Alex

Today seemed like a good day so far. I didn’t wake up with no energy, my hair looked really good, I had a really nice outfit on.
I mean, of course my amazing day only lasted 10 minutes. The universe is so convinced that i don’t deserve any happiness.

I walked downstairs, and entered the kitchen which was unfortunately also occupied with my family members. My mom was making my father coffee, who was sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper, Tom sat at the other end eating a bowl of cereal. I hate cereal. Jack loves it, he could basically eat it for any meal, but I think it’s gross. Eating flavorless carbs drenched in milk was not the way I wanted to start any day.

I went over to the cabinet to make my usual, tea. There’s just something so comforting in the hot drink that everyone makes fun of me for constantly drinking. It just calms me down.
Some say it’s an obsession, yeah, maybe it is. It’s a problem, but it tastes so good.

“Tom, did you take your medication yet?” my Mom asked, looking at the orange pill bottles on the kitchen counter.

“Uh no,” Tom responded with his mouth full. She sighed, looking at the names on the bottle before bringing the correct amount of pills for him to swallow. I continued to stir my tea in a travel mug with a spoon.

“Did you, Alexander?” I heard her voice from across the room.

“Yes Mum,” I said, avoiding eye contact. I’m just constantly afraid of stepping out of line.

“Is that my shirt?” Tom asked. I looked down at my form fitting, short sleeve maroon button up.
I may have stolen it from his closet…

“Maybe,” I said cheekily, and sipped my tea.

“Whatever, I’m not going to wear that color anymore anyways.” he rolled his eyes.

“Why not?” He looked good in it, I don’t know why he would stop wearing it.

“Because it will clash with my hair, I’m dying it pink.” he responded simply. My dad choked on his coffee, and Mom dropped the glasses she was holding.

“That’s awesome!” I exclaimed. That will look so cool, especially with his brown eyes.

“That is NOT awesome.” Dad countered, making me flinch.

“Well, why not?” Tom asked with attitude. Oh no, please don’t argue. I really hope I don’t have to say something.

“You’re not dying your hair any color, especially not pink!” Mom scolded.

“Why can’t he? He’s 21.” I commented, both my parents heads whipped towards me with a hateful glare. This is all ridiculous, he’s old enough to do what he wants.

“You’ll look gay! We can’t have our son walking around, looking like that! People will assume we have a damned kid!” My Dad explained angrily. Tom’s eyes widened, and I quickly looked down at the floor.

“Dyed hair doesn’t mean you’re gay, it’s pretty popular now-”

“Alexander! Stop defending him! You have already inherited so many of Tom’s issues, don’t try to be like him even more. No son of mine will represent any signs of being a homosexual.”
I flinched once again from my father’s words. I have so many issues…

“He didn’t do anything! But, why don’t you name some of those ‘issues’ your talking about Dad.” Tom dared.

“Tom!” my Mom scolded.

I can’t believe how he talks to my parents, he is so brave for sticking up for the both of us. I wish I was more like him, I wish I was the type of person who didn’t take shit from others. That kind of person was Tom, and Jack, and Cass. They all have the fiery, and feisty personality I admire.

“Your attitude for one thing! Alexander has always been respectful towards us and you do nothing but disregard our rules.” my father went on.

“I’m 21! I can do what I want!”

“Are you saying that you support the gays?” Mom asked angrily. I stared in shock, watching Tom open his mouth like he was going to say ‘HELL YEAH I SUPPORT GAYS,’ but he quickly closed it again, and looked at the ground.
He shouldn’t live like this, nobody should be able to extinguish Tom’s fire, but somehow my parents do everyday.

“Of course not,” Tom mumbled. My Dad saw that I wasn’t a part of this conversation, got up from the kitchen chair and walked towards me.

“Good. I’m happy to know that both of our sons aren’t completely damaged. I thought I raised you both right, but i seriously don’t know where I went wrong. Tom thinks he’s some rebel that makes his own rules, and Alexander is some wimpy pushover. You’ve done nothing but disappoint this family from the start, and now you have us nearly bankrupt from your god damn medication and the unnecessary therapy and psychologists. I don’t see why we pay for those privileges when you are both just a disgrace to our family name!”

I nodded in agreement.

“Go on, you’ll miss the bus.” Mom told me, handing me my backpack.

“At least you both aren’t gay,” my Dad muttered darkly, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Thank fucking god for that,” Tom said under his breath, and hurried upstairs.

I hate my family.

“Wait, do you have anything to respond to that Alexander?” my Dad challenged, nearly begging for me to break down in tears or start yelling a string of swears at him.

I shook my head.

“I knew you were a coward,” Dad chuckled, I nodded in agreement, and left.


Life isn’t that fun when you’re constantly told that your birth was the biggest regret of your parents lives. Everyone would be better off without me, I’m just a burden.

I bet my boyfriend and friends just feel bad for me, or they are just mocking me behind my back. Hours after they’ve comforted me while I was having a panic attack, they would laugh hysterically at how weak I was.

That’s what my parents do.

All the things my Dad screamed at me were true though, I am a coward.
What’s going to happen to me when i find out?
My dad’s threatened to beat Tom when he got into a friendly conversation with the male cashier at the supermarket, I can’t imagine what will happen to us.
I just hope I will be able to take it, and have a strong enough support system to fall back on.

I struggled to get my books out of my locker with one arm. I sighed as a few of them tumbled off from their shelf and landed on the ground. I can’t wait till my cast is off.
I squatted down to pick them up, and got what I needed for the day. I reached my casted arm to close the locker but for some reach it shut automatically, revealing Jack who was leaning behind it.
He didn’t even have to see my face to know that something was wrong, he could tell just by my body language that I was upset.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” he asked gently, placing a hand on my hip, leaning closer to me, but I still didn’t dare to look him in the eye.

I love this boy so much, I’m too lucky to have him. But, I really didn’t want to talk with Jack right now, I don’t want to talk with anyone. My mouth felt glued shut, like I’d never spoken a word in my life.
Who would want to talk to me anyway?

“Look at me,” he demanded, and placed his other hand on my shoulder.

I didn’t look at him. I’m so ashamed in myself. Well, at least I’m not crying. I would be but right now my eyes felt dry. I felt numb. I was too used to being hated for being myself.

“Lex,” he said louder, like he was trying to wake me from some sort of trance. It’s probably what it seemed like. Staring blankly at the floor, I’m such a bad boyfriend. I wouldn’t even acknowledge that my boyfriend was trying to speak with me.

“Alexander!!!”
Like it was a trigger, my head spot up, eyes wide with fear as I looked at Jack who looked shocked at how I flinched away from him.

Only my parents call me Alexander.

I immediately wrapped both of my arms around Jack, pressing my face in his white v neck that was between his black leather jacket. He gasped and quickly held me tight to him, with one hand on the back of my head stroking my hair.
I just want to hide from the world. The only place I felt safe was in Jack’s arms.

“Oh my god Lex, what’s going on?” he asked me, kissing the top of my head in attempt of comfort, and it was comforting.
But it just sounded like he felt bad for me, I don’t want Jack’s pity, I want him to think things that boyfriends usually think. I want him to think about kissing me, think that i’m sexy, think about me naked, anything but feel sorry for me.

“Parents screaming at me, the usual.” I mumbled, he could barely hear me because my voice was muffled from me speaking into his chest.
I sounded pathetic, oh, there’s another word to add to the list of words that perfectly describe me.

“What’d they say?”

“My dad doesn’t know where he went wrong, how i’m a giant mistake I’ve disappointed my family since the day I was born, and him calling my medication a privilege, and threatening to take them away like they’re a toy, screaming in my face that i’m a coward.” I listed on.

“WHAT?! How could they say that to you? What the fuck is the matter with him? If he ever said that stuff in front of me I swear to god I would punch him right in the jaw so he couldn’t fucking talk that bullshit about you anymore,” Jack said angrily, squeezing me tighter.

I nodded, and leaned into him.
What’s so bad with being gay? I don’t know how loving Jack could cause me to go to hell. It didn’t seem wrong, it seemed so right when we were together.
Loving him has made me happier then I ever have been.
But my greatest happiness apparently is the most disgusting thing imaginable to my parents.

“You’re not a mistake, Alex.” Jack whispered, snuggling his head into my shoulder even though he was taller. I huffed out a breath and disagreed in my head, i know if i said anything that i thought he would try to argue

“Love isn’t a crime, you’re allowed to love anybody in the world you want. It’s not disgusting, it’s beautiful, your parents have no idea, and never will understand what love truly is.” he told me gently, kissing my temple softly. I do know one thing, I am definitely in love with Jack Barakat.

“I love you,” I mumbled, placing my chin on his chest while looking up at him.

“I love you too, baby. Don’t believe a word they say, it’s all lies.” he convinced me, and leaned down to give me a peck on the lips.

“Okay,” I responded.

“I’ll tell you what, to cheer you up, I’m taking you to the mall tomorrow.”

“The mall?” I repeated, confused.

“The mall, and I’m going to spoil you with whatever you want so you better be ready to carry some bags.” he smiled, giving me another peck on the lips.
I know that Jack hated seeing me upset, but showering me in presents is crazy.

“No way, you’re not buying anything for me-”

“But I want to, at least let me buy you more jeans or something.” he begged.
I knew that no matter what I said, I was going to the mall with him, and he was going to spoil me rotten. Even if he had to throw me over his shoulder and drag me there, I was going. Plus, it seemed like it would make him feel better from seeing me so sad, so hopefully it will help me too.



I couldn’t help being bummed out for the rest of the day. Jack’s words really helped, but I was still convinced I was a total fuck up. Who wouldn’t? My parents hate me, and they don’t even know the worst part about me. I’m gay.
I wish I was happy with being myself, like Jack was. I don’t know how he does it.

As I was walking I felt my body walk right into a person, and heard an ‘oof’ of pain from the person in front of me. Oh, I shouldn’t stare at the ground while I walk. Aww, I probably really hurt them, my cast is rock solid.

“I am so sorry,” I apologized, looking up to see a familiar face. Jack, thank god it was just Jack.
He frowned, cupping my face in both of his hands,forcing me to look up at him and not at the ground. He’s always annoyed at me when I do that, Tom does it too, maybe it’s just a Gaskarth thing. Jack always says he wants to see my eyes, but, when you're looking at the floor you don’t have to see the disappointed faces people give you. The floor is not as judgemental as people.

“Stop being sad,” Jack begged, kissing my forehead. Jack doesn’t get it, I don’t think he’s ever been truly sad.

“I cant,” I mumbled, almost so quiet it was inaudible. I feel so pathetic. Maybe I’m depressed, but it would just be more medication to pay for. No, this is just a bad day, i can get past this. If I have Jack, I can get through anything.

Jack groaned and covered his face with his hands, I knew he was frustrated at my parents, how they treat me and make me feel, but I’m used to it.

“Hugs please,” I asked him, and I was immediately engulfed by Jack.

I love how much taller and bigger he was then me, so he could just be swallowed up by his hug. And, I love the warm feeling of his hugs. I pressed my nose into his chest, breathing in his comforting scent that gave me flashbacks of falling asleep and waking up next to him.

“Just think of the mall, and how sexy I’m going to look in the new clothes I get.” he chuckled.
I giggled, craning my neck to look up at him.That would definitely cheer me up. Jack sighed with relief.

“I knew that’d make you smile,” he mumbled.
I smiled even bigger, and got on my toes to kiss him.

“Love you, babe.” I told him.

“Love you more, teddy bear.”

Notes

awww, poor Alex
his parents are so horrible

the next chapter is super super cute and happy its one of my favorites
you guys need a happy chapter after alex's car accident and now this

and guys
theres only a few chapters left :(
good thing there is a sequel I would be so sad without adorable jalex

do you guys have any predictions on how this story will end? :o
let me know what you guys are thinking in the comments I love hearing from all of you

and DID YOU GUYS SEE ALEX'S TWITTER
HE POSTED A PICTURE WITH NO EXPLANATION and it has a date next to it
I think that it is a new clothing line, IM SUPER EXCITED

here is one of my FAVORITE jalex gifs


title credit- Thanks To You