You've got to hold on.
.
× Trigger Warning self harm and drug use ×
Alex's POV
Its been 3 months since I last saw Jack and to be honest I really missed him and miss feeling safe.
The first 6 weeks I spent with Em as I was in no fit state to be on my own but then Em got murdered by someone and I was on my own. No one who I knew wanted nothing to do with me anymore so I felt more alone than what I did when I was first in the streets.
To cope with everything I started to take drugs and drink more, self harm badly and basically sleep with who ever would sleep with me.
But no matter what state I was in Jack was always in my mind.
Thinking about Jack made me feel safe, I felt like I had some reason to live but sometimes it wasn't enough but I never stayed in hospital and always discharged myself even when I was in no state to be discharged.
So my life was completely pointless in my eyes.
I was sat in a alleyway fucked out of my face and thinking about ways to end my pointless life.
"Jesus Alex what happened?" I heard someone say.
I looked at them and didn't recognise them do I stared blankly at him.
"Its Zack, remember, I was one of the reasons why you left Jack." He said.
When he said Jacks name i looked down and felt tears in my eyes.
"Leave me alone." I said quietly.
"I can't leave you Alex. Not when you look like this." He said.
All I could think about was Jack.
"Is Jack okay?" I asked and looked back at Zack.
"I'll tell you if we go somewhere nicer." He said and I nodded and got up and we went to the park.
We sat on a bench and i swung my legs back and forth and Zack just looked out across the park.
"Is Jack okay?" I asked and Zack looked at me.
"I'm going to be completely honest with you Alex okay. Jack is not okay, he is absolutely broken. He's that broken that he's started self harming again after being clean for nearly 3 years. He won't get out if bed, he's missing school. Jack isn't happy Jack anymore, He's someone who is on the verge of killing himself and I know Joyce is really worried about Jack and you." He said and looked down.
"I told him to leave me alone. I told him I would break him and he didn't believe me." I said and looked down.
"He really misses you Alex. He sits in his window everyday waiting for you to come home. He needs you Alex and I'm sorry that I made you leave him. I'm sorry that I forced you back on the streets when you was happy with being Jack. I'm sorry that I have fucked your life up." He said and looked at me and I looked at him.
"My life was fucked up anyway." I said quietly.
"Not as bad as it is now. I know your doing coke or whatever instead of a little bit of weed every now and then. I know you are drinking fuck loads and that you are self harming." He said and looked at my arms.
I looked at my blood stained clothes and hid them with my hands.
"Jack really needs you Alex. I also know you need him. Please, I am begging you to go back. I don't want to lose my friend." Zack said.
"Have you made up with him?" I asked.
"Yeah, he knows I didn't play a role in you leaving but he's completely blanked out Rian." He said and I nodded.
"Here's some money. Get yourself something to eat and a drink." Zack said and handed me some money.
"No drugs Alex." He said seriously.
"My life involves around drugs now." I spat.
"And I'm sorry that I made you like this." He said and got up and walked off.
I looked at the money and went to my dealer and got more drugs and got completely fucked out of my face.
Alex's POV
Its been 3 months since I last saw Jack and to be honest I really missed him and miss feeling safe.
The first 6 weeks I spent with Em as I was in no fit state to be on my own but then Em got murdered by someone and I was on my own. No one who I knew wanted nothing to do with me anymore so I felt more alone than what I did when I was first in the streets.
To cope with everything I started to take drugs and drink more, self harm badly and basically sleep with who ever would sleep with me.
But no matter what state I was in Jack was always in my mind.
Thinking about Jack made me feel safe, I felt like I had some reason to live but sometimes it wasn't enough but I never stayed in hospital and always discharged myself even when I was in no state to be discharged.
So my life was completely pointless in my eyes.
I was sat in a alleyway fucked out of my face and thinking about ways to end my pointless life.
"Jesus Alex what happened?" I heard someone say.
I looked at them and didn't recognise them do I stared blankly at him.
"Its Zack, remember, I was one of the reasons why you left Jack." He said.
When he said Jacks name i looked down and felt tears in my eyes.
"Leave me alone." I said quietly.
"I can't leave you Alex. Not when you look like this." He said.
All I could think about was Jack.
"Is Jack okay?" I asked and looked back at Zack.
"I'll tell you if we go somewhere nicer." He said and I nodded and got up and we went to the park.
We sat on a bench and i swung my legs back and forth and Zack just looked out across the park.
"Is Jack okay?" I asked and Zack looked at me.
"I'm going to be completely honest with you Alex okay. Jack is not okay, he is absolutely broken. He's that broken that he's started self harming again after being clean for nearly 3 years. He won't get out if bed, he's missing school. Jack isn't happy Jack anymore, He's someone who is on the verge of killing himself and I know Joyce is really worried about Jack and you." He said and looked down.
"I told him to leave me alone. I told him I would break him and he didn't believe me." I said and looked down.
"He really misses you Alex. He sits in his window everyday waiting for you to come home. He needs you Alex and I'm sorry that I made you leave him. I'm sorry that I forced you back on the streets when you was happy with being Jack. I'm sorry that I have fucked your life up." He said and looked at me and I looked at him.
"My life was fucked up anyway." I said quietly.
"Not as bad as it is now. I know your doing coke or whatever instead of a little bit of weed every now and then. I know you are drinking fuck loads and that you are self harming." He said and looked at my arms.
I looked at my blood stained clothes and hid them with my hands.
"Jack really needs you Alex. I also know you need him. Please, I am begging you to go back. I don't want to lose my friend." Zack said.
"Have you made up with him?" I asked.
"Yeah, he knows I didn't play a role in you leaving but he's completely blanked out Rian." He said and I nodded.
"Here's some money. Get yourself something to eat and a drink." Zack said and handed me some money.
"No drugs Alex." He said seriously.
"My life involves around drugs now." I spat.
"And I'm sorry that I made you like this." He said and got up and walked off.
I looked at the money and went to my dealer and got more drugs and got completely fucked out of my face.
this is so sweet
11/6/16