Jacks POV It's been two months since Alex left and the house left really dull without. Rowan was really missing him but not as much as Seth although he has been going out to see him which has cheered him up a little bit but not a lot. Riley and Aidan was talking to me but Seth hasn't said a word to me. "Whens dada coming home?" Rowan asked like he has done everyday since Alex phoned me to ask if I would look after Rowan and Sky. "I dunno bud, maybe if I call him you can see him today." I said and Rowan smiled and ran off somewhere. I picked my phone up and called Alex and after the 6th ring he picked up. "Hello?" He yawned. "Sorry to wake you up but you have a 3 year old who is missing you and you completely forgot about his birthday." I said. "I didn't forget." He said sadly. I sighed and changed the subject. "Do you want to see Rowan today?" I asked. "Yeah." He said quietly. "Where?" I asked. "My place?" He said. "You sure, we can always meet at a park or something." I said. "I don't want to leave my place. Not when I look like shit." He said. "What time?" I asked. "By the time I roll out of bed, shower and shaved and actually put some clothes on it'll be round about 12 so 12 30? Do you want lunch or get something before you come?" He said. "We'll get something so you don't have to worry. See you at 12 30." I said and hung up. I smiled and looked at the time and saw it was half 11 it took me nearly an hour to walk to his so I decided to walk with Rowan. "Rowan go put your coat on." I said and he came running out to where the coats where hung and he put his coat on. "Whoever actually cares I'm taking Rowan to see dad. Keep an eye on Sky! See you guys later." I said up the stairs and got no response but Aidan came downstairs and picked Sky up and smiled at me and went upstairs. "Ready bud?" I asked as he is always wearing his shoes since I can never get him to take them off only when he goes to bed. "Yeah!" He said loudly and bounced up and down. "Come on then." I said and got hold of his hand and we walked to Alex's. We got to Alex's just after 12 30 as Rowan wanted to toy which he wanted for ages so I got dragged to a toy shop to get him the toy. I knocked on the door and few seconds Alex answered and Rowan went running over and Alex picked him up and held him close to him. "Hey buddy, how you doing?" He asked with a smiled on his face. He was only wearing a tee and his arms was covered in burns and cuts and new scars and he had lost weight as well. Alex looked at me and looked down and moved out my way and he went over and sat on the sofa and sat Rowan on his lap. I went over and perched on the arm of the sofa. "You can sit in the chair if you want." Alex said and put Rowan on the sofa and got up and walked off somewhere and came back a few seconds later. "I know I'm late and missed your birthday but I got you a present." Alex said and sat back on the sofa and gave Rowan his present. Rowan loves minions and wouldn't shut up about them and has to have everything to do with minions. He unwrapped his present and Alex had gotten him a huge cuddley minion. Rowan smiled and jumped on Alex and hugged him. Alex returned his hug and he looked really sad. "I'm sorry I didn't show up Rowan. I'm so sorry." He said and kissed the side of his head and held him closer. It was clear to me that Alex wasn't okay and that he really missed the kids. I was pulled out my thoughts by Alex getting up and going over to his DVD pile. "Want to watch this?" He asked and held up the minion movie and Rowan jumped up and down on the sofa say yes over and over. Alex smiled and put the DVD on. "I'll be right back, I have to do something and I'll come back and watch this with you." He said and walked out the room I watched him leave the room. "Stay here and watch the film, I'll be back in a second." I said to Rowan but his eyes was glued to the TV. I smiled and went looking for Alex. I went to the door which was shut and I knocked on it before I walked in. Alex was sat on the floor with his head resting against his knees and he sniffed a couple of times. "Your missing the movie." I said quietly and Alex looked at me his eyes was red from unfallen tears. "Your right." He sniffed and got up and went to the sink and splashed some water on his face and dryed his face in a towel. "Just us two talking like adults. You okay?" I said. He looked at me. "Course I am. Never been better." He said with a fake smile. "But your not though." I said. He looked at me. "I'm fine Jack. You shouldn't worry about me." He said quietly and looked away from me. "But I do Alex. I've worried about you every day since you left." I said. Alex looked back at me and looked at my hand and he smiled a little when he saw I was still wearing my ring. But his smiled soon left. "I'm not worth being worried over. You have your life and the kids to worry about." He said quietly. I sighed and walked over and pulled him into a hug which he returned. I missed the smell of him and holding him. Alex was the first on to pull away. "I've missed you Alex." I said quietly. He looked at me with hurt in his eyes. "Maybe you should of thought about us before you went off and had sex with someone else." He said quietly and walked off. I sighed and looked round the bathroom quickly and saw no blades but Alex might of just hidden them. I walked out the bathroom and went back to the sitting room and Alex had gotten Rowan a drink and I saw a coffee and tea on the coffee table. "You still like coffee don't you?" He asked and rolled onto his side and Rowan looked at him and put his cup on the table and he lead on his side and cuddled into his chest. I felt jealous but I had to stuck it up. So I picked my mug up and got comfy and nursed the coffee and watched the film. When I next looked over Alex and Rowan was both asleep. I smiled and got up and went to Alex's room, which was a mess, and picked his blanket up and walked back over to the sofa and put it over the two of them. Alex and Rowan sighed and Alex wrapped his arm a little more round Rowan. I smiled and stole the TV control and put something on. I felt someone watching me and I looked around saw Alex watching me. "I'm sorry, you two was asleep so I stole the remote." I said and got up and gave it back to him. He smiled. "It's fine." He said quietly. "Have you found anyone else?" I asked out the blue. Alex looked at me since I was now sat on the floor in front of him. "No. Haven't really left the house since I said you had to take Row and Sky. Anyway I don't think anyone can cope with me anyway. I'll just die a lonely old person." He said quietly and messed with Rowans hair. It hurt when he said that. "What about you?" He asked. "Nope, don't think the kids would forgive me and there's only person who has my heart and will always have it." I said and looked at him. Alex looked down. "Come home Alex, we all miss you. Seth hasn't spoken to me since you left and the house is just dull without you." I said. "I can't Jack. We've fucked up big time." He said quietly and slowly sat up and got off the sofa and went to the kitchen. I followed him. "I was the one who fucked up. Not you." I said. "Well if you haven't guessed already I'm not doing so good right now. I can't go back and hope that everything will be the same because its not. I'm too far gone into relapse I dunno if I can get myself out of it." He said honestly and rested his hand on the side. I put my hand on top of his. "Let me help you. I did it once and I can do it again Alex. I will never forgive myself for what I have done and made you go back like this. Just come back and let me help you get better because if you did something I can never forgive myself." I said. Alex looked at me. "I'm better of alone Jack. I don't want to drag you or the kids into my mess." He said quietly. "Please for the kids." I said begging him. "Just accept the fact I'm not coming back Jack. Please." He said and moved his hand from under mine. "Alex, I know I have hurt you and you are still hurting but so am I. I shouldn't of done what I did but it was a drunken mistake. One which I am going to regret for the rest of my life. I'll always be waiting for you to come home Lex. Even if you do find someone better than me. I'll always be waiting." I said and went back over to Rowan and picked him up. Alex watched me. He came over and kissed Rowans head. "I'll see you soon Row." He said quietly and kissed his head again. "See you around Jack." He said quietly and went back to the kitchen. I sighed and walked out the door and went home. When I got back it was late so I put Rowan to bed and checked on everyone. Tyler and Seth sounded like they was having a serious chat. Riley and Kit was both asleep and Aidan was talking to someone and Sky was fast asleep. I went upstairs to mine and Alex's room and fell asleep on his side of the bed wishing he would just come home.

Notes