Gravity Pulls Me In

After that boring play, I bolted right out of that auditorium like my life depended on it. There was no way I was spending another second in there surrounded by crying babies and coughing middle aged men. I’m leaned against the wall by the main stairs and waiting for my sister to come out. When she does she’s smiling. Until she sees me and I think of the conversation we had earlier.
Where she found out I was a homosexual partying manwhore. I sigh and she goes right by me to my parents. My strict, homophobic parents. I decide to walk over, careful of how I approach things. She may have told them for all I know.
“Alex!” my mom spats. I jump, fear overtaking me. “Congratulate your sister. She did an amazing job.” She says. I internally sigh of relief and Bella can see it.
“Good job, but you know I wasn’t paying attention.”
“You should’ve been.” My mom says, hitting me upside the head. “Shakespeare was a great writer.” She says. I roll my eyes.
“Whatever. Can I go yet?” I ask. “I have places to be.”
“Like wild parties?” my sister asks. I freeze and she laughs, causing me to loosen up a bit.
“You’re so funny.” I mumble.
“I need to talk to you later.” She says. Great.
“Well… then I’ll see you later.” I mutter. I leave the school, getting into my car. I put on some Blink and pull out of the parking lot. I drive around, going nowhere in particular, just thinking.
As much as I want a steady relationship, I could never hold one. Not while I go to parties all the time and sleep around. I don’t think I’d be able to hold a steady relationship ever. I don’t love anyone. I don’t like anyone. I just sleep and leave. It’s how it’s been for a year. I’ve never found anyone who’s caught my eye and there’s no one I love.
Eventually I head home. When I get home and go up to my room, I see my sister sitting there. I sigh and shut my door.
“I’m not getting out of this am I?” I ask her, taking my coat off and tossing it on my bed before sitting on the bed next to her.
“No.” she says, sitting cross legged in front of me. “Are you gay?” she asks straight out. I sigh.
“Not necessarily.” I say.
“Then what are you?”
“Do you need to know?” I ask her, feeling uncomfortable with the topic of conversation. I didn’t give sexuality much thought. I just like to sleep with people. Whether I’m being fucked or the other way around, it doesn’t matter to me. It sounds douchey and maybe it is, but it’s how I am.
“I’m your sister. I should know.”
“Yeah, and I’m sure there are many things about you that I should know, but do I? No.” I say. She sighs. “I’m not having a conversation about this until I’m sure you’re not going to say anything.”
“Then how about all those parties?” she asks.
“What about them?”
“What do you do?”
“Drink. Smoke weed. Do some drugs. Sleep with people.” I tell her nonchalantly, falling back in my bed.
“You sleep with people? Every week?” she asks. I nod, tossing a pen I found on my bed stand in the air and catching it over and over again. “Don’t you want a relationship?”
“No.” I answer simply, sitting up and looking at her.
“By the time prom rolls around, Alex, mom and dad are going to expect you to have a girlfriend.” She says. I shrug.
“Well, I won’t have one. I’ll go alone and take someone home.” I tell her. “Then I’ll sleep with them like it were a normal weekend.”
“Why are you like this?” she asks. I stand up and shrug.
“Scared of commitment. It’s easier to sleep around and not get hurt than to stick around and get hurt.” I tell her. She looks at me confused.

“I never thought of you as someone who was afraid of commitment.” She says. I shrug.
“Relationships aren’t my thing. Sex? Yeah.” I tell her. She rolls her eyes.
“You’re such a boy.” She says, standing up.
“What does that mean?”
“All you want is sex.” She says.
“How many guys do you know who are like this?” I ask her. She’s silent. “That’s what I thought. Now you can leave, I’m done having this conversation.” I mutter, walking over to my door and opening it. I see my friend Rian and sigh.
Bella groans and leaves my room. I let Rian in and shut my door.
“What was that?” he asks as I sit on my bed.
“She found out I like to sleep around with people.” I say.
“I’ve learned to accept it, though you should consider a steady relationship.” He says, sitting next to me.
“Easy for you to say. You have to prettiest girl in school.” I tell him. He smirks. “I can’t have your girlfriend, so who else do you suggest?” he lets out a sarcastic laugh and smiles.
“I may have a person in mind.” He says. I raise my eyebrows, intrigued. “He may not seem interesting at first, but he’s really nice and needs someone in his life.”
“You’re looking at me to be that person?” I ask.
“That is if you like him like that.” He says.
“I’ve never met the kid.” I tell him. “And besides, I’d end up getting drunk at a party and sleeping with someone else and hurting him. I couldn’t do that to someone. I can’t hold steady relationships. You know this.” I tell him. He sighs, nodding.
“Well, his name is Jack and he’s really quiet and shy and more of a background kinda person. He doesn’t have many friends… if you’d do anything for me it’s be his friend.” He says.
“Okay, okay… but if I develop feelings for him, Dawson, I’m blaming you.” I mutter.
“Great! We’ll hang out tomorrow.” He says.
“Is that the only reason why you came over?” I ask him. He laughs and nods. “Why didn’t you call me?”
“Cause I thought I’d do it face to face.” He says. “Plus I was already on my way home from Cassadee’s so I decided to stop by.”
“Have you guys done it yet?”
“You dirty minded teenager. No. We haven’t.” he says. “And I’m surprised you haven’t contracted some kind of STD with the amount of sex that you have.”
“There are these things called condoms, Rian.” I mutter.
“You get real fucking horny when you’re drunk, Alex. I didn’t think you’d have to patience.” He says. I roll my eyes.
“Bye, Rian.” I say as he gets up.
“I’ll text you later about tomorrow.” He says. I nod.
“Great. I sigh. He leaves and I shut my door. I then decide to go for a walk in town cause I have nothing better to do.
I get in my car and drive there, parking and walking on the sidewalk, seeing Christmas decorations up. I smile. It has yet to snow here, but there’s still time. I walk around, my head down and ear buds in my ears, shivering a bit, regretting not wearing a thicker jacket.
I then bump into someone.
“Shit! I’m sorry!” I shriek, looking up to see a slightly taller guy in front of me. His hair his black with blonde patches in it and his nose is a little bigger than average. He looks at me with his dark chocolate brown eyes and I immediately freeze. Holy shit… he’s hot. “Holy hot.” I say under my breath.
“Sorry… wait… what?” he asks, smirking a little bit. I shake my head.
“N-nothing. I’m sorry… uhm… it’s been a long day.” I say. He nods, sighing.
“I understand.” He says.
“Uh… I gotta go… I’m sorry… again.” I say, walking away as fast as I can. Once he’s continued walking, I look behind me and groan. Fuck. He was attractive! Why didn’t I get his name?! Or his number?!
A little while later when I’m laying in bed Rian tells me the details about tomorrow and I go to bed.
The next day when I go to Rian’s, I see the same guy from the street and immediately curse in my head. No… I can’t like him… I can’t.
“Alex, this is Jack. Jack, this is Alex.”
“I…I know him.” Jack says, suddenly shyer than yesterday. We both look at him. “I’ve seen him… around school…” he says, not mentioning the fact that i said he was hot yesterday.
“That doesn’t sound like a good thing.” I say. He shrugs and looks down.
“I’m going to go order a pizza real quick. Be right back.” He says. I look after him as he disappears upstairs. I then look at Jack who looks uncomfortable.

“Did Rian talk you into this?” I ask him. He nods.
“He didn’t tell me it was you though.” He says. I sigh.

“Am I a bad person in your eyes?” I ask, intrigued.
“I mean…”

“You can say yes.” I tell him. “Pretty much everyone at school knows I sleep with pretty much everyone I can…it’s a well-known fact.” I tell him. He then nods and looks down. I sit on the couch and sigh. “I just don’t deal with commitment well.” He looks up at me, seeming thrown off by that statement.
“You seem like the type of person who would have a girlfriend.” He says. I shake my head.
“Nah..” I sigh.
We hang out a little bit and I decide it’s time to go.
“Alex?” Jack asks as I get to the stairs. I stop and see Rian looks thrown off. “Can we… hang out sometime?” he asks me. I nod, smiling.
When I get to my car, I sit there a second. I can’t get to close to him… I can’t do commitment… I can’t do it.
I head home and go up to my room, laying on my bed. I stare at the ceiling, only Jack floating throw my head. He hasn’t left my head since the drive home. What will my parents say if I come home with a guy instead of a girl for prom?
I then think about cuddling with Jack. Kissing Jack. Making out with Jack…
No. He’s not like that… he won’t just sleep with you… he won’t. He won’t make out with you… he won’t do anything. He doesn’t like you like that. Why would he? All you do is sleep with people. All you do is go to parties and drink and smoke. He’s not going to date you.
“Alex!” my sister shouts. I sit up fast and look at her.
“What!” I shout.
“Jesus, I’ve been calling your name for like five minutes.” She says. I sigh, running a hand through my hair. “Are you okay?” she asks. Before I can answer, my phone rings. I look at her and answer it.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Alex.” Jack’s quiet voice is on the other end.
“Oh, hey Jack.” I say. Bella raises an eyebrow. “What’s up?”
“Nothing… uh, I was wondering if maybe you’d want to hang out after school tomorrow.” He says. I smile.
“Yes. I would love to.” I say. “Are you sure? You’re not scared that I’m going to make a move on you?”
“Do you like me?” he asks, sounding kind of spooked.
“No, no.” I say, laughing lightly. “I just thought maybe my reputation would make you uncomfortable.” I say.
“Oh.” He says.
“Yes we can hang out after school tomorrow.” I say.
“Awesome. See you tomorrow then?” he asks.
“Yes. See you tomorrow.” I say. We say goodbye and hang up.
“Afraid of commitment my ass.” Bella says, shutting my door. “Who’s your boy toy?”
“Fuck off. He’s just a friend.” I tell him. “With his vulnerability, there’s absolutely no way I’m going to date him… I couldn’t risk hurting him.” I say. “Now what do you want?”
“I was going to ask you something, but I don’t remember anymore.” She groans, leaving my room and slamming my door.
I fall back on my bed, smiling.
Maybe I can do this commitment thing.

Notes

Lengthy chapter oops.
Title credit: Stay With Me by You Me At Six.
-Jenna