You've got to hold on.

Jacks POV

"Jack where you going?" Mum asked as I put my coat and shoes on.
"I need to find Alex." I said and put my hand on the door.
"Jack he will come back when he wants to come back." Mum said.
"Its been 4 months mum. I need to know if he's still alive, I want him back." I said quietly and looked down.
"I know you want him back sweetie. But maybe Alex doesn't want to come back." She said carefully.
"He said he loves me and I never got to say it back to him." I said.
Mum just sighed knowing she isn't going to win this.
"If you find him then bring home. I don't want him out there any longer." She said and went back out to the kitchen.
I smiled and went looking for Alex.

I spent all day looking for him until I found this person on a bench.
I walked over and saw it was Alex.
"Alex?" I said as I got to him.
All I can say is that he smelt really bad and he looked really pale and he had lost weight and judging by his blood stained shirt he has been self harming.
"Lex wake up for me." I said and moved his head and sat down and put his head on my map and messed with his hair since it always woke him up.
His eyes opened a little and he looked at me.
He was huge black circles under his eyes and his eyes was bloodshot.
"What have you been doing to yourself Lex?" I asked quietly.
"Slowly killing myself." He whispered and looked down and sat up but stayed sat next to me.

We stayed in silence for ages.
"Come on I'm taking you home." I said and stood up.
Alex shook his head.
"Alex please. I've been worried sick about you,everyone has been worried sick about you." I said.
"You shouldn't worry about me. You shouldn't waste your time on me. I'm nothing to everyone, that's how I should stay." He said and looked at me.
"You mean everything to me Alex." I said.
"Your just saying that to get me to come home with you." He said and looked down knowing it wasn't true but he was off his face on something.
I knelt down and made him look at me.
"I love you too Alex. I will always love you no matter what." I said and kissed him which Alex returned straight away.
Alex pulled back and looked at me.
He moved and pulled me into a hug which I returned.
"I'm so sorry Jack. I didn't mean to hurt you while to look out for you." He said and buried his head on my shoulder.
"Its okay, I forgive you." I said and made Alex look at me.
I went to put my hand on his cheek but he flinched away.
"Can we go home?" I asked and Alex just looked at me.
"What about your mum?" He asked.
"What about her?" I asked.
"Does she really want me back there? All I do is get in the way and cause trouble for everyone." He said and I just kissed him which took him by surprise but he returned it.
"Yes she wants you back. Your like another son to her and she has been really worried about you. You don't get in the way and you don't cause trouble." I said.
Alex thought about it.
"Babe please. For me." I said and Alex looked at me and nodded.
"I'll come home." He whispered and I smiled wide and stood up and dragged Alex up and pulled him into a hug which he returned.

By the time we walk home it was dark and it was late.
We walked in the door and mum can e rushing out the sitting room and pretty much ran over to Alex and pulled him into a hug which Alex gingerly returned.
"Don't do that to us again Alex! We all thought you was dead!" Mum said.
Alex just looked down and pulled away from mum.
"Honey what happened out there?" She asked quietly.
I looked at Alex and he had tears in his eyes.
"Jack why don't you take Alex upstairs and run him a nice bath and get him comfy for the night." Mum said and I nodded and caught hold off Alex's hand and he looked at me and he really did look broken right now so I picked him up and went upstairs and took him to the bathroom.

The bath had finished being ran and Alex was looking at the floor.
"Do you want me to help you?" I asked and Alex nodded still looking away from me.
"Lex look at me." I said and Alex looked at me.
I got down to his level and rested my hands on his knees.
"Talk to be me baby please." I said looking him in the eyes to see if there was anything I could get from them bit I got nothing.
Alex didn't say anything so I started to help him get undressed.
He was just in his pants and he was was a walking skeleton.
He had loads of new scars on his arms and he even had needle marks on his arm as well.

Alex was sat in the bath and I was knelt beside the bath messing with the water with a finger.
"What have you been taken?" I asked quietly.
I wasn't expecting Alex to answer but he did.
"Heroin. Coke. Weed. Loads of things." He said quietly.
"Why?" I asked.
"I wanted to numb the pain. I was alone, the person who was like a mum to me is dead, I lost you. I had nobody and I wanted to give up." He said and sniffed and quickly wiped his tears away.
"Lex you never lost me." I said.
Alex looked at me.
"I didn't know what to do. I needed something to numb the pain and that's all what worked along with drinking and sleeping with anyone who would sleep with me." He said and looked down.
"Well you don't have to worry anymore okay, because me and mum are going to look after you and make sure you get better. Because you are not going anywhere any more. This is your home and that is how its going to stay." I said and Alex smiled.

I had taken my shirt off as the bathroom was really hot and being in a thick jumper was literally cooking me.
Alex noticed my new scars and cuts I had on my arm.
He ran his finger up and down them gently.
"Is that because of me?" He asked and looked at me.
I looked down and heard Alex move in the bath and him making me look at him.
"Are they because of me?" He asked a bit more firmly.
I nodded and looked back down.
The next thing I knew Alex pulled me into a tight hug.
"I'm so sorry I made you hurt yourself Jacky. I'm so sorry." He said quietly and kissed my shoulder.
"Mind out." I said as I pulled back and Alex looked at me confused.

"Move forward and don't look." I said and Alex smiled and covered his eyes as he sat forward while I took my clothes off and sat behind him and pulled him closer to me.
Alex chuckled a little.
"What?" I asked.
"The fact you didn't want me to look at your dick but your more than happy to share a bath with me." He said.
"That's because your not looking. Its hiding behind you." I said and Alex laughed a little.
I wrapped my arms round his shoulder and Alex started to mess with my hands.
"What does this make us?" Alex asked.
"Can we pick up from where we left off?" I asked and Alex nodded.
"I would like that." Alex said quietly and yawned.
"Come on we got to go to bed." I said and Alex sat forward and turned round so I could get out the bath and wrap a towel round myself.
"How is that fair you get to see me naked but I can't see you naked." Alex said and looked at me.
"Because I've seen you naked before and you've felt my dick behind you. That's the same as seeing it." I said.
Alex just stood up and I couldn't help but eyeball him up and down.
"I believe you need to do the same." Alex said but I couldn't take my eyes off his body or dick to be honest.
"Yo, earth to Jack stop eyeballing me and let me eyeball you." Alex chuckled and I snapped out of my trance and looked at his face.
Alex just got out the bath and walked over to me.
"Can I see?" He asked and I could feel myself blush but I nodded and let go of my towel and Alex looked at me with a smile on his face.
"That's a sight I can get used to." He said and kissed me which made me smile and return his kiss.
I picked my towel up and wrapped back round myself and Alex did the same and we walked into my room.

"You don't have to put pants on you know." Alex said as he got into my bed naked and pulled the covers over himself.
"I don't exactly what my dick flapping around in bed." I said and Alex laughed loudly which made me smile.
"Just enjoy yourself being naked and free." He said.
"You've defiantly done that already." I chuckled.
"Too right, think you should do the same. Nothing better than naked cuddles." He said and rolled onto his side and looked at me.
I just rolled my eyes and walked over to the bed and got into bed and quickly pulled the covers over myself and Alex chuckled and cuddled into my side and put a leg over mine.
"Love you Jack." Alex said quietly.
"Love you too Lex." I said and kissed the side of his head and got comfy and fell asleep.

Notes