The Nights We Felt Alive

"So..." Jenson trailed off as he, Emmet and myself all squished into the hallway to get dressed, "you're hanging out with Alex?" he asked as I pulled on some shorts. I assumed he was speaking with one of the other guys since both Adam and Ben were still sat in their bunks. "Char?" he said, trying to grab my attention.

"Oh," I jumped a little, not realising he was talking to me, "what?" I questioned, raising my brow questioningly. Hanging out with Alex? When?

"Yeah, you were with him last night, weren't you? When me and Emmet came in?" he looked at me quizzically, concerned if he were really drunk enough to imagine things.

"Oh..." I breathed, rummaging through a bag of jewellery, "we dragged Ben to bed, I wouldn't say we were hanging out," I explained as I pushed an earring into my ear.

"You helped me into bed," Ben corrected, as if he even remembered last night.

"Yeah, we helped you," I agreed deadpan, not interested enough to argue with him.

"I don't know man..." Jenson paused to ponder as he pulled on his Vans, "...seems like he's into you." I rolled my eyes. Fucking duh, I thought.

"What?" Ben questioned, swinging his legs out to hang out of his bunk, "Nah, there's no way she's his type," he stated confidently.

"I don't think he has a type, I think it's more about who's accessible," I muttered as I combed through my tousled, beachy waves.

"He's Alex Gaskarth! He could have anyone!" my brother exclaimed, hopping down from his bunk and pulling me a look. I rolled my eyes.

"No, I think she's right," Adam chirped from his bunk; his curtain was still drawn and his voice was groggy, heavy with the after-effects of alcohol.

"C'mon," Ben scoffed, "I'm more his type than she is," he laughed awkwardly.

"Do you even hear yourself?" I muttered under my breath and he shot me a look.

"If the guy was into dudes, we all know I'd be his first choice," Jenson laughed, thumping Ben's back confidently.

"Okay, no, definitely me," Adam joined in, pulling back his curtain to reveal his very fragile state, "I got tattoos, I'm brunette – I think he'd look great with a brunette." I couldn't believe what I was hearing, but I just remained quiet.

"Okay, but I'm like a male Charlie; long, blonde hair, blue eyes, nice and tanned," Emmet listed off, looking fairly smug. This comment incited a barrage of arguing – I couldn't make out what any of them were saying as they yelled over eachother. I heard the front door open and close, a couple of voices laughing as they approached us.

"IF ALEX GASKARTH WERE INTO GUYS, HE'D WANNA FUCK ME!" Ben yelled at the top of his lungs, the other boys falling very quiet as their skin paled. I turned to see what the other boys were looking at; there was Cater stood with a very concerned looking Alex Gaskarth in our front lounge – this was the first time I'd ever been excited about Alex's presence. I quickly covered my mouth, trying to suppress laughter as my brother slowly turned to face the two, very confused men. "We were just... it was... we were just kidding... it was-it was a joke, just joking," he laughed nervously, "just joking, it was a joke," he continued to ramble.

"Say it more, it's definitely helping," Jenson muttered under his breath sarcastically.

"...just joking," Ben added meekly, his voice barely audible.

"Okay, stop," Jenson commanded. The silence that followed was so prominent that I couldn't help but burst into laughter, I threw my head back and wheezed, gasping for air.

"We were just... All Time Low's set starts soon..." Carter began, he looked so embarrassed and angry towards the boys, "Alex..." he gulped and shot an apologetic look Alex's way, before glaring back at the guys, "...wanted to know if you guys wanted to come," he breathed heavily, "but you guys definitely don't have to," he spoke through gritted teeth and it was clear he no longer wanted them to join him.

"No, yeah, cool, we'll come, that sounds fun, yeah," the boys all chorused, looking around at eachother nervously. Alex still looked very uncomfortable, but his eyes were on me as I laughed, waiting for my response.

"Charlie?" Carter asked, his eyes pleading me to come, since I was clearly the only sane person on this bus.

"Oh," I chuckled a little, still composing myself, "Nah, I got some emails to go through, but I'll see you guys later," I waved a little, before moving towards the back lounge, nudging my brother hard as I passed him.

"Alright, let's go," Carter announced, rather unenthused by the idea of me not joining them.

"Yeah, okay, I'll catch up," I heard my brother mumble as the door shut behind the rest of them. "Dude, you have to come," he breathed, sprinting into the back lounge where I was setting up my MacBook on my lap.

"Why do I have to come?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

"Because it's obvious Alex likes you," he was breathing heavy.

"Oh, so suddenly I'm his type?" I laughed, pulling him a look as I referred back to our earlier conversation.

"No, but he definitely wants to get in your pants-"

"Super cool thing to say to your baby sister," I deadpanned.

"Yeah, I don't care," he waved away my sarcastic comment, "seriously, Char, I just screamed about gay sex with him, dude," I laughed loud as he pulled me a serious look, "the guy's definitely not gonna wanna hang out with me again."

"Yeah, that's true," I laughed.

"So, you have to come..."

"I don't have to do anything."

"But you're our in!" he pleaded.

"I'm sick of being your in, stop being fucking creepy and maybe you can be your own in," I spat back, heavily annoyed.

"...But what if he really likes you?" he wiggled his eyebrows.

"Okay, 1, I don't care and 2, he just wants to fuck," I scoffed.

"Okay... gross..." Ben took a deep breath before continuing, "...well, maybe we can make that happen..." he winked at me and I furrowed my brow.

"Are you wingman-ing him without his knowledge and trying to get me – your own sister – to sleep with him? Because that's fucked up," I stated, showing in my tone how disgusted I was.

"No..." he exhaled, narrowing his eyes, "I'm... wingman-ing you..."

"I don't want you to wingman me," I deadpanned.

"Okay, then... yes, I'm wingman-ing him..." his voice lifted towards the end, showing he was questioning his own words.

"Dude, fuck off," I spat, turning my attention to my laptop screen.

"I'll buy you McDonalds," he stated, his voice hushed and low as if he we were taking part in an illegal deal.

I immediately pushed the laptop off of me and got to my feet, pulling a very stern face at my brother, "Okay, but if he tries anything I'm leaving," I looked in his eyes with complete sincerity.

"Deal," he breathed as I walked past him and made my way down the hallway.

"Oh," I turned to face him, "and we're talking 20 piece chicken nuggets, okay?"

"Yes," he rolled his eyes, pushing me towards the door.

I couldn't lie, watching All Time Low perform was a lot of fun; they bounced around manically, telling dirty jokes and having playful banter between eachother. The crowd absolutely loved it, and I was enjoying it myself; I'd never actually had the opportunity to attend an All Time Low show before, so it was nice to experience their music live first-hand. It was also nice to see Alex doing what he loved; it was easier to imagine he wasn't an asshole when he was jumping around with a huge grin on his face. Alex had noticed me at the side of the stage, and he had winked a few times, but nothing too obnoxious. I just ignored him and continued to sing along, bobbing my head a little.

The other boys left the stage to grab some water and cool off, whilst Alex grabbed an acoustic guitar and began strumming the tune to Remembering Sunday. Ben got super hyped beside me, bouncing a little with excitement. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Matt Flyzik sailing towards me, he stopped in front of me, holding a microphone out to me, panting a little. "Hey, Charlie, you're good to go up there, right?" he asked.

"What?" I raised an eyebrow at him, very confused.

"Alex said you'd be okay to sing the female part, you know it right?" he thrust the microphone further towards me.

"Uh... yeah, but..." I trailed off, looking around for someone who could explain what was going on.

"Okay, great, I'll signal for you to go on when it's your cue," Matt explained as I slowly took the microphone from his grasp. I peeked over his shoulder and caught a glimpse of Alex smirking at me, before he turned his attention back to the crowd. I glared at the back of his head as Matt scurried away.

"Oh my god, this is so exciting!" Ben exclaimed, nudging me as the other boys also weighed in on how jealous they were, but I was irritated. Of course, being on stage with a band like All Time Low was incredible – they were opening the whole tour, for god's sake, but I really wasn't in the mood to have to go on stage and stand beside Alex and act all pally in front of the crowd, it just felt false and weird, but I couldn't exactly go up there and blank him completely.

Oh, I can see now that all of these clouds
Are following me in my desperate endeavour
To find my whoever, wherever she may be

I saw Flyzik enthusiastically stick his thumbs up at me from across the stage, motioning for me to go. Adam practically pushed me onto the stage and the crowd began cheering like crazy upon my debut. Alex turned a little to smirk at me as I stood beside him, avoiding his gaze.

I'm not coming back, I've done something so terrible
I'm terrified to speak, but you'd expect that from me
I'm mixed up,I'll be blunt,now the rain is just
Washing you out of my hair and out of my mind
Keeping an eye on the world, from so many thousands of feet off the ground
I'm over you now, I'm at home in the clouds, towering over your head

I turned to face Alex as he finished up the song, his eyes glued to mine as he sung; the crowd going insane. I smiled, partly because I was in front of a bunch of people who adored Alex and I couldn't flip him off for being such a prick, but also because damn, boy can sing.

"Charlie Fields of The Safe Bet, everybody!" he exclaimed, rather out of breath, as he pulled me into a side hug; his guitar getting in the way. I placed an arm around his neck and allowed him to pull me into him, just enough that it seemed natural, as I faked a smile, looking out into the crowd. He placed a gentle kiss on the top of my head and I tugged at a piece of his hair on the nape of his neck, showing my disapproval and turning to secretly glare at him. "Like it rough, huh?" he teased, smirking at me; his face so close to mine I could feel his breath on my cheek. I quickly turned away and untangled myself from him, waving and smiling at the excited crowd before making my way off stage. "Be sure to check out their set at 5 PM later on today," Alex stated as the rest of the guys made their way back onto the stage to perform their last song. Well, that promotion was the least he could do, I thought.

"So fucking cool!" my brother exclaimed, enveloping me in a hug as I walked off stage; the rest of the boys piling on me and forcing me into a group hug.

"Yeah, you sounded amazing," another voice enthused from behind us. The boys slowly peeling off of me to reveal John O'Callaghan smiling at me.

"Thanks," I smiled back, feeling rather embarrassed – both by the boy's reactions, but also by the whole ordeal itself.

"I was gonna go get some food, if you wanna come to the canteen with me?" he asked, using his thumb to gesture behind him.

"Nah, we're cool here," Adam announced, turning his attention back to the set, despite the fact John was clearly talking to me – apparently no one can read eye contact anymore.

"Actually, yeah," I collected my purse, "I haven't ate all day," I groaned, "see you guys," I waved a little as John and I walked away.

"Bye," the boys chorused, seemingly not interested as their eyes remained on the final song of All Time Low's set.

---
I did a quick change into a much less casual, yet still summery outfit before we did our set. It went great, there was a huge turnout – probably thanks to Alex, although I'd never admit that – and we had a lot of fun. I noticed some of the guys from The Maine – including John Ohhh – and YMAS standing at the side of stage, cheering us on. It was such a confidence booster to know that not only did fans love our show, but the people we were on tour with, and that we, as artists, looked up to enjoyed it as well.

"That was awesome!" Matt Barnes exclaimed as we walked off stage; a little sweaty and out of breath.

I grabbed a bottle of water as John wrapped his arm around my shoulder, "I bet you need a drink... like a real drink," he chuckled and I nodded my head furiously. I loved performing and I loved the feeling of adrenaline it induced, but it was still always very nerve-racking and I definitely needed some alcohol to numb my anxiety a little.

Luckily a party was already going on; alcohol, beer pong and loud music – I could get used to this. "I'm gonna go get a drink, you want anything?" I smiled up at John, he shook his head as he removed his arm from around me.

"Amazing job," I heard Alex come up behind me as I was fixing myself a drink. He was obviously referring to the part I played in his set earlier.

I turned and took a sip from my solo cup, glaring at him, "Thanks, best I could do under pressure," I spoke through gritted teeth.

"Well, you did great," he smirked smugly, fixing himself a drink.

"Yano, that was a real dick-move," I stated; passive aggressive comments clearly not getting my point across.

"Hey," he furrowed his brow, mock-concern, "Yano, a lot of people would kill to be on stage with their favourite band," he gloated, wrapping an arm around my shoulders as he slurped from his cup.

I removed his arm and took a step away from him, "You're so self-absorbed, it's ridiculous!" I exclaimed, exhausted, as I turned to walk away.

"Don't act like it doesn't turn you on," he scoffed, taking another sip from his cup, his eyes scouring the crowd of people – probably for different girls to harass.

I turned on my heel, feeling myself getting increasingly annoyed, "Why would it turn me on?" I spat back, trying to keep my voice hushed in case anyone heard us.

"Charlie... even your brother wants to fuck me," he teased and I couldn't help but laugh at the reminder of how much of a moron my brother was. "C'mon," he chuckled, stepping towards me, "You can't deny this," he gestured between us, "raw... sexual... tension..." he whispered; his voice gruff and raspy, his tongue snake-like in his mouth as he spoke, his face exceptionally close to mine.

"You're gross," was all I could muster, my voice a little shaky as I watched his tongue move. I couldn't pretend there was no sexual chemistry, because there definitely was, mostly because of the built-up hatred, but it was still very prominent – but it didn't mean anything.

He chuckled, licking his lips as he watched me carefully, "You look beautiful," he exhaled, his eyes roaming my body – despite that, this was the first compliment he'd given me that wasn't sexual and I was a little taken back by it.

A hint of a smile washed over my face, but I bit my tongue to suppress it, "I'm gonna leave now," I announced weakly, my voice still only audible to him.

"Okay..." he breathed, smirking; his face still a couple of inches from mine. I paused for a minute, still looking at him, before gulping hard and turning to walk away and rejoin John and a few others.

I spent the remainder of my night dancing, laughing and drinking with pretty much everyone; it was still early days and we were all still getting to know eachother. I had noticed out of the corner of my eye, a couple of times, that Alex was chatting away with different girls I'd never seen – most likely fans. Every time I saw him he was speaking to a different one, but I tried my best to just ignore it. For whatever reason, it really pissed me off; partially because I hated how misogynistic he was, but there was something else that was bothering me about it, I just couldn't put my finger on it – or I daren't to even hazard a guess.

I stumbled away from the group I was dancing with and headed over to the refreshment table, giggling and mumbling away to the song that was playing. "So... you and John Ohhh?" Alex popped up out of nowhere and startled me a little. He chuckled a little at my shock, "Sorry."

"Uh..." I poured a drink and turned to look at him, lost, "What?"

"You and John Ohhh?" he repeated, but I wasn't sure how that was a question.

"Right...?" I raised my eyebrows expectantly.

He sighed and chuckled a little, moving closer to me so he could speak in a hushed tone, "You like him, right?"

"Umm..." I narrowed my eyes, moving away from him a little. I hadn't thought about that, mainly because I only saw John as a friend. He was a great guy and really funny but there definitely wasn't anything romantic there – but Alex didn't need to know that. "I don't see how that's any of your business," I faked a smile before turning away.

"I'm just interested," he insisted, stepping in front of me to stop me leaving, "trying to assess my competition," he smirked.

"I'm not a prize to be won," I muttered, folding my arms across my chest.

"I know, I know," he rolled his eyes, "but if you were, I'd be all in," he winked. I faked sticking my finger in my mouth and gagging, indicating how cringe-worthy his one-liners were; he chuckled in response.

"How can you talk about your competition?" I rolled my eyes, "What about mine? I've seen you speaking to like three different girls-" I cut myself off, my eyes widening as I realised what I had said.

Alex's lip twitched into a half-smirk, half-grin, "Oh, so you're worried?" he teased, biting his bottom lip, looking very proud of himself.

"That's not what I meant," I rolled my eyes, flushing a shade of pink as I pushed past him.

"I think you know what you meant," he chuckled.

"Honestly, just fuck off," I muttered, storming away, feeling very defeated and idiotic. Had I really meant what I said? Did I really think of these random girls as my 'competition'? Competition for what? Alex? I'd sooner die. Or else, I thought I would've.

It was getting rather late and I had spent the last hour getting a little closer with John – not enough to make John think I was interested, but just enough to know if Alex looked over and saw, he would definitely be jealous. I laughed way-too loudly at John's jokes and I would touch his arms every now and again, as well as dancing a little with him. I didn't know why I was suddenly aware of Alex's eyes on me, and suddenly interested in provoking jealousy from him, but I was too drunk to really think about it.

Eventually, I decided to call it a night and just as I was making my way over to say goodnight to a group of people, I was dragged to the side of a bus – out of view of any of the party-goers – by, you guessed it, Alex Gaskarth.

"Dude, what are you doing?" I snarled in a quiet tone, brushing his hands off of me and glaring at him.

"What are you doing?" he spat back, his eyes a hurricane of anger, intoxication and lust.

"...Going to bed?" I questioned, narrowing my eyes in confusion.

"No..." he shook his head, "...with John, what are you doing?"

I was far too drunk and tired to try and decode what he was asking me. "What?" I muttered, pulling him a face as I massaged my forehead.

"You're all over him!" he exclaimed, throwing his arm out in exasperation, glaring down at me; his eyes on fire.

"So?" I shook my head at him. "It's none of your business!" I threw back, my voice a hushed-yell, so as to not attract any attention to our odd discussion.

"You're right..." he nodded, although he still didn't seem too convinced, "but I'm making it my business..." he breathed, "...and I don't like it," his eyes were stern and rage-filled as they poured into mine.

I leaned up so I was mere centimetres from his face in order to tease him further, "I... don't... care..." I smirked, flicking my tongue the way he had when he had spoken to me earlier.

He roughly grabbed my waist and spun me around, pinning me against the side of the bus. His breathing was erratic; both angry and sexually frustrated. I gasped a little at the unexpected contact, but I was definitely less annoyed than I thought I'd be. He moved one of his hands up to the side of my face, and dragged his thumb over my bottom lip, tugging it down and watching as it sprung back, leaving my mouth slightly ajar as his eyes devoured me. My breath hitched in my throat as I watched him watching me. His thumb found the other side of my chin and held my face in place; looking up at him – not that I wanted to look away – as he stared at my mouth. I licked at my lip and bit down hard, and then watched as he gulped; his whole face tightening as he tried to suppress his desire.

"Fuck..." he muttered under his breath, gulping again as his eyes flitted back to meet my own. I knew by now that they had definitely betrayed me and were expressing the obvious sexual attraction I felt towards Alex. All of the pent up aggression and hatred and desperate attempts at ignoring how attractive he was, had somehow been compressed down into an angry want for him – our alcohol levels weren't helping either.

Quickly, he closed the space between us and attached his lips to mine. He moved quickly, and I barely had a chance to retaliate before his tongue was in my mouth and he had established dominance. I moaned a little as he hooked his arms under my arse and picked me up; I quickly ensnared him with my legs and reached for his face, kissing back hard. He moved one of his hands into my hair, clutching in a way which if I hadn't been drunk on both Vodka and lust, it probably would've hurt, but I just continued to moan into his mouth, causing him to chuckle a little as he bit my lower lip and tugged it back with his teeth playfully.

Kissing him felt so exhilarating, like I was doing something naughty and dirty and that honestly did turn me on, a lot. "We... should... stop..." I muttered between sloppy kisses. It felt like we had been kissing for hours; my lips and jaw ached.

"Why?" Alex deadpanned as he continued the messy barrage of lips and tongue and I let him, just for a little while longer. It was such a tirade of kissing; aggressive and rough, like he needed to taste me, like he was desperate and it would be a lie to say that wasn't mutual.

"Where's Char? She'll know!" I heard Jenson's voice, and Alex's ears must have perked up too because he pulled away from me and met my eyes, questioning what we do next. I gulped and removed my hands from his hair as he gently lowered me to the ground and took a few steps back. "Charlie!" Jenson exclaimed, coming into view, "Okay, tell T that Batman would never win against Superman in a fight!" he rolled his eyes.

"Okay, what?" I questioned, trying to gain back the strength in my legs and steady my heart rate. I was still trying to take in what had just happened, I didn't have time for another one of Jenson and Emmet's infamous disputes.

"T thinks Batman would win in a fight, but c'mon," he scoffed, "At least Superman actually has super powers."

"Why don't you just go see the movie?" Alex suggested after a long silence, tilting his head in confusion. I laughed a little, avoiding eye contact.

"Oh..." Jenson breathed, turning to look at Emmet and nodding, "yeah... we should... uh... maybe do that," he seemed a little taken back by an actually logical response; usually I just threw out a random opinion to try and annoy them both further. For example, my response would have been to say Iron Man, blah blah blah, a bunch of shit about Iron Man even though I don't really care.

"Are you coming to bed?" Emmet asked, extending his hand to me as Jenson turned to leave.

"Uh... yeah... 1 minute," I mumbled with a smile as the pair made their way back to the bus. I turned to face Alex, pressing my index finger to his chest and glaring up at him as menacingly as I could. "This... did not happen, okay?" I demanded, sheer seriousness in my eyes and lacing my tone.

He smirked and bit his lip, grabbing me hard by the waist and colliding our bodies together, roughly kissing me as he slapped my arse – hard. "Okay," he breathed, agreeing with me as he pulled away slowly, his expression oozing gratification.

I glared at him before turning on my heel and walking away, ensuring to sway my hips and tease him further; hoping to frustrate him. I had absolutely no idea where that had came from, or why it had even happened, but I wasn't regretful or filled with shame, like I had imagined I would be; in fact, I felt satisfied and smug. This didn't change how I felt towards Alex; he was still an annoying, rude pig, but he was fucking hot. I didn't know what this had started between us, but I couldn't deny that I was a little excited about where this could possibly go.

Notes