Baby, I Will Be Your Everything

I swallowed, growing aware of the lump forming in my throat while I shoved my phone face down into my pocket again. Lynn and Cass’s accusations ran through my head, but I could barely focus on anything to do with Mike when my main concern right now is why Alex is talking to one of his old fucks in the first place let alone behind my back. I blinked, my dry eyes burning from staring into the fire for hours while my body sat rigid over Alex’s warm lap.

“No?”

I jumped, moving away from the hot breath hitting my neck while conversation continued loudly all around. His weak grip secured more around my hips and I bit my lip hard when he leaned closer to me, suddenly feeling claustrophobic in his hold.

“No.” I repeated just as quiet, gently pulling his wrists apart enough to slip off of his lap.

“Baby.” He protested as I stood up.

“I need to pee.” I announced, tossing the blanket around my waist onto Lauren’s lap.

I walked between her and Derek, sticking my hands into my pockets as I walked towards the patio without waiting for any responses. I chewed at my lip a little harder, struggling to keep my eyes from stinging more with every step. I made it to the opened door-wall and stepped through, making a beeline to the bathroom. Once I got inside, I flicked the light on and shut the door before leaning over the sink.

“Stop.” I whispered shakily, taking a long breath in. “Don’t be pathetic.”

There’s nothing to cry about. We don’t have any secrets. He’ll tell me once I ask. Why should I need to ask him about it in the first place? Why wouldn’t he just bring it up to me if he needed to talk to her. If he needed to meet up with her so badly. Wait, why would he even need to meet up with her? Does he miss having sex with girls instead? Why am I overthinking this? I have so many fucking questions and now could not be a worse time to confront him. Not when all of my friends are surrounding us and definitely not with my sister and her friends around.

I sniffled, clutching the edges of the sink when I felt the warmth slip down my cheeks. Closing my eyes, I sighed and wiped at my eyes. My furious attempt to stop the tears failed and I whined in the back of my throat while a dreadful feeling settled in my stomach. I can’t go back out there with red eyes that scream I’ve been crying and not get questioned. It’ll be even more obvious since my eyes were already swollen from my breakdown earlier.

“Stupid fucking hormones.” I grumbled, wiping my hands over my sides before reaching to twist the cold water on.

This is ridiculous. I shouldn’t be affected like this just because of an ex one-night stand. There’s no reason for me to be crying. I know he wouldn’t cheat on me because he loves me and I definitely shouldn’t be jealous because I’m the one he chose to be with. We’ve been together for four years now, he wouldn’t ruin it all for somebody like…her.

Right?

“Jack.”

I jumped at the loud knock, quickly dipping my fingers under the freezing water. I shut it off with the back of my hand and raised my fingers underneath my eyes, making sure to dab all around my cheeks as well. I grabbed the hand towel and patted at my cheeks, attempting to swallow the lump lodged in my throat as the door squeaked open. I rolled my eyes at his impatience, clutching the soft towel in my hands a little tighter while I kept my gaze down on the counter top.

“Baby.” Alex called more clearly, stepping inside beside me. “You’re takin’ a while.”

“I said I had to use the bathroom.” I reminded, wiping at my runny nose.

I kept my gaze down, busying myself with folding the damp towel as neat as possible to keep myself from looking over at him. I sniffled, biting my lip silently while I sat the towel back in its place next to the sink.

“You said you had to piss.” He corrected, his fingertips suddenly under my chin and tilting my head up.

I sighed, looking up into his squinted eyes while he studied my face. Breathing in through my nose, I relaxed my shoulders and kept my gaze locked on the yellow-blue bruising still taking over his slightly crooked nose.

“Your eyes are all puffy again.” He mumbled slowly, catching my eye as he quirked an eyebrow.

“They’re not.” I denied, shrugging out of his reach. “Why are you in here anyway?”

“Um,” He started, leaning back against the counter. “because anyone with fucking eyes can see somethings wrong with you.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me.” I said shortly, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Okay.” He replied, lolling his head back lazily. “What is it? What did I do this time?”

I gawked, an overwhelming sense of stress and anger boiling in the pit of my stomach while I watched him jump up so he was sitting over the counter. His muscle shirt hung off of his body loosely, stains of beer splattered across his chest while his bony knees poked through the rips in his dirty jeans. I stared up into his face, watching him bring his head back down so his eyes were level with mine in their glossy and blood-shot glory. He raised an eyebrow at me again, knocking his snapback from his head in order to scratch at his messy hair while I stared right back at him.

“You don’t want me in your bed so I know I did something to piss you off.” He reasoned, leaning his elbows on his thighs. “Is it because I’m tipsy? I smoked too much? Ate all the chocolate? All of the above?”

“Are you serious?” I laughed humorlessly, wiping the dampening corners of my eyes.

“I’m fuckin’ serious.” He slurred, running his hands through his hair. “You get mad at me all the time so it wouldn’t be surprising.”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t be so fucking stupid all the time.” I shot back, pulling his phone out of my pocket as it vibrated violently.

I looked down, unable to stop my eyes from blurring angrily while the five letters I despise put together blinked over the cracked screen. Sniffling, I turned the phone around and held it in front of his face for him to focus on.

“Maybe it’s because Jasey is blowing up your fucking phone.” I scowled, clenching my fist around the phone in my shaking hand.

“Oh shit.” He said slowly, raising his hand.

“Oh shit?” I repeated mockingly, pulling the phone out of his reach quickly. “What the fuck, Alex?”

“Why are you going through my phone?” He demanded, sliding off of the sink.

“Why does it matter?” I scoffed, shoving it behind my back.

“Give it to me.” He muttered, standing in front of me.

“No.” I denied, slapping his arm away with my free hand while he tried to move around me.

“Fuckin’ stop.” He grumbled, moving away from me. “You’re always fucking starting shit with me. Give me the fuckin’ phone.”

“I’m not starting anything.” I argued, pressing the ignore button when the phone started ringing a second time. “What are you trying to hide from me?”

“Is this why you’re crying?” He asked, leaning back against the counter. “You’re still fucking crying.”

“I’m fucking pregnant, Alex.” I snapped, digging the phone into the waistband of my shorts. “I can’t help it.”

“Fuckin’ great.” He groaned, pushing his fingers into his eyes.

“You’re such a dickhead.” I sniffled, my tears turning back into a mini-waterfall. “You know how I feel about her and you decided it was okay to text her?”

“I’m not gonna fuck her again.” He said, dropping his hands back down to his lap.

“Again?” I gasped, feeling my heart fall from my chest.

“Shit.” He hissed, shaking his head. “I didn’t mean to tell you that.”

“Alex.” I whimpered, pushing my fingers under my wet eyes while my stomach flipped.

“No, baby.” He tried, reaching for me. “I, uh. Fuck. I’m-”

“Don’t fucking touch me!” I yelled, not caring how loud it came out.

I side-stepped away from him, yanking his phone from my shorts and chucking it at his chest in one swift movement. Backing out of the bathroom, I lifted the hem of the hoodie and wiped at my face roughly while I struggled to get air into my lungs. My chest felt empty and my stomach felt heavy while I let all of my emotions loose in the short hallway leading to the kitchen.

“Jack-”

“Don’t.” I choked out through wet sobs tearing through my throat. “I can’t even look at you.”

I stomped down the hall and through the kitchen, feeling nothing other than sadness taking over me. My heart hurts, my head is spinning and I just can’t understand how he could do this to me. How could he hurt me like this? Sniffling, I gasped for air and felt heat burn into my cheeks the second I stepped outside and remembered all of our company. I pressed my lips together, holding my hands over my mouth while my blurred vision settled on the orange glow of the fire in the little distance.

“Oh my God, what’s wrong?” Cassadee panicked, running over to me before I could stop her. “What happened?”

“I th-think the par-party i-i-is over-r.” I struggled through my fist, disgusting snot bubbles exploding out of my nostrils.

“Jack, just fucking wait.”

I tensed at Alex’s voice, allowing myself to be manhandled by Cass as she wrapped her arms around me tightly. I dug my face into her neck and hair, feeling sick at the thought of him talking to her after he got the phone back.

“What the fuck did you do to him?” She roared, unfazed by my tears soaking into her skin.

“It’s not always my fucking fault!” He shouted angrily. “This isn’t even your fucking business so piss off.”

“Like hell it’s not.” She argued loudly, pulling me more behind her.

“What the hell is going on out here?”

I jumped, pulling myself away from Cass and wiping my eyes frantically. I stood up straight and tried to compose myself, but the harsh hiccups escaping my lips were hard to miss while my gaze flickered in the door-wall to see my Dad hovering half outside with the patio light flicked on.

“Yelling, stomping, crying.” He listed, holding up three fingers before he pointed at Alex where he stood just outside onto the patio in front of me. “Go around front and cool off before you regret it.”

“Fuckin’ bullshit.” Alex swore, storming around the side of the house without a glance back at me.

“Everyone head home, it’s after midnight. Lauren, put out the fire and gather the trash.” Dad ordered, stepping back inside all the way. “Jack, I want to see you inside.”

I nodded, crossing my arms over my chest while my heart continued to pound in my chest. I tucked my shaking fingers into my elbows and sniffled loudly, turning back to Cass’s concerned expression.

“I’ll explain tomorrow.” I breathed shakily, blinking the remaining water from my eyes. “I-I can’t talk about it no-now.”

“Okay, Alex went to check on you and you come back sobbing?” Lynn questioned, appearing out of nowhere. “What the fuck?”

“Not now.” Cass muttered, waving her off. “Go round everyone up.”

“Okay, mom.” She scoffed, giving me a tight side hug before striding back towards the silent group.

“I’ll tell the guys we’ll talk tomorrow.” Cassadee informed, reaching out to hold my shoulders. “You go inside and take a shower or lay down, okay? You need to de-stress.”

“Okay.” I nodded, licking my lips.

“Go on.” She reassured, squeezing my shoulders. “I’ll text you when we’re home.”

I nodded again, breathing her in when she wrapped her arms around me tightly once again. Sighing, I wrapped my arms back around her and rested my head over her shoulder for a few seconds until she pushed me away. I forced a small smile and waved an awkward wave towards everyone else before I rushed back into the house. I left the door open for Lauren, my stomach flipping sickly knowing she saw me breakdown like this. I’m supposed to be the strong older brother, not a crying weak older brother.

“Jack.”

I shook my head, continuing through the foyer and turning towards the steps.

“Jack Bassam.” Dad called again.

“I don’t want to talk.” I whispered, wrapping my hand over the railing. “I just want to lay down.”

“Let him go.” Mom urged softly.

“Fine.” Dad sighed, motioning up the steps. “I’ll go get Alex.”

“He can sleep on the fucking porch.” I huffed, staring straight ahead as I climbed up the steps.
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I sniffed dryly, pressing my warm palm over my throbbing head while my left hand pressed into my lower back with every slow step I took. I grumbled quietly, feeling my stomach churn over and over as I stumbled into the kitchen. The smell of eggs and bacon somehow managed to get through my stuffed nose and I closed my aching eyes, swallowing back the bits of bile rising up.

“You look absolutely terrible.” Lauren announced as soon as I stopped in front of the island.

“Fuck off.” I griped, barely able to keep my swollen eyes open.

“Jack.” Mom warned, sliding a glass of orange juice in front of me.

“Sorry.” I sighed, jumping up on the stool beside me.

I rubbed at my eyes and wiped my mouth on my sleeve before I picked my glass up. The cold liquid soothed my dry throat and helped me keep my eyes open better, but it didn’t help the pounding in my head. Sighing, I scratched the side of my neck and flickered my gaze towards the stove where my mom continued cooking. I licked my lips, glancing over at Lauren and leaning over the counter when she looked back at me with her eyebrows raised.

“Everything hurts and I didn’t even drink anything.” I complained, raising my hand in order to rest my chin.

“I would hope you didn’t.” Mom chimed in.

“I would never.” I insisted, rolling my eyes. “Not pregnant.”

“What happened to you last night?” Lauren questioned, scooting her empty plate away. “You were fine one second and crying your eyes out the next.”

I closed my eyes, the churning in my stomach returning along with the heavy feeling in my chest. Everything pushed towards the front of my mind, reminding me once again why I have barely slept. Blinking my eyes back open, only a small amount of relief hit me when my eyes remained dried out. Shrugging lazily, I sat up more and moved my hands back around to press above my tailbone.

“Come on, Jack.” She groaned, not taking my non-verbal answer. “Why are you and Alex fighting again?”

“I’ll tell you why,” Mom began, suddenly leaning over the counter in front of us and meeting my gaze. “because they’re young and dysfunctional.”

“I’m not in the mood for this shit again.” I scowled, folding my arms over my chest.

“Watch your language, Jack.” She scolded, pushing off of the counter. “I’m just saying that there’s going to be stress on your relationship, especially as we get further into your pregnancy.”

I heaved a sigh, pushing my full glass of orange juice away as I slipped out of the stool. I stood up and tugged at my pajama pants before shaking my head and walking into the family room. Lauren and my mom’s hushed voices bounced off of the walls, but I could care less what they’re saying about me. Slumping my shoulders, I sulked onto the loveseat and crossed my right leg over my left.

“Where’s Alex?”

I jumped out of my skin at the sound of Dad’s voice, holding my hand over my skipping heartbeat as my wide eyes met his from across the room. I sucked in a quick breath, watching him slid the glass door closed before slowly moving to sit down on the end of the sectional.

“What do you mean?” I asked after another minute of calming down.

“Is he in your room?” He inquired, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “I told him he could move back up there. I just wanted you two to have some space-”

“What?” I interrupted, my heart back in my stomach.

“I told him your room is his room again.” Dad answered, looking over expectantly.

“He didn’t come to my room.” I notified, standing up from the loveseat. “Oh my God.”

I ignored his curious eyes and left the family room, quickly making my way through the kitchen and into the foyer. I swallowed thickly, pulling my phone from my pj pants and pulling the front door open. I stepped outside into the sun, stopping dead in my tracks when something caught the corner of my eyes. I closed the door behind me and turned towards the bench, gasping loudly when Alex met my vision.

“What the fuck, Alex?” I breathed, holding my free hand over my chest.

I frowned, my heart continuing to pound in my chest while he remained slumped against the bench seat. His arms crossed lazily over his chest while he stared forward with droopy eyes, a burning cigarette hanging between his lips. I calmed down from the second of fright he gave me and stepped closer to him, growing more nervous as the silence passed.

“Wanna listen to me now?” He scoffed, inhaling a long drag.

“How long have you been out here?” I asked quietly.

“Doesn’t matter.” He muttered, lolling his head back. “I’m sick of this fucking fighting, Jack.”

“You don’t think I am?” I shot back, standing in front of him. “You…you basically admitted to fucking Jasey, Alex.”

“I didn’t.” He groaned, pulling the cigarette from his mouth.

“You said you didn’t mean to tell me you fucked her!” I exclaimed incredulously, coking my hip and hugging my chest tightly. “Why else is she would she be wanting to meet up with you? Huh?”

“I fucking love you, Jack.” He deadpanned, sucking in another inhale. “I was drunk so fuckin’ forgive me for trying to make sense, okay? I’m not fucking Jasey, if I was do you think I’d be sitting here right now?”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I scoffed, my heart sinking further into my stomach.

“Yes.” He exasperated, raising his right hand up in distress. “You know how much I love you. I’m not going to fuck anyone else, like, ever. Okay? I don’t even give a fuck about Jasey and I never did.”

“You said-”

“I meant that I wasn’t fucking her again like I was before we started anything.” He cleared up, flicking his cigarette butt into the small pot by his feet. “God, Jack. I know I fucked up with my addiction, but that doesn’t mean I’m lying to you about everything. You not trusting me isn’t helping me get through this at fucking all.”

“I’m sorry I over-reacted.” I frowned, relieved as I rocked back on the balls of my feet. “I’m just. You don’t know how I feel either. It’s hard for me to trust you after you lie to me and now I’m even more insecure with this pregnancy and everything. It feels like it’s easier for you to like, up and-and.”

“And what?” He asked, leaning on his knees.

“Leave me.” I mumbled, looking down.

“Fuck, Jack.” He sighed heavily.

I sniffled, unsure what to feel while my eyes stung with unshed tears. I stared down at my bare feet, gnawing at the inside of my lip while the sound of his shoes scrapping against the porch met my ears.

“Baby, I’m not going anywhere.” He informed, pulling me into his arms.

I sniffled again, wrapping my arms around his neck tightly.

“I’m sorry.” I choked out, digging my face into his shoulder. “You just. Things are rocky and she was texting you to meet her up and she said don’t be late and I thought-”

“You thought wrong.” He mumbled into my hair, rubbing my back. “I’m not doing anything like that okay?”

“Then what are you doing?” I asked, breathing deeply to calm down.

“I um, I don’t really think it matters.” He retorted, pressing a kiss to my temple.

“It matters.” I corrected, pulling away enough to look at him.

I licked my lips, pulling a hand away from him in order to wipe my drying cheeks. Sniffling, I swallowed the lump down my throat and looked up at his face patiently. My cheeks burned in embarrassment at my actions and over-dramatics from last night, making me feel a little bit guilty for jumping to conclusions so fast. It was hard not to though, with who he was texting and how he hasn’t said anything about her. How shady was that?

“What?” I pressed, barely hearing him mumble.

“I said,” He cleared his throat, avoiding my eyes. “I’m dealing to her.”

Notes