Alex

This is literally, the worst class ever. Advanced Calc is supposed to be the most challenging math class you can take in high school, but this stuff is easy. Everyone kept begging for me to be their tutor, because they all have C’s and I have an A.

I somewhat help out Tyler when he needs it, but we mainly work on projects together because we’re the only ones that really understand it.

I’ve haven’t been able to focus at all today though. I’ve been extremely anxious lately… did I remember to take my medication this morning?
It doesn’t matter, it barely works anymore anyway. My parents have really been on my back lately, and Jack and Brendon have been giving me the same worried looks all day.
I don’t know.
My anxiety medication just isn’t effective anymore. If I tell my parent’s that I need a different kind, they will probably tell me it’s my fault, and that it’s a privilege to even have those pills.

I can’t help it, I have chronic anxiety.

“I had a lot of fun at Jack’s party,” I heard a voice next to me, and looked up to see that Tyler was stood next to me.

“Oh, you were there? Sorry, I don;t remember anything from that party.” I told him, looking down at my phone. I texted Jack asking him if I was going to his house after school today, but he still hasn’t responded. First time ever that I’m texting in class, and he’s not answering.

“Seriously, you don’t remember anything?” Tyler questioned, leaning in a bit closer to me.
He seemed a lot more invested in this conversation than I was.

“No, sorry.” I said, looking up at him.

“Nothing at all?” he asked again, his questions were getting repetitive.

“...like I said, no.” I mumbled. God, he’s being so weird.

“Wow,” he scoffed, almost laughing.

“What?” I asked. Now he’s really being weird.

“Well, let me give you a refresher then.” he smirked, snaking an arm around my lower back and pushing me towards his body, and reached down to squeeze my ass with the other arm.
Oh my god. What is he doing to me!?

I jerked away, trying to back up to get out of his grip, but he held on too tight. He was stuck to me like a leech.

“W-wha-”

“We were having so much fun, until Jack punched me.” he muttered, inches away from my face. Then, I finally realized that it was him.
It was Tyler that groped me at the party, and who Jack punched while he was drunk. I was completely shocked and overwhelmed, trying to squirm away from him, and failing.

“Tyler, stop.” I whined out of fear. I want Jack here.

“Don’t worry about it, sexy.” he breathed, and forced his lips onto mine. My head leaned back instantly from disgust, but he had a hand behind my head that he was making me kiss him back.
I’ve never been more scared in my life, I was never prepared for this situation.

Eventually, I finally wriggled free from his grasp, pushing my away from my lips, and his hand off my butt.
I have a boyfriend.
Is this cheating?
Did I just cheat on Jack?



I felt isolated from everyone else for the rest of the day. I walked around the school hallway completely numb.
My lips felt dirty, kissing another boy who wasn’t mine. Jack’s the only boy I ever kissed. I didn’t want to kiss Tyler, he forced me to.
I felt so guilty, I didn’t feel like I did anything wrong, but I knew down in the pit of my stomach, something was not okay.

“Alex!” I heard my name being called from across the hall, but it didn’t sound friendly.
Jack walked over to me with a pissed off expression on his face, glaring at me with narrowed eyes like I had just been accused of murder.

“B-babe?” I asked quietly, waiting for him to explain.

“Why the fuck was I just told, that Tyler Joseph grabbed your ass, and the two of you made out during your calculus class?” he seethed, I could hear the complete betrayal in his voice.

Oh my god. No, no, no. He hates me. I’m a cheater. I cheated on Jack Barakat.

“T-that…. N-none o-of it… J-jack… I d-didn’t” I couldn’t even get one word out.
My vocal chords felt like they were cut, I couldn’t express any of the thoughts or emotions i was feeling through speech.

Wait, I forgot to take my medication this morning.

“Did you think that I wouldn’t find out? What the hell Alex?! You were so fucking worried about me going off and cheating on you with someone else, but I didn’t know I had to be worried about you doing that to me! I thought you cared about me! I trusted you, we were in a relationship Alex, why did you throw all that away?”

I flinched from my boyfriend’s words being shouted at me.
He’s so angry, I let him down.
He’s using past tense, ‘we WERE in a relasionship.’ That means we are over.

My rock, my safe space, my heartbeat, Jack Barakat, is done with me.

Jack doesn’t like me.

He never did, now he is just going to sleep with someone else, and not think of the name Alex Gaskarth another time in his life.

I’m his past.

My entire body was trembling, unsteady breaths were escaping my mouth in gasps.

I’m going to have panic attack.

I left.

I walked past my boyfriend, feeling his hand grab onto my backpack trying to stop me but I got away from him. I hurried through the hall and walked straight into the bathroom.
I dropped it on the floor, and put both elbows down on the bathroom counter, involuntarily hyperventilating.

I flinched as the door opened, heard footsteps run to my side.

“Baby, are you okay? What’s going on? Please, talk to me Lexy,” he begged, rubbing my back.

He’s here. Jack came back for me?

“I d-didn’t cheat, J-Jack,” I breathed, my voice was all hiccupy from the crying.
He lifted my shaking body up and placed me on the bathroom counter, facing him.
He stood in between my legs, holding my face in my hands, staring at me with deeply concerned eyes.

All I do is cause people pain. I just just hurt them. I’m a bother to society. I might as well not be here at all, I’m useless. I’m more trouble than I’m worth. In fact, I’m worthless.

“Shhh, just take deep breathes, okay? I’m here for you.” he soothed, placing one hand on my chest that was moving rapidly up and down from the quick and unsteady breathing.

“I didn’t cheat.” I repeated, my voice was hoarse, but I didn’t stutter. He needed to know.

“ I believe you,” he answered gently.

What?
He believed me? Why?
Why is my opinion important to him? Why am I important to him?

Why is he so important to me?

“Don’t break up with me, please. I need you.” I sobbed into his chest, he hugged me tight, in attempt to comfort me. Which helped, but all my senses were still a mess.

What’s happening to me?

“I’m never going to break up with you. What happened?” he asked gently, doing that same rubbing my back thing, that always calmed me down so much more.

Jack won’t break up with me. Just tell him. He said he won’t leave.

“He grabbed me, and he made me… I swear I didn-”

“HE MADE YOU?” he repeated in shock, his voice laced with rage. I flinched, and clung onto his body tighter, making him hug me just as tight.

“Sorry… But, he sexually assaulted you Alex, that’s not okay!!!” he exclaimed.

I know, I’m horrible.

Our relationship is shattered into pieces.

I kissed another boy.
I kissed another boy.
I kissed another boy…

“I’m so sorry, Jack.” I let out a shaky, broken hearted breath.
I feel so disgusting and ashamed. I don’t deserve this boy.

In no way, shape, or form will I ever be good enough for Jack.

“You did nothing wrong, baby…” he mumbled, hugging me tighter.

He took deep breathes with one hand on my chest, so I could mimic him. He was waiting for my heartbeat to slow down until it was somewhat normal.
He had his other hand in my hair, gently scratching my scalp and running his fingers through my light brown locks.
I had two arms around his waist, making sure he was as close as possible.

“I will never snap at you again, angel. I’m so sorry, I should’ve listened to your side of the story first.” Jack apologized, and kissed my forehead.

But, he didn’t do anything wrong. I did.

I kissed someone else.

“Why would you want to be with me?” I asked him.

“Don’t say that,” he demanded, hugging me tighter.

“I’m not worth the effort.” I explained.

“You are worth everything.” he breathed.

He obviously didn’t understand.

“I’m just a bother,” I argued, though knowing he wasn’t going to start a fight.

“Well, you better get used to me, because I’m not going anywhere.” he told me, completely sure of himself.

I wouldn’t be able to survive without him here.

I would’ve become suicidal, just like Tom was at my age.

“Don’t ever leave me,” I begged, wrapping my arms around his neck, and my legs around his hips.

“I promise,” he breathed, pressing his lips to mine with one hand on my cheek.

Notes

SURPRISE NEW CHAPTERRRRRRRRRRRR
WAS ANYONE GUESSING THE MYSTERY BUTT TOUCHER TO BE TYLER?!

im sorry for all this sadness :(
in every cutesy story, theres gotta be some sad chapters
it was so hard to write this, i hate putting little alex through so much
but its so good for the story
dont worry, it all gets happier after this!!! :D

im still updating tomorrow, this is just an extra for today because i got so excited writing it, i just had to post it

gif is happy tho :)
i promise little alex will be happy soon <3


Title credit- Therapy