Jack

I blinked lazily awake to the sound of the door closing, I grunted and threw my arm over my eyes, ignoring the sound. I want to sleep forever.
I listened to the footsteps shuffling softly into the room, and quickly recognized that it was my boyfriend.

The cutie barely lifts his feet up when he walks, some people think the scuffing sounds of his heels on the floor is annoying, I think it’s one of the most adorable things about him.

I forgot that he was coming over, I glanced at the clock seeing that it was 3:30.

“Babe,” I groaned loudly, dragging out the ‘e’ sound as I lifted my arm and waved to him.

“Did I wake you up?” he asked, I sat up and saw the adorable pout on his face.

“No, I was up.” I lied.

Wow, am I just a liar now? Am I going to be that guy that just lies to his boyfriend?
I think I already became him.

I stared at him as he hopped on one foot, struggling to pull off his shoes because he was too lazy to untie them all the way. He’s so fucking cute it hurts.

Why must he look SO GOOD when I am contemplating telling him something that could destroy him? Seriously? If I ever told him, it couldn’t be in person.
I can’t watch his heart break, I’d do anything to keep him happy.

Why did I do this?

“Hey Lex, can I talk to you?” I asked him, squeezing my eyes shut.

I can’t see him.

I can’t see his perfectly styled carmel hair covered by a beanie.

I can’t see his milk chocolate eyes that are flecked with gold, and always make me feel warm inside whenever I look into them.

I can’t see his perfectly broad shoulders, toned arms, and chest that make me weak in the knees.

I can’t see his hot legs and perfect ass that makes my mouth water.

I can’t see the broken boy, as I break him more.

“Yeah sure, I got you your favorite ice cream. I donno if you want it now or later.” he said, holding up a 16 oz pint of Ben and Jerry’s, Half Baked, ice cream.

I cringed, and thankfully he didn’t notice.
He’s so fucking sweet, god, I’m such an asshole.

He’s like that ice cream. He’s so fucking sweet and he makes me feel incredible.
But he’s bad for me. I can’t have him.
At least not like this, not lying to his face all the time.

“Later,” I told him, he replied with an adorable sounding ‘M’kay’ and put it in the freezer.

“Can you get me an ice pack?”

“Sure babe,” he answered, and came over to the couch with a squishy blue ice pack.

He frowned as he saw me, and I turned away from him.
I knew I had black eyes and a gross looking nose right now.

“Don’t look at me, I’m so ugly.” I mumbled, facing the kitchen.

“Oh hush, you’re still my absolutely beautiful boyfriend. You always will be.” he smiled, and bent down to place a sweet and very gentle kiss on my cheek. I smiled.

“I’m gonna need more of those,” I told him, he giggled and placed another gentle kiss on my lips, careful not to touch my nose.
I had to admit, it hurt. But, I’d rather it hurt, then not kiss him.

I will never pass up an opportunity to kiss the boy of my dreams, never have and never will.

“I never heard you raise your voice like you did, baby.” I spoke as he tried to place the ice pack on my face.
I wouldn't necessarily call it a yell, but he scolded Brendon for what he did and that shocked me. I didn't know he had it in him, well, it was barely a fight at all but, I am proud.

“Hold that there, and yeah, I donno. I was pissed, I can’t believe he punched you over something so stupid. I love you so much, why are people such assholes to you?” he asked me, bending down to wrap his arms around my neck in a little hug.

Oh my god, this hurts me. They aren’t the assholes, I am.
I’m the one who is lying, to the sweetest boy on the planet, pretending I didn’t completely betray him.

“I was being a douche, it was my fault.” I admitted.

“Shh, you’re perfect.” he smiled, and plopped down into my lap.

I smiled and wrapped my arms around his waist, he scooted closer to wrap his legs around me.
I admired his flawless features. There wasn’t a thing about him I would change.

“You’re the perfect one, Lex.” I mumbled quietly, he scoffed and kissed my cheek once more.

Every kiss felt like I was just shoving a knife into my boyfriend’s back. I was lying.

I pressed my forehead to his, and smiled as a cute blush formed on his cheeks.
He’s so comfortable with me now, I can remember when he wouldn’t even let me hold his hand, we know each other so well now.

I remember wondering if he was even gay. I had no idea and I was flirting with him relentlessly.
I didn’t care, I knew I met ‘The One’ once I first saw him.

I never thought I would ever end up to be all mushy and romantic as I am now.
If the person I was 5 months ago saw me now, all broken up and guilty over cheating, he would’ve laughed at me until he cried. I never planned for any of this to happen.

I didn’t even think love existed till I met Alex Gaskarth.

I stared at him for a few seconds, admiring the love and concern in his eyes.
He has such a big, golden heart. He is one of the good ones.
He always treats everyone with kindness and respect.

I make him so happy, he looks so happy right now.
Seeing his smile, and his adorable dimples is what keeps me happy.

I’m not strong enough.
I’m not strong enough to hurt him, but I’m also not strong enough to keep lying.

“Oh fuck, babe.” I whined, grabbing him and holding him tightly against me, laying my chin on his shoulder.

I can’t do this. I can’t do what I think I’m gonna do.
I can’t fucking cry right in front of Alex.

“Jack? Are you okay?” he asked me surprised, rubbing his hand along my back.

“No,” I responded, feeling my throat tighten up, fighting the urge to let tears form in my eyes.

I don’t cry. I’m Jack. I just don’t cry.

“Aww Jack, I’m sorry. I know it hurts, it’ll be okay-”

“No baby, it’s not that.” I interrupted him, not meaning to be rude, but I don’t want his comfort.

I don’t deserve it.
I don’t deserve to be in the loving arms of this perfect boy.

“You’re the most important person… in my life.” I stopped midway so he wouldn’t hear my voice break.

“So are you, but you already know that.” he told me sweetly, obviously confused at my random outbursts.

No, that’s not what I want to hear.
I used to be flattered to hear that I was the most important person in this life. I was honored.
I wanted to be the person who meant most to him, because I knew we’d always be together.

But now, I did this. I cheated.
I can’t be the one to tell him that the most important person in his life betrayed him.

“I did something bad, baby.” I told him, and pressed my face into the crook of his neck.

“What?! Jack, talk to me!” he insisted, squeezing me tighter.

I can’t fucking talk to you Alex. I want to so bad.
Alex would know what to do in this situation.
Hell, Alex would’ve never gotten himself in this situation. He would’ve known better.

I want Alex’s advice on what to do, but I can’t speak to him.

“I fucking can’t,” I mumbled.

“Please, just open up to me. You can trust me, honey, I’m here for you.” he promised me, making my heart clench.

“I love you… I don’t want to do this.” I shook my head, feeling the tears forming in my tear ducts.

Fucking no. I’m not going to cry. I do not cry, especially not in front of my boyfriend

“Come on, I cry over everything Jack. You’re ALWAYS there for me! Now you’re barely keeping yourself together... and you don’t have to be.” he cupped one hand gently around my face, his hand felt like it burned into my skin.

“Just stop,” I mumbled, turning away.

“I know you just push down your emotions and always want to stay strong, but you shouldn’t. It’s fine to just let it out, babe.” he whispered, I felt his fingers lightly running through the back of my hair

I betrayed him, and he didn’t know. Nothing felt right, nothing would feel right until he knew.
The guilt was eating me alive, I can barely touch him.

“Lex…” I mumbled, cringing as the tears broke free and streamed down my face.

I’m such a pussy. I lifted my hands to wipe my tears, Alex stared at me sadly.
He looked like he was about to cry, seeing me like this. Dammit.
If I make him cry, I will never forgive myself.

“You don’t have to act so strong all the times…” his voice cracked in the middle of his sentence, I looked up at him and frowned.

“I don’t want to talk about it, okay?!? I just did something shitty, and disappointed people.” I snapped at him, he flinched away from me at how my voice raised so suddenly.

“Baby, I’m sorry-” I started but he cut me off.

“Is this why everyone’s getting in fights?” he asked quietly, ignoring the fact I just growled at him.

I nodded.

“Oh Jack,” he mumbled, and I hugged him tighter. I felt his legs around me tighten, I placed kisses on his cheek, ignoring the tears falling from my eyes.

“I’m sorry Lexy, I’m so so fucking sorry for what I did baby. I didn’t mean it. I love you more than the world, I swear. I’m sorry.” I started to get more worked up, my voice breaking and I tried to sniffle but I groaned at the pain that shot into my nose.

“W-What the hell are you talking about?” I looked Alex in the eye and saw that there were now tears streaming from his eyes too.

My hands that were around his hips moved to cup his face with both hands, wiping away his tears with my thumbs.

I fucking did it, I made the perfect boy cry. I’m a monster.

I made him cry and he doesn’t even know yet.

He’s asking me why I’m crying, it’s because I’m lying to him.
But I can’t tell him the truth of why I’m crying, because I’m lying.

“I don’t know,” I lied, shrugging my shoulders.

I could tell he just assumed I was letting all my emotions out, ones that have been building up for a long time, since I never cry.

I’m fucking lying to him right now.
Why can’t I just stop?

“It’s okay Jack, we're fine.” he tried to assure me, looking me straight in the eyes.
He was trying to make me believe it, I could tell he believed it.
It was hard to take him seriously with his stuttering voice and face wet with tears.

“Please don’t cry, baby. I’d rather see a dead puppy then you cry, and it’s not helping me stop crying-”

“You’re right, I’m sorry.”

The seconds the words ‘I’m sorry’ left his lips I lost it.
I pressed my face into his shoulder and sobbed.
The last time I cried like this, it was when I was in the hospital waiting to see if Alex would survive his brain surgery

I’m such a failure.
I failed him, I ruined everything we had.

We’re just living a lie right now, I am living a lie.

He wouldn’t love me after he figured out what I did.
He’s going to hate me once he finds out I’m a cheater, and a liar.

A terrible liar at that, I’m fucking crying on the boy I’m supposed to keep happy.

I could hear his sniffling and that just made me even more upset.

“I’m sorry!!! Baby, I disappointed you! I ruined everything, I’m sorry!” I bawled, and rubbed my eyes with the sleeves of my sweatshirt.

“B-But you didn’t do a-anything wrong.” Alex cried, sniffling and wiping his runny nose on his wrist.

He still has no fucking idea.

Just say it.

Alex, I cheated. Just say it!!!

“Don’t cry, babe. Just please don’t cry.” I begged him, leaning forward to kiss his cheek.

“Stop worrying about me for 5 fucking seconds, Jack!!! You're being too selfless! Just accept that I’m not the only person in this relationship! You’re sad too-”

“Then don’t cry!” I argued.

“I c-can’t! I’m sor-”

“Don’t you dare apologize to me,” I told him, covering his mouth with my hand.

I sighed, wiping away his tears once again, and pressed my forehead to his.

“What do you want me to do? You won’t tell me in specifics what’s wrong. I just wanna be here for you Jack, I’m trying my best here. I know it’s not much. I love you, I’ll do anything for you to feel better again.” he explained to me, his voice unintentionally hiccuping in the middle of words because that’s what always happens after he cries.

I fucking made him cry. He’s still here for me.
Why is he so loyal?
Why can’t he just lose interest or something, so I don’t have to tell him and break his heart?

I tore this entire relationship apart.
We were so happy.
I was SO fucking happy.

I ruined everything for myself, and the beautiful boy sitting on my lap.

I am such a selfish asshole.

“Can you cuddle with me?” I asked him quietly.

He looked up in surprise, obviously expecting me to say something to continue our mini argument caused by my mis communication

I knew that he wanted me to open up, and pour my heart and soul out for him so he could help me feel better. But I couldn’t.

My heart and soul is filled with the truth that’s too painful for him to bare.

I’m doing the right thing.

“Of course,” he nodded furiously, getting up off my lap and helping me off the couch.

I dragged him upstairs with one of his hands in mine, I was too tired to try to think about anything else right now other than sleep.

I need sleep.

I walked over to my side of the bed, pulling off my shirt because it was hard for me to fall asleep with it on, and I was wearing sweatpants on bottom so I was covered.

I felt instant comfort when I crawled under my thick, white comforter, gazing as Alex shimmied out of his skinny jeans. I looked away once he pulled them down, not wanting to get turned on just before I go to bed, no matter how much I loved the sight of him in his underwear.

He tossed his beanie across the room, and crawled into bed next to me. I laid on my side, he cuddled up next to me with his head right below my chin. I shifted uncomfortably.

Alex is the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, but that has nothing to do with the fact that he was very fidgety when he sleeps. It was annoying at first, getting used to his constant tossing and turning and squishing and pulling.
He just wants to be as close to me as possible, which I love, and I love being close to him as well.
But… he’s gonna end up hitting me in the nose and it’ll start bleeding again.
I know it.

“Turn.” I mumbled, and he flipped over to face the other side of the room.

I threw one of my arms around his waist, and pulled him as close as he could to me. His ass was pressing into my hips, which is going to be very hard not getting a raging boner.
I slipped my arm under the pillow his head was on, and pressed my forehead to the back of his neck.

“Goodnight Jack. I love you.” he told me, I could still hear the sniffles in his voice.

I kissed the back of his neck, trying to soothe him from any leftover sadness he had in him.

“Night baby, I love you so much.” I said, snuggling into him.

I had no idea what was gonna happen.
Brendon could tell him tomorrow, I had no way of knowing right now.

I really hope this isn’t the last time I fall asleep next to the love of my life.

Notes

I AM SO TIRED
SOOOOOOO TIRED
ITS 2:20 AM
I GOTTA SLEEP

SUPER DRAMA CHAPTER
POOR BABY JACK CRYING
AND HE JUST WANTS ALEX TO STOP CRYING
BUT HE WONT STOP CRYING CUZ JACKS CRYING
SO MANY TEARS

plus, the drama with tay and jack last chapter

HOW ARE YOU GUYS FEELINGGGG?!?!
i need some reactions to this drama going on

OH MANNNNN
3,000 VIEWS AND 100 COMMENTS


help im falling asleep
okay
i gotta go sleep
byee
thanks for reading my storyyy :D

this gif is too accurate
depending on which side your on
jack or alex's, you are either jack (who is throwing up) or alex (whos doing a happy dance) at this chapter
actually i donno if anyones doing a happy dance
well maybe you are who knows

title credit- Under A Paper Moon