Jack


I never knew how unstable Alex was until now, at least without his medication, I mean.
Now I realize how well he can hide his issues, I had no idea he was hurting so much. But, none of this changes my feelings for him.
I guess we are just getting to know each other better, I’m just learning something that I never knew about him before. Well, I knew about it, I just hadn’t seen it…
This all was making me feel like a terrible boyfriend.
Tyler took advantage of him, twice, and I couldn’t stop either of them.
Then, I fucking screamed at him! He was already going through enough, I had to accuse him of cheating before hearing him out!
I’m the shittiest boyfriend that’s ever lived. I’ve never been a boyfriend before, but at least I thought I would start to get a little better by now.

I didn’t even wait for school to be over, after Alex calmed down from his episode, I drove him home. I knew would be a little pissy about skipping the rest of school, but I couldn’t let him out of my sight now.
I’m supposed to keep him safe, but he keeps getting broken, time and time again.

He fell asleep in the car, so I carried him inside and tucked him into bed.
I placed a glass of water, and one of his pills on the night stand. He was over so much, he kept a plastic bag with them in my bathroom, in case he was staying over or something.

I told Rian and Cass that they can come over after school, because I know how long he will probably be sleeping for, and I really think he’s starting to like them a lot.

I leaned over the kitchen counter, stirring the tomato sauce for the pasta we were having for dinner tonight. I was just making it now because I needed to distract myself, if I did anything else I would start worrying more and more about Alex. Pasta is his favorite meal, and it’s what he had on our first date, so I couldn’t think of another perfect food to make.

“Heyy,” I heard a voice call from the door, which made me cringe.

“Alex is sleeping!!!” I scolded, Rian and Cass’s eyes widened, and they nodded.

“How is Bambi doing?” Cass asked, her voice significantly quieter.

“I’m really not sure,” I shrugged. I wish I could read his mind.

“At least you guys made it past the be-”

“Shh!” Cass silenced Rian before he could finish.

“Past the what?” I asked.

“Don’t tell him, Ri.” Cass begged, Rian looked guilty for accidentally bringing it up. What was it?

“Well, we all were doing bets on how long it would take for you to cheat on him." Rian explained.

“I can’t believe you guys would do that!!!”

“I know, it was a while ago.” he sighed.

“I would never cheat on Alex!! He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me, do you seriously think I’d let him go? I absolutely adore him, I like him more than anybody in the world, especially more than you two right now. We are never going to break up.” I fought, but still tried to keep my voice down.

“Aww,” Cass smiled, plopping onto the couch next to Rian.

I was quiet after that, I was really disappointed my own friends thought my relationship with Alex, would just end with me cheating on him.
Why does everyone think that?!
There’s constantly somebody or something in between us, wanting to tear us apart.

I just want him.

“So… Have you said it yet?” Rian asked randomly.

“Uhh, you’re going to have to be more specific than that.” I told him, Cass started giggling.

“That you love him, I mean.” he explained.

“What?!” Love???

“Yeah, Jack. Have you told Alex that you love him yet?” Cass repeated like I didn’t hear it the first time.

“I don’t love him,” I responded bluntly. They were being insane.

I cared about him more that absolutely anything in the world, but love?

“Jack, don’t say that! Of course you do!” Cass argued.

“You might not know that what you're feeling is love, but it is.”

“Love isn’t for me, I don’t love people. That’s just stupid.” I scoffed.

I am in a relationship, which is something I never thought I would do.
But, really? Love?
I still think love is the same thing I thought it was a few months ago.

Love is a lie.

Love is some weird fantasy that never ends well.

Love is for people who just want a happy ending, and stick a cliche label on their relationship called ‘in love.’

“Oh, now I get it! You’re scared!” Cass accused, Rian agreed immediately.

“I’m scared of love?”

“You’re terrified of falling in love. You don’t want to get to attached to anyone, and you think you might if you admit to yourself that you love him!” Rian explained.
Why didn’t that sound wrong?

“I’ve never loved anyone before, or said anything like that. I’m not in love.” I vowed.

I am not in love.

“You better figure yourself out Jack, these kind of moments, are why nobody thinks you and Alex actually have a shot. You have to forget about your past and commit to him, or you’re going to lose him.” Rian stated.

That really hit me hard. I can’t help what I feel, but is this all just from the past? Am I terrified of commitment? Am I unable to love, or just scared to?

“You guys talking about me?” I heard Alex’s sweet voice, and turned around to see my tired boyfriend, wearing one of my t shirts, and pajama pants, with bedhead that was spiked in all different directions. He shuffled over to us, rubbing his sleepy eyes.

Tired Alex is my favorite Alex, I love it even more than drunk Alex, and mad Alex, because he’s cute when he’s mad. Tired Alex is cuddly, lovey and sweet, overall just extremely affectionate, and he has sleepy voice.

I don’t want to lose this.

If what Rian said was true, I need to get my act together and figure out what was wrong with me.

“Talking about how fucking adorable you are when you wake up.” I smiled, and grabbed him by the hips and pulled him close to me to kiss him.

“You are adorable.” He answered, and stood up on his tip toes to peck my lips.

“You both are adorable” Cass laughs.



We all ended up watching old movies, sitting around on the couch, by my huge TV. Seriously, it’s like 80 inches, there are serious perks of having rich parents.

Alex was lying on top of me with his elbows on my chest, I fed him popcorn one by one as he giggled.
I kind of wish that Rian and Cass weren’t here, they always feel like my parents, so I feel kind of awkward doing things I want to do with Alex, like kissing him or touching him.
Would it be rude to tell them to get out? Yeah, probably, dammit.

“Hey Cass, can you get me some chips?” Rian asked sweetly, trying to be a kiss ass so he didn’t have to get up.

“No, you get them.” she whined, snuggling closer to him.

“Please, I’m so comfy,” he begged, dragging out the ‘please’ for emphasis.

“Ugh, fine.” she agreed, getting up.

“Guess we know who wears the pants in that relationship.” I scoffed, making Rian snort with laughter.

“Excuse me?” Cass questioned, putting a hand on her hip. Oh boy.

“Uh, nothing.” I said quickly, hiding my face in Alex’s shoulder.

“What did you say?!” Cass grabbed a pillow and started whacking me with it.

“Who wears the pants? Me?” Rian said excitedly.

“What does that even mean?” Alex asked me in his small voice.

“One person has total control over the other,” I explained, he nodded.

“That’s not what it means,” Cass faught.

“Yeah it is,” Rian answered.

“Rian doesn’t have total control over me!” she denied.

“I know, but you do everything he asks,” I smirked.

“Well, it’s because I’m nice, and we all know who wears the pants in your relationship Jack.” Cass explained. Yeah, it’s obviously me.

“Who?”

“Alex,” Rian stated. No way.

“Me?” Alex asked. He’s not bossy at all! He’s the most easygoing person in the world, he doesn’t wear the pants. I do.

“Not true,” I disagreed.

“Please, you follow Alex around like a puppy, you do everything he asks, you get him everything he wants, you practically kiss the ground he walks on. You’d do anything for him, it’s really not a bad thing.” Cass said with a smile on her face, her words made me blush.
Is that true?

“Awww, baby!!!” Alex exclaimed, hugging me. I gave his lips a small peck. She’s right, he holds the hoops and I jump through them. I adore him, I enjoy doing everything he asks.
I love making him happy.

“”Ugh, you’re all jerks.” I grumbled, and wrapped my arms around his waist to kiss him deeper.
I pouted as he pulled away, giving me a small peck on the lips instead. I don’t get why he cares about making out in front of other people.
It’s cute how private he wants our relationship being, but I don’t care who I’m in front of, I’m never going to turn down a kiss from him.

“I thought that the one who wore the pants was the one who makes all the first moves, and is more dominant and stuff.” he asked me, because that certainly wasn’t him. He finally started initiating some of the kissing, after a long time.
He’s an angel.

“Nah, you just have Jack wrapped around your finger, like me and Cass.” he answered for me. That’s true, he really does.

Cass threw a pillow at Rian, making him chuckle.

“Love you babe!!!” he exclaimed, she pursed her lips in annoyance.

Cass glanced at me, and looked back at Rian, like I would say the same thing he said, to Alex.

Not now.

Notes

ahhhh
this chapter isnt as DRAMA FILLED as the last ones have been, but its still kinda cute and important
you figured out that Jack is afraid of falling in love DX
i just realized that this has nothing to do with what is going on with the story right now, oh geez
i'll post it anyway, but i guess the story will really pick up where it left off in the next chapter


who's excited for the much better, much more exciting chapter tomorrow!?! :D



Title Credit- The edge of Tongiht