylie, so I don't want to hear anything that's not about her." I warned. "And he's not allowed to bring that home-wrecker with him." I did not want to see Tay especially not while she was pregnant.

"He's not even- . . . He won't." Kellin said and I nodded.

"Mhmm." I hummed. I picked up my phone to read the text Austin had just sent me.

Austin Carlile

Hey how did Kylie's party go?

Read 7:12

Jack Barakat

Great! She had lots of fun and she loved the princess. Thanks for helping me find her.

Delivered 7:14

Austin Carlile

You're welcome! Make sure you save me a piece of cake. I can get it before we go out this weekend.

Read 7:17

Jack Barakat

Lol okay!

Delivered 7:19

I sat my phone down and saw Kellin staring at me. "What?" I asked and he narrowed his eyes at me.

"Who are you texting?" He asked.

"What? Why?"

"Because you were smiling at your phone."

"It's just one of my friends from work." I quickly lied. I wasn't ready to tell Kellin about Austin yet. I didn't know how he would react to finding out that I was hanging out someone else. I wanted to put it off for as long as I could.

"Are you dating that friend?" He asked and I chuckled.

"Are you dating Vic?" I asked. Every time I would ask that question he would change the subject.

"No no no don't try to take the attention off of you. I asked you first."

"Well I'm the parent so I don't have to answer you, you have to answer me."

"Okay well my answer is no then." He laughed.

"Liar. I already know you are. I just want to hear you say it out loud."

"What happen to tell each other the truth, Daddy?" He jokingly asked.

"I will tell you the truth when you tell me the truth first. Are you dating him?" I asked again.

He huffed and hesitated before answering. ". . . Fine okay yes we're dating."

"I knew it! I knew you were! Invite him over to dinner next weekend so I can officially meet him." I told him.

"No you'll embarrass me and don't think you’re me off the hook. You still have to tell me about who you were texting." He said and I rolled my eyes. He was honest with me so I guess the least I could do was be honest back. I just hoped he took it well.

"His name is Austin."

"You're actually dating someone else?" He asked, sounding kind of down.

"Not dating, we're just friends."

"Have you been on a date with him??"

"We had dinner." I shrugged and he gave me a knowing look. "Look if things ever become serious between me and Austin then you'll be the first person I tell, but right now it's not anything to worry about." I assured him. I wasn't completely lying, Austin and I hadn't given ourselves a label. We were just having fun for now.

"Mhmm."

The doorbell rang a few seconds later and Kellin got up to let Alex in. It was the first time I was seeing him since I went over a few months ago to talk to Kellin. He looked skinnier than he normally did, like he hadn't been eating.

"Daaaaad!" Kylie yelled as she ran over to him. He laughed and picked her up.

"Hi princess!" He exclaimed. "Hey Jack." He told me.

"Hi." I said. “Um Happy late Birthday.” His birthday was four days ago.

"Thanks.” He smiled. “I bought you a present." He told Kylie and handed her the bag in his right hand. Helped her pull out the leapfrog tablet he got her.

"Can you open?" Kylie asked and he laughed.

"Yeah." He sat her down and began to open the box. He opened the toy and helped her set it up. It was quiet once he gave Kylie the tablet and showed her how to play with it. Alex sat on the couch with Kylie in his lap, watching her play.

"Is there any cake left?" Alex asked. He was looking at me instead of Kellin so I knew the question was directed at me.

"Um yeah, it's in the kitchen." I told him.

"Thanks." He sat Kylie next to him and got up. He went to get a slice of cake and came back. He sat Kylie back in his lap and she opened her mouth so she could feed him some of his cake.

"Kylie you’ve had enough cake for today. You’re probably not going to be able to go to bed on time." I scolded her.

She turned to look at Alex with her begging eyes. Alex gave in and fed her some off of his fork anyways. "Sorry! You know I can't ignore her begging face." He told me and I rolled my eyes.

"Isn't this nice? Us all together again like old times." Kellin said. Alex and I glanced at each other but we didn't say anything. "It can always be like this, if you just tell him, Dad." He turned to Alex and Alex glared at him.

"Kellin." Alex said, trying to get him to stop.

"I'm just saying you should do it before it's too late." Kellin shrugged.

"What's going on?" I asked. I had no idea what they were planning.

"Nothing." Alex quickly answered.

"Dad just tell him." Kellin said, but Alex stayed silent. "Taylor isn't actually pregnant, she lied to get Dad to stay with her." Kellin blurted out quickly.

"Kellin!" Alex scolded him.

I completely checked out from the rest of their conversation. All I could focus on was what Kellin had said about Tay faking being pregnant. I tried to process that information because I couldn't exactly tell how it made me feel. On one hand I felt relieved that Alex wasn't going to have kids with someone else, but on the other hand he still cheated on me and put me through all of that. I guess Tay not being pregnant didn't really change much for me. It didn't make me want to forgive Alex and get back together with him.

"Look Jack, I was going to tell you but-" Alex started to say.

"-It's okay Alex. It doesn't really change anything." I shrugged and he looked down.

"Yeah I uh guess I didn't think it would." He sighed.

"That's still great news though isn't it, Daddy?" Kellin asked hopefully. Now I could see what was going on. Alex wasn't with Tay so Kellin thought that he could try to get us back together.

"I guess it is great news for him." I said and Kellin rolled his eyes.

I was going to have to have a talk with him later on about why I was never in a million years getting back together with Alex. Luckily he let the subject go for the rest of the time Alex was there. I didn't want to keep dodging questions that were geared towards me getting back together with Alex.

Alex didn't stay too much longer after that conversation. It was really awkward the rest of the time he did stay. He spent a little more time with Kylie and then told us he wanted to call it a night. I didn't feel bad about telling him stay not being pregnant didn't change anything between us. I didn't divorce him because she was pregnant, I divorced him because he cheated and that didn't change. I did however feel bad because Kellin really hoped that Tay not being pregnant would make things better.

After Alex left I went to get Kylie ready for bed and Kellin followed.

"Why were you so distant with my dad? It was kind of rude." Kellin said and I scoffed.

"Alex is lucky that I even talk to his at all." I said and he frowned.

"He's trying, Daddy. You're the one who told me that he was trying and it was important for me to try with him."

"Yes because he's your father and its import that you try to keep a healthy relationship with him. Alex is nothing to me now but the father of my kids. I just have to be civil around him and make sure I can tell him about any emergencies you two might have."

"But Daddy-"

"-Kellin I know you want us back together, but that's not going to happen. Ever. I can't see myself forgiving Alex for cheating. I think it's great that he didn't actually get Tay pregnant, but it doesn't change the way I feel about him cheating on me."

"But Daddy we can be a family again. We can learn to put everything behind us and start over." He whined.

"I can't put it behind me. Every time I look at him I get flashbacks to him walking out to go with Tay. Plus I don't think I could trust him anymore. I would probably kill him if we got back together and he cheated on me again."

"But he's learned his lesson. He won't cheat on you ever again. I could tell he meant it."

"I'm sorry, I just don't trust him anymore Kells. I would like nothing more than for us to be a complete family again, but I can't bring myself to be with him. I really hope you understand that one day." I said and he looked down.

"Yeah sure." He mumbled angrily.

I didn't want to argue anymore so I left it at that. I placed Kylie in the bed next to Kellin and tucked her in. She used to cry if she couldn't sleep next to me but now she would cry if she could sleep next to him.

"Night-night, Kylie." I kissed her on the forehead.

"Night-night" she repeated.

"Goodnight, Kellin." I said and he ignored me.

Great, I was getting the silent treatment again.

Notes