Best Mistake

While Alex was gone on tour, I tried my best to keep my mind occupied. I picked up an extra shift or two when I was up for it just so I could be around people and things to distract me. I hated to admit it, but I really did miss him. A lot.

My four month appointment happened to fall on Valentine's Day and I felt utterly pathetic as I sat in the waiting room alone. Everyone else was in pairs. I knew deep down that Alex wouldn't have done anything special for me on the day, but I couldn't help but be just a tad disappointed when I didn't even hear from him. I was too scared to reach out to him first, because God forbid he'd worked things out with Sophia and I popped back up again.

At the appointment I got a guesstimate from Dr. Gresham that the baby was about the size of a plum. It blew my mind how altered my body seemed to have been compared to how still so tiny the baby actually was.

My my bosses and coworkers still didn't seem to have a clue about my pregnancy. My bump wasn't huge, but it did look like I was smuggling a round pillow under my shirt all the time. Plus, I was sure my boobs had grown a full cup size. I wore all black whenever possible to disguise the changes.

It really bummed me out that I hadn't even heard from Alex in a month. I knew he was busy and had work to do and shows to play, but it would have been nice to know he thought about us occasionally. But as said before, I didn't want to be the one to call or text him first, because if he did fix things with Sophia I was not about to be the one to mess it up for him again.

I was so relieved when Megan offered to come over for a girls night in filled with pizza and face masks and gossip. I hadn't been able to see her for a while and I really missed her. Also, I had so much I wanted to talk to anyone about before it made my brain implode.

"How long has it been since you got your eyebrows done?" Megan laughed, plucking a strand of hair from my face.

I winced loudly. "Since the last time you did them."

She shook her head disapprovingly. "Tsk, tsk. You know, yours and Alex's kid is going to have caterpillars for eyebrows."

I laughed at the thought of a little boy with shaggy brown hair and green eyes with a missing tooth and eyebrows that took up his entire forehead. He looked absolutely adorable, a perfect mixture of me and Alex.

"Speaking of," Megan interrupted my thoughts. "Have you heard from him yet?"

I shook my head. "No. I'm starting to lose hope that I ever will again."

Megan stopped plucking, placing her hands on her hips. "Why is that?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I did ask him to try to fix things with Sophia. Maybe he did."

Megan scoffed and hit me in the forehead with the tweezers. I sat up straight, shocked.

"Whitney, I swear to god, you can be so stubborn sometimes," she huffed, pulling my head down to the back of the couch again before continuing plucking.

"What did I do?!" I asked, wincing again when she stopped being so gentle.

She huffed and walked around the side of the couch so I wouldn't be looking at her upside down anymore. Her eyes looked sad. "Why can't you be selfish just this once?"

I stared at her, feeling like my worth was plummeting by the second.

"Why did you ask him to fix things with her?" she asked, her tone rising a little.

I shrugged. "He was upset that they broke up."

"Right," Megan nodded. "And if they do get back together, who is going to be the one upset then?"

I felt like I was being scolded by my mom. I felt like I was shrinking slowly.

"You will be the one upset," Megan said when I didn't respond. "I can tell you have feelings for him whether you can tell or not. Any time I mention him, it's like a light starts shining from within you. A few weeks ago, you damn near gave yourself whiplash when someone yelled 'hey Alex!', because you thought they were talking about him."

I blushed. I didn't think she noticed that.

"You had a chance to swoop in and take him, but instead you send him back to his ex? Why do you do that to yourself?"

I wasn't sure. I'd never really thought about the fact that I did constantly put myself on the back burner just to make sure Alex was happy. Even when he mentioned it the last morning I saw him, I didn't think much of it.

But they were right. I told Alex he didn't have to help even though it would be difficult on me to raise the baby alone. I forgave Alex when he really hurt my feelings just so he wouldn't feel bad about it. I convinced Alex to try to get back together with Sophia, even though I knew it would probably mean never speaking with or seeing him again.

My heart began to race in my chest. "What if that's why I haven't heard from him? Because he went to talk to her and she gave him the option of either her or us? What if he chose her?" I asked, my lips quivering.

Megan placed her hand on my shoulder. "You gave her the chance to give him those options, Whit."

I shook my head, suddenly feeling a pain in my chest. I suppose I did have a chance to be happy, and to be happy with Alex. But I threw it away to keep him happy.

Suddenly, I grimaced. It hadn't hit me until then that while I may have been getting feelings for him, he was certainly not getting them for me.

"Do you know how that would have made me look though? I already feel pathetic enough that I've kind of trapped him by my side. But could you imagine if I would have tried to fill the void she left and he shut me down?"

Megan sat on the arm of the chair. "What makes you think he'd shut you down?"

I shot her a mild glare, my eyes screaming, 'really Megan'.

"Hey," she started, pointing a finger at me. "I haven't spent much time with him otherwise, but I remember how he was on your birthday. He was crazy about you."

I blushed and shook my head. "He was drunk."

"Drunk or not, he was really digging you, Whitney. And not just sexually. I watched that man watch your every move. I could fucking see the butterflies in his stomach if you touched him in the slightest way. He looked so comfortable with you."

I inwardly cursed at myself. Was Megan right? Had I ruined my chances at my own happiness? Did I blow my shot at being with Alex?

I shook my head quickly, not in the mood for the stress. I leaned my head back and pointed to my eyebrows. "Finish these please. I don't wanna talk about him anymore."

Notes