Don't You Go and Carry On With Your Life

Alex

I know Rian told me to give Kellin and Jack some space, but I felt useless just sitting at home and doing nothing about it for a few days. I at least wanted to do something to show that I felt horrible for what happened. Usually when Kellin was mad at me I would buy him something to make up for it. Maybe gifts would show that I was still thinking about them and attempting to make things better. I probably needed to buy Kylie something too, just because she didn't know what was going on didn't mean this was any less fair to her.

I got up and went to the mall to look for presents. Kellin's favorite stores were Hot Topic and the Vans store so I knew I could buy him something from those two.

I walked into Hot Topic first. I had no idea what I was looking for so I just walked around looking at the different shirts on the wall. I saw a few Blink-182 shirts that I liked, but Kelllin wasn't a big fan of them. I couldn't remember the name of that one band he liked so much.

"Hi can I help you find something?" An employee asked me. I turned to him and saw he was way shorter than me with long wavy hair. He looked like he belonged in a band.

"Yeah I'm trying to find something for my son. Maybe a shirt or something." I told him.

"Okay, um do you know who his favorite artist is?" He asked.

"I can't remember the name of the band. It's like on tip of my tongue."

"A Day to Remember? Bring me the Horizon? Pvris? You me at Six? Paramore? Beartooth? Black Veil Brides? The 1975? Tonight Alive? Mayday Parade? Avenged Sevenfold? The Wonder Years? Five seconds of summer? Do any of those sound familiar?"

"Ummmm. That first one sounded kind of right. Yeah, I think that’s it, A Day to Remember.”

"Oh okay we have those shirts over here." He said and I followed him to a more lighted area. "We only have these shirts, but we have A Day to Remember bracelets, cds, and posters over there.”

“Is this a popular band? I’ve never heard of them.” I said while looking at all their merch on the wall.

“Yeah they’re really popular. I’m not a fan myself, but my boyfriend is in love with them." He chuckled. I smiled politely at him until I saw his name tag say Vic.

"Your boyfriend wouldn't happen to be Kellin Gaskarth would it?" I asked him with narrow eyes.

". . . Yeah why?" He asked. Realization quickly set in when he saw how I was staring at him. "Oh shi- shoot you're his dad aren't you?"

"I am and if I didn't have something more important to be doing right now I would be having a Q and A session with you on why my son came home drunk a few weeks ago, covered in hickeys." I told him.

"I can assure you drunk part wasn't really my fault." He panicked, and took a step back from me.

"But the hickeys were?" I asked threateningly and he gulped. I wasn’t going to hurt the kid, Kellin would really never talk to me if I did. “I’ll let it go for now, but it better not happen again.” I warned.

“Yes sir.” He said quickly.

I turned back to the shirts and reached down to grab one for Kellin in his right size.

"He um already has that one, b-but he doesn't have this one yet." Vic said as he picked up another shirt for me. His voice was shaking and so was he as he talked to me now.

"Thanks." I said as I grabbed the shirt. I had Vic help me pick out a pair of pants to go with it too. Then I followed him over to the register so he could check me out. "Do you know what shoes I could get him from the vans store?" I asked.

"Y-yeah he's been talking about the cheetah print skate-hi Vans a lot." He said.

"Cheetah print skate-hi Vans?" I repeated to make sure I got it right.

"Yeah they look like this." He pulled a picture up on his phone and showed it to me.

"Oh okay." I said and he handed me my bag. "Don't forget I can show up here at any time I need to, Vic. Especially if Kellin comes home covered in hickeys again." I threatened.

"Yes s-sir." He quivered.

I walked out of that store laughing to myself at how scared I made him. I went a few stores down to the Vans store. The cheetah print shoes were right in the front of the store on display. I asked an employee if I could get them in a size nine.

Once I finished shopping at the mall, I went to 'Toys R Us' to buy Kylie's gifts. She had every baby doll known to man and I didn't want accidentally buy one she already had. I walked around the store until I found the car section for kids. There was a pink Mercedes Benz that was perfect for Kylie. It said ages three and up but Kylie was going to be three in two months. Her birthday was December eighteenth, the same day as Rian's, and four days after mine.

I found an employee to help me check out. Once the car was in my trunk I drove to Rian and Zack's house so Zack could wrap Kylie and Kellin’s gift for me. I stopped at a store first to buy wrapping paper and a gift box to put Kellin's clothes in. I also bought an empty card for Jack. I was going to write him a note since he most likely wouldn’t accept a gift from me. I wanted to apologize in the note for just being an idiot and causing him and our kids so much heartache.

"Hey is Zack home?" I asked Rian when he opened their front door.

"Yeah, what is that?" He let me in and pointed to the huge box I was dragging behind me.

"It's Kylie's ‘I'm sorry I'm such an asshole’ present. I bought one for her and Kellin." I told him.

"You bought her a car?" He laughed.

"Yeah what says 'I'm sorry' better than that?" I joked.

"Hey Alex." Zack said as he walked into the living room.

"Hey! Can you do me a favor? Can you wrap these presents for me?" I asked. "I don’t want to fuck it up." He always wrapped the Christmas presents I bought for me.

"Yeah slide it here." He said. I slide the box in front of him and handed him the wrapping paper.

"What did you buy Kellin?" Rian asked.

"An outfit from Hot Topic and a pair of Vans. Surprisingly the amount I paid for his stuff was almost as much as Kylie's car. That car was like one-hundred and fifty dollars and Kellin's stuff only costed a little over one hundred." I told him.

"Did it feel weird going into Hot Topic now that you're a grown man? Sometimes when I go in with Carla I feel out of place." Rian said and I laughed.

"Yeah it did feel a little weird, but they had a few Blink shirts so I didn't feel so out of place. I also ran into Kellin's boyfriend while I was there."

"I didn't know he had a boyfriend." Zack said.

"Yeah neither did I. Vic accidentally told me because he didn't know who I was." I chuckled to myself.

"Oh so it is Vic. Jack was right." Zack mumbled to himself.

"I'm probably need to have a talk with Kellin about that too. You know, once he actually starts talking to me again.” I sighed. “The worse thing about this is he was actually starting to talk to me then this happens and now he won't even text me back."

"He just needs some time." Zack said as he continued to wrap the box.

"I told him that too." Rian said.

"Yeah yeah I'm giving him time and space." I complained.

"Mine!" Liam said as he walked over and tried to pull the box from Zack.

"Liam what did I tell you. Not everything is yours." Rian scolded at him.

"Mine!!" He cried.

"You have one. It's in the backyard." Zack laughed. "Go ask Carla if she'll take you to drive it outside." Liam went to his sister's room to ask her.

"He's been in the 'mine' phase for over a week now." Rian sighed and I laughed.

"Kylie's in the 'why' phase where she asks you ‘why’ every time you tell her something." I told him.

"I think I’d rather him still be in the 'why' phase." Zack joked.

"I better enjoy it while it last then." I said. I pulled out the card I bought for Jack so I could write it while I waited for Zack to finish wrapping Kylie's present.

"What's that?" Rian asked.

"I bought an empty card for Jack so I could write to him about how much of a screw up I am."

"I don't think he'll read it." Zack said honestly.

"I'm hoping curiosity will get the best of him. If not then at least he'll see that I tried."

I opened the card and began writing,

Hi Jack,

I know Kellin has most likely told you about Tay being pregnant by now. Please just understand that I wanted to tell you both first. I know hearing something like that from someone else hurts worse than hearing it from me. I was just too scared to do it and Tay was tired of hiding from the kids. I kept the pregnancy a secret for song long because I was afraid of making Kellin hate me even more and hurting you worse than I already have. I really never meant to hurt you all. I was just being an idiot and doing what I thought I wanted. Now I know it was the stupidest mistake I've ever made. I know nothing I can say can make up for any of this, but I still want to apologize. I'm sorry for all the heartache I've caused. I'm sorry for putting you all in this position. I'm sorry that I couldn't be a better husband.

I just hope one day you could all learn to forgive me,

Alex

Zack finished wrapping the presents sometime later and I thanked him. I told him and Rian bye so I could go drop off the gifts on my way home. I drove to my old house and made sure they weren't outside to see me. Then I carefully walked to the door with Kylie's car. I had to make two trips since the box was so big. I went back to my car and grabbed Kellin's two presents and Jack's card. I sat all the items at the front door and rang the doorbell. Then I quickly ran back to my car and drove off before they could see me.

Notes

I kind of want to feel bad for Alex, but it's his fault.

Also I love all three chapters that go up next week. I can't wait to post them!