Baby, I Will Be Your Everything

I jolted awake at the feel of rough fingers pressing into my jaw, nearly choking on my breath when my eyes popped open to find Alex leaning right over me.

“Fucking hell.” He sighed heavily, loosening his grip from my chin before running his hand over his face.

I opened and closed my mouth, feeling completely speechless from the uneasy wake-up-call. My heart continued to pound in my chest, growing faster when my eyes adjusted to the sunlight filling the room.

“Huh?” I croaked, grimacing at the cracking in my voice before I took in his shaking shoulders.

I moved to lean on my right elbow, swallowing hard when my eyes finally focused on his face. I gasped, covering my mouth with my hand when I saw the outline of a black eye along with the bruising down the bridge of his nose under a coat of dried blood.

“I-I.” He stuttered, forcefully sitting upright beside my legs when his breathing got heavier.

“Babe.” I called, shaking the drowsiness off the best I could while I forced myself on to my knees next to him. “Hey.”

“What the fuck?” He coughed, sounding congested.

I gulped dryly, sliding off of the bed and moving to stand in front of him. I dropped my hands over his warm shoulders, squeezing softly as I looked down to where he held his fidgeting hands in front of him. I bit my lip, feeling my gut grow heavy all over again at the sight of his bloody knuckles before my attention went back to his uneven panting.

“Um.” I mumbled, trying to keep my own heartbeat steady while I comprehended his slight state of panic. “You’re okay, baby.”

“I thought I fuckin’.” He blurted, slipping his fists around my forearms before he was tugging me into his lap. “Oh fuck. When I saw...fuck.”

“Hey.” I cooed, gingerly pressing my palms in the back of his shoulder blades while he held me tightly over his thighs. “In and out, Alex. It’s okay.”

He shuddered, loudly sucking in a breath before coughing it out and gasping.

“Alex.” I called calmly, lightly pulling at his hair to tilt his head back. “It’s not hard, remember? Focus for me.”

He stared up at the ceiling with glossy, unfocused eyes and I bit my lip. Slipping my hands from his hair, I ran my palms over his cheeks and forced him to face me. The pale look his face took on had the bruising look even worse and with another glance into his eyes trying to look over me the best they could with me holding him in place had realization wash over me. I shook my head, pressing our foreheads together before dropping my hands from his face to his shaking fingers.

“In with me.” I directed, visibly sucking in a long breath. “And out.”

I listened to him do the same, barely keeping it in for a few seconds before he was letting it out choppily.

“You’re okay and I’m okay.” I reassured, squeezing his hands lightly while he closed his eyes.

I breathed in deeply, pulling his hand up and pressing it over my heart while I kept our foreheads together. I felt him relax slightly, finally hearing him hold in a breath for longer than five seconds. I smiled softly, taking in the familiar scent of cologne mixed with body odor as he slowly calmed down. Once his hand relaxed in mine, I sighed and pulled away to look at him. I dropped his hand slowly, frowning as I lightly touched under his jaw to get a better look at the damage.

“You and I both know you would never hit me.” I spoke up after another few minutes of silence.

“My hands are fucked up.” He mumbled, making my frown deepen at the heavy nasally tone. “I don’t remember what happened.”

“Well, that’s not surprising with that state you were in last night.” I whispered somberly, running my thumbs over his jaw line once more before slipping from his lap.

I licked my lips, tugging the hem of my leggings up my hips before leaning down to grab a black hoodie from the floor. I shook it out, avoiding his eyes while I pulled it over my head and shoved my arms in.

“Jack.” He said quietly, catching my gaze. “I-”

“I know.” I finished, nodding my head. “I’m sorry too.”

“Huh?” He repeated, clearing his throat. “What are you-”

“My dad hit you like I told you he wouldn’t.” I explained, holding my arms over my chest when a new rush of nerves filled me. “He found out before we could tell him and literally charged at you. I’m really-”

“Don’t say sorry.” He interrupted, breathing more regularly as he stood up. “S’fine.”

“It’s not.” I argued incredulously. “You have a fucking black eye and probably a broken-”

“S’not broken.” He denied with a shake of his head.

“Can you stop talking over me?” I asked tiredly, using my hands to brush through my hair before dropping them back to my sides. “You need to ice that because every time I tried to last night, you refused because it didn’t hurt.”

I watched him nod before I reluctantly walked over to the door. Closing my eyes, I sucked in a deep breath and twisted the knob quietly. Pulling slowly, I winced at the creaking and stepped into the silent hall.

“Hold up a sec.” He called, grabbing a handful of the material hanging over my back.

“I just want to face them and get all of these nerves out of my system, Alex.” I sighed, reluctantly letting him turn me back around to face him. “And to be honest, looking at you makes me sick. Not just because of the look of your face, but because now I know you’ve been going behind my back an-”

“I slipped up.” He grumbled, letting his hands fall from my sides. “It fucking happens.”

“You admitted that you slipped up more than once, Alex.” I scoffed quietly, trying to keep my gaze on his. “You mentioned days, including our anniversary.”

“That doesn’t fuckin’ count.” He argued, rolling his eyes at my raised eyebrows. “You dropped a fucking bomb on me-”

“That doesn’t count? What about the other-okay. I really don’t want to argue about this again.” I stopped, biting my lip softly. “I want us to move passed this, okay? You can’t be doing that shit anymore, Alex. Not to yourself, not to me, and definitely not to this baby. Whatever’s left of it, I want it flushed. Understood?”

“Okay.” He nodded, biting at his thumb.

“I’m so serious.” I added, reaching up and pulling his hand into mine. “Do you understand? All of it, Alex.”

“Yeah.” He replied, licking his lips. “I got you. I will.”

“You’re better than that, okay?” I reassured, playing with his fingers. “I love you so much and it hurts so bad to see you go to this level. I’m here for you, Alex. You know you can talk to me.”

“Yeah.” He sighed, giving my hand a squeeze before pulling away from me. “Yeah.”

“Put some clothes on.” I demanded, stopping him from following me in his boxers.

“Mm.” He agreed, staring down at me for a few more seconds before he turned to look over the clothes scattered towards the dresser.

I shook my head lightly, pulling the door closed behind me before glancing around. I blinked slowly, taking in the closed bedroom doors for a split second before I walked towards the steps. I held my breath, slowly creeping down them as I listened carefully. I cringed as I continued down, the only thing filling my ears being the sound of my feet stepping as quietly as possible.

Butterflies raged in my gut and I instinctively wrapped my arms around my belly once I managed to step through the foyer. I ignored glancing towards the floor or near the door, afraid to see anything that’d bring back the vision of yesterday’s events. Just seeing Alex’s face had my stomach churning while my brain fought the images from returning to the front of my mind. Shaking the thoughts from my head, I held my chin up and strode into the kitchen before I could change my mind and run back up to my room like a little boy.

“Oh good, I was just about to wake you.”

I jumped, looking over to the island to see Mom pouring a cup of coffee. I bit my lip at her straight-forward tone, taking in her curled hair with the casual red dress clinging to her figure.

“Get dressed.” She continued after I kept quiet, slowly spinning around with her coffee to her lips. “We’re going to the doctors.”

“Uh, we are?” I asked quietly, ignoring the nerves spreading through my gut.

“The appointment is for a quarter after one, so get changed.” She confirmed, turning to face me as she raised her cup to her lips. “Tell Alex too if he wants to tag along. The first prenatal appointment is always fun.”

I bit my lip, trying to decipher her calm words.

“Well, go on.” She called, motioning upwards. “It’s after twelve thirty.”

I nodded, slowly turning my back to her and walking back through the foyer. I jogged back up the steps, still chewing on my lip as I walked back into my bedroom. I grabbed my towel from where I had it laying in the corner and hurried out into the hall and down to the bathroom. Pushing the cracked door open, I stepped in and ignored the sound of urinating filling my ears as I closed the door again.

“My mom made a doctor appointment.” I informed, pulling the curtain back and twisting the long handle to turn the water on. “To figure out everything, I’m guessing.”

Once I twisted the water more on the warm side, I hung my towel on the rack along the wall beside the shower and let myself turn back to Alex.

“Did you hear me?” I asked, watching him rub his face with a wet cloth.

“Uh huh.” He hummed, hissing as he wiped over his nose.

“Well?” I pressed, carefully pulling the hoodie back over my head.

I dropped the hoodie on the ground and carefully maneuvered the crop top over my head before looking at him through the mirror. I dropped the shirt on the ground beside my feet and sighed, forcing my leggings down my legs until they stopped at my ankles.

“Alex.” I called, kicking the thick material from my feet.

“I fuckin’ heard you, baby.” He expressed, holding the cloth over his nose as he stared down at me through our reflections. “What about it?”

“Are you coming with me?” I rephrased, hooking my fingers in the band of my boxers. “I’m pretty sure we’ll find out more about the baby. Like how far along I am and if I’m healthy or something.”

“Why would I go?” He muttered, leaning down on his forearm over the counter.

“Why would you go?” I frowned. “I don’t know. Maybe because this is your baby we’re talking about.”

“I feel like shit.” He scoffed, turning around to face me. “Going there will make me feel worse.”

I scowled, feeling my heart drop into my stomach at his comment. He scrubbed his face a few more times, avoiding my gaze while he dropped the bloody towel into the sink behind him. I raised my eyebrows, feeling my hip cock as I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Are we showering or what?” He questioned, stepping closer to me.

“I’m showering.” I corrected, pointing to the door. “You can go feel like shit somewhere else.”

“C’mon, are you really pissed at me again?” He groaned, rubbing his neck.

“Just get out of here, Alex.” I sighed, motioning towards the door. “I don’t want to talk to you right now and I need to be ready in ten minutes.”
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I cringed, flinching as the cold and wet goop was spread around my stomach. A strange mixture of hand sanitizer and flowers met my nose and I scrunched my face more, subtly glancing to the chair on my left where Mom sat before looking right beside her where Alex leaned along the wall stiffly. I stared at his blank expression, watching him bite at his fingertips with his eyes cast down to his black joggers. I bit my cheek and sucked in a breath as the hard, circular wand pressed right above my bladder while silence filled the room.

“Nervous?” Dr. Morgan questioned, sensing my uneasiness.

“I’m okay.” I mumbled shyly, stealing a quick glance back towards Alex.

“Okay, we can get started once the machine warms up.” She began, clicking a few buttons on her keyboard with one hand while the other continued to circle my tummy with the wand. “Once we take the measurements, I’ll be able to tell you how far along you are.”

“Okay.” I agreed quietly, licking my lips anxiously as my eyes flickered back to Alex for the fifth time in the span of two minutes.

He looked down at me through the thick frames of his glasses and I tried not to let the guilt shine through my face as I looked over his clean, dark bruises. He kept his fingers to his mouth and crossed his right hand over his chest, slouching more against the wall while he still remained quiet.

“Are you able to tell when the due date will be?” Mom chimed in, speaking for the first time since this morning.

“Definitely.” Dr. Morgan nodded, flicking the light switch beside her off. “I can give you an estimate after we get the measurements taken. Do we want to make any guesses before we know?”

“No.” I mumbled, anxious butterflies fluttering in the pit of my gut from the feeling of eyes on the side of my face as I stared down at Dr. Morgan’s hand.

“All right.” She smiled. “Let’s get started.”

I flickered my gaze to the TV screen hanging on the wall across from us, chewing on my lip when my eyes met black and grey blobs blurring together. I squinted, feeling my heart start to speed up a little when she outlined a pretty decent sized grey blob in the middle of the darkness.

“Here’s the head.” She announced, typing on her little keyboard with her free hand. “And here are the legs.”

“Wow.” Mom commented, leaning forward to get a better look at the screen. “They’re already visible?”

“They are.” Dr. Morgan confirmed, pausing her movements.

I stared at the visible bump in my stomach, feeling my heart thud in my chest when I looked back to the small blob showing up through the screen.

“You haven’t felt any different?” She questioned, pressing the camera underneath my belly button.

“Um.” I blanked, feeling hot under everyone’s stares. “I don’t-uh. I don’t think so.”

“Okay. That’s normal because it looks like you’re only about eleven weeks.” She reassured, giving me a comforting smile. “The baby is almost fully formed, although still very small. Like a fig.”

“Eleven weeks?” I choked out, feeling my heart leap into my throat as my eyes shot over to Alex.

He kept his gaze on the screen, fingers still pressed to his lips while he stayed glued to the wall. His silence made my stomach flip harder and I bit my lip, cautiously watching him stand unusually still.

“Jack Bassam Barakat.” Mom gasped in surprise, accent slipping through slightly.

“I didn’t know.” I defended, growing more uncomfortable when I felt Dr. Morgan press the wand above my full bladder.

“What the fuck?” Alex exclaimed loudly. “Jack. What the fuck? Three fucking months?”

“I just said I didn’t know, Alex. I didn’t know how far along I was until now.” I remarked sharply, biting my lip at the tension filling the small room. “I told you right after I found out.”

“You didn’t fucking tell me right after.” He went on, tugging at his grey beanie. “That’s a long fucking time.”

“Watch your mouth, Alex.” Mom warned, looking passed me and to Dr. Morgan.

“Are you gonna fucking punch me too?” He retorted.

“Alex!” I gasped, embarrassment rushing through me as Dr. Morgan continued like nothing is going on. “Just look at the screen and shut your mouth.”

“I don’t want to fucking look.” He argued, pushing his glasses up his nose with a cringe. “What are the options, lady?”

“Alex!” I hissed quietly, feeling my face burn hotter at his rudeness. “I told you-”

“Shut the fuck up for a second.” He snapped, making me jump a little. “Is there still time to fucking talk him out of this?”

I bit my lip, feeling my eyes burn with hot tears from how he spoke to me and what he’s asking about. I could’ve sworn we were done with this. Done with talking about this.

“Hey.” Mom called, raising her voice. “In the hall, Alex.”

“I’m not fuckin-”

“Now.” Mom ordered, pointing to the door behind Dr. Morgan. “Cool it and get Jack a water from the vending machine.”

He shook his head, pushing off of the wall and storming out of the small room without another glance to me. Once the door slammed shut, I felt the tears slip from the corners of my eyes. I hiccuped, letting out the shaky breath I was holding in as Dr. Morgan pulled the wand from me. She stood from her wheeling chair and set the wand on her little table before handing me a small, white hand towel.

“I’ve got all the measurements.” She smiled sympathetically. “Use this to clean yourself off and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

I nodded, sniffling loudly as I took the towel from her. She pushed in the stool under my heels, allowing me to sit up on the cot. I coughed, trying to hold myself together while she pulled the door open. I wiped the goop from my stomach, staring down at where my leggings were rolled down through my blurred vision until I heard the door shut. Whimpering, I tossed the slimy towel beside me and pulled my pants back over my hips before I covered my face with my hands.

“No.” Mom cooed, grabbing on to my arms gently. “It’s okay, baby. Don’t cry.”

“This isn’t how it’s supposed to happen.” I whispered shakily, swallowing thickly while she pulled my hands away. “Yo-you and Dad found o-out wrong and A-lex is-isn’t even-”

“Sh, it’s going to be okay.” She shushed, standing in front of me and between the gap my legs made. “Listen to me.”

I sniffled, breathing heavily as she brushed my bangs back. I nodded, feeling my heart swell at the loving tone in her voice instead of the stern side she was showing me earlier before she started some kind of silent treatment. I hiccuped some more, letting her wipe my cheeks with her hands before she held my face up to look at her.

“I would’ve rather heard it from you and not found out from a plastic bag full of tests, but I know you and I know you were going to tell me.” She started, smiling down at me. “Looking back, I can see each time you almost did and it’s okay. I’m not mad at you and neither is your dad.”

I cringed, thinking about Dad and his reaction before she pulled my head up again.

“Daddy didn’t have the best reaction, but you should know that his love for you didn’t change. Hitting Alex was not the right way to handle this at all and it’s no excuse, but all he could see was red in the moment. He just doesn’t want you to get hurt, baby.” She went on, making more tears fall freely from my eyes. “As for Alex, he’s just scared. Anyone with eyes can see that, but the way he just spoke to you and everyone else was unacceptable.”

“I didn’t expect him to blow up in front of you.” I said softly, pressing my hands into my cold stomach.

“He’s unpredictable.” She sighed, wiping at my wet cheeks again. “I sent him out to calm down so hopefully that helped.”

“He wants me to get an abortion so bad.” I blurted, biting my quivering lip as I glanced up to her wide eyes. “He says we can’t do this.”

“Do you want to?” She asked calmly. “ Or have you thought about adoption?”

“No.” I answered right away, shaking my head. “I know I’m young, but I want this.”

“Then your father and I want this for you too, even if it is a bit early.” She told, patting my hair down some more. “We have time to figure everything out.”

“What about Alex?” I sniffed, rubbing my nose.

“Alex will come around in his own time, just like you did.” She mentioned, making me scrunch my face up. “You had to have come around, honey. It was only last month when you told me you would never be in this position.”

“Yeah.” I remembered, licking my dry lips. “When I saw the tests my mind just changed.”

“And Alex will have that moment too.” She promised, pressing a warm kiss to my forehead. “Even if it takes him a while.”

A knock on the door knocked us out of our little moment and I sighed, wiping my face with the hem of my black crop top before clearing my dry throat.

“Come in.” Mom called for me.

I gave her a weak smile, relaxing my shoulders when the door opened. Dr. Morgan stepped in with Alex right behind her. She flicked the lights on, shooting me a quick smile before she held out some pictures to me. I pulled them from her grasp, staring down at the grey blob in the mix of black through my sore eyes.

“Your first ultrasound pictures.” Dr. Morgan announced cheerfully, adding to the more comfortable atmosphere now filling the room. “You can expect the little angel in February.”

“February.” I repeated, looking over it one more time before I looked up in front of me. “Wow. This is really happening.”

Alex stood in Mom’s place in the gap between my legs, avoiding eye contact with me as he held a cold water bottle out towards my chest. I sighed at his lack of reaction, staring at the Blink-182 logo across his chest with blurry eyes.

“Can you open it?” I asked quietly, biting my lip while I waited to see if he was actually listening.

Keeping his eyes downwards, he dropped the bottle down enough to twist the cap off before he held it back out to me. I licked my lips, carefully pulling it from his grasp once the pictures were secured in my left hand. I lifted it to my lips, taking a long sip before my bladder protested.

“I’ve booked your next appointment for the seventeenth next month.” Dr. Morgan informed, giving my back a gentle pat. “I’ll see you next time, okay? The bathroom is the last door on the left on your way back.”

“Okay, thanks.” I smiled once I swallowed my mouthful.

“Thank you so much, Paula.” Mom called, shaking Dr. Morgan’s hand quickly.

“See you next month.” She laughed lightly, leaving the room once again.

“All right boys, let’s go.” Mom directed, collecting her purse from the ground. “Want me to put the pictures in my purse?”

“Okay.” I agreed, handing them over to her.

Once she carefully stuffed them into her bag, I slid from the cot and held my hand out for the cap to my water. Alex dropped it into my palm without a word and turned his back on me, leading the way out of the room. I bit my cheek, stealing a glance towards Mom before following him into the hall. I walked behind him, handing my water over to Mom once I reached the bathroom.

“I’ll just be a minute.” I told her, twisting the knob and pushing the door open.

“Take your time.” She smiled.

I nodded, stepping into the small room and closing the door. I walked over to the toilet and tugged myself free from my pants, feeling instant relief as the pressure in my bladder slowly disappeared. Closing my eyes, I relaxed and felt all of the nerves from before lift from where they were piled in my gut. Actually, talking things out a little with Mom took a lot of my worries away and I feel pretty good. I’d feel one hundred percent better if Alex was on the same page as me. Sighing, I tucked myself back in and pressed the flusher with my heel to avoid getting my hands dirty. Turning back to the door, I pressed the hand sanitizer dispenser and quickly rubbed it into my hands before pulling the door open and stepping back out.

“Where’s Alex?” I questioned right when I got back into the hall.

“I sent him outside.” She answered, rubbing my arm as we continued towards the exit. “How are you feeling?”

“I feel pretty good knowing you don’t hate me.” I mused, biting my lip when she nudged me.

“I would never.” She scolded. “You know that.”

“I was still afraid.” I shrugged, taking my water bottle back from her hands to take another sip as we stepped outside.

The cool wind breezed by, making goosebumps raise on my skin and I sighed. The beginning of August and it’s already starting to feel like fall.

“Are you coming with me or going with Alex?” She asked quietly as we grew closer to her jeep. “I need to pick Lauren and Maddison up from the mall still.”

“Uh…” I trailed off, biting my lip in thought. “I think I need to go with Alex. I um, want to talk to him.”

Or yell at him.

“Okay.” She nodded, giving me arm a gentle squeeze. “I’ll see you two in a bit then.”

“Yeah.” I agreed, nodding my head.

I twisted the cap back on the water, watching her climb up into the driver seat and shut the door before I stepped further down where Alex stood beside his car. He tossed his cigarette to the ground as Mom started her car up, pressing his foot over it and blowing out the last mouthful of smoke right as I walked up next to him. I sighed heavily, staring at his back for another second before I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Do I need to ride with my mom?” I asked, turning towards her car to see her watching through the window.

“No.” He replied shortly.

I held back the urge to roll my eyes and gave her a wave. She smiled, returning the wave before pulling out of the parking spot. I watched her drive down the parking lot and turn before I put my attention back to Alex. I jumped, the water bottle almost slipping from my hand when he gripped my arms. I stumbled forward a bit, biting my lip harder when he pulled me into his chest tightly. My forearms pressed into his warm body hard from the force and I closed my eyes, breathing him in.

“I can’t believe you acted like that.” I started after a minute, pulling back from him. “I can’t believe you brought that up again like that either.”

“I didn’t mean to be a dick.” He apologized, dropping his hands back to his sides.

“You never do.” I huffed, turning towards the passenger door. “Is it unlocked? I want to sit down.”

“Yeah.” He mumbled, walking around to his side of the car.

I pulled the door open and plopped down inside, closing the door once my feet were both in. Breathing in, I grabbed my seatbelt and busied myself with buckling in while Alex got comfortable in his own seat. The tension filling the car made me regret not taking the offer to tag along and pick Lauren up on the way back, making me feel slightly guilty for not wanting to be around Alex. At the same time, it’s hard to be around him when he apparently still doesn’t understand what we agreed on.

“Look, I know what you want.” He started, twisting his key in the ignition.

“Then why would you embarrass me like that?” I sighed, folding my hands together over my lap. “It was seriously humiliating hearing you yell at me like that, Alex. Especially in front of people. Not to mention how rude you were to Dr. Morgan.”

“You’re.” He stopped, lowering his voice more. “You’re three fucking months, Jack. That...I can’t even fucking believe it. I’m feeling stressed enough knowing this is happening and having some doctor tell me it’s been three months already wasn’t something I wanted to hear.”

“I can’t believe it’s been that long either.” I frowned, looking over at him shyly. “I wasn’t really ready to hear that I’m already more into it than I thought, but I’m still happy. I’m feeling stressed too, baby. I’m happy though and I just wish you could be as happy as me.”

“Yeah.” He shrugged, shifting the gear into reverse. “Well, I’m done trying to convince you to get rid of it.”

“You said that before.” I reminded quietly, keeping my gaze n him as he backed out.

“Doctor said it’s too late.” He admitted, biting at his lip as he switched back into drive. “Too many risks and I don’t want anything happening to you because I’m being a selfish prick.”

I leaned back in my seat, keeping quiet while I glanced down to his hand resting over the center council. Swallowing thickly, I ignored the light burning sensation behind my eyes and reached over. He tensed slightly, relaxing once my left hand tangled in his right. I bit my lip at the feeling of his fingers shaking lightly and looked back up towards his frowning face.

“How long has it been?” I spoke up after another few seconds.

He rolled his lips, shrugging sharply before tapping his hand over the steering wheel.

“How long since you used?” I repeated, fiddling with the half-empty water bottle I set between my side and the seat with my free hand.

“Dunno.” He muttered, clearing his throat. “Prob’ like ten hours or somethin’.”

“Okay.” I nodded, feeling my stomach twist at the thought of what’s to come.

“I don’t wanna go through this, Jack.” He stated slowly, squeezing my hand. “It’s already coming.”

“I know.” I whispered, rolling my lips in. “I don’t want to see it either, but we’re going to have to because of your stupid decision.”

“I love you.” He expressed sincerely.

I bit my cheek, nodding back towards him before I looked back towards the windshield.
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Withdrawal symptoms will be prominent at least six to twelve hours after the last does taken. Depending on how long your loved one has been using and abusing the drug, the symptoms will range from mild to severe.

I sighed, locking my phone and tucking it back in between my hip and the waistband of my leggings. Letting out the breath I was holding in, I pulled the freezer open and scanned over the contents slowly. Once the bag of frozen veggies came into my line of sight, I pulled it out and hissed lightly from the sudden coldness filling my palm.

“Jack!”

I jumped, nearly dropping the bag at Lauren’s loud shriek. I closed the door quickly, grasping the frozen bag harder than before as I spun around to face the entryway of the kitchen. I ignored the harsh pounds of my heart from the scare, taking in her messy bun and long t-shirt before she pressed her fists into her hips.

“Hello?” She called obnoxiously.

“Yeah?” I breathed, running my free hand through my bangs as I stepped a little closer. “What’s wrong?”

“You need to get Alex out of the shower because Derek is supposed to be here like really soon and he’s still in there.” She scoffed in annoyance. “I banged on the door, but that did nothing so you need to go in there and like drag him out or something!”

I frowned, glancing over to the timer on the microwave. I furrowed my eyebrows, biting at my lip when I counted the minutes in my mind since I left him curled up in my bed.

“Derek decided to join us for dinner?” Mom jumped in from her place beside the stove. “Just set those on the counter, Jack.”

“Yes, and I need to not look like a slob.” She informed, motioning to her baggy shirt.

“He’s not sleeping?” I questioned, reaching over to plop the bag on the counter beside her before turning back towards Lauren. “He was twenty minutes ago.”

“Well he’s not now and he’s been in the shower for almost ten minutes.” She whined.

“You can use mine and daddy’s shower, Laur.” Mom offered, loudly slicing the steaks I set in front of her just before I searched the freezer. “Or the one in the basement.”

“I’ll pass on the basement, thanks.” She refused, tossing her head back dramatically. “And the water probably won’t be warm anymore.”

“Okay, okay.” I said, holding my hands up as I walked towards her. “I’ll get him out while you get in Mom’s shower.”

“Hurry up.” She scolded, shoving my lower back as I passed her. “I’m going to start it in like two minutes.”

I huffed, making my way towards the steps a little faster so she wouldn't yell after me again. I jogged up the steps and turned into the hall, the dull sound of the water running instantly filling my ears. I sighed to myself, glancing into my room to find the red comforter bunched up along the wall.

"I still hear the shower on!" Lauren yelled from the bottom of the steps.

"Give me a few minutes!" I shouted, leaning back into the hall and walking down to the bathroom.

I knocked twice, pressing my ear against the closed door softly. The muffled sound of the water hitting the bathtub continued filling my ears and I sighed, knocking a little harder.

"Alex." I called, frowning at his lack of response.

I bit my lip after a few more seconds and twisted the doorknob, pushing it open a crack. Steam rushed out into the hall and into my face, making me cough and wave my hand from the unexpected heat.

"Alex." I called louder, pushing the door wide enough for me to slip through. “I thought you were finally sleeping, but Lauren said you’re taking forever in here.”

I closed the door behind me, furrowing my eyebrows when he still didn’t make a sound. I brushed my bangs from my face, stepping over the clothes on the ground and up to the tub before gripping the curtain.

“Baby?” I called softly, pulling the curtain back enough to peek my head in.

A frown fell back on my lips when I took in the way he leaned his head over his forearms against the shower wall, the steaming water hitting along the back of his shoulders and sprinkling everywhere. He moved his back more under the water, making nerves grow in my stomach as he slouched over.

“Alex?” I called cautiously, taking notice of the drenched red boxers clinging to his hips.

I pulled the curtain open more as I side-stepped closer to him, jumping back when he suddenly ducked his head more and coughed harshly. I bit my lip, opening the curtain all the way when he dry-heaved before I held it in front of me to avoid the splattering vomit spilling from his lips.

“Oh my God.” I exclaimed, covering my mouth as he continued to puke straight up bile all over his feet. “Baby!”

He grunted weakly, leaning on the wall beside him as he raised his head to let the water rinse over his face. He gargled some, spitting it out before leaning his head back on his forearms against the tile wall.

“Okay.” I grimaced, listening to him dry-heave again.

I shook my head, pressing my lips together as I hurried back to the door. I pulled it open and stepped out, catching Lauren just as she turned into the hall.

“Hey.” I called, stopping outside of the bathroom. “He’ll just be five more minutes. Mom’s shower should be good.”

“Okay.” She nodded, pulling at her ponytail.

I watched her walk into her room without another word before I stepped back inside and closed the door. Taking a deep breath, I attempted to mentally prepare myself before walking back up to the tub. I frowned, shoving the curtain all the way open to find Alex still pressed in the corner.

“Deep breaths, baby.” I directed, grabbing his elbow gently. “Stand up and rinse your feet.”

He slowly stepped more under the water, leaning most of his weight along the wall beside him instead of in front of him. I looked down, grimacing at the green-yellow color as the water slowly washed it down the drain.

“I need it.” He wheezed, closing his eyes when I shook my head. “I fuckin’-”

“You don’t.” I denied, biting my lip again. “You’re gonna be okay. It’ll be over soon. Not like last time.”

“Feels like las’ time.” He panted, dropping his head back under the water. “Fuck.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” I comforted, letting go of his arm to grab the axe body wash from the shelf behind him. “It was only a few days. It’ll get better a lot sooner than last time.”

“You don’t know what I’m feeling.” He snapped, pressing his forehead back into the cold tiled wall.

I ignored the chills running down my arms and pulled my body sponge from its hanger underneath the shelf. Popping the lid to the body wash open, I squeezed a decent amount of soap over the sponge and set the bottle on the ledge of the tub.

“Yeah, well you’ve had it worse.” I reminded, using my left hand to spread the soap throughout the sponge. “You wouldn’t be feeling this way if you wouldn’t have-”

“Fuck off, Jack.” He cut in angrily.

“Okay, fine.” I hissed, slamming the sponge into his chest. “Take it and do it yourself.”

“I can’t move right now.” He grumbled, pressing his left forearm over my hand to keep it there.

“I don’t care, it’s your own fault.” I huffed, wrapping my right hand around his bicep. “Move your arm.”

I rolled my eyes, pulling him as close to the edge as he could get once he let my hand go. Sighing, I pressed my left hand over his chest and began rubbing the sponge around. He groaned miserably, leaning on his arm into the wall while I used my right hand to spread access soap along his back and shoulders.

“Baby.” He muttered, barely audible over the water.

“Don’t talk to me, Alex.” I replied, moving the sponge under his arms briefly before dropping it to his hips. “Shut up and let me make you smell like you actually showered instead puking all over yourself.”

He kept quiet, allowing me to tug at his soaked boxers until they fell to his ankles. He whined, standing lazily as I bent down to wash the rest of his body. I bit my cheek, feeling my stomach twist at his lack of sexual comments once I stood back up. Frowning, I rinsed the rest of the soap from my sponge and hung it back over the hanger to dry.

“Bend down so I can wash your hair.” I ordered more softly, grabbing the bottle of Pantene from the corner of the tub.

“Skip it.” He mumbled, swaying under the water to get all of the soap off of him.

“It’ll make you feel less shitty.” I noted, squeezing a small amount into my hand.

He sighed heavily, bending down enough for me to run my hands through all of his hair. I massaged his scalp for a few seconds, listening to him take in a deep breath before I stopped.

“Under the water.” I mumbled, helping him wash all of the soap out.

Once he was free from suds, I twisted the know all the way up to shut the water off and grabbed the towel hanging from the rack beside the shower. After drying my hands, I held the towel out for him and watched him lazily wrap it around his waist.

“You need to dry yourself off before you think about getting back in bed.” I informed, stepping back to give him enough room to step out.

“I fucking know.” He glared, moving to press his hands along the edge of the counter behind me.

“Are you going to puke again?” I questioned, ignoring his comment.

“No. Everything just hurts.” He forced out, clenching his fists against the hard surface.

“Dry off.” I told him, walking to the door.

I pulled it open and stepped out, slowly trailing down the hall and into my room. I brushed my hair from my face, ignoring the mild annoyance running through me as I stopped in front of the dresser. Shaking my head to myself, I pulled the top drawer open and grabbed a fresh pair of grey boxers from the top. Closing the drawer, I pulled open the third one down and pulled out a pair of light grey joggers jammed inside. Once I closed the drawer again, I tossed the clothes towards the bed and turned around when I heard footsteps.

“I put clothes out for you.” I told, motioning towards the bed.

He pushed the door shut behind him and pulled the towel from his waist, lazily rubbing his hair with it. He sighed, walking up to me and leaning down to snatch the boxers from their place over the comforter.

“Here.” I called, grabbing the towel from his grip. “I’m going to hang this up to dry.”

He nodded, pulling the boxers up his legs at the speed of a turtle. I frowned, taking in his pale face when he plopped down on the bed. Shaking my head, I looked away and walked out of the room. Once I got to the steamy bathroom, I hung his towel back on the rack beside mine from earlier and turned towards the mirror. Staring at the dark, foggy mirror had my eyes burning again just from the reminder of what’s happening. Today has to be one of the worst days of my life, next to the first time this all went down. Glancing down to my exposed stomach, water blurred my vision and I sucked in a deep breath. What if it was me that drove him to go back to that? What if this is all because I can have children?

“Jack! Alex! Dinner!”

I jumped, wiping the corners of my eyes at Mom’s shouts. Sniffling, I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to knock the worries from my mind. Am I being selfish for wanting this baby? I know Alex mentioned Dr. Morgan saying it’s too late, but should I consider other things? Maybe the way I kind of forced this on him is pushing him away. Maybe I need to think about someone other than me and what I want.

“Jack!”

“Coming!” I called, clearing my throat to unclog it.

Smacking my forehead gently, I shook my head and dragged my feet along the carpet until I reached my room. I pushed the door open, furrowing my eyebrows when I saw Alex leaning over the nightstand.

“Baby.” I started, widening my eyes when he jumped.

I gawked, shock filling me briefly when I recognized the orange bottle in his hands.

“Alex!” I whisper-yelled, rushing over to him. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

Pursing my lips at his expressionless face, I snatched the opened bottle from his hand and felt the burning behind my eyes intensify. Looking away from him, I put my attention back on the bottle in my hand and sucked in a deep breath to contain myself.

Gaskarth, Alexander W
Xanax
Take one capsule by mouth once a day or as needed.

“How many did you take?” I demanded, pulling the small drawer of the nightstand back open to grab the second orange bottle from inside.

“Don’t be fucking mad.” He huffed.

“This is for when you can’t get out of your panic attacks, Alexander.” I said sternly, pulling the lid from the top of the nightstand and popping it back on. “How many?”

“Two.” He muttered, coughing lightly. “It helped last-”

Nervous butterflies emerged through me and I closed my eyes, flashbacks of the last time I dealt with him on withdrawal mode filling my mind.

“I gave you one last time and only because you were…you were freaking out.” I gulped, tucking both orange bottles in my elbow tightly. “Jesus, Alex. You can’t just pop pills to get through this.”

“Fuck off. My insides are on fire.” He described, making me grimace. “S’gonna kick in after a minute.”

“Lay your ass down.” I ordered, feeling my hands shake slightly.

“Are you staying?” He asked lazily, plopping down on the mattress.

“No.” I glared, turning my back and storming towards the door. “Do not come out of this room and just go to sleep.”

Notes

Wow, I’m SORRY FOR THE WAIT. Really guys. I’m really sorry, I didn’t realize how long it’s been!

In this chapter, I really wanted Jack to find out how far along he is and I also wanted to show a bit of what his parents are feeling, but I couldn’t add his dad into it yet because I felt the chapter got too long. He’s definitely in the next chapter though and there is no hitting.

I’m sorry about this chapter maybe being annoying to some of you with all of all the drug talk, but I felt it was needed because drug-abuse is a part of Alex’s background. I promise it’s only brief though! Very soon shitstorm Jalex will be fading back into happy Jalex that we love.

Thanks for all the love on here. I love love love seeing what y’all think and love about the story!