The Nights We Felt Alive

I woke up with a pounding headache; the sounds of the boys screaming at whatever video game they were playing reverberated around my rather delicate head. Rubbing at my temple, I groaned loudly and forced myself out of bed. I needed coffee and I needed it now.

"Here," Jenson smiled, holding out a cup to me – as if he had read my mind – steam escaping from the hot liquid inside. I smiled weakly and took it from him as he sat on the edge of T's bed, across from me. "Ya look a bit rough," he chuckled. I groaned in response and brought the mug to my lips. He leaned back and watched me practically down half the cup. "3OH!3's set starts at 2... and it's 12 now..." he trailed off, still watching me.

"Okay..." I narrowed my eyes at him, confused as to why he was giving me this information.

"Well, you should probably eat something before we go..." he shrugged, smiling. I tilted my head questioningly at the older boy. "We planned to go with John and a couple others last night... don't you remember?" he chuckled.

"Ohhhhh..." I exhaled, rubbing at my head as his words jogged my memory. I had only one very prominent memory from last night and it was the only thing I wanted to forget. "Yeah, I remember..." I sighed, getting to my feet and handing Jenson the now empty cup. "I'll shower," I assured him, making my way over to the bathroom as he tipped the cup upside down into his mouth, catching the remaining drops.

I wasn't feeling totally up to going to 3OH!3's set; my head was killing and I was pretty sure I was still a little drunk, but it would help to forget about last night if I just went out and had a good time with friends. I felt so stupid for having let last night's antics happen; it was such a strange situation. I had definitely never hated, yet wanted to fuck someone so badly in my life.

Jenson and I made a quick stop at the canteen once I had showered and gotten dressed. I grabbed some toast and chugged another two cups of coffee; finally starting to feel human again.

"Okay, they're all already there," Jenson confirmed as he checked his phone, having clearly just received a text from one of the boys. "I gotta go get Flyzik, so I'll meet you over there..." he trailed off, waving a little as he began jogging away. I chuckled as I saw him almost collide head first with a random lady, apologise profusely and run off behind some tents.

The sun was especially angry today, I thanked the lord Carter had made me apply sunscreen before I left. In this heat, the walk from the canteen to the main stage felt excruciatingly long. "Hey, Charlie," a familiar voice chirped, a hand reaching for my wrist gently. I sighed heavily as I turned to face the voice of the infamous Alex Gaskarth. I knew exactly what he wanted to speak to me about and I just wasn't in the mood; not now, not ever.

"Look... Alex..." I breathed, pulling my arm from his grasp, "we don't have anything to talk about..." I sighed.

"Uh..." he raised an eyebrow at me in confusion, tilting his head a little as he licked at his lip awkwardly, "yeah... no... I uh... I kinda had a topic in mind," he chuckled nervously.

"Yeah..." I gave him a funny look beneath my sunglasses, but of course he didn't notice. "I think we just shouldn't go there... okay?" I warned, feeling irritated already.

He watched me for a while, his eyes narrowed as he analysed me, looking increasingly confused. "Okaaaaay..." he trailed off, like I had said something strange. "Anyway..." he breathed, shaking his head as he ignored my comments. "I just wanted to speak about you performing Remembering Sunday with us... I was speaking to Flyzik and the rest of the guys and we think it worked really well – and the crowd loved it!" he gushed, "so I just wanted to know if you'd be willing to do it again, yano, as long as you aren't busy..." he suggested, looking hopeful.

Now it was my turn to be confused. That's what he wanted to talk about? Was he really not even going to attempt to bring up our kiss? I know I had said I didn't want to acknowledge it, but this was down-right insulting. "What? No," I shook my head instinctively, grimacing at him as I folded my arms across my chest. I hadn't really given his offer much thought, but the fact that that was his topic of choice had thrown me off.

He chuckled and smirked a little, "Just think about it, babe..." he smiled as he began walking away.

It took me a while of just glowering at the back of his head to realise the interaction we had just had. "Don't call me that!" I called after him, far too late. He chuckled, turning towards me and taking a few paces backwards as he winked at me, before turning back and walking away.

I had no idea why I was so offended, but it was all I could think about, even when we were jamming out to 3OH!3's set, I couldn't get my mind off of the fact that Alex Gaskarth – the sleazy, flirtatious, womaniser – had the nerve to act like he hadn't kissed me. It was ridiculous. Surely, that's what he had wanted. Was that the problem? Had he gotten all he wanted and now he was completely done annoying me? I thought that would put me at ease, but it irritated me. Who did he think he was? I was the one who was supposed to be ashamed of what we had done last night, not him.

Eventually, 3OH!3 played Photofinnish, which incidentally was the song which we had plucked the lyrics 'safe bet' from and thus our band name was born. So, of course, Jenson and I danced like crazy and rapped to eachother dramatically the whole time, earning laughter from the guys we were with. It was a fun group of people we were hanging out with; John Ohhh, Jared Monaco, Max Helyer, Alex Suarez and Matt Flyzik. It was nice being around such great, genuine, down-to-earth musicians. It was also weird being around Flyzik – or any of the All Time Low boys – and seeing how different he was to Alex; he was sweet and kind and just plain lovely.

Towards the end of the set a strong breeze began to pick up and sent shivers down my, shorts and crop top clad, body. Noticing this, John Ohhh removed the jacket he was wearing and handed it to me. Of course, I refused it but he just chuckled and thrust it into my hand. "Just give me it back later," he laughed, wrapping an arm around my shoulder as we watching 3OH!3 finish their final song; the crowd cheering like crazy as they bounded off stage in a hurricane of excitement and adrenaline.

Luckily for my liver and my poor, still un-recovered head, there was no party tonight. A few people were still hanging about as the sun set, drinking beers and chatting, but there was no loud music, no beer pong and no unnecessary amount of spirits lying around. Although I hadn't really done very much, it had been a long, tiring day and I was ready for bed by like 8 PM, but unfortunately for me that was around the time that English football is shown on American television. The boys had all packed into the back lounge – including all of You Me At Six since they also needed their patriotic fix of our home country's favourite sport.

I groaned as I tried my best to focus on the book I was reading; the noise not helping with my delicate head. I rummaged around beneath my bunk for my prescription glasses, hoping they would help the slowly forming migraine I had. Finally, I found them and placed them on the bridge of my nose, but during my digging I had rediscovered John's jacket which I had forgotten to give back to him. Sighing, I was both relieved and irritated by the sight of it, because whilst I really couldn't be bothered to move from my bed, it also gave me an excuse to get some fresh air and escape the relentless commotion.

I wasn't dressed very appropriately for walking across the dark parking lot; just a slouchy cropped top hanging off one shoulder, a pair of silk pyjama bottoms and some fluffy slippers, but I didn't really care. My skin was completely bare and my hair was a mess of curls around my face. "I'm going to give John his jacket back!" I called out, my voice dwindling as I realised none of them were listening. I tsked and made my way off the bus. The breeze from earlier had only gotten harsher, but it was refreshing. Folding my arms across my chest, I made my way over to The Maine's bus.

The door was already open and so I just climbed inside, greeted immediately by a similar blur of noise from their back room, although it was much less obnoxious. "Who the fuck just threw that shell?!" I heard Garrett Nickelsen yell, genuine anger in his tone as the rest of the boys laughed. Evidently, they were playing Mario Kart.

I laughed and made my way to the lounge. "John?" I called out, not wanting to barge in on them – just in case. "It's Charlie! I have your jacket!"

"Oh... come in, come in! I can't move, sorry, I need to at least over take Pat!" he urged, his tone stressed. I chuckled and walked in, feeling instantly very self-conscious as I stood in my revealing, embarrassing pyjamas, with my glasses on and no make-up, in front of the group of boys. And, as if that wasn't embarrassing enough, of course Alex was sat playing with them. His eyes were glued to the screen, but he glanced at me and upon seeing most of my legs on show as well as a snippet of my bra strap, he did a double take and stared at me, his hands completely still as they gripped the controller.

"...AND ALEX LOSES!" Jared announced, pointing a finger at Alex. Alex gulped and turned his attention away from me, pretending to be annoyed he hadn't won although it was clear from his eyes he was no longer interested in the game.

"Thanks, darling," John smiled, taking the jacket from my hands. "You look fantastic," he joked and the boys chuckled, although Alex's face remained completely straight.

"Yeah, I know," I agreed sarcastically, laughing. "I totally forgot I had it," I explained, referring to the jacket, "Sorry."

"No problem," John chirped. "You wanna join us for a game?" he offered.

I shook my head, "Nah, I'm knackered," I laughed and he smiled in response. "See yas," I sang and they all chorused their responses as I made my way down the hall of the bus.

"Actually, I best be going too," I heard Alex announce, getting to his feet as the remaining boys protested, he chuckled at their responses. "Early show tomorrow," he confirmed and I quickly hurried off the bus as I heard him exiting the back lounge. "Charlie!" he called after me and I mentally cursed myself for not hiding or sprinting away.

I turned and faked a smile as he jogged to catch up to me, a thick smirk on his face. "What do you want?" I retorted, turning as he began walking beside me.

"I think you know what I want..." His voice was dripping with seduction, but he chuckled.

"You just can't help yourself, can you?" I teased; his inability to not make something sexual was beyond a joke.

"I really can't," he laughed, "I just wanted to walk you back," he added, seemingly genuine.

"I walked here alone just fine," I responded, keeping my voice void of any expression.

"That's true," he confirmed. There was a long pause before he finally spoke again. "Are you okay?" he asked, concern in his voice. I could feel him looking at me out of the corner of my eye but I just kept my head forward and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Yep," I popped the 'p', trying to seem casual, although it was quite clear I was irritated.

He laughed and stepped in front of me, ceasing my movement. "What's up with you?" he asked, smirking down at me.

"Me?" I raised my eyebrows in shock at him. I knew immediately that I shouldn't have started this conversation, but it was too late now. "What's up with you?" I questioned, exasperated as I stepped around him and continued walking.

"Woah, what?" he murmured, confused. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me to face him. "What have I done?" he furrowed his brows at me.

"Nothing..." I sighed, rolling my eyes. Honestly, he had done nothing wrong and that was kind of the problem.

"Wait..." he breathed, narrowing his eyes as he began to mentally piece things together, "You're mad I haven't flirted with you today, aren't you?" his mouth twitched into a smug grin. I rolled my eyes hard, spinning on the heel of my slipper and walking away. "No, no, no," he echoed, "admit it!" he chirped, stepping in front of me again. His eyes were alight with excitement and glee at the prospect of me wanting his attention. "You want me to flirt with you!" he almost accused, biting his lip.

"I don't want you to flirt with me," I defended meekly, pushing past him, but he pulled me back with ease and gave me a prying look. "God, why do you have to be such an arse?!" I groaned, successfully walking away from him. For a moment I thought he was no longer following me, but after a few steps I felt a rough, large hand collide with my ass cheek, hard. Alex's face popped up in front of me, stopping me once again, a proud smile on his face. "What the fuck?!" I yelled at him, rubbing my now burning skin.

"God, why do you have to wear shorts?" he sighed heavily, mimicking my comment as he encircled me in his arms, our bodies not touching, his hands finding both cheeks of my behind and squeezing tightly, his eyes oozing into mine, looking proud of himself.

"Dude!" I complained, pushing him off of me. "It's fucking California, I'm not gonna wear jeans just because you're a fucking animal with no self control," I spat, walking past him.

"Exactly..." he breathed, following slowly behind me, "So don't wear shorts... in fact, don't wear any clothing..." I could almost hear the smirk in his tone.

"In your dreams, Gaskarth!" I sass-ily called out behind me.

"Actually, yeah," he chuckled, catching up to me, "and that line totally would've worked on Dream-You, too," he explained, speaking as if Dream -Me were a separate human being. "She's kind of a slut," he whispered.

"She sounds great," I deadpanned sarcastically, showing my disinterest. We had finally reached my bus and Alex propped himself up against the side of it, smirking and chuckling at the comment I had made.

"You should hang out with her," he breathed, his voice laced with torment; trying to irritate me, "she's way more fun..." He licked his lips, "well... actually... you were pretty fun last night," he winked.

I groaned loudly. "You're such a pig!" I yelled. The noises from the bus were still very prominent and were drowning out our conversation in the process.

I was about to ditch Alex and get inside when Adam came rushing to the door. "Hey! I thought I heard you!" he exclaimed to me, smiling.

"You heard us?" I asked, furrowing my brow at the boy, who clearly had no concept of volume.

He ignored my sly comment and averted his gaze to Alex, "We're watching the match with the YMAS guys!" he announced, pronouncing it 'why-mass'.

"Did he just say YMAS out loud?" I grumbled under my breath, turning my attention to Alex, who chuckled. I was all for pretending I didn't hate Alex for a split second as long as it involved making fun of one of my boys.

"Second half's just started, you should join us!" He was still speaking to Alex, and still avoiding my comments.

"Uh... no, he's leaving-" I began but Alex cut me off.

"Actually, that sounds great," he chirped, smirking as he passed by me and made his way onto the bus, following my excited best friend into the back lounge as I glared at the back of his head.

Deciding that sleeping through the noise was pretty much impossible, I joined the guys in the lounge to watch the rest of the match. I did enjoy the occasional football match, but it definitely didn't get me as excited as it got the rest of the boys – even Alex had immediately settled into the mood and became quite hyped about it.

"YESSSS!" the boys cheered as we scored another goal, equalling the score out to 2-2. Josh Franceschi grabbed me by the waist and lifted me in the air; quickly dropping me as the ball came back into play. I laughed and made my way to the bathroom, announcing I needed to pee although no one was paying any attention to me. They all watched the screen eagerly, hanging onto every movement, every word of the announcer – it was funny, how sports could reduce men into children.

As soon as I opened the bathroom door to leave, a body slammed into mine; one hand tangling into my hair as the other was used to hitch me up onto their waist; their lips colliding with mine, hard. I had next-to no time to register what was going on as I was perched onto the edge of the sink, but I kissed back regardless, much to my own shock. It was, of course, Alex, who had intruded on me. He pulled back for air, his face still inches from mine as he hooked his foot into the door handle and shut the door behind us, as well as using it to kick the lock shut – it was honestly kind of impressive. I moved my hands up to his face and pulled him into another rough kiss, panting as our tongue intertwined, tasting eachother. He tasted sweet and a little salty, and like the couple of beers he had had – but no where near as alcoholic as he had tasted the night before.

"You taste like booze..." I breathed into his mouth, as he continued to kiss me, like it was an attack.

"I'm not drunk," he deadpanned, continuing his assault on my already swollen lips. Knowing he wasn't drunk was both worrying and kind of relieving. It scared me to think that maybe last night wasn't just a stupid, drunken mistake and that this was more than that – whatever this was. However, I also kind of liked the idea of Alex wanting me, drunk or sober. It was strange to think about and I brushed the thought away before my head started hurting.

He quickly lifted the shirt I had on over my head and threw it behind him, moving his arms to my waist to support me as I laced my fingers in his short, brown locks. I groaned a little as he moved his mouth to my jaw, kissing and nibbling his way down my neck. I didn't know what had came over me, I wasn't the type to do stuff like this with just anyone who offered. I had only ever done this kind of stuff with people I had been in relationships with, – and that wasn't many – but for some reason I had let the heat of the moment wash over me and it was like I couldn't think of anything except for what was going on in this tiny, cramped bathroom.

Alex made quick work of removing my bra, he jiggled with the hooks until eventually they came undone and he, again, threw it over his shoulder in disregard. He pulled away from me and his eyes travelled down my body, taking in my bare chest. I felt my face heating up as the blood rushed to the surface of my cheeks, I gulped hard as I watched his eyes drink me in. I suddenly felt extremely self-conscious, but also desperate to feels his lips on me. "Fuck..." he grumbled under his breath as he bit his lip hard, almost drawing blood. I was beginning to enjoy the sound of him frustrated over me.

His eyes darted back up to mine, they were swimming with desire and lust, before he attached his lips to one of my breasts, sucking and nibbling at the bud of it as his fingers ambushed my other breast; messaging and pinching at the sensitive areas. I was trying my absolute best to keep completely quiet as I threw my head back, biting my lip to suppress the sounds of pleasure threatening to escape. I felt Alex's lips move to the skin of my breast and begin to bite and suck hard, breaking the blood vessels and bruising the skin. Through the pleasure, the pain was tolerable, but I still let out a half shriek, half groan. He chuckled, moving his mouth back to my nipple and tugging at it with his teeth. "Shhh..." he purred, connecting his eyes with mine.

Looking down at him, with my delicate peak in his mouth, his eyes dark with animalistic want, sent shivers down my spine as my breath hitched in my throat. He flicked his tongue and I immediately closed my eyes, a moan threatening to rip through my throat. Although, this time neither of us were drunk, I felt more intoxicated right now than I had ever felt before.

A loud knocking on the bathroom door quaked the room and tore through the sexual, fiery atmosphere enveloping us. Alex immediately stood up straight and removed himself from me, taking as much of a step back as he could in the tiny room. "Alex! Hurry! There's only a couple minutes left!" Adam yelled through the door and we listened as his footsteps disappeared back to the lounge.

"...Don't care where I am," I breathed, referring to the fact that they had obviously only noticed Alex's absence. I was also trying my best to ignore what had just happened, avoiding Alex's eyes and attempting comic relief to break up the awkwardness.

He chuckled and grabbed my shirt from the floor behind him, handing it to me. "Here," he whispered, his voice raspy as he panted for breath. I was in a similar state of inability to breathe as I pulled the shirt over my head. "Better not let anybody see that..." he chuckled quietly, referring to the mark he had left on my chest.

I looked down my rather baggy shirt and eyed the bluey-purple lovebite. "Don't worry, I'll try to hide it from John," I whispered teasingly, a small smirk on my lips.

He shook his head, licking at his lips in amusement, but he still looked a little jealous at even the mention of John's name, despite it clearly being a joke. "Ha, ha, very funny," he deadpanned, pulling me a fake smile as I giggled. I jumped down from the sink and combed through my hair with my fingers. "Get out," he breathed into my ear from behind, pushing me lightly towards the door.

I slowly made my way to the lounge, announcing that I had went to get some water, despite no one asking. Alex followed me shortly after, his eyes darting around self-consciously, although no one's attention was fixed on us, they were all far too enthralled by the events unfolding on screen. I glanced over at Alex, noticing the placement of his hands, shielding his crotch which had enlarged, for want of a better word. I sniggered and nibbled on the tip of my index finger, feeling accomplished and also incredibly naughty; it was exhilarating.

In the end, the match finished on a draw, which was better than nothing, but still not particularly exiting – although, it was for me because it meant I didn't have to listen to cheering for the next hour, but I also didn't need to put up with five sulking grown men for the next few days.

"Alright, bye, bye, see you guys," my guys chorused as they began clamouring into bed. I followed the other boys to the door, smiling and waving them off as they left.

Alex was the last to leave, he turned to face me in the door frame. "Don't worry," he muttered, keeping his voice low so no one else could hear. "This totally didn't happen," he said, whilst profusely nodding his head, winking at me and dramatically pouting as he spoke, jokingly acknowledging that it 100% had happened. I wasn't sure what that meant; did it mean he wanted to act like it hadn't happened or not?

Regardless, I chuckled at his silliness. Alex, under certain circumstances, was pretty funny and we actually had a pretty similar sense of humour, but he was still an asshole. I pushed him out of the doorway and he laughed, blowing a kiss as he walked away and I closed the door behind him. Kissing him (and then some) didn't change the fact that I couldn't stand him, he made my skin crawl and my blood boil, but he was extremely attractive and I had never been so turned on by someone before in my life, it was incredible, but aggravating.

Part of me wanted to continue whatever this was – friends with benefits? guilty pleasure? behind enemy lines? – but another part of me (a much smaller part) wished I hadn't gotten involved with the likes of Alex Gaskarth. He was complete and utter trouble, but I kind of loved it.

Notes